A/N Hello all! Long time no see! Of course this is entirely my fault and for that I am very sorry. I'm also sorry for this terribly long Author's Note. Feel free to skip it; I'm sure many of you do anyway.

Unfortunately, this chapter is called Mismatch for a reason. Look away if the pairings make you squeamish. I'm very sorry to have to do this, but it is necessary. So yeah, in this chapter, both Harry and Draco get together with someone other than each other. :sobs: Oh well. They'll see the light soon enough. Well, one of them sees the light much faster than the other one, but that can't be helped.

Also, there are no spoilers for HBP here. In fact, as there is little plot as of yet I think it would be pretty odd if there were. Actually, there aren't really any spoilers for OotP here either… heh. Well, to clear things up a tad, this is set in Harry's sixth year, and after the defeat of Voldemort. Don't ask me how; I haven't come up with anything that would affect the plot. Therefore, the person who dies in HBP is well and truly alive, and I might even bring Sirius in during later chapters. That said however, I might be tempted to throw in little homage to HBP, as in tiny little spoilers that don't spoil anything eg. Draco's grandfather was called Abraxas Malfoy.

Oh, and no, I don't think that there is actually anything called chocolate-toffee fudge. Just wishful thinking on my part I believe, mixed with the memory of this wonderful fudge shop my school took my year to at one point, where there were about fifty different kinds of fudge. But you don't need to know that…

And of course, on the subject of lateness I can only say:

I am so sorry. I am a terrible author who writes the whole time and never updates anything. :hits head against wall: BAD AUTHOR! BAD AUTHOR!

Well now I've given myself concussion let's get on with the chapter, which is dedicated to Crystal Raven who I forgot in the review responses last chapter. I LOVE YOU REALLY!

Simply Slytherin

Chapter Four: Mismatch

Professor Snape was in a Bad Mood. He was not very good at billowing up stairs as he tended to accidentally step on the edge of his robes if he wasn't careful. In corridors he avoided this by taking huge strides but when he was climbing stairs he couldn't or he would probably over balance backwards and fall down them.

Well it wasn't his fault if he lacked natural grace in any part of him apart from his hands. Snape thought his hands were his only good feature, long, willowy and graceful as they were.

But his hands did not make climbing the stands of the Quidditch Pitch in his robes any easier.

Trust Potter to be in a Quidditch stand.

When he finally got to the top though, Snape was very annoyed to see that in fact the only person in the Quidditch stand was Draco Malfoy.

Harry Potter, he saw out of the corner of his eye had just landed and gone into the Gryffindor changing rooms. Damn. Now he had to go back down all those infernal stairs, and hell knew that down was infinitely worse than up.

He was about to turn around and perhaps use a levitation spell to lower himself gently to the ground when Draco, who had had a very glassy eyed expression turned to him suddenly with a "Give me what I want or else" look. This was somewhat ruined by the silly smile on his face.

'Sir, what's a light bulb?'

Draco had hoped that his head of house would live up to his impression that he knew everything, but apparently his search for information was only just beginning. He was quite disappointed when Professor Snape only sneered and turned away. Draco thought this was because his teacher didn't know, which was true.

Then again, Draco thought he may as well check again.

'Sir!' He called after the retreating form of the Potions Master. 'Do you know what a light bulb is sir?'

'Mr Malfoy.' Answered Snape in a very clipped tone, turning around to glare at his student as he walked down the staircase. 'I do not know what a light bulb is neither do I care. I am trying to-'

It was then that Snape discovered that falling down a rickety, wooden, bumpy, rough and moreover spiral staircase is one of the most painful things it is possible to do to yourself accidentally on a set of stairs. He managed to receive a mild concussion, a fractured wrist, a broken nail and several splinters.

Of course he was also very embarrassed.

'Professor Snape are you alright? Should I get Madam Pomfrey?' Draco called from the top of the stairs.

'Mr Malfoy, I am fine. Thank you for your concern, but I must… return to my office to oversee a detention. Excuse me.'

Draco, being blonde, believed his teacher explicably. He left the Quidditch Pitch, his daze fully restored…

No one really noticed that Draco wasn't at lunch. After all, his friends were 16 or 17 year olds who had just witnessed a very gossip worthy potions lesson, so all their brain power was focussing on eating and talking. In fact, the level to which Draco's absence was ignored at lunch would have angered the blond had he been there. Only he wasn't, so it doesn't matter.

In fact, Blaise didn't notice the copious lack of his best friend until Hermione pointed it out in Arithmancy, during which Draco was also missing.

'Where's Malfoy?' asked Hermione conversationally.

'Dunno.' Answered Blaise with a shrug. 'He wasn't at lunch either come to think of it. Perhaps he and Potter found a convenient cupboard or something.'

He met Hermione's stifled laugh with a grim smile.

'They'd certainly make an… interesting couple wouldn't they?' she murmured. 'Is Draco definitely gay then?'

