A/N: Hey all. I know I still have a million stories going, but I finished one and wanted to start another. One of my friends wanted me to write an Insane!Harry fic, so here it is.
Disclaimer – All characters belong to JKR. I may be delusional, but I'm not that delusional.
I would like to dedicate this story to my friend Jean-Claude Iscarot, who I wrote this story for. I would also like to dedicate it to Cherry0214 and driven to insanity, who along with Jean-Claude Iscarot are helping me deal with a problem.
Chapter One – Freedom
Dreams cant keep you alive the way human interaction can. Its fact, pure and simple. To deny a human contact with the world outside their head is to drive him mad. Madness has a tendency to spread, seeping through the brain and twirling round the heart until nothing is left but a choking darkness inside.
Dreams can hurt. Pain can heal. This I know from experience. But the dreams are fading, and my madness is receding.
Perhaps I should start from the beginning. I am an inmate of Azkaban Prison, the most feared establishment in the Wizarding world. That's right, wizards exist. And that's not just the madness talking. I myself am a wizard. But I'm getting off subject.
So here I am, sitting in a dank, dark cell deep within the bowls of the feared prison, and I have to tell you, it's not that scary. Sure the Dementors are a bit creepy, but now, after living under their effects for who knows how long, I find the thought of torturing someone by forcing them to relive their worst memories quite appealing. It could have to do with the fact that the Dementors have stopped affecting me for whatever reason. I can think of several people I would love to subject to their memories, and more.
I cannot tell you how long I have been sitting in this cell, nor can I tell you the date, nor how old I am. I only know I have been in this prison for quite some time, as my hair is now a filthy matted mess that almost reaches my waist. I can remember the first two months of my imprisonment, but little else. The madness took over. all I remember is pointless babbling, maniacal laughter, and heavy silence, along with the brief flash of lucidity.
I look around the cell for some clue as to how long it has been. Perhaps I kept a tally? But that would have been quite hard. Much of the first two months was spent in unconsciousness. And as I have no window and can see no daylight at all, it would be hard to tell the passing of time. There! On the other wall! Writing.
OncE yOU wErE A sTAr
I snort at the words. I was never a star. I was a symbol of the wizarding worlds hope. I was an idiotic child with a hero complex. I was a pawn. Never a star, stars are too pure, too pretty. I must be talking about the stars in the sky. I must have been quite insane when I wrote that. Underneath it there is more, smaller writing.
Let's lift you up so we can see
How fast you'll fall
We always thought that you could fly
Now you'll crawl
The lack of loyalty you thought you once felt
Now you're gonna feel it
Now that's more like it. Must have been one of my more lucid moments. I recognize the words as lyrics from a song. Catch A Hot One by AFI. Weird name for a song. Really has nothing to do with the lyrics. Wasn't I trying to figure out what happened? Maybe I have ADD. Or it's just insanity. Hey, that rhymed!
Definitely insanity. Oh well, it's obvious I didn't keep track of time. I close my eyes and try to concentrate on my memories, but I sense something different. Power. Pure, untainted magical power coursing through my veins. More powerful than anything I've ever felt. My eyes snap open. Oh how I wish I had a calendar. Or a newspaper. I blink as a newspaper appears in my lap. Okay...
August 25th. Let's see, I was imprisoned after the whole triwizard thing, during the summer. It was June 25th. It couldn't have been only two months. Then I catch sight of the year. It's been two years. I would be starting my seventh year at Hogwarts this year. Thank god I'm not. I'd rather be stuck in a small room with a dozen dementor than go back to that school full of traitors.
Speaking of traitors, footsteps are echoing down the hallway. More than one set too. I move to the corner of my cell, hiding in the shadows, my now lifeless emerald Green eyes seemingly glowing in the darkness. I hop I scare them shitless. Oh look, it's Bumblefuck, Wolfy, and Doggy boy. They stop outside my cell, peering in.
"Harry?" Sirius says. I make a small noise and they all jump as they catch sight of my eerie eyes. Don't ask me how I know they're eerie. I was going on the assumption that green eyes glowing in the darkness are quite eerie. But enough about that.
