Author's note: This was written for lj user"usotsuke " as part of the a " Londoficathon /a . That said all copyright related stuff belongs to JMS I'm just borrowing the characters for a bit. Oh and a huge thanks to lj user"natoth" for giving me permission to use the lyrics of her song for the intro of this fanfic.
Also quotations stated in Italics come from dialogue used in the episodes titled "Signs and Portents" "Geometry of Shadows" and "The Coming of Shadows" as such they too do not belong to me but rather JMS.
...I did all of this in the name of love,
I nobody bearing a malice ,
And I has burnt my loved Centauri Prime
In the fire of my passion...
For the name of love – Na'Toth
His hands grip around my throat as I feel the Keeper stirring to life rendering my hands useless to my commands. Time seems to stand still as both G'Kar and myself struggle in death embrace. A more appropriate image, I think doesn't exist, a reminder of our two worlds and the history we've shared.
I hear the sound of my hearts pound as I gasp for air. Though there beating grows slower, the drumming thud gradually grows louder, until it consumes all of my senses. Though I know my time has come, I am not afraid. I can no longer see G'Kar but I can feel his blood red eye burning into my soul.
When did it all go wrong Mollari, when did you lose it all?
A voice echoes in my mind as my head snaps up in shock to the sound.
"I don't know, I think it all slipped away before I even realized the loss."
I whisper softly as I find myself outside of Centauri Prime staring up at the sky. Though it is mid afternoon, that is dark as night as spider like ships drown out the sun. But the image soon changes till I find myself in the gardens of Babylon 5.
Remaining frozen I'm unsure what has just happened or why I am no longer on Centauri Prime. There are many others around me, all who are staring at a form that appears suspended in air. The air is thick with fear and apprehension as people whisper amongst themselves. My blood runs cold as I realize that the form I see far above the hydroponics gardens is none other then Captain Sheridan. This recognition brings on a worse fear and I turn away not wanting to see what I know is to come.
You claim that you saw nothing that day, but what did you really see?
The strange voice whispers in my ear, taunting me, begging me to look back, to witness this nightmare again.
I try to remain silent to ignore the pang of horror and fear that I feel, but my body no longer cooperates.
"No. Great Maker, not again. Leave me alone, please!"
I beg wishing it to just end as I feel myself turning around slowly. Unable to close my eyes I stare at the sight that soars through the air.
In ancient times back when the Xon still roamed the soils of Centauri Prime, there were legends that spoke of beings of light, entities that were so powerful they held the balances of the universe. Even the gods feared and respected them. They had no real name, but were often spoken of as the harbingers of death. No one dared to ask what they are or where they come from, for doing so was thought to invite their presence. Yet everyone knew the unspoken truth, only the damned see them in their true forms.
On that fateful day I learnt first hand the horrible truth, this was the beginning of my end. I was damned and there would no savior to rescue me from whatever hell awaits.
"I saw my greatest fear."
I whisper feeling the darkness closing in all around me, as I feel myself returning to my body. My muscles are still tense, while my fingers remain wrapped around G'Kar's spotted throat. Though against my desperate plea for release, my body continues in its struggle to breath, as the Narn continues to snuff the life out of my already dying body.
What do you want?
The voice simply asks as darkness envelopes me once more until it is all that I see. Immediately I close my eyes hoping to escape the images that become more clear in my thoughts, memories that I can no longer run from.
I am on a Centauri cruiser, though the ship is quite warm I feel very cold as I stare out the window that over looks to the Narn home world. Its surface erupts in flames caused by the asteroids that explode from the Mass Drivers. This day was considered to be a great victory for the Centauri Empire but all I remember of that day is loss and regret.
"I never wanted any of this."
I say desperately.
It is a gift, from friends you didn't know you had.
The voice remarks sounding cold as ice. I turn around quickly to find myself face to face with the same horrible being that I saw in the garden that fateful day. Staggering back in shock and fear I hear the sound of a Gong's chime echoing in my ears, followed by music that I once knew and recognize. Suddenly I am back on Babylon 5 during the celebration of "Valtoo" or life and prosperity. Speechless I stare at a much younger, more innocent Vir who sits at the table in front of me. Watching him I find myself missing this young, nervous Vir. My hearts fill with sorrow as I wish I could have been able to protect him from what was to come.
But it wasn't until much later in my life that I came to realize how much I regret the loss of his innocence and naivety. As though he could read my thoughts, Vir looks up at me with a sad smile, his eyes are sharp with wisdom and pain.
The current that we think are the ones that will make us stronger are the ones that will destroy us...The ones we think are going to destroy us are actually the ones that will make us stronger...
He says softly.
"How was I to know?"
I answer feeling helpless as the music continues to play even though the images twist and change till I find myself sitting down on a barstool in the Zocolo as G'Kar offers me a drink.
To the health of your emperor and perhaps to your health as well.
I stare back at him before looking at my drink that I mechanically place to my lips. From behind me I can hear Vir's fearful voice, as I drink the wine feeling as though my soul is being devoured.
There is no turning back once you go down that road...Someday I'm going to remind you of this conversation...And you will understand.
Staring at G'Kar in silence I hear another voice whispering in my ear.
You are damned.
My body stiffens to the words as the glass slips from my fingers and shatters onto the floor as I hear my detached voice respond.
As soon as the words slips from my lips the Zocolo fades away leaving me in the dank dungeons of the palace. My eyes quickly adjust to the darkness as I find myself looking into the remaining red eye of G'Kar who is strapped to one of the pillars that decorate the room. His body is bruised and bloodied from the many tortures that he had endured under Cartagia's administrations. The fierceness of his expression never wavers as he whispers weakly while ignoring the blood that collects on his cracked lips.
The Shadows, The Shadow's are coming for you.
"It is too late for me now."
I reply as the battered Narn ambassador breaths his last breath. From behind I feel a warm breeze. It isn't a peaceful sensation, rather a foreboding one. I turn to find myself now staring through the white curtains of the palace throne room, to the destruction that lies outside of the walls. My beautiful home world now lays in ruins, a painful reminder that some things do come at a price too high. Those short lived moments of glory and pride wasn't worth the pain and destruction that followed. I know that now but it is too late, far too late to turn back.
With heavy hearts I hide the sight behind silk curtains, turning back to face the prison that has become my home. Looking down I see my lifeless form still clutching at G'Kar's breathless throat as he too rests at my feet.
Who are you?
I don't recognize the dark voice but in the back of my mind I know who or rather what it is that speaks. It is time to go but still I'm unable to leave. Instead I watch as Vir approach in silence, pausing in shock as he studies the macabre sight of two enemies who were almost friends. After sometime he notices the Imperial seal that had fallen off me during my struggle with G'Kar. Cautiously he nears it before gently picking it up, fearful of what he knows he has to do. As he gingerly places the heavy necklace around his throat, I answer the being, feeling more exhausted then I have ever felt in my life.
"I am the very thing I never wanted to become."
The being says nothing in reply, as we both watch my protégé Vir Cotto turn to leave. Centauri Prime is in good hands, I think with a tired smile. Suddenly I feel a gentle hand rest on my shoulder. I know without a doubt who it belongs to.
"I am so tired."
I admit out loud as I close my eyes feeling the familiar slender fingers of Adira slip into my hand.
Then rest. Just let it go.
Without another word I turn my back to all that I was and ever would be and left the universe behind.