'Oh yes.' This time Blaise's smile was more natural. 'No straight person would ever try so hard to convince people of their sexuality. And then there are the beauty products. And the broomstick. And the hair. And the touchiness. And the loud dreams. And he's a pureblood of course and almost all of us are gay or bi or insane or something.'

'Oh?' said Hermione, her interest peaked.

Blaise grinned.

'Hell yeah. Haven't you noticed? Something to do with magical genes and marrying cousins and using fertility potions for hundreds of years apparently. Since same sex couples can have kids see, and the magic knows that, so the urges have changed and mutated. Of course, most pureblood lines require a legitimate heir to have been born of a man and a woman, which is hell considering how few are happy with their partner's gender or sexuality. I'm bi.' He added with a wink. 'But Draco had to be gay. I mean, have you met his dad?'

'Yeah…' said Hermione. 'Is he gay too?'

Blaise snorted.

'Is he gay she asks. Is he gay? Have you seen his prissy Italian robes? His hair or crying out loud! He actually takes longer on his hair than Draco and Narcissa put together, if you can believe that is even possible. And his cane! I swear he pets it! And you have to ask?'

Blaise paused for breath.

'Lucius is obsessed with his cane; Draco is obsessed with his broomstick. Do I need to continue?'

Hermione shook her head, grinning broadly.

'Ok, ok, I get the point. But Harry and Malfoy? You actually think they would last longer than 10 mins? They would probably break up arguing over whether they were boyfriends or not.'

'True love never ran smooth.' Said Blaise with another of those not-quite-a-smiles. 'But there is certainly a lot of passion there, can't be denied. They'd never be able to just ignore each other you know?'

'I guess… so which do you fancy?' asked Hermione.

Blaise blinked slowly, and then shrugged a little.

'Oh both, definitely both. Rather be with Harry though… he's got such an arse on him, y'know? But hell if I'd ever turn down someone that even resembles Draco. But then again, he's such a whiner…' Blaise shrugged again. 'Doesn't really matter though does it? I mean, Draco will never think of me like that, he doesn't even realise he's gay yet and a virgin still, so I'm not bothered there, and Potter didn't even know my name until last night, y'know? Its never gonna happen, and that's ok.'

Hermione cocked an eyebrow.

'And what exactly happened last night?'

Blaise's face split into a huge grin.

'Potter was sat on Draco's bed and I think he touched him or something, but Draco woke up and started screaming and then Snape came through our Floo-'

'You have a fireplace in your dorm?'

Blaise looked nonplussed.

'Well yeah. Have you been in the dungeons? Gets very cold down there, especially at night. Anyway, Snape turns up and starts yelling, he was wearing this really funny stripy nightshirt that totally clashed with the colour his face turned, kinda like a weird lollipop actually… anyway, Potter spun him this story about using Polyjuice potion to get into Slytherin and somehow Basilisks got pulled into the conversation…I don't really remember I was staring at him to much…'

Hermione giggled.

'You know what I think?' she smiled. 'You Slytherins aren't that bad. And if you want Harry, you're gonna have to go after him.'

Severus Snape stared at the potion in front of him. It was supposed to be a simple headache cure for the weird black outs and dizzy spells he had just noticed. But, or the first time in seventeen years, he couldn't remember what the next ingredient was supposed to be. Every time he tried to think… but no, he was sure that no one put basilisk into headache cures. And he didn't have any anyway, so it didn't matter.

He really needed to see Potter. Then perhaps Poppy.

The bones hit Ron on the nose. He didn't care that Harry had thrown them so carelessly though. All he cared about was the fact that his best friend had wanted to sit next to him again in Divination. Granted, it was him or Terry Boot, but still.

'Hey Harry?' he whispered. 'Will you tell me what happened last night now?'

'Mr Weasley, please desist from disturbing the vibrations in my room with your mundane mutterings.' Said Professor Trelawney.

'Sure.' Said Harry, flicking through his copy of Cassandra's Curse to the pages on reading bones. 'Ever since the war I've been thinking more and more about all the what ifs, you know? I don't know if I ever told you, but I was nearly put into Slytherin. Did I tell you that? I don't remember, but anyway, between Hagrid and you telling me that Dumbledore and my parents were in Gryffindor and Voldemort was in Slytherin and Malfoy getting into Slytherin I really didn't want to be there. So when the hat started on about Slytherin this, thirst to prove myself that, I basically said, Stuff it, I am not going into that house, anywhere but Slytherin.'

Ron stared at him aghast.

'You were nearly put in Slytherin?' he murmured. 'But… my God, what would have happened to our Quidditch team?'

Harry paused to note that Ron's reaction was not a point that had immediately sprung to mind when he had contemplated the issue himself.

'The vibrations Mr Weasley!' Professor Trelawney wailed.

'And you know I still have trouble sleeping right? So I just started these… walks back in September. So last night I went down to Slytherin to hang around a bit, and I got caught in Malfoy's dorm. Bit of trouble with Snape but I managed to distract him and get out of there before he took any points, so that's ok.'