"Harry!" Sirius exclaims happily, but with a hint of apprehension.
"Can you understand me Harry?" Bumblebee man asks. And he does look like a bumblebee in his black and yellow robes. All I do is stare. After a moment he sighs and opens the cell.
"Would you and Remus please help him to stand?" he asks Doggy. Don't ask where the new names came from. They aren't very imaginative, are they? The two stride over to me but Doggy catches sight of the writing on the wall.
"Professor, look." Sirius says, reading my babbling sentences and random song lyrics. There's more. In fact, the walls are covered with writings. Some are just random word such as blood, death, help, and pain. Some are short sentences such as 'let me die' or 'make the pain go away.' There were more song lyrics too
Dumbledore looks over all the walls carefully before turning his eyes on me, looking almost concerned. But I'm not fooled, he doesn't care about me. He cares about his weapon, the thing that can defeat Voldemort. For that is all I am to him. The means with which Voldemort can be defeated. I smile slightly as I have an idea. Thinking of the power I sensed, and the newspaper I willed to appear, I choose a blank section of wall and begin writing. It's another song, yet again by AFI. This one's called Smile. How ironic.
"Dumbledore!" Remus shouts, pointing to the wall where words are quickly carving themselves into the stone.
Overwhelmed with a deep repulsion
For sights seen so commonly
Now I have come to be the walking enmity
Assimilate into a culture
Of post morality
From what I've seen
I hate humanity
Rot with repulsion
I'll write the world a brand new song
Look upon your bleak creation
But is it truly me
That's got to be the human blasphemy
I'll set the world on fire
And in the burning light
I will write my first love song
And I will feel warmth
Hide your eyes
In heaven in the lies
I'll end the world tonight!
Overwhelmed with a deep repulsion
For sights seen so commonly
Now I have come to be the walking enmity
The human blasphemy
I'll end the world tonight!
"Harry?" Sirius said, turning worried eyes on me. I glare at him with my glowing eyes. I know they're glowing because I willed them to. Obviously I have come into my power, and it is more power than anyone has ever seen. I no longer need a wand or silly incantations. I just will it, and it happens. This year will great, I'll make all their lives a living hell!
"We need to be going Sirius, Remus. Please help Harry up." I narrow my eyes but allow them to put their arms around my waist and shoulders to support me. Let them think I'm insane, the look on their face when I finally kill them will just be even more hilarious.
"I'm not sure if you can understand me Harry, but I need to explain a few things." Dumbledore says as we walk along. People are leering at me as I go past.
"Leaving so soon Harry? I'll miss your screams." A woman cackles. "Sirius! Cousin dearest, is that you?" she says, cackling again in a deranged way.
"Bella." Sirius acknowledges her before we are swept away. Ah. Bellatrix Lestrange. I remember her from the pensive. She tortured the Longbottoms. Soon we reach the huge doors that lead to the outside world. I can't help but burst into hysteric laughter, nearly collapsing, the only thing keeping me standing being Wolfy and Grim. They threw me in here, and now they're dragging me out. They shoot me worried glances as Dumbledore ushers us to a boat.
"As I was saying Harry," Dumbledore says five minutes later when I have finally calmed down and Azkaban has disappeared into the mist. "I must explain a few things. Voldemort is becoming a danger, and several Death Eaters were recently captured. Wormtail was amongst them and confessed to framing Sirius and killing Cedric, freeing both of you. You shall be living with Sirius and Remus for the rest of the summer. You will also be returning to Hogwarts in the fall." Dumbledore explained. I frowned.
"Harry? Can you understand me?" I narrow my eyes. He has no right to call me Harry. He gave up that right when he allowed them to send me here two years ago. He sighs. Perhaps he has given up.
"I never meant it Harry. I only hope that in time you can forgive our mistakes." He says quietly. I suppress a snort. Yeah right. There is only a handful of people I may consider forgiving, and he is most definitely not included.
Soon the boat hits land and we walk to a portkey site. How I loathe the damn things. And all the time Grim and Wolfy are clinging to me so I can't escape. Sure I could probably do something with these powers, but I think right now all I want is a bath. I smell like shit. It happens when you don't bathe in two years. I shudder to think of what Sirius smelled like after he escaped. Twelve years without a shower. Yuck.
