A/N: This is for Dark Mistress's Torn vs. Kiera challenge. The conditions are:

-Daxter must somehow get his fur dyed pink

- One-shot

- Has to involve Brutter

- No characters can die --"

And now I have strange images in my head. Hopefully they'll make you giggle like they made me giggle...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.

Oh, an additional note: I have no idea one what timeline this happens. So it's a bit weird. I think I set it after Jak 2 but before Jak 3 ...but I'm not sure... ;;; Oh, and I'm sorry if Brutter's speech is all wrong. I can't remember how he speaks very well since all I can remember of Brutter's speech is the part where he asks Jak to save more lurkers. Incidentally, you know the part when Jak says "Yeah, I guess we're all in the same boat now," and Daxter replies "And this ship is sinking fast, brother," shouldn't there be someone on the other side of Jak to say "Welcome to the Titanic"? I just think that would be really funny. Jak wouldn't have to know them, they just have to appear, say the line in a deadpan voice and walk off...

(((story start...)))

It was a lovely, bright sunny day in Haven City. The birds were singing, children were playing n the streets and Jak was running in terror from a certain dark haired mechanic.

"JAK? Where'd you go? Come back!" Kiera called.

Jak ducked down in a doorway and prayed she wouldn't find him. Kiera had been chasing him all morning, ever since she stumbled into his bedroom while he was getting dressed.

'I knew I should have had Daxter guard the door as usual but he had to help Tess clean up the Naughty Ottsel after last night and there was no one else in and she just came barging in...' Jak thought with embarrassment. He wasn't sure if his blush had gone down yet.

Suddenly a shadow fell over him. Jak yelped and tried to make a run for it. But a large hand grabbed him first.

"What is brave warrior doing down there?

"Brutter? Oh thank God. I thought for a second..." Jak sighed with relief.

"Brave warrior is hiding?" Brutter asked, a little confused.

"I'm hiding from Kiera. She's been trying to jump me ever since she walked in on me this morning," Jak said. He looked around, nervously in case the mechanic could see him.

"Oh. Brutter hasn't seen her today. Do you want help? Lurker balloon is just over there," Brutter said, pointing to the end of the street.

"That would be great! But where could I go to hide?" Jak asked.

"Brutter could take you to top of palace? Girlfriend might not think to look there," Brutter said.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Jak protested. But he did think Brutter had a good idea so he and the Lurker ran towards the end of the street where Brutter had left the balloon. Jak looked around the corner, watching out for Kiera.

"Come, Brutter take you to Palace now," the big lurker said.

Jak climbed on to the balloon and watched the ground drop away from beneath the balloon. Soon they were high enough to reach the top of the palace where Jak had fought the Baron after seeing him talking with Metal Kor. Once they'd landed safely, Jak jumped off and turned to thank Brutter.

"Thanks for the escort!" Jak said cheerfully, sure that Kiera wouldn't find him for at least a good few hours.

"No problem," Brutter said.

"Oh, could you do me a favour? Can you tell Daxter I can't help him like I said I would? He's in the Naughty Ottsel," Jak said.

"Okay, Brutter go find little orangey warrior and tell him you can't make it," Brutter said. He manoeuvred the balloon off the roof and let it take him down to the ground.

Alone, Jak breathed a sigh of relief and went to find the elevator that would let him inside the palace. As he stood there in the elevator, he wondered if he should find Ashelin and let her know he was hiding out in the palace. The elevator stopped and the doors opened. Suddenly Jak didn't have to worry about finding Ashelin. She was standing there, looking rather angry at something.

"Uh...hi, Ashelin," Jak said, stepping out of the elevator.

Ashelin glared at him.

"What did I do?" Jak asked, confused.

"It's not what you did that's the problem. It's what you didn't do!" Ashelin hissed. "I hold you fully responsible for the whole situation in this palace!"

Jak was even more confused now. "What? What situation? What didn't I do?" he asked.

"You didn't lock the door! If you had locked the door, Kiera wouldn't have found you and then come here looking for you when you ran away! And she wouldn't have told everyone within hearing full details of what you weren't wearing! And poor Torn just hasn't been the same since! I think he's suffering from some sort of mental breakdown and it's all your damn fault!" Ashelin ranted.

"Um...I'm sorry?" Jak tried.

Ashelin glared at him again and stomped into the elevator. "Fix this situation! Now!" she ordered as the doors closed. "I'm taking a break!"

Jak gulped and looked around. 'Right...so...if I was Torn, where would I be?' he thought.

(((Scene change)))

Kiera had looked almost everywhere she could think of for Jak. But she hadn't tried the Naughty Ottsel yet. The green-haired girl threw the doors open.

"Right! Has anyone here seen Jak?" she asked loudly.

Sig nearly dropped a heavy crate on Daxter, making the little ottsel swear loudly.

"I haven't seen him since I left this morning. Why?" asked Daxter. He had no idea of the events that had happened after he'd left.

"He was supposed to come and give us a hand but he hasn't shown up yet," Tess said innocently.

"Okay, well, if you see him, can you not tell him I was here or that I'm looking for him?" Kiera asked.

"You don't want Jak to know you're looking for him?" Daxter asked. "Why?"

"He keeps running away from me," Kiera answered, doing her best to look sad.

"He does? But why?" Tess asked, concerned. She and Kiera were good friends now.

"Yeah, I thought you two had something going," Daxter added.

"Well..." Kiera began and she explained what she had seen that morning.

(((Scene change)))

Jak walked uneasily through the palace. There were few people about, and for that he was thankful since they all seemed to know what had happened that morning. He was sure one of the guards had checked him out as he'd walked past.

"Um...Torn? Torn?" the blond elf called out nervously. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see Torn but Ashelin had told him to fix him and Jak didn't think disobeying was a good idea.

(((Scene change)))

"...Do you think Daxter's okay?" Tess asked uncertainly.

"He probably will be in a few hours," Kiera said.

The little ottsel was collapsed on the ground behind to the bar. He'd fallen off it sometime during Kiera's very detailed and thorough description of Jak's chest. Kiera and Tess were bending over him, watching for signs of consciousness.

Kiera looked thoughtfully at the ottsel. "You know...we could use this little guy to help us get to Jak..." she said. She bent down to pick him up.

Just as she had disappeared behind the bar, Brutter burst in the door.

"Message for little orangey warrior from Jak!" he called out.

Tess glanced down at Kiera and motioned for her to stay down. "He's just gone out the back. You want me to pass the message on to him?" She asked.

"Jak wanted to tell him the he can't come. He's hiding from Keira at Palace," Brutter said.

"Okay, I'll be sure to tell him!" Tess said.

Brutter turned and left. Once he was gone and the door had swung shut, Kiera stood, cradling an unconscious ottsel and smirking.

"The Palace..." Tess said.

"The Palace. Let's go!" Kiera said. She handed Daxter to Tess and marched out the door, quickly followed by her blonde friend.

"So, what are we going to do with Daxter? You said we could use him," Tess said.

"Yeah. We're going to use him as a hostage. Either Jak can come with us or we dye his best friend bright neon pink!" Kiera said. She began laughing almost insanely.

Tess laughed too. But then she had a new question. "Wait, where are we going to get the dye from?"

"I have some at home. We'll stop there first and get it. I'm sure we'll be able to find a bucket of water at the palace if we really need t dye him," Kiera said.

"Okay then," Tess giggled. She and Kiera climbed into the mechanic's zoomer and set off.

(((Scene change)))

"Torn? Are you here?" Jak called out, peering into a darkened room. He'd looked all over for the tattooed elf but had had no luck. Jak stepped further into the room to get a better look. 'Why can't they have the light switch next to the door like normal people?' Jak thought, searching the walls for it.

Suddenly the door slammed shut, cutting off what little light Jak had.

"Hello, Jak," came a voice from the darkness.

Jak gulped. He didn't like the tone of voice used. It made him think the person using it wanted to do...things...to him.

"Torn? Is that you?" Jak asked, straining to see in the dark room

"I've been waiting for you..." continued the voice. "I'm so glad you came at last...and soon you'll come in a different sense of the word."

"Oh shit..." Jak tried to feel along the wall do the door and bumped into something that hadn't been there before.

"You wouldn't be trying to run from me, Jak, would you?" Torn asked.

"Me? Run from you? Never!" Jak said. He laughed nervously and wondered if there was another way out.

"I didn't think so," Torn said.

"So...um...why were you waiting for me?" Jak asked, backing away. He hoped Torn wasn't going to ask what he thought he was going to ask.

"I want you to show me what Kiera saw this morning," Torn said.

Jak heard his footsteps getting closer to him.

'I am in deep shit...'

(((Scene change)))

Keira and Tess, armed with three bottles of neon pink dye, a bucket of water and a bound and gagged ottsel marched through the palace. There was no sign of Jak yet but they'd questioned some people and he was around. Apparently he was looking for Torn, who'd been acting strange ever since Kiera's previous visit.

"What do we do if Torn wants him for the same reason we want him?" Tess asked, cradling Daxter in her arms. He'd regained consciousness sometime after they'd got the bucket of water and tried to run when he fund out what it was for.

"The we kidnap Jak and leave an ungagged Daxter with Torn," Kiera said. "Jak is mine!"

"But Torn might kill poor Daxter," she said, a little worried about her small furry friend.

"I'm sure he won't. If he did, Jak might get VERY angry," Kiera said, with a pointed look. She meant 'Jak might turn into Dark Jak and rip Torn to shreds'.

"Right," Tess said, a bit relieved.

The pair continued their search.

(((Scene change)))

Sig gazed up at the sky and spotted Brutter's balloon. He hailed the big lurker down and waited for him to land.

"Hey Brutter, have you seen Jak anywhere?" Sig asked.

"He's hiding in Palace from mechanic girl," Brutter replied.

"Hiding from Kiera? But I just saw her going into the palace a few minutes ago," Sig said.

"Uh-oh..." Brutter said. "Brutter better go warn Jak."

"I'll come with you. I want to find out what all this is about," Sig said. He jumped onto the balloon and Brutter took them up to the rooftop entrance Jak had used.

"I hope we can find him in time..."

(((Scene change)))

"Think we can really find him? What if he left already?" Tess asked quietly.

"No, he wouldn't have done that. He doesn't know I'm here," Kiera replied.

The two elven women were sneaking through the palace. Tess could almost here the Mission Impossible theme playing in the background. Then she realised Daxter was humming it.

'Never mind then...'

Suddenly Kiera stopped. "Do you hear that?" she asked.

Tess strained her ears to hear what Kiera was talking about.

"Aah...oh! Torn! Stop!"

"That...sounds like Jak," Tess said.

"Yeah. And Torn is doing something to him! We have to save him!" Kiera declared. She crept further along the hallway, Tess close behind. The noises got louder and louder until Kiera stopped outside a door. "They're in there," she said quietly.

"Now what?" Tess asked.

"Now we bust in there and save him!" Kiera said dramatically, punching the air with one hand. She put the bucket of water on the floor and emptied the hair dye into it.

Daxter gulped. He really didn't want to be dyed pink.

Tess stood close behind Kiera as she opened the door. She wished she wasn't holding Daxter so she could cover her ears as Kiera screeched "Torn! You get off him!"

Torn had Jak lying on a table in the middle of the room. He glared at Kiera for interrupting. "No, I don't think I will," he growled out.

Jak was lying there, looking quite traumatised. He seemed too shocked to move but when Kiera threw herself on Torn and knocked him to the ground he was smart enough to get up out of the way. He glanced towards the door as though wondering if he could get past Tess. Then he noticed Daxter and his eyes widened.

Torn and Kiera were wrestling on the floor, shouting insults and trying to claw each other's eyes out.

"Jak is mine, dammit!"

"No, he's mine! MINE!"

"Getcha eyes offa him, whore! He's mine!"

Jak, Tess and Daxter watched them with mixed expressions of shock, surprise and something that was almost amusement. They were so busy watching the pair of lust-crazed maniacs on the floor they didn't hear he yell outside in the corridor and Sig and Brutter ran up behind Tess. But they didn't stop in time. Sig knocked into her, making her cry out and drop Daxter...

...Straight into the bucket of dye.


Tess's surprised cry and the splash of Daxter landing in the bucket was enough to make Torn and Kiera stop fighting. Everyone's attention turned to Tess and the bucket by her feet as she bent down to pick Daxter out of the dye.

When she stood up, she was cradling a bright pink ottsel in her arms glaring angrily out at his friends.

There were stifled giggles and Jak covered his mouth to hide the smile threatening to form.

"Looks like little orangey warrior is now little pinkie warrior!" Brutter said.

That did it. Everyone broke down laughing. Even Torn was shaking from suppressed laughter. Daxter glared at them and then curled up in a huff in Tess's arms. Then he realised she was laughing too. He wriggled a bit and managed to jump down from her arms and rid himself of the rope that bound him and his gag.

"You think this is funny?!" he yelled. "Well just you wait! We'll see how you like it when you get dyed pink!" With that, Daxter stalked off.

Tess looked guilty. "Um...I should go apologise...that was mean..." she said. She pushed her way past Brutter and Sig to go after him.

"Yeah. I should go too..." Jak said. 'Though it was funny...' he thought secretly.

He made to go after his best friend. But Kiera and Torn didn't like the idea of losing their prey though and launched themselves at him. Jak fell to the floor with a thump.

"Ow..." he muttered. He turned and saw Torn and Kiera clinging to his lags and glaring at each other. 'Shit...' He began to struggle but he couldn't get free. Instead he looked up and glared at Sig and Brutter. "A little help here?" he said.

Brutter and Sig stepped forward to help him but Kiera and Torn stopped glaring at each other to glare at them instead.

"Uh..." Sig began. He turned and fled. He'd seen Kiera pissed off and he'd seen Torn pissed off and he didn't want both of them pissed off at him. Nasty things happened to the people they got pissed off at and it would only be worse if they teamed up against him.

"Brutter just remember Brutter has other things to do..." the big lurker said and tried to back out of the room.

"Brutter! Don't you dare leave me here with these two maniacs!" Jak howled.

Brutter stopped and looked guilty. Jak had helped him a few times and Brutter had helped Jak in return so there wasn't any real obligation to help him...except that Jak was a friend and friends don't leave other friends to be molested and raped by other friends.

Brutter stepped forward and held up a paw. "Brutter has an idea. Why not hold a contest to see who should have Jak?"

Torn and Kiera looked at each other.

"Fine, I agree to that," Kiera said.

"Me too." Torn said.

"Brutter!" Jak cried out. "I don't want either of them to have me!"

"Jak!" Torn and Kiera said at the said time, sounding hurt.

Jak turned to look at them. 'Oh damn...I didn't want to hurt their feelings...'

Jak was so busy feeling guilty over hurting his friends' feelings he didn't notice Brutter sneaking up behind him with the rope that had been used to tie Daxter up. Brutter quickly managed to tie Jak's hands behind his back

"Hey!" Jak cried out in surprise.

Torn and Kiera looked at him and smirked. Both of them liked the idea of Jak being tied up. Then they caught sight of the other and glared at each other. It seemed like they were about to go for each other's throats when Brutter stepped between them.

"Brutter thinks you should decide what you will do to win Jak," he said.

Jak glared at Brutter, feeling betrayed. After all, Brutter had tried to help him hide earlier and now he was practically handing him over to one of them!

"Hmm...fine...you know how to play poker?" Torn asked, turning to Kiera.

"Of course!" she huffed. "I lived on my own in Haven for going on two years. I had to learn some skills to get by!"

"Fine then. Poker it is!" Torn said. He looked around the room. "But I don't think we should play here..." he said.

The room was a mess from the small fight earlier. Not to mention the pink stains on the floor from Daxter's bath in the hair dye. If Ashelin caught them here, she'd kill them.

"Right. Let's go somewhere else then," Kiera said. She marched out of the door. "Well, are you coming or not?"

"Yeah yeah," Torn said. He followed Kiera out. "Brutter, make sure Jak doesn't try to get away," he commanded.

Brutter led Jak along the corridor to the lift. Torn stopped and went into a room further along which turned out to be his office. He came out a minute later with a pack of playing cards and all four of them got into the lift together.

Jak glared at the wall and leaned dejectedly against the big lurker. 'Damn Torn...damn Kiera...damn Brutter... I never said I wanted to be with either of them...why can't they just leave me alone?'

He was so busy thinking he didn't notice Torn and Kiera had started fighting again until Kiera leapt on Torn and wrestled him to the floor.

"How many times do I have to tell you he's mine!" she screeched.

"No dammit! He's mine!" Torn yelled, trying to pull her hair out.

Brutter bent over and pulled them apart. "No! No fighting or Jak goes home alone!" he said.

Torn and Kiera stopped fighting and glared at each other instead.

Jak had half a mind to tell them to start fighting again but he figured Brutter wouldn't let him go if he did. Instead he settled for gazing dejectedly at the floor and wishing he'd locked the door or just not woken up at all that morning. Though if he'd stayed asleep and Kiera had come in, he'd probably have been molested in his sleep. In which case it was a good thing he's woken up. Jak shuddered at the thought of Kiera molesting him in his sleep.

"Fine. No more arguing," Torn muttered. He brought out the pack of cards. "Let's play, bitch!" he snarled at Kiera.

"Right here?" she asked, looking doubtful.

"Yeah, here. Unless you're looking for a way out...in which case I win by default!" Torn said.

"Here is fine," Kiera said, glaring at Torn.

Jak sighed and wondered if he could maybe become invisible and slip away when the doors opened.

So two minutes later, Brutter was shuffling the cards while Torn and Kiera sat opposite each other on the lift floor. Jak was shoved in the corner to regret getting up that morning, apparently forgotten. He was taking the opportunity to free himself from the rope.

Brutter began dealing the cards. Torn and Kiera picked up their cards in silence and the game began.

(((Scene change)))

Ashelin scowled as she entered the palace.

'Jak better have done something about Torn by now or I am going to be severely pissed off' she thought. She glared at a passing guard. The poor man gulped and ran away in terror.

The redhead stomped over to the lift and pressed the button, hoping the lift would arrive soon. She wasn't in a patient mood.

When the lift finally arrived, Ashelin just stared.

'Why in Mar's name are Torn and Kiera playing poker I a lift? And why is Jak tied up in the corner?' she thought, shocked. Aloud, she said, "What the hell is going on here?!"

Torn and Kiera looked at her guiltily.

Uh...we can explain..." Torn began.

"Torn and Kiera playing poker to decide who wins Jak," Brutter explained.

"Oh," Ashelin said, trying to digest the knowledge. 'They're...fighting...over Jak...' Somehow, it seemed saner before she actually thought about it. Then the part of her that saw Jak as a friend kicked in and she decided that it was unacceptable.

"What if Jak doesn't want to be with either of you?" she asked. "He is a living person, you know. Not just some prize to be won! You should be ashamed of yourselves!"

Jak's face lit up with hope. 'At last, someone on my side!'

"Yeah!" he said standing up. He let the rope fall to the ground, having finally freed himself. "I never wanted this to happen. I don't just want to be some object to you! Damn, if I want to be with either of you, you'd know. But if you're going to fight like this then I don't want to be with either of you!"

With that, Jak stepped over the card game and ran off, out of sight.

Torn and Kiera looked guiltily at each other and then at the floor.

"He's right...we shouldn't have done this..." Torn said quietly.

"Yeah..." Kiera said. Then she looked up at Torn. "But I bet you're only saying that coz you're losing!"

"Actually, I'm not," Torn said calmly, sending a small glare at the dark haired mechanic.

Kiera showed him her cards. "Straight flush!" she said triumphantly.

Torn smirked. "Royal Flush!" he said, showing her his cards. "I win."

With that, Torn stood and walked off.

(((Scene change)))

Jak stared dejectedly out over the port. He was sitting outside the Naughty Ottsel, wondering if he should go find Daxter. But if the ottsel hadn't rinsed out the pink dye yet, Jak didn't know if he could keep himself from laughing.

He heard footsteps behind him. Torn cleared his throat and sat down beside Jak.

"Jak...I'm sorry..." he apologised. "I didn't think things would get as far as they did."

Jak ignored him coldly. Torn winced. This was bad and he knew it.

"Um...Jak? Um...I won the game by the way..." he said nervously.

Jak threw himself into Torn's arms suddenly. "Oh thank god! I was so scared Kiera would win!"

Torn smirked and kissed his lover's forehead. "Y'know...this could probably have been avoided if we'd just told them we were already together..."

"Maybe..." Jak said. "Though it was fun to see how far you'd go for me!" He smirked at Torn. "So...you still wanna see what Kiera saw this morning?"

(((story end)))

A/N: and there you have it. People better like this one. I just missed my favourite TV show to finish this damn thing! Reviews please! ::points at the button at the bottom::