Ah...it's back. How long ago was it that this was deleted? Well, for those of you who are returning, it's going to be pretty slow for a while, as I'll just be spending some time putting the old chapters back up. I have most of the old reviews saved in a Word document, so I'll be tracking down old reviewers and sending out an e-mail to the ones who left addresses.

Why was this fic deleted? I'm honestly not sure. It may have been because of a few script-format disclaimers, or because of my review responses. Because of this, there will be no review responses, at least not until I'm sure they won't get this deleted again.

Why did it take so long to put it back up? Just after it was deleted, the computer it was saved on got a nasty virus and died a horrible painful death. I managed to save my files onto a floppy disk, but only very recently did I transfer it to my new computer.

The chapters may come back up out of order, but that's a small price to pay, right? I'll do my best to preserve the original order and author's notes, except where it would violate rules to do so.

So without further ado, the original first chapter, in all its glory:

Well, this is just going to be a series of short stories about different OOC versions of Jack Sparrow. Mostly I've just taken things I've seen done in fanfics and made them more interesting.



Thieving! Jack


"Hey, Jack, I'm glad you could visit," said Will, leaning against the anvil in his blacksmith shop.

"Glad to be back, Will," said Jack, pocketing an unfinished axe head he had found. Will noticed, but he didn't say anything.

"What have you been up to?" asked Will.

"Oh, you know," said Jack, sidling over in front of a tool rack laden with hammers and such. "Pillaging, plundering, rifling and looting. That sort of thing."

"Ah," said Will, watching Jack move toward the furnace. The tool rack was noticeably lighter than it had been before.

"What about you, eunuch?" asked Jack, slipping some hot coals into his boot. The last word came out as a pained squeak when the coals burned him, and Will really felt sort of sorry for him.

"Just blacksmithing," said Will, wishing that Jack would stop jacking his stuff. "Say, would you care to take a walk around town with me?"

"Oh yes!" said Jack, eager for the opportunity to steal more interesting things than Will's junk. Will gave a sigh of relief that Jack would soon be out of his shop, and they headed out the door.

Once outside, Jack proceeded to "steal" a rotten apple off the ground and put it in his coat. Will rolled his eyes and headed down to the market. He needed some food.

Jack was quite intrigued by the market, and immediately found a man selling jewelry and draped it on himself when he thought no one was looking. He went around some more after that, stealing thimbles, pennies, candle wax, and the occasional bit of string. The people selling their wares began to glare at Jack, and then at Will when it became apparent that the two men were "shopping" together. Will hastily pulled Jack out of there, saying that he had just remembered that he didn't really need any food after all. Jack was disappointed, but he obediently stopped stealing long enough to leave.

"This really is a very quiet place," said Jack, pick pocketing a small child and receiving only a wad of used chewing gum for his troubles. He stuck it in the brim of his hat.

"Well, not too many pirates really come here," said Will, trying to rememberif Jack had been such a kleptomaniac the last time they had spoken. "You just caught us at a bad moment last time."

"Too bloody bad for you, then," said Jack, stealing a brick from a house that was under construction and shoving it up the sleeve of his coat. "Life's no fun without a bit of lawbreaking."

"Oh, some of us like living a life that won't end in a noose," said Will.

"Now you're just trying to provoke me," said Jack, stopping and facing Will, his hands on his hips. "What have I ever done that's that wrong?"

Will also stopped, and observed as Jack snagged a handkerchief off a passing man. The man most certainly noticed, and was quite offended, but neither he nor Will made a comment.

Jack searched Will's face, and found no real malice in the blacksmith's expression. Shrugging, he began to walk again. Will, left behind a moment since he had not been expecting it, trotted a moment to catch up.

"And how's Elizabeth?" asked Jack, seeming to forget about any conflict existing.

"She's been fine, Jack," Will replied, wondering what Jack would steal next. "Why?"

"Oh, nothing," said Jack, looking for something he could pilfer, and getting an idea. "Say, do you think we could drop in on her?"