We land somewhere in a most obviously muggle town and Dumblewhore shoves a piece of parchment under my nose. I read it.
The headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix can be found at number 12 Grimmauld Place
What the fuck?
"Think about what you just read." Dumblewhore says as he destroys the paper. I'm too busy watching the paper burn. Pretty flames. All orange and red and...what did he say? Think about what I read. What did the paper say? An order of...Kentucky fried phoenix? I want some KFC. Heck, I'd eat anything right about now. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to be thinking about reading, not my stomach. Number 12 Grimmauld place? As I think it over a house appears. Woah, okay...They lead me inside. More like Drag actually, why make their job easier? My feet just drag on the floor.
"Harry, we have to go upstairs. Can you walk?" Remus asks. Stupid question. Then again, I haven't given them any clue that I can or can't. Oh well. I pick up my feet and start up the stairs. They lead me into a room and my eyes are instantly assaulted with a horrid mix of gold and red. I growl low in my throat and without even thinking about it the colors change.
The walls that were once bright, Gryffindork red darken to a deep blood red color, and all the golden accents, like the rug and the bed hangings and the curtains change to black. They stare at me, amazed.
"Harry? Can you bathe yourself?" Remus asks kindly. I remove myself from their grip and walk over to the now ebony door that I guess leads to the bathroom. Where else would it lead to, the basement? As soon as my foot touches the red tile floor of the bathroom, black spreads out from my touch, turning the entire bathroom black and gray with silver fixtures. Sirius hands me clothes to change into. As he sets down the red t-shirt and blue jeans they change to black. I really need to stop doing that. It's freaking them out. I glare at them until they leave, closing the door. I turn to the bathroom.
There is a large tub much like the prefects bath at Hogwarts, except smaller. As I glare at it the taps turn and water gushes out, quickly filling the tub. Lots of soap and shampoo float over to the side of the tub where I can easily reach them. I take off my filthy robes, noticing with an amused smirk that they are my Hogwarts robes, the same robes I was wearing that fateful day of the third task. I rip of the Gryffindor patch and it bursts into flames in my hand. The flames don't burn me though. Weird.
I sink into the tub and just float there, letting all the dirt soak off. The water around me turns brownish. How the hell did I get that dirty in a prison cell? Oh well. I drain the tub and refill it with clean water. I grab the soap and thoroughly scrub my body, noticing small changes here and there. I'm much taller, I notice. I have lost every last ounce of fat I ever possessed. I can count my ribs, and if I could see my back I'm positive I could count the vertebrae in my spine. My stomach is a sharp inward curve of skin and the rest of me is nothing more than skin stretched tightly over bones.
I drain the water once more and set to work on the tangle of hair that I now possess. It is very greasy, and hopelessly tangled. I use my magic to untangle it. It comes down to the center of my back, and is greatly uneven. I scrub the last remains of dirt away and climb out of the tub. Even a simple bath has exhausted me, being so unused to moving around. I dress in the clothes, amused to find them several sizes too big. Good. My condition will only make them feel guiltier. And then I can simply change my body once I leave. Don't even think for a second that I would stay here with them.
Before too much time passed there was a knock on my door. I don't answer it, but the person outside comes in anyway. It is Grim and Wolfy with a tray of food. At least Dumbledork finally got a clue. I notice with satisfaction the small grimace Sirius gives as he looks over my condition. The two sat down in the chairs by my fireplace and beckoned me over to the sofa. I oblige, if only to get some edible food. Let them think I'm going along with this, it will only make them more shocked when I leave tonight.
"Harry." Wolfy starts to speak. "We know that this has been hard for you, and we know forgiveness may not come easily." He says.
"We won't ask for your forgiveness Harry, as right now you are probably less than willing to give it. But please, if you can even understand us, just consider this." Grim says. It sounds like they had this entire thing scripted.
"At the time there was very little we could do for you Harry. Sirius was still on the run, and the Ministry has many laws against werewolves. We tried our hardest." Wolfy continues.
