Disclaimer – I'm sick of writing these, I don't own 'em!


The mansion was full of revenge on unsuspecting mutants. Ororo had already had some of her revenge – there was after all no excuse for touching her plants. She had decided to switch Kurt's regular shampoo for herbal pet shampoo. The fact that he never noticed or realised why she complimented his glossy coat made it a more personal joke that she could laugh at. There were no photos, just bottle evidence.

For Logan, revenge had to be aimed the same way his own had been. That meant finding the remnants of that pink tutu and then crudely stitching it onto Kurt's uniform. Just to make it more original, he added a few bells on so that the 'joker' was now a 'jester'. It earned top photo position only because Kurt happily posed.

Rahne had chosen a similar angle to her own prank. Since Kurt had chosen cats, dog's worst friend, she'd chosen fairies. Whilst he was napping on the rec room couch, she had placed fairy wings on his back, a little wand in his hand and little glittery bows with white pom-poms on his tail. It went down a treat earning top place. Logan was slightly annoyed.

For his revenge, Scott decided to switch all Kurt's biscuit stashes with dog denture biscuits with added vitamins to make their coats glossy. He couldn't quite understand why Kurt complained about someone eating his biscuits and that Rahne's teeth were suddenly a lot cleaner looking and her hair a lot shinier.

Since the aim had been low for Amara, she had decided to aim low for Kurt. But since she declared his fashion sense vulgar in the first place, she had to pick a new tact and so decided to hide all his cat brushes. The fact that he borrowed Rahne's annoyed her a great deal.

So with the aid of the werewolf, they decided to switch all his CD's with the worst boy band dribble they could find in the backs of their collections. It worked perfectly since Kurt was literally crawling up the walls looking for his CD's.

It backfired when he began to sing the boy band dribble.

Deciding to join in and not show his age, the Professor played his own trick. With the aid of Logan, who was only in on it because Rahne's prank was still being voted the best, they set up a simple trap. During a danger room session, Kurt was selected to crawl through a tunnel and press a button. When activated, a small carwash like system occurred in the tunnel.

Kurt looked twice his size when he got out.

Since most of the pranks had been directed at everyone that wasn't Bobby, the mutant decided to get revenge. He had opted to do the simple water and flour mix over the door. Except that he picked up some syrup and thought it'd be much funnier with flour.

It wasn't.


"Stay still."


"Kurt, I'm serious, stay still or we won't be able to remove it."

The blue mutant glowered at Ororo who tried unsuccessfully to remove a flake of the cement like mucus. It had half dried in and that stuck to his fur, causing him to lose clumps if it was pulled off. The bit that hadn't dried caused anyone near him to get coated in the thick goo and then spread it back on him.

He was well aware that he looked and felt pathetic.

So far he had gone through twelve suggestions for possible cures – ranging from soaking his fur in hot water (Rahne's suggestion) to trying to scrape it off (Logan's suggestion). He had also tried various shampoos and soaps but all that had succeeded in was making the mixture dry in tougher.

It was so humiliating it just wasn't funny. Except to Bobby who could hardly stand he was laughing so hard.

Kurt decided to kill him.


"Bobby, run! He's going to kill you!" Ororo shouted.

"Come on, Kurt." Logan wrestled with the mutant for a minute before shoving him back into the bath. "See, much better."

If looks could kill, he'd have been splattered into tiny pieces, smeared along the hall floor and then trampled on.

He was glad Kurt couldn't kill with a look.

Ororo tried to soothe the mutant again. "I'm sure we'll find something." She deeply suspected that the only way to get it off would be to –

"Nein! I don't want to be shaved again!"



"Oh that's a real killer in the fur." Rahne nodded sympathetically before elbowing Jubilee to move out of her way since the bathroom was getting a little more than crowded.

"Will everyone besides Logan, Ororo and Kurt, please leave." The professor watched them all troop out; Kurt also tried to follow but was hauled back by Logan. "Thank you, Logan. Now Kurt, I've had words with Bobby and -"

"Wait till I get my hands on his scrawny neck!"

"And we will work on a punishment at a more suitable time. Now, if I remember correctly, when my cat got covered in honey my mother soaked her in warm soapy water and just rubbed at the fur until it became clean."

"Zhat could take ages."

"There's plenty of volunteers, elf."

Kurt growled at Logan.

"Perhaps not." The Canadian went to fetch some suitable soap, thinking it odd that Ororo had cat shampoo in her room besides the sacred plants.

Bring bring.

Kurt tapped his tail on the edge of the bath.

Bring bring.

"Ah'll go get it then!" Rogue hollered. "Hello? Yeah, he's here. Ah don't think that's a good idea, Wanda. Uh huh. No, Bobby got him covered in syrup and flour – some stupid prank." She paused. "Yeah, ah'm gonna kill him too." Another pause. "Really? Ah think they're just steeping him. Alright, bye"

The Goth popped her head into the bathroom. "Wanda says she's gonna kill Bobby and that you should add a little peppermint or lemon in the water." She shrugged. "Ah think Kurt would eat the sweets and probably throw the fruit at Bobby."