Ron opened his mouth to comment but was interrupted by a call of, 'Will you please just read Mr Potters bones Mr Weasley?' from the other side of the room.

'Huh.' Muttered Ron, finally opening his textbook. 'She never interrupts you, have you noticed? But if I so much as open my-'

'Of course I do not interrupt Mr Potter.' Interrupted Professor Trelawney, swooping over to their table.

'Mr Potter gives off very good vibrations of his own. Anything he says or does could potentially change the future. I am not going to stand in the way of fate, even if it does dictate that he talk in my lessons.'

Harry shrugged.

She turned her huge eyes on Ron.

'You however Mr Weasley, give off very plain vibrations, yes quite mundane indeed I am afraid. Now let me see these bones of yours Mr Potter…'

If anybody had really cared where Draco Malfoy was it would have been very simple to just check on the Marauders Map, which would have told anyone looking at it very quickly that he was skulking in the library. Draco was trying to be very quiet as it turned out that Madam Pince not only looked like a bird but could also hear like one.

He had in fact spent the last ten minutes of lunch and the twenty-five minutes of Arithmancy that he had so far missed desperately looking through every book on Magical Creatures and even one on magical plants trying to discover what a light bulb was.

So far had had no success.

He couldn't understand it.

Thirteen minutes, one lie about free lessons and some desperate puppy dog eyes later found him in the Muggle Studies section. Three minutes after that he found a decent picture and then conjured a mirror so he could settle down for some objectional comparison.

He spent double Charms washing his hair.

Why was it, Professor Snape wondered, that those Hufflepuff second years had looked so anxious when he had given them twenty points for their Shrinking Solutions? He shook his head slightly, but then stopped as it made him dizzy and he needed to sit down. Perhaps, he thought, it was his robes. They were rather severe.

He ran a hand through his hair tiredly, and then pulled it away. He really needed to wash it, maybe get it layered or highlighted or something. He couldn't just leave it in this mess.

Harry had hoped to pair with Hermione in Double Herbology. However it seemed to him, from the frown and turned back that she was still mad with him from this morning. Looking around to find someone else to help him tend his feathered fig tree, he saw Ernie Macmillan coming toward him with a purposeful step.

'Can I be your partner today, Harry?' he asked, a lot less pompously than usual.

'Yeah, ok.' Harry answered. 'Something up with Justin?'

'We broke up! He's taken our fig and, and-' Ernie broke off dramatically, casting a glance across the greenhouse to where Justin was clutching another feathered fig tree was standing next to Hermione and shooting Ernie funny looks every few seconds.

'Right.' Said Harry, reaching for a pair of shears.

'I mean, can you believe it? He actually cheated on me. Me!'

'No!' gasped Harry half heartedly as he began trying to give his tree a decent hair cut.

'You wouldn't think it possible!' moaned Justin to Hermione on the other side of the greenhouse. 'Why? We were the perfect couple- everybody said so. I thought he loved me!'

'Terrible.' Mentioned Hermione.

'How could he have been cheating on me? And with Hannah Abbot of all people!' Justin took a clump out of the choppy fringe he had been attempting on their tree, which snarled and bit Hermione. Justin didn't seem to notice.

'That's awful.' Hermione deadpanned.

'Why?' moaned Ernie, lifting his head from his hands. 'What did I do? What didn't I do?'

'Good question.' Murmured Harry in response. He shot Hannah Abbot a glare as she crossed the greenhouse.

'I loved him. I was the perfect boyfriend. Why would he cheat on me?' whined Ernie. 'And what's so great about Hannah anyway? What she got that I haven't?'

Harry coughed rather loudly and nearly destroyed the fig tree in front of him.

'I can't even look at him.' Justin announced to Hermione drastically dropping the shears and turning away.

'For God's sake!' said Hermione, a little louder than was necessary as she grabbed the shears and faced off with their tree. 'Will you just- I don't know but jeez just- argh!'

As she turned around she caught Harry's eyes on the other side of the greenhouse. He was awkwardly patting a now sobbing Ernie and mimicked throwing up behind him. Hermione put the shears down carefully and then clutched her heart.

Neither Ernie nor Justin seemed to notice.

When Herbology ended Harry didn't even say good bye to the Hufflepuffs. He rushed toward Hermione with the urgency of a drowning man, matched only by her own disgust for their fellow classmates.

'I forgive you, I forgive you, I forgive you.' She garbled as they practically ran Susan Bones down in their effort to get away. 'But hell do I hate Hannah Abbot! Where does she get off, breaking up couples? Making me sit through 90 minutes of hell. Does she enjoy it? Why? I mean, just why? I never did anything to her! Neither did you. But she chose to mess with us. Well, I think she ought to be punishèd!'

Harry nodded fervently. Hannah Abbot was going down.

