Leon Got Back

By Charles Xavier

(Parody of 'Baby Got Back' by Sir-Mix-A-Lot')

"AH! HA! HA! HA! I have you two now!" Maleficent laughed at Yuffie and Leon, who were trapped by the hundreds of Heartless encircling them. There was surely no way of escape. "You should never have come here to Hollow Bastion to save your precious friends! Now, both of you shall pay!"

"Okay! Okay! I'll pay! I'll pay!" In a panic, Yuffie dug into her pockets and took out two measly coins. "How about…two gil?"

"Joke all you want, little girl. But however hard you should try, nothing is going to save you!" Maleficent pointed her finger and ordered the Heartless to advance. "Get them!"

Leon, seeing that there was no other alternative, whipped out his Gunblade and was about to make his attack. But then, Yuffie interrupted everything when she cried out:


The Heartless froze after hearing what the ninja had to say, and the castle became all so silent.

"A confession?" Leon rolled his eyes at hers. "What in the world could that be?"

"I love you, Leon!" Yuffie burst out loud, making her voice echo throughout the whole castle. "I've always loved you all this time we've been together! I just had to say it if we weren't going to get out of this alive!"

Leon sweat dropped immediately and cowered away from her.

"You're not serious!" He said fearfully. "Say it isn't so."

Yuffie nodded with delight and grinned. "It is, Leon. And that's not all…I've been giving very serious thought about…your butt! I mean, it's so round, soft, and tender. Why, I feel like pinching all the time when I'm in bed! I just LOVE your butt, and it's so…WHITE!"

"WHAT?!" Maleficent shouted in rage, as her face began to blush. "What is this nonsense that this girl is saying?"

But her question was left unanswered, when a disturbing sense of music suddenly filled the air…and Yuffie began to sing.

I like his butt and I can not lie.

You Heartless can't deny,

That when Squall walks in with his thin slim waste

And a round thing in your face,

You get shocked!

Wanna give it a snug,

'Cuz you notice his butt is yummy.

Deep in his pants it's moving,

I'm hooked and I can't stop drooling.

Oh, Leon, I wanna go bite it,

'Cuz I'm so excited.

My father tried to slap me,

But that butt you've got

M-m-makes me so happy!

Oh! Look at that smooth skin.

You say I'm a little perv?

Then spank me, spank me,

For I ain't your average girly!

I'm alive and kicking!

And his anus I'll be licking!


Let's do the Karma Sutra!

So tired of Cloud Strife,

That guy should get a life.

If you don't know who my adorer is,

I'll give you a knuckle fist!

Since the Heartless were now growing so attached the song, all of them were getting into the groove and went rubbing their bottoms on each other, while Maleficent was enjoying herself by swinging her staff and doing a hula dance. Meanwhile, Leon stood there still as a statue, embarrassed with the whole song. And the madness didn't stop there; because out of the blue, all the Princesses of Hearts appeared above Yuffie's head and dropped down from the ceiling. They then started dancing with her and rapping together.

So, Princesses!




Have your boyfriends got the butt?

Oh, yeah!

Well wobble it, wobble it,

Before you go and snuggle it!

Leon got back!

Leonhart with those chubby buttocks.

Leonhart with those chubby buttocks.

Leon got back!

Leonhart with those chubby buttocks.

Leonhart with those chubby buttocks.

I like it warm and fresh.

And when I see that flesh,

I just can't help myself,

I'm acting like an animal,

Or a sexy cannibal!

Don't like that Sephy,

'Cuz he's so mean and edgy.

And if you really ask me,

I'd rather give him a wedgy!

I like Squall's bottom real sweaty,

And smelly.

And if it is hairy,

I'll chew on it like spaghetti!

It tastes kind of oily!

So Princesses!



If you want to get down and lick ass!


Then turn him around,

Check it out,

The taste of it makes you shout:

Leon got back!

Leonhart with those chubby buttocks.

Leonhart with those chubby buttocks.

Leon got back!

Leonhart with those chubby buttocks.

Leonhart with those chubby buttocks.

Yeah baby!

When it comes to Leon

Leviathan knows everything,

What I'm talking about.

Pink in the middle and I like it like that!

Pink in the middle and I like it like that!

While Maleficent and the Heartless were too distracted with their dancing, Yuffie took this chance to get Leon and the Princesses out of here.

"Quick! Now's our chance!" Yuffie rushed to the open door, dragging a stunned Leon on the way.

The Princesses quietly followed her out of Hollow Bastion, leaving Maleficent to figure out sooner or later that her enemies had left them hours ago.