Long Hair in the Gundam

Heero's fingers itched towards the knife on the table as the braid slapped him hard across the cheek as Duo whirled around to lift his coffee from the counter. It was the fifth time this week.

Heero had come to the conclusion that he was madly in love with Duo, and he loved it, when Duo looked at him and he knew that his entire being was focussed on him Heero's heart skipped a beat. He loved the way Duo smiled at him over his cup of coffee, although he really did drink too much coffee. He loved the puppy whiffle snore he made when he slept. However Duo's braid was another matter.

He didn't know how Duo lived with it.

It got everywhere.

As a braid it was like part snake or tentacle or something, it slapped him, it wrapped around his throat when he slept and attempted to strangle him. In fact he was convinced it had a mind of his own. It hugged his ass when he walked. It swayed behind him in perfect counterpoint to his hips bringing to mind the sultry little strut that Duo didn't even notice he used. It slapped him round the face when Duo turned around too fast. He was half convinced that Duo was part Gorgon from the life of it's own that his hair had.

When it was down it was truly vicious.

Before they became lovers, when Heero had just lusted after Duo with all his teenage hormones, when he was injured and staying with Trowa at the circus, he had confessed his desire to sleep with Duo, with his hair down. He imagined it would be like sleeping on a cloud, or a bed of rose petals.

It was like being strangled by some Lovecraftian nightmare of tentacles and wire. It filled his mouth and tried to force it's sweetly smelling way down his throat causing him to gag. And to make strangulation worse Duo kept hitting him and complaining he was lying on his hair.

The hair had a life of it's own.

It took half a bottle of shampoo and Heero's own weight in conditioner every three days. He was having to hack an Oz account just to keep Duo in hair care, not to mention cloth covered elastic bands, leave in conditioners, anti frizz balms, and heat protection sprays. Being a head and shoulders man himself this had him baffled, and because Duo's hair was so long and shiny he couldn't just use any shampoo he had to have lavender, mint and horse chestnut in it, and it cost more for one bottle than Heero spent on shampoo in a year.

It took three hours to blow dry it, leaving Heero hunched over with sore shoulders from holding them up long enough to manage the hair. It was far too long for Duo to do himself.

Not that Heero didn't get immense satisfaction from brushing Duo's hair, running the tines through the silky mass listening to Duo purr and melt against him. It was just a Herculean task. Once a week, any more than that and Heero was sure that he'd die, he blow-dried Duo's hair and then went over it with the straightening irons to get the kinks out then he carefully braided it.

He loved making love to Duo with his hair unbound, the way it shimmered and cloaked them, of course then he put his hand down on a patch of it causing Duo to cry out as it was pulled. Then he had to help Duo wash it again, because he'd gotten all sweaty and it was a two man job emptying out the trap in the bath, Duo's hair being far too long to wash in the shower, it had to be washed separately over the bath. It took over an hour to wash it too.

More often than not Wufei would stomp down the stairs of the safehouse holding what appeared to be a small furry animal and complain that Maxwell had used his brush before dumping the hair in the bin, or there was a scream from Quatre that there was a wolfman in the shower because Duo hadn't bothered to clean the trap and it looked like it was going to attack. And if Duo didn't have enough product for his hair he had a tendency to use Trowa's as he was the only person that spent more than 95c on a bottle of shampoo which caused Duo to spend the rest of the day dodging knives for having emptied a nearly full bottle without asking.

Added to all that misery were the mysterious hairs that Heero couldn't explain.

He kept finding hideously long hairs about his person, in his food, on his toothbrush. In fact he was half convinced that Duo was shedding. The worst ones were the ones that itched between his ass cheeks, he had no idea how they got there, but they did and they definitely weren't his. He pulled them out of his shorts all the time, not one or two, but an entire head of hair's worth.

He even found them in his shoes.

He was half convinced that if a fire ever broke out in an empty Deathscythe Hell it would smell first and foremost of burning hair.

Even now it was swaying behind him like a threat as Duo drank his coffee. It was obviously waiting for the moment when it could lash out and strangle him. He was Duo's lover now and it was jealous, it was the only thing that made sense. The hair viewed him as a rival, which is why it took every single opportunity afforded it to attack him.

He slammed his fist down on the table causing everyone to look at him, "I have come to a decision." He said firmly, Duo looked at him with a faint smile, "that you have to choose, me or that braid." Everyone gasped, but Duo just shrugged.

"Okay," he said, "I was thinking about getting it cut, you wouldn't believe the places it gets, and I only grew it out because I couldn't be assed to go to the hairdressers."

He tried to imagine Duo with short hair, hair as short as his own and found that he couldn't. He tried to imagine it only being shoulder length, falling around his neck, or as long as Zechs wore his, just to the waist and not the knees. He loved Duo, he loved all of Duo, he loved Duo's hair and couldn't imagine him without it. "Don't you dare." He growled. "I love your hair." He decided.

If it had have had eyes Heero was sure the braid would have winked at him.

Heero made a mental note, the braid had psychic powers.

Author's note:

I have over certain periods of my life had very long hair, it grows to my knees I cut it to my neck and all because I can't be bothered to keep it in the same style and going to visit the hairdresser every six weeks. Then I cut it and miss it so I grow it back and it gets everywhere, it weighs a ton, it takes forever to do anything with and you wear it in either a knot or a braid so you can actually do anything.

So this small humour fic is in retaliation to short haired people that think that long hair behaves, it doesn't, and strange boyfriends who want shot of it but can't bear it to be gone.