It turned out that it was his skin. His hair, all clean and light and fluffy and slightly frizzy looked weird with his lack of skin tone. He decided he would just exfoliate and then go find Potter.
'So what was going on with you and Potter in Potions Pansy?' asked Blaise in Charms.

'Hmmm? Oh that. There's nothing there Blaise. I told you, I just wanted to know what all the fuss was about last night. Hey, where's Draco?'

'No idea. You could have just asked me Pansy.' Blaise whined. 'I thought we were friends! And then you sit next to that- that Gryffindor! You betrayed me!'

Pansy gave him an odd look.

'Whatever Blaise…'

Blaise huffed slightly and attempted his Charm again.

'You're just jealous that you don't have the bottle to sit next to Potter yourself because you are so disgustingly obsessed with him.' Pansy commented light-heartedly. 'And that Charm is terrible.'

Blaise refused to answer, but this didn't put Pansy off at all.

'You are the weirdest person I think I have ever met, you know that.'

Blaise grunted slightly.

'I mean you spend your whole time niggling Draco for being a virginal, psychotic closet case, but refuse to even approach your own crush.'

'Draco is a virginal, psychotic closet case!'

'I knew you were listening to me.' Commented Pansy smugly. 'That's not the point though. No one, Potter or otherwise, will ever date a grouchy, annoying person they have never met. So for God's sake, at least try to talk to the guy.'

Blaise couldn't answer.

The Gryffindor common room was uneasy. No one was much talking to each other, but gossip seemed to be moving through the very air. The year groups were packed tightly together, except the thirds years, which were in their dorms, and the fifth years, which were missing.

Harry was playing an uneasy game of chess with Ron, who was happily beating him, oblivious as ever. Hermione was sitting at their table, occasionally attempting to get them to do homework, but only half-heartedly.

When Seamus ambled over Harry sighed in relief for the distraction from the rather sticky situation his black bishop and a rook had left his only remaining knight in.

'Hey Harry? Can I have a word with you?' asked Seamus.

'Yeah course. Just as long as it doesn't involve Hannah Abbot.' Harry smirked slightly.

Unfortunately this was just the wrong thing to do, as it set Hermione off.

'I wasn't going to.' Said Seamus. 'Why? What's up with Hannah?'

'She is a conniving bitch!' said Hermione loudly.

This comment seemed to wake up the common room.

'Really?' said Lavender. 'Why?'

'She broke up Justin and Ernie! That utter bitch put me through an hour and a half of pure hell on earth!'

'Justin and Ernie broke up?' asked Parvati. 'No way! They were like, soulmates.'

'What did Hannah do? Spill!'

'Anyway Harry, could I just talk to you?' asked Seamus. 'I know it's nearly dinner but-'

'She was with Ernie? And Justin? On the same night? What a slut.'

'Yeah sure, anything to get away from this. We can skip dinner, get something from the kitchens.' Harry suggested easily.

'I heard that she was caught with Ernie by Susan, who told Justin, but she didn't she that it was Hannah and then Hannah went to Justin to comfort him, and then Ernie was going to confess being with Hannah to Justin and caught them at it.'

'Why would you do that?' said Lavender with a shake of the head.

'Because she is a plain boring Hufflepuff, and all plain, boring, single girls are vindictive.'

'Plea for attention.' Put in Hermione.

'Exactly! After all, none of us are ugly or boring, let alone both and we are all nice, wonderful and interesting people!'



'Let's just go, shall we?' Harry asked, edging away from the slightly crazy group of housemates in the common room.

Seamus nodded quickly.

The next person, and in fact the first person since Madam Pince, to set eyes on Draco Malfoy was Pansy Parkinson, and he only opened the door because she knew what he had named his pet Puffskein and was threatening to tell the entire school.

'God Pansy, what do you have to do to get some privacy in this house?' he moaned as he opened the door and sped back to the mirror.

'God Draco,' she mimicked, and then caught sight of him. 'What have you done to your hair?'

Draco shot her a look before gluing his eyes back on his reflection.

'Do you hate it? Is it terrible? I knew it, he was lying, I'll just go redo it quickly…'

Pansy stared at him in shock as he tore his eyes away from his face and started selecting tubes and pots from his trunk. As he headed toward the bathroom however she grabbed his arm.

'No, no, it's… great.' She murmured. 'I don't think I've ever seen it so… shiny.'

'It is? Is it? Is that good? Or is it too shiny? Reflective? Is it greasy? What?' Draco looked quite panicky now. 'Look, this was a stupid idea, I'll just gel it back-'

'Hey, no don't. It's good.' She said quickly. 'It's different, but yeah, its fine Dray. I didn't know your hair was that long.' she added.

Draco drifted back toward the mirror.

'Neither did I really. I think I like this, you know? It only took me 30 minutes from dry. And even though I washed it for twice as long. But are you sure? I mean, he did have a point but I dunno, really is it too weird?'

Pansy cocked an eyebrow.

