DISCLAIMER: I don't own Lemony Snicket's plot or J. K Rowling's characters. Please don't read this story! It's so full of woe, you will be crying as hard as I am as I write it!

Book the Second


By Remus Lupin

Chapter One

There is a stretch of road that leads out of the city, past Hazy Harbor and into the town of Mediocrity. This perhaