The wind whipped and howled one stormy night, much to the consternation of a certain wizarding school caretaker. This certain caretaker happened to be at the edge of a foreboding forest in the darkness, and was shivering from straggly-haired head to scuffed-up boot. He was supposed to have met someone at this spot hours ago, but the individual hadn't shown up. At this, the caretaker leaned against an aging tree, and shivered more. He then realized how cold it was.
And he was quite annoyed.
"Where in bloody blazes is he?" said the man to no one in particular. He was very surprised to hear an answer back from a husky, yet raspy, voice.
At this, the caretaker's expression softened. "I'm glad that you made it here safely."
"And undetected." the voice added.
"Even better." the caretaker cooed.
The two held hands quietly for several days until, finally, the owner of the raspy voice spoke.
"Would you marry me?"
The caretaker blushed a bright red before turning away, his eyes watering. How long had he wandered the world alone, thinking there was no one for him. And behold, here he had found his soul mate, his lover, his only one.
"Of course, love," the caretaker replied. The hardened, grizzled, and ugly features on the man's face softened. A man known for loving a practically ancient four-legged feline and having as much magic as a toad's left toe had finally found someone who could truly accept him.
"You know that when you marry me, you're marrying Mrs. Norris as well, right?" the caretaker said.
"Of course, my dear darling. We shall wed at once!" The raspy voice answered.
"Oh, how I love you, Voldy."
"Oh, how I love you, Argus Filch." the raspy voice said before he left with his new fiancée.
Note: Oh dear GOD. What WAS that? Well... reviews... welcome. Thanks for reading. I'm sorry for scarring you. I should probably stop with the stupid ships. They're loads of fun, though. Well, thanks for stopping by and reading!