'Draco, relax. It looks fine. Ooh,' she squealed suddenly, leaping onto Blaise's bed. 'Has Blaise updated his book recently?'

'What?' asked Draco absentmindedly, back in front of the mirror and rearranging single hairs.

'His book.' Said Pansy. 'You know-'

Standing on Blaise's bed now, she felt around on top of the canopy and pulled away a second later, grinning and holding a leather bound book.

'-His book.'

And with that she sat down on Blaise's bed, tapped the book with her wand to open it and proceeded to flick through it casually.

'Pansy, no!' exclaimed Draco. 'What are you doing?'

'Reading Blaise's book.' She said. 'Ooh, this is new, listen: "Third date with Terry Boot a disaster. After "romantic" walk, picnic around the lake and casual kissing we got to second base and half way through my whipped cream and then he tells me that he has been having strange dreams involving Granger and chains and thinks that he is actually straight. Returned to dorm and drowned sorrows by eating remaining cream." Boot's straight huh?'

Draco stared on in horror but Pansy just grinned and flicked forward a few pages.

'"Spied on Gryffindor Quidditch practice. Tried to remember plays to pass onto Draco but was distracted by Harry Potter being very dominant and commanding at the same time as kind, very very hot and riding a broomstick with unmatched skill. Very much wanted to watch him shower but being caught would destroy admittedly small chance of sexual relationship in the future." Well at least he's a realist. "Potter snuck into our dorm! Was woken to Draco's scream and interesting scene followed. I think he may have finally learnt my name." '

'Pansy stop!' said Draco scandalised. 'That's Blaise's diary!'

Pansy shrugged.

'If he didn't want people to read it he wouldn't have written it, would he?'


'Anyway, he's always reading mine. Probably over there right now, leaving bits of advice the wanker. It's a tradition of ours.'

'You read each others' diaries?' asked Draco.

'Yeah, then we try to break into yours.' Blaise said from the doorway. 'Interesting entry Pansy.'

'You've read my diary!' Draco shrieked.

'Calm down, I still can't open it.' Blaise shrugged a little. 'But, are you little paranoid? Most of those wards were designed for houses you know.'

'Well it's a good thing I did then isn't it?' said Draco prissily, moving a lock of hair. 'I didn't even know you guys even knew I was keeping a diary.'

'I didn't.' said Pansy smugly. 'Thanks though Drake.'

'You… I…' Draco stuttered. There was a kind of muted horror.

'You are not a duck?' offered Blaise. 'Dinner Pansy?' he added pleasantly, glancing at his watch.

'Yeah ok. Dray, you coming? You alive under that hair or what?'

She waved a hand slowly in front of Draco's face.

He only nodded weakly.

Where was Potter? Professor Snape cursed under his breath as dinner began and there was still no sign of the Golden Boy. Why hadn't he come to dinner? Why did nobody seem to notice? He scanned the Gryffindor table again and wondered why there was so much interest in the head table. And the Hufflepuff table for that matter.

Damnit Potter.

'So who do you fancy?' Seamus asked for the second time in as many minutes. Harry gave him another odd look.

'No one in particular. Why?'

Seamus shrugged, trying to look nonchalant and failing.

'Well, it's just this whole thing about you sneaking off to the Slytherin dorms to be with Malfoy. Were you ever going to tell me?'

'What?' asked Harry bemused.

'Well, and I may have been listening to shit, but Katie Bell was saying about how you two had had this secret relationship for the past three years and I just wondered-'

Harry laughed.

'Seamus, I have not ever had any form of relationship, secret or otherwise, with Malfoy, and especially not while I was dating you. Alright?'

Seamus tried to look ashamed, but mainly looked relieved.

'So who do you fancy, Seamus?'

Hannah Abbot was having that strange sensation you get when everyone seems to be talking about you, but nobody is talking to you. No one had made eye contact with her since lunch, even though everyone seemed to be staring at her.

Also, for the first time in Hogwarts' history, nobody was sitting next to her.

This was incredibly difficult, due to the large number of Hufflepuffs and the size of their table, but somehow they had managed to squash up so much at the ends and on the other side of the table that there was a good metre of empty space on either side of her.

However, old habits die hard and Susan Bones, whom had been her best friend for the past five and a half years, was sitting opposite and a metre to the right of her and was resolutely not looking at her, except every three seconds to shoot her a glare and to check that she had noticed that no one was looking at her.

Eventually, Hannah scooted up and asked what was going on.

'You breaking up Ernie and Justin, I mean, I never put you down as a bitch Hannah but-'

'Ernie and Justin broke up?' Hannah gasped. 'When? Why? And why hasn't anyone told me?'

Sure enough, Ernie and Justin were sitting at opposite ends of the Hufflepuff table, ignoring each other about as well as Susan had ignored Hannah.

Susan gave Hannah a level look. On one hand she shouldn't even be looking at Hannah, let alone talking to such nasty people. But on the other hand, the girl seemed genuinely confused.

