Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda or any related characters.
Author's Note: If you find any language mistakes (spelling, grammar,...) then don't hesitate to inform me about them quickly in a rude and/or insulting manner, since my English is not that good and I would greatly like to improve it. However, if you wish to comment things like the content of my stories then keep your critism clinical. Thanks!
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Neo Queen Insanity, formally known as Quueenie proudly presents
# - # Midnight Invasion Y9 # - #
It was a dark and stormy night. Well, what else did you expect? You see, those stories never start on bright and sunny days, it's always got to be a dark and stormy night or a dark and rainy night or a rainy and stormy night or-
"I think we get the point. Mind going on now?"
Uh, not at all. Ahem, as I was saying, it w a s a dark and stormy night. The starts were hiding behind the clouds and the wind was howling even louder than a Wolfo during its mating season.
Over the Castle of Hyrule lay an ominous silence, only interrupted by-
"JESUS CHRIST, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM???"
... I was going to say ominous whisper, but let's just stick to that.
Well, it appeared that Ganondorf had been hiding in Zelda's room for quite some time now. And even though he offered Zelda a most delicious cookie she couldn't seem to put up with the idea of sharing her chamber with the King of Evil.
Furious, angry and really pissed at the same time she decided to throw a pair of pink socks at him but was violently repelled by-
"HOW DID YOU GET INTO MY ROYAL UNDIE DRAWER???"
"Magic!", replied Link and David Copperfield in unison, even though the latter decided to disappear only seconds later, leaving behind Ganondorf, Link and a quite enraged princess.
Realizing that his life might be in danger Ganondorf tried to explain himself.
"I ... I just came to buy some spam."
"SPAM?? Does this look like a grocery store to you??"
"But it was dark and I lost my contacts!!"
"I don't like spam.", sighed Link and took a bite of Zelda's curtains which immediately burst into flames, only to reveal
"Well, I d o like spam a lot!"
Angry about her precious curtains, Zelda grabbed a pointy pillow and tried to stab the Sage of Light.
Fortunately for him and the pillar, yet unfortunately for Zelda, Rauru was way too fast or at least way too wobbly to be stabbed with anything at all.
So Zelda gave up her attempted murder after an hour or so and joined Link and Ganondorf, who were playing cards, using Zelda's prized hairclips as their wagers.
Rauru though did not join at all, partly because he was not very fond of playing cards but mostly because he had been eaten by a gigantic potato a few moments ago.
"ALAE!!!", cried Nabooru for no apparent reason at all, as she emerged from a pile of magazines.
"What are you doing here??", asked Ganondorf.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE??", shouted Zelda.
"Who are you?", wondered Link.
"I just wanted to drop by and give you your contacts. I just wanted to drop by and give Ganondorf his contacts. I am Nabooru, you dull-witted idiot!!"
"Oh, thank you!", said Ganondorf happily.
"Oh dear", sighed Zelda annoyed.
"OW!!", screeched Link painfully as Nabooru added a blow over the head to her reply.
Bored by watching Link scream in pain Ganondorf decided that it was a good time to mention that he really needed to pee.
"I really need to pee!", mentioned Ganondorf.
"I really don't care!", replied Zelda.
"But I really, really need to pee!", mentioned Ganondorf.
"And I really, really don't care!", replied Zelda.
"KOOLOO LIMPAH TO THE RESCUE!!", mentioned... err, screamed the small and greenly-clad figure, who had just used the exploding TV set to create an amazing atmosphere for his appearance.
"Who are you and why didn't you use the door??"
"My friends call me Jerome. My enemies call me fat wannabe fairy of evil. Mommy called me Darling and you shall call me... THE QUEEN OF AMERICA!!"
... the group ended up calling him Tingle.
Not being able to stand Ganondorf's nagging any longer Zelda decided to take everyone to the bathroom, since he refused to leave a bunch of insane intruders, as she preferred to address them, alone in her with-expensive-furniture-filled room.
The bathroom though was heavily guarded by Impa, who hurled a rubber ducky at Tingle rather mercilessly, whilst shouting something that sounded like "BLAAARRRRGHHH!!! RRRRRRR!!!!" but was probably supposed to mean "Stop right there or I shall smite thee with the Deku Stick of Justice!!"
... well, this or something similar to that.
Anyway, the Ganondorf was quite impressed by Impa's guarding abilities and immediately fell down to his knees, yodelling: "Impa! My hero!"
Entirely flattered the Sheikah blushed and set the carpet on fire, thus not helping Zelda's good mood at all.
Luckily her anger was quickly drawn away from her loyal servant, right to the person who had apparently been hiding under said carpet.
"Uhm, hello! It's me-"
"Hey, who said that?", asked Nabooru furiously, being quite unhappy about having been interrupted by her interruption.
"Oh, that was just me", said just me, or the Happy Masks Salesman, to be exact.
"Did you come to sell us evil masks?", said Ganondorf hopefully
"Did you come to throw these people out?", said Zelda, equally filled with hope.
They were partly disappointed and partly frightened as the Happy Masks Salesman began to announce his newest product placement;
"I came to sell you the Sword of evil's bane – now in a convenient 6-pack!!"
"But then they are going to kill me!!", cried Ganondorf... crying.
"Have no fear for this is here!", said the HMS (as we are now going to call him to save some space and time) and held up another useful product of his company.
"It's the ultimate Evil Overlord list. And it's only 50 rupees for one copy!!"
"I want one! I want one!"
"Now, who said that again??", enquired Zelda, who had gotten used to the annoyance by now.
Surprisingly it was Saria who 1.) had said mentioned sentence and 2.) had quickly grabbed all the copies and jumped out of the window only shortly afterwards.
"HEY!! COME BACK!!!", shouted the HMS angrily and jumped after her.
"2 down, 5 to go", said Zelda to herself as she counted the intruders.
Surely she didn't mind them anymore, but after the HMS had left and Saria had stolen Link's cards everyone became kinda bored and started to set random pieces of furniture on fire.
Not approving this type of behaviour, Zelda decided that it was time to get rid of everyone once and for all. She ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it at Tingle who immediately disappeared ... in a red puddle.
Then she opened said fridge and gave Ganondorf a beautiful and delicious piece of spam. Full of happiness and hunger the Gerudo King grabbed the food and Nabooru, kicked a hole into the wall and ran off into the imaginary sunset.
"Leaves only YOU!!", Zelda said, glaring at Link, since Impa had cleverly decided to pretend to be a palm tree.
"Now, what do you want???", she asked Link who was chewing on what was left of Zelda's curtains.
"I want... pink."
"Pink, pink, pink, lovely piiiiiink!", sang a randomly appearing choir of Vikings.
Slightly confused but still concentrated enough to be annoyed Zelda grabbed a pink hairbrush of hers and hurled it at the Hero of Time.
"PINK!!", he squeaked in joy and ran into the next wall, thus passing out and disturbing the princess no longer...
"Aaaah, silence and peace at last!!", said Zelda, walked back to her room, turned of the lights and went back to sleep in peace and quiet.
That at least until she discovered the orchestra under her bed...
# - # THE END # - #
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Now there, I did it. Prose. Happy now? I'm not quite sure if I should like it but I didn't want to stop writing English stories after all.
So you see, this is a prose version of my random story Midnight Invasion. It is thus equally random and doesn't make any sense at all since it was originally written for a contest.
I will certainly not re-write all of my fictions since it would mean giving in completely to bloody stupid rule.
I wrote this because I think it's a nice exercise to get my English working again and to get your attention. Plus I wanted to give you a little present for Halloween.
Now, there it is, I hope you enjoyed it a little bit. So... how did you like it?