Title: Computer's and Jack

Author: Lady Epidime aka Fisher

Email: onlinefishin yahoo co uk

Website: splish-splsh co uk

Disclaimer: So sue me, I wrote a Fic! I am just lowly little Student - trust me I have no money, there would be no point.

Summary: Jack has a new enemy. If you like to see Jack frustrated then read on. If you don't like your PC very much then take a look. Jack is just the puppet on the string.

Authors Notes:

I was looking some of these terms up in a dictionary and apparently 'fob off' is a U.K term so I thought I'd quickly explain for all you non-brits out there.

Fob Off mean to persuade someone to accept something that is of a low quality or different to what he or she really wanted. Hope that makes sense - it is what was written in the dictionary so it 'should' be correct.

Computer's And Jack

Did they all hate him?

It seemed as though he only had to look at one and it would make some sort of noise at him.

True, He had never been a big fan of them in the first place but that didn't give them the right to play up every time he got near them.

Maybe they were like dogs, They could smell your fear. Not that Jack was afraid of them in particular but they sure did make him uneasy. He wouldn't call himself a technophobe but he sure as hell did not get on well with computers.

His superiors had recently given him a new laptop for his office. Why they thought it would be a good idea to give him a laptop he didn't know... PC's are one thing but a laptop could easily be picked up and thrown at a wall. This laptop did not even seemed phased by the prospect of being slammed into a wall like it's predecessor.

The laptop was 'supposed' to make it easier for him and his superiors. For him to produce his reports and his superiors to read them but it did neither. He couldn't produce them so therefore this meant his superiors could not read them, given the fact that there would be nothing for then to read.

He has tried many techniques to keep his documents safe. Usually it would crash before he had chance to save his reports. He even had Carter set up an auto save function on his laptop so he would no longer have to worry about the evil machine freezing and refusing to store all his hard work. It worked, all his documents saved.

He had been pleased but upon loading everything up the following day he found that the electronic nightmare had presumably eaten all his documents whole. There was no trace of them what so ever. The Cunning little device had done such a spectacular job of making the work disappear that the technicians that were given the job to find his work had accused Jack of not actually doing the work in the first place. Given that Jack's reputation is what it is, Jack was then accused again by General Hammond for not doing his paperwork..

He had acquired the help of one Major Carter to help in the search for the missing documents but even she had no luck. He was dumbstruck and he was convinced that the laptop of horrors was laughing at him and laughing hard.

Carter let him borrow her Laptop to complete his work. He had sat facing his own shiny new Laptop whilst he worked in a futile attempt to make it jealous. Again he had not such luck and after he had handed all his paperwork in he was now setting to his new task of claiming Carter's laptop as his own.

He had tried every persuasion technique he knew of to acquire possession of her old laptop. Even stating "look. shiny" whilst stroking his laptop which subsequently gave him a static shock. Carter was not impressed, she new all about the phantom documents and constant error messages that harassed his screen and couldn't believe he had tried to fob it off on her. She had gotten angry and left the commissary, which they were in at the time eating pancakes.

He had tried asking for a new, shiny and preferably compliant little laptop that he would be happy to call his own. But he was told to, well basically to sod off but in more subtle and constructive words. He rolled the idea around in his brain of breaking this machine like he did the last one but he knew that it would defiantly be more trouble than it was worth.

Maybe he could go back to the old days. Maybe he could hand write all his reports again. He knew this wasn't an option. They would no longer accept anything that was not typed up. Admittedly he did prefer to hand write things but in retrospect he did tend to loose his paperwork an awful lot and given the option of 'print again' he didn't mind so much about the actual typing up of documents.

No, he had changed his mind. He needed a new computer. He could not keep borrowing the nice machines of his fellow team-mates. He knew he would never get his hands on his second in command's laptop but he may be able to get Daniel's. All right it wasn't the best thing to own. Firstly it wasn't a laptop so he would have to stay in one place while he worked which would defiantly be a problem. It also had some rather creepy screen savers and pop up messages on it that made Jack worry about Daniel's sanity but at least it worked and he was sure he could get all of the strange idiosyncrasies that the computer possessed removed.

The thought of trying to posses Teal'c' laptop did, so briefly crosses his mind that all the onlooker would have seen was a quick wince. Teal'c' would never let him have his laptop, he was sure Teal'c was planning to take it to the grave with him.

So by the powers of deduction and his own logical thinking it left him with one option - he had to gain possession of Daniel's Computer.

I will leave it there... I'm not sure where I am going with this story... This is merely me avoiding writing my script :P

The story came about because I watched the new episode of Stargate a few days ago and one thing stuck in my mind He has a laptop. Then I was wondering were my own computer had found all these new error messages from and voila a Fic was born.

Anywho, please feedback, I'd love to know what you think.