The urge to gossip won out over the need to hate Hannah.

'You broke them up. Ergo, everybody hates you.'

'What did I do?' asked Hannah. 'What have Ernie or Justin got to do with me? I don't even remember the last time I spoke to either them, let alone-'

'You kissed them.' Susan hissed.' Everybody knows that-'

'I kissed them? I kissed them? Susan,' she said with the dawning smugness of someone who has worked out just how little "everybody" knew, 'Who have I supposedly kissed? And when? And who caught us? Where were we?'

'Ernie. Or Justin. Or both…'

'…or neither?'

Susan mumbled something.

'And you of all people know I was in Ravenclaw with Michael all last night…'

Susan decided to change tact.

'Oh my God, yeah! What happened! What was it like? What did you wear? Was it romantic? SPILL!'

'You know, I kinda miss you sometimes.' Seamus said. 'I mean, you were the perfect boyfriend practically. Attractive, funny, nice, good in bed. There wasn't much angst in those days.'

'I don't think there was any angst in those days.' Harry mused. 'I couldn't even spell angst in those days.'

'I still can't.' Seamus murmured. 'But that's really my point.'

'I guess. You were a good boyfriend too, I suppose. I never really thought about it actually. Cute, fun, not nagging or needy or clingy or any of that rubbish, and I seem to remember an incredible tongue.'

'Mmm.' Seamus smirked. 'But what about Oliver hmm? Now that was a body. I wish I'd had a piece of that, but I wasn't good enough at Quidditch.'

Harry laughed.

'We didn't get that far though. It was far more romantic and stressful and of course long distance than ours ever was. I'm not sure he really got completely past the fame though. I mean, I was always his star seeker to him, and then he would get all upset when the paparazzi would turn up whenever he took me out. Nah, you were a better boyfriend really.'

There was a pause in the conversation where they just ate. Then suddenly Seamus looked up, meeting Harry's eyes.

'Do… Do you wanna give it another go?'

'My God, look at Professor Snape!' whispered Ginny to Hermione, but not very quietly.

Everyone near them at the Gryffindor table looked up.

'My God…' murmured Lavender. 'Is that… chestnut?'

'Of course not, its mocha.' Snapped Hermione.

'Nuh uh.' Said Parvati. 'That's so chocolate-toffee fudge.'

'Chocolate-toffee fudge?' asked Hermione. 'What is that?'

Parvati gave Hermione an odd look.

'It's chocolate-toffee flavoured fudge.' She said slowly. 'You know, fudge that tastes of chocolate-toffee. It's very good.' She added.

'But what is chocolate-toffee?' Neville moaned, confused. 'I mean, toffee covered in chocolate is one thing but-'

'The point is guys,' said Ginny irritably, 'Professor Snape is wearing brown!'

'Whoa guys, Snape's wearing brown!' said Millicent. 'Weird huh?'

Murmurs of ascent reached her.

'God Draco cheer up already. You are annoying everyone at this table, if not this hall.'

'Is that toffee? Or latte?'

'Latte, however much you want it to be Millie,' said Draco, 'is not and will never be a colour.'

Blaise gave their Professor a glance.

'Some kinda bronzed horse chestnut?' he guessed. 'It's got this shininess about it, but there really seems to be more than one shade merged toget-'

'Chocolate-toffee fudge.' Goyle said. 'It's the exact colour of chocolate-toffee fudge.'

'But only the stuff from Belgium.' Crabbe put in. 'Other countries tend to make it darker, too rich, and they lose the essential lightness that embodies chocolate-toffee fudge.'

'Chocolate-toffee fudge?' asked Pansy. 'What is that?'

'It's when you get-' started Goyle, but Draco looked up from his bowl of soup with a sullen expression and interrupted him.

'I think I may be gay.' He whispered.

He was met by startled faces on all sides. Then Pansy squealed and hugged him.

'My Dray is growing up!'

Draco fought her off with a slightly annoyed expression.

'God Pansy, I'm not yours! Don't you dare Nott, or I'll rip that hand off and shove it… down your throat!' Draco snarled as Theodore reached over to ruffle Draco's hair.

'Do you know how long this took me?' he continued. 'I will not have you… defile it!'

Crabbe sniggered.

'So…' began Blaise with a twinkle reminiscent of Dumbledore. 'Who do you fancy? It isn't a certain green-eyed Gryffindor that just happened to skip lunch at the same time as you and also happens to not be here now, thereby explaining your inexplicable mood is it?'

'NO!' Draco hissed aggressively. 'Blaise will you please just stop trying to set me up with Potter! If you think he's so bloody good looking and fabulous why don't you ask him out? I certainly don't want him!'

Blaise only sighed and rolled his eyes.

'Well then, who do you fancy Draco?' asked Pansy a little snappish.

Draco mumbled something and turned back to his soup, a tiny frown on his face.