Ororo smiled. "It's a good idea, the peppermint would help calm him and lemons supposed to be good at ridding the skin of anything." She paused. "It's acidic, like vinegar."

"I'm not going to smell like some chip shop!" Kurt growled from the bath, the fur visible looked bedraggled and he was beginning to shake with the cold. "Can I put some more hot water in?"

"Of course, Kurt." The professor remembered what happened every time Kurt got a cold, namely spontaneous teleporting with every sneeze. He'd rather avoid that. "I'll leave you to continue with Kurt, Ororo. I'll have Rahne prepare some hot water bottles for when he gets out." Turning round, he wheeled out of the bathroom on his flame painted wheelchair. He had insisted that it remain.

People suspected that he was going through a midlife crisis and where just waiting for him to borrow Logan's leathers.


After nearly two hours, Kurt was finally free of the foul mixture and now confined to his bed with the beginnings of a cold. It wasn't helping that everyone kept coming in to see if he was alright and then give more suggestions for his predicament.

He also had his hot water bottle, both of Kitty's (shaped like cats), Rahne's (wolf) one, Rogues jet black one, Jeans little fairy one and Scott's plain blue one.

He also had his normal blanket, a patchwork quilt made by Ororo, one fleecy depicted by dogs, one with cats and the final one had fire trimming, it was from Amara who had also offered to heat his hot water bottles up when necessary.

So he was curled up amongst all these blankets and hot water bottles with damp fur. He was taking great delight in picturing the owners trying to remove the fur – it would be even harder than the flour mix.

The door creaked open and he growled, not another concerned visitor. Then again, if it was Bobby...

He looked up and spotted Wanda. "Guten tag."

"Hi, I heard all about it." She sat down next to him on the bed, shoving a few fluffy hot water bottles away in disgust. "Did my suggestion work any?"

"Ja, a little. It was mainly steeping though zat done ze trick." He went to sit up but was pushed down.

"Relax." She tucked him in slightly then realised how many blankets he was under. Wanda raised her eyebrows questioningly. "Does damp fur really need this much attention?"

"Its ze cold I get from ze damp fur. It took two hours from ven you called and an hour before zat."

"All damp?"


"Ouch." She looked about for something to talk about. "You need more red in this room." Picking up the cat fleece in disgust, she dropped it onto the floor. "Definitely need some red in here. Let me guess, Kitty?"


"How did I guess?" She noticed him looking away. "Oh smile, its sad seeing you sad."

"Just go avay, please, I'm tired."

Wanda smiled and lay down next to Kurt, looking up at the ceiling. "Not that great a view here."

The blue mutant looked at her. "Really? I thought ze view just got a lot better."

She hit him with the fairy hot water bottle. "That's the Kurt I know." Wanda gently kissed him on the nose then wrinkled hers. "Wet fur."

"Tastes that bad, huh?"

"As you say, ja." She continued to look at the ceiling before looking back at Kurt who had curled up next to her and was purring lightly. "You're too cute."

"Chicks dig...ze fuzzy dude." He yawned, fangs catching the light before he cuddled up with his tail, the pierced spade resting next to his head.

"They can dig you all they want but you're already taken." Wanda looked at the door because it had opened ever so slightly, seven heads poked in. "Hello." She waved and the seven heads came in attached to their bodies.

Why wasn't she surprised that it was all the girls, though Scott was a bizarre addition. They settled around the bed and looked at Kurt who was only half awake now.

Rogue brushed some blue hair out of his golden eyes. "Ah didn't think you'd come over so soon."

The Scarlet Witch looked slightly offended. "I didn't want to just leave him. If you hadn't told me not to come over, I'd have been here right away."

They laughed.

Scott scratched his head awkwardly. "So...you're not planning on corrupting him are you?"


"No." Wanda brushed a few hairs from Kurt's face then started to scratch behind his ear, gaining a throaty purr. "He's too cute."

"You said it."

"Küken graben den flockigen Gecken."

Everyone looked at everyone else.

Rogue rolled her eyes. "He said chicks dig the fuzzy dude and before you ask, remember I absorbed him." She shook her head. "Flockiger Geck indeed."


There was a chap at the door, which Kurt answered in his chocked up state. It was so bad his inducer image of him looked ill. Opening the door revealed the entire brotherhood standing there wearing all black and looking like bad ninjas from a B-rated horror movie.

"Uh, hello?"

Wanda grinned. "Pietro, will you have the honours?"

"I believe we have a snowman to melt." The speed mutant laughed evilly. "And we've all come up with a few ideas on how to do it."

From behind Kurt, Scott appeared. "You'll have to get in line then; we're all planning on melting a certain snowman."

The blue mutant grinned at them all. At least, even in revenge, the mutants could all be united. None of them were really that thin at all, they all had layers, it just took a while to see them.

After all, alls fair in love and war.


The end. Please R&R – its our first romance story so reviews would be useful.