The Dangers of Being John Crichton-as told by John Crichton and Daniel Jackson.

Author's Notes: I don't like this part half as much as the first one, and the reason it has taken so long to get it up is I've been trying to think of a way to rewrite it or change it - but I'm thinking for what I have planned this part is going to have to be necessary. Hopefully things will pick up more in the next parts…

Back on the planet, John's POV.


Okay. So Aeryn was right.

There's absolutely nothing on this planet. I know she's going to give me hell when she forces me to admit she was right. I take one last look at the abandoned ruins and turn on my heel, heading back to where Aeryn's waiting with the transport.

Pilot had picked up what he thought was wormhole activity as we were passing by, and I had let myself believe, for a minute, I may have found a way home. Aeryn, always a fatalist, hadn't wanted to come down here. She kept insisting all that was left were ruins and sand. Not to mention we were all still a little paranoid about the bounty hunters after me.

We had found a reward-beacon on the last commerce planet we visited, it was Scorpius, offering quite a lot for my capture. Two weird looking beast-like-think Klingon meets Smoky the Bear-bounty hunters hadn't given us a moment's peace since they spotted us cheerfully blasting the afore mentioned reward-beacon to hell.

But I had to at least check the place out, even if it will have Aeryn glaring and snapping at me for the better part of the next few arns. Pilot swore to me there was a forming wormhole on the planet . . . which, actually, shouldn't even have been possible...

My train of thought is abruptly derailed as I headed back to where Aeryn was waiting for me. Was being the key word. I knew she was pissed, but this is ridiculous.

"Aeryn!" I snapped into my com. "Aeryn, where the frell are you? Pilot? Can you hear me? Hello?"

Oh, damn. I hate it when this happens.

They wouldn't have left me here, would they? No. No, they wouldn't. They spent three months looking for me when they knew me much less than they do now. I pause for a minute, as the possibility that they would be more likely to leave me now that they knew me better fleetingly passed through my mind.

"Aeryn," I tried again. "AERYN!"

Okay, they must have had an emergency. Maybe Scorpius showed up and they had to Starburst. But why wouldn't Aeryn tell me what was happening first?

I had just decided to turn around and head back to the ruins until they came back when I felt something cool press against my neck. "Don't move," someone whispered in my ear.

Oh frell. From bad to worse.

It sucked being me.

I raised my hands, because that sometimes works.

"I said don't move," the voice told me irritated, but there's a teasing note in it that told me this guy isn't worried about me at all.

"Raising my hands seemed the appropriate thing to do. Prisoner etiquette and all that," I told him. Sometimes my sparkling personality gets people not to kill me. Not often, but it's always worth a shot.

"You're right," he said good-naturedly. "I guess that's okay then."

I felt the gun pull away from my neck and heard the guy back up. "Where's my friend?" he asked.

"Your friend?" I echoed. I can't even find my friends; his odds aren't good if I'm his best bet at information. "How should I know? I was looking for my friend when you came around threatening to shoot me."

"He did not, in fact, threaten to shoot you."

This voice is much deeper than the other, and I turned my eyes towards the source. A large, intimidating man with some kind of gold birth mark on his forehead was glaring over at me.

"Right. Okay. So sorry. When he came and held his gun to my neck in an entirely innocent manner." I winced when the words registered in my own mind. So much for my sparkling personality.

"Turn around," the first voice demanded. "Slowly."

I rolled my eyes and turned to face him. At least he hadn't noticed Winona yet-my long leather jacket was wonderful for concealing weapons. There were three of them, and I have no idea how they all managed to sneak up behind m-wait, wait, wait, what are those uniforms, are those…? I know those guns-

"Are you from Earth?" I blurted.

The guy I'm assuming is the leader raises an eyebrow at me. "That's us. The Tauri. Who the hell are you?"

"The Tauri?" I repeated dubiously. Maybe they aren't from Earth. My eyes are drawn back to the largest member of my ambush squad. He certainly didn't look like he was from Earth.

"Or, humans, if you like," the pretty blonde woman said when she catches onto my confusion.

I looked over to her, and saw a pair of dog-tags resting on top of her black t-shirt. "Yes, human sounds more familiar, Major."

Her eyes widened at the use of her rank, and beside her, the Colonel's narrowed. "Who are you?" he demanded.

"Commander John Crichton of the I.A.S.A," I told them. "How the frell did you get here?"

"Frell?" the Colonel mouthed bemusedly.

"Wait a second," Carter said. "John Crichton? Of the Farscape Project? That's you? You can't be . . . you can't be him."

"The one and the only," I told her. "But you didn't answer my question. How did you get here?"

"You tell us first," the Colonel demanded.

I opened my mouth to tell him, but the Major beat me to it. "He was sent through a wormhole," she whispered.

The Colonel threw her a look. "Carter?"

"He was doing an experiment," she said. "He took the Farscape 1 into orbit of the planet, and a radiation wave hit, sending him spiraling through a wormhole. He was presumed dead."

"Yep," I agreed. "Looks like I got famous after I left."

"Yes," Carter told me. "The I.A.S.A was devastated-I was brought in to try and help them figure out what happened. I can't believe you're alive!"

"Carter," the Colonel snapped. "When did you help the I.A.S.A.?"

"It was a couple of years ago, sir. I went to try and help out when we were put on stand down. Daniel's not going to believe this," Carter whispered with what I can only call glee.

At the mention of this Daniel, the Colonel's eyes hardened. He spun back to face me. "You don't know anything about Daniel?" he demanded.

I stared at him blankly, and he correctly interpreted this as a no and turned to face the big bald guy.

"Alright," he said. "As wondrous and unlikely as this turn of events is," and this is said with all the sarcasm he could muster, I could tell. "We still have to find Daniel. He wouldn't have left those ruins on his own."

"You still haven't told me how you got here!" I shouted. Maybe I'm being mildly impatient. But they're from Earth, and they're HERE, which means they might have a way back.

He spared me a glance. "That's because I don't have the time. One of my team is missing, probably captured. Do you know who inhabits this planet?"

"No one," I told him. "Aeryn and I thought we were the only ones here."

"Aeryn?" Carter asked.

"She's gone," I told them. "I don't know what happened, but when I came back she was gone."

The Colonel's eyes narrowed again. "Do you think she took Daniel? Do you trust her?"

I gave him another blank stare. Took Daniel? Why would she want to take this Daniel? "No, she didn't 'take' anyone," I snapped. "Something bad must have happened. Maybe someone else came and took your friend and that's why she left."

"She left you here alone?" the big bald guy asked.

"I'm sure she had a good reason," I told him defensively. They only ever abandoned me when they had good reasons. Except for maybe Rygel, who I'm sure would do it just for kicks.

"Right," the Colonel says. By the tone of his voice, I'm guessing he's not entirely convinced.

"Look," I said. "Please, just tell me-do you know how to get home?" I hoped I didn't sound as pathetic as I thought, but from their expressions, I was pretty sure I had.

The Major shot the Colonel a questioning look, and he nodded. She turned to me with a wide grin. "If you are who you say you are," she told me. "We can have you home in time for dinner."