'Sorry, didn't quite catch that.' Said Goyle.

'I said I hadn't quite got that far.' Draco snapped. 'God, get off my back.'

Blaise grabbed Draco and kissed him chastely. Draco pulled back in horror, spluttering.

'Blaise!' he screeched, wiping his mouth in disgust. 'Ew, I do not want your repulsive

germs polluting my mouth, thank you very much.'

Blaise only shrugged.

'Well you obviously don't fancy me, which is good really because it would be kinda like Harry Potter dating Ron Weasley or something-'

'Urg, Zabini, don't be so gross.' Said Pansy pulling a face. 'I mean, Potter and Weasley? That's practically incest.'

'-But I'm sure there are plenty of people in this school that would be willing to date you and your hair.'

'Ernie and Justin just broke up.' Put in Millicent helpfully.

'Ernie and Justin broke up? Why? When?' Pansy cried. 'Why did nobody tell me?'

'Really?' Blaise said. 'That's great! I can spend some quality time with Justin again. Hey Draco, you can have dear Ernest if you want.'

And with that Blaise stood up from the Slytherin table and wandered amicably over to the Hufflepuffs.

'How does he do that?' Crabbe asked, as with a smile and a few words Blaise sat down easily next to Justin.

There was a short pause in which Blaise was watched silently and food was eaten, except for the bowl of untouched soup in front of Draco which slowly began congeal.

'I can't believe he's flirting with Justin and Eloise. At the same time.' Nott murmured.

'Maybe they'll have a threesome.' Pansy remarked rather gloomily for her. 'What about you Draco? Wanna go talk to Ernie?'

'Those are very interesting robes that you are wearing today Severus.' Professor McGonagall commented.

'I'm… trying something different.' He muttered, sipping from a glass of iced water. 'Minerva, where are we?'

She shot a sharp look at Severus.

'We're in the hall.' Se said slowly and clearly. 'The. Great. Hall. At Hogwarts.'

'Heh heh, Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts… Does it usually spin like this?'

The Headmaster turned at this.

'Severus, are you feeling quite alright?' Dumbledore asked gently.

Professor Snape looked highly affronted.

'Of course I am Albus.' He replied stiffly. 'Do you recall how to enter the Chamber of Secrets?'

And with that, he collapsed.

'And then you just immerse the film in the potion and heat it- oh my God, Professor Snape!' exclaimed Colin Creevy.

'We know about his robes Colin, thank you.' Neville said grittily.

'He just collapsed!' said Ginny.

'Excellent!' said Ron. 'Maybe he just had a heart attack or something. Wicked!'

'Ronald Weasley!' Hermione began, but Lavender Brown cut across her.

'Wow, what's wrong with Blaise Zabini? I didn't think people did tongue transplants. And jeez, look at Ernie!'

'My God,' said Parvati. 'Is that Malfoy?'

Hermione spent a second wondering whether anyone other than Ron and Dean had noticed Professor Snape being levitated out of the Hall, but decided not to draw unnecessary attention to it. Of course this meant she could not lecture Ron on it, but she was sure he would tell Harry and she could get her lecture in at that point.

This decided she joined the rest of the girls in the school staring at the two gay couples kissing two tables over.

Ew, thought Draco as Ernie's tongue furiously licked his gums and rubbed against the top of his mouth. This is gross.

The conversation had been slow and boring, nothing like the easy chattering and flirting at the other end of the table. Draco had listened to Ernie moan and bitch about Justin and Hannah and life and exams and anything else he could think of to an eager ear while shooting glances at Blaise's laughing smiles and raised eyebrows when they made eye contact.

However, when Blaise had casually started eating Justin instead of the desserts Ernie had evidently decided to take out his fury on Draco's mouth.

And he didn't seem very good at it.

Draco admitted that he had little to no experience on the matter but he had always thought kissing would be- well, nicer. Better than this at any rate.

One small mercy at least was that Ernie seemed to have no inclination to shove his hands into Draco's carefully prepared hair. Thank god.

When they broke apart he noticed three things; Professor Snape, Blaise and Justin were missing, Ernie had a pleased expression and the entire school seemed to be staring at them.

Fuck it, the whole school was staring at him.

As Ernie leaned toward him again he couldn't help but wonder what that weird feeling in his stomach was.

Attraction? Arousal? Love?

As Ernie pressed his lips against his again he recognised it.


These kisses were far more sensual. Relaxed, precise and confident, they were the real thing.

The pair considered stopping when they heard the approaching voices, but a couple of matching grins later and they were languidly kissing again, thankful for the comfortable large sofa they were lying on.

One mouth detached itself from the other and started moving down the neck of the first, gently worrying the skin it found there then returning briefly to grin at the lazy smile on his partner's face.

A couple more chaste kisses to the lips of the younger boy before the couple flipped over, and the first boy started doing to his boyfriend's neck what had been happening to his own seconds before.