"I guess it just wasn't hard enough. We are truly sorry, and if you can ever find it in you to forgive us, we will welcome you with open arms." Grim finishes. Hmm...I never noticed that Grim and Sirius, or rather serious, mean more or less the same thing. Funny. What were we talking about? Oh well, I'm leaving soon.
They explain a few things to me and hand me a small package. It is my trunk, only it's shrunk. Wolfy enlarges it. I just stare at the trunk. There is almost nothing I want in there. At last they give up and leave. I decide to get a bit of rest before I leave.
Late at night I wake up. My eyes start to glow bathing the room in an eerie green light. Kind of like the killing curse. Cool. I wonder if I can shoot beams out of my eyes like Superman. Maybe, but I'll try it some other time. I get up and go to my trunk, pulling out a few items. My photo album. My parents never betrayed me. My invisibility cloak. Dead useful. Odd saying that is, dead useful. After another moment I decide that's all I want.
Words begin to carve themselves all over the walls. They will never go away, this I now for sure. How do I know? I willed it. I'm crazy with power. There are four lines that are larger than the rest, on the wall directly across from the door. Again, AFI lyrics. I seem to have picked up an obsession somewhere along the way. Four short lines that will be the first things they see when they enter my room in the morning.
Now every face, it looks familiar
Then every face melts away
Till now everyone
Do you know, I know your deception?
I concentrate on my magic, on the power that flows through me, and will my body to return to a healthy state. My body seems to swell, but stops long before I get fat. I now have plenty of muscle and am fairly well built. Next I cut my hair so it just brushes my shoulder blades. I decide it is enough for now, and stuff it into my back pack. Concentrating I apparate to an alley somewhere in London.
Looking around I quickly figure out I'm somewhere in the slums of London. I don't mind, it suits me just fine. At least it's far away from any wizards. I walk out of the alley and make my way randomly down the roads. After a while I turn a corner and find several people hanging around. Most of them seem to be teens around my age, the youngest perhaps fourteen and the oldest maybe twenty. They are all congregated around the one and only store still open, a small donut shop. Don't ask me why it's still open, I have no idea.
There is a girl sitting against the wall, her waist bent over so her hair spills into her lap and obscures her face. Her hair is a mix of colors, purple, green, blue and red. Beside her another girl leans against the wall. This one has long brown hair and is wearing baggy pants and a sweatshirt. Both girls are perhaps fifteen or sixteen. The brown haired girl has black fingernails and eyeshadow and a bar going through her eyebrow. The blonde one wears a leather jacket. I can't see much of her face, but the brunette has brown eyes.
Two older guys sit against the wall at the other side of the small shop, passing a brown paper bag that contains a bottle of liquor between the two. One has short blonde hair and a wispy beard as well as blue eyes, and the other has long black hair much like my own with brown eyes. The blonde one has a spider web tattooed on his cheek and I can see a small stud in his tongue as he opens his mouth to yawn. The one with black hair has two hoop earrings in each ear. The blonde looks around twenty one while the black haired boy looks more like seventeen. Both are wearing baggy black clothing.
Leaning against a telephone pole is a third girl. She has short hair, even shorter than mine used to be, and it is dyed a bright red. Here eyes are a light sage green and she has two bars through her eyebrow. She has heavy eye makeup and dark lipstick, as well as three studs in each ear. She has a tight dark blue tank top on as well as a red pleather mini skirt, black fishnets and black boots. She looks perhaps sixteen or seventeen and is smoking. I walk up to them deciding I might as well have a little fun while I'm free.
"Anyone sitting here?" I ask. They all eye me, almost as if judging me. After a while the red haired one speaks up.
"Go right ahead. I'm Jane but most people call me Tomorrow." She says. She points to the blonde haired guy. "He's called Web, and the one next to him is Blackbird. The girl over there with the multi colored hair is called Rainbow and the other one is Mary-Anne Daniels, but most call her MAD." Tomorrow tells me.
"Together with a few others we are the Lost Souls. Welcome to the club, Bolt." She says, smiling brightly.
"Bolt?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.
"That awesome scar on your forehead." She says as way of explanation. I shrug and take up a place leaning against the wall. Looks like I found my home. My how corny that sounds. Oh well.