"Actually, Jack..." started Will, but Jack turned an imploring look on him, and he could not go on. He winced, knowing he would regret what he was about to say, but said it anyway. "Yes."

"All right then!" grinned Jack, grabbing a pamphlet from a passing Mormon and stuffing it up under his hat. "Let's go!"

Will shuddered at the thought of what he had just allowed himself to do, and accompanied Jack up the hill to the front door of the governor's mansion, and watched him knock.

"Yes?" asked the butler rather nasally once he had opened the door.

"Hey, it's good to see you, man!" cried Jack enthusiastically, hugging the butler. He managed to remove the man's pocket watch before he let go, and seemed very pleased with himself.

The butler, on the other hand, fainted. He was already a paranoid schizophrenic, and being hugged by a creepy man with breath that smelled like the bad end of a donkey was just too much for him.

"That's interesting," said Jack, looking down at what he had done. "Oh well."

Will wished fervently that he could just disappear. Or that Jack could. Preferably Jack.

Both of them stepped over the unconscious butler and headed off in a random direction of Jack's choosing. It little surprised Will that Jack soon found his way to the kitchen, and began sneaking bits of food into his coat pockets. The cooks were really very nice about it, and even gave Jack more food because they felt so sorry for what they took to be a hungry retard. Jack, in turn, ignored what they had put down on the counter for him until they had turned their backs, and then whisked it away as if it had been there by chance and he was a clever burglar.

This so amused one of the younger cooks that she set down a large cheesecake for him, and pretended to turn her back, while really watching him out of the corner of her eye to see what he would do with it.

Jack was stumped for a moment by the awkward size and consistency of this new possible booty, but resolved to steal it no matter what the cost. Therefore, he braved strange sensations, warm cheesecake, and a messy pocket by simply tipping it up on end and slipping it into his inner coat pocket. He smiled and rocked back on his heels, very pleased with himself. The cooks, who had all been watching, tittered gleefully.

Will watched the entire series of events with the air of someone who knew that somewhere along the line, something bad would happen and he would be blamed for it. He repeatedly glanced out at the unconscious butler in the hall.

Jack, realizing that nothing he could steal from the kitchen now would ever top the cheesecake, swaggered back out into the main hall. There, he stole part of a broken candleholder he found in the umbrella stand, a ceramic poodle he found on a table, and the butler's right sock. Will looked on, chagrined, and was torn between the hope that Elizabeth might come and the hope that she might not.

"Will!" cried Elizabeth from the top of the stairs. "Oh, and Jack!"

Jack looked up, and grinned at Will's fiancé. She responded with a delicate smile, and came down the stairs.

"How do you do, Elizabeth?" greeted Jack. as he shook her hand and stole her bracelet. "I hope you've been well."

"Why...yes," said Elizabeth, perplexed by his behavior. She looked to Will for help.

"You know what, Jack?" asked Will.

"What?" asked Jack, taking a loose nail out of the doorframe and twisting it into one of his braids.

"I think you should get back to the Pearl," said Will. "You never know when Norrington might come across you, or the Navy spot your ship."

"You know, you're right," said Jack reluctantly. "I really ought to go. But won't you two walk with me? It's been such a long time since we really talked."

Will and Elizabeth walked Jack down to the dock, and watched him row out of the harbor in a boat that was definitely not his, towing a boat that was his, a child's raft, and a bucket behind it using some rope that someone had been silly enough to tie between the dock and a boat. The couple heaved a sigh of relief as he went out of sight.


Anamaria grumbled to herself as she watched Jack ransack his own ship. He'd been acting very strange lately. They'd just managed to move everything back out of his cabin and into its proper place while he had been on shore, and here he was stockpiling it again.

"Jack," sighed Anamaria. "Are you done yet?"

Jack looked around wildly for a moment, then ran over and hugged the ship's railing.

"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!" cried Jack, "And I claim this here ship! Make ready to sail!"

"Sure, Jack," said Anamaria. "Just give us back the sails so we can!"