As Harry moved to suck to Seamus' Adam's apple they heard the gentle squeak of a hinge.

A/N I am so sorry… this chapter is horrible. I really don't like it. I hope you like it more than I do. Chapter Five is coming, I have written about seven pages or something, and I think it's much better, much more like the last chapters. So yeah, stick with me!

Many thanks go out to Ever1, one really great author that has become a great friend and now has agreed to beta for me! And it was her that convinced me to actually get on and write this fic, so go read and review her stories as a thank you!

Also, even though I have already decided on all the pairings in this fic, I would be interested in knowing which other pairings, other than H/D you guys are fans of, so if you'd let me know in a review that would be really helpful. And interesting too.

Review Reponses:

Virginia Riddle-Malfoy: Thanks very much, I love writing them too!

AmethystxX: So sorry this took so long, but I hope you liked it anyway…

Lyonessheart: Thank you!

PinkAphid: I think I've covered all of that review already, but thanks anyway…

Crystal Raven: I am very sorry that I forgot you last chapter, but thank you for leaving me such a nice review anyway. I hope this chapter is good enough for you…

Anny Pervert Snape: Thanks very much m'dear…

ADJ: I thought this was going to be a flame when I started to read, so I was really happy when it turned into such a nice review instead! Thanks! There are plans actually for that kind of thing. As you can see I did a bit of a spring clean and hoovered up some of the fluff, so a bit of plot can be seen here, so hope you liked it.

LilaStar: Nice of you to point them out, I think I've fixed all of them now. I hope this chapter is ok, bit less humour here, but there is more randomness next time… which I have written half of already, so it shouldn't be too long.

lena: Sorry for the wait, hope you liked it anyway!

WiccaChic2000: Thank you. Bit more plot here, hoped you enjoyed it.

HandsOff: I'm just a little scared now, considering how long I've taken with this chapter. hides behind computer But I'm getting into chapter five well, should be out soon…

fragonknight01: I'm proud of our little one too! pulls out photo album and starts sobbing hysterically But poor thing has made a rather large, Hufflepuff shaped mistake this chapter me thinks… And yes, Draco will be going into the Chamber of Secrets. But not yet…

chocolatedemon: Less fluff this chapter, more plot. Hope you enjoy.

slytherinsexgod: Thanks for the review! I am, just only when I have the inspiration. Which is why I've been so slow…

kazzy: Aw, thanks hun… blushes

GoddessMoonLady: Thanks very much! I first realised it while watching Chamber of Secrets, in the Flourish and Blotts scene… go re watch it!

Dragonphly: This is quite long isn't it? Sorry it took so long!

xxbabysparklesxx: Why thank you!

SerpentClara: No, not yet… But he will by, ooh, maybe chapter 7? At the moment the trip to the chamber is around chapter 10, but I'm not really sure… nothing is certain though. Sorry it's so far off; I've already written a chunk of it but I'm not sure how long it will take to get everything set up for it. And because I like writing what happens to Snape… :P

My friends call me K: Thanks very much. Apologies for the delay!

SushiNeko-chan: grins Such praise!

fifespice: Sorry I took so long… I know your exact feeling. So I'm doubly sorry.

Ravenfrog: Thanks! Love the name btw.

Lalo: What a nice review! Thanks very much!

Tavern-Tsuki: Thanks! I'm sorry I took so bloody long on tis chapter, I wrote it about three times.

jemu: Thank you! I love writing them!

Ever1: Thank you, and also for agreeing to beta this! It means a lot to me!

Samurai Angel: Thank you for that really nice and personal review! I am so sorry that I took so damn long on this chapter. Good news is that I'm already writing chapter five, so it shouldn't be too long. Did your friend also review this?

Infinite13: Yes this is still going. Just very s…l…o…w…l…y… Hope you enjoyed this chapter anyway, next one isn't so far off.

ATadObsessive46: I think that makes sense… kinda ;)

Your Reflection: Thanks! Its meant to be Humour/Romance, but I think I may have lost a lot of Humour this chapter. Oh well, its all better next chapter!

guess, guess again and guess who! yay a puzzle: Well, I guessed didn't I? But thanks, you totally made my day and its really cool to havve people you know in RL like your writing too. I think I can live with being a twisted genius…

I try to read the fics of every signed reviewer. So if you review me, I'll review you!

Preview of Chapter Five: Lost in the Maze

'I don't want to hear any rumours about threesomes.'

'I am not deluded!' Snape shouted at the blurry shape he hoped was Madam Pomfrey but was actually a lamp.

'Look, just stay away from me ok? I don't like you!'

'It can't be done.' Millicent was arguing. 'There is only so much tongue a human can possess.'

'Ah, would you like some more sherry Sybil?'

'I'll get the rum.' Added Seamus.

'I hereby declare the fifth semi-annual sock collector's club open!'

'Harry James Potter! Seamus Conner Finnegan! There are first years here!'

Review! Please feed me! I haven't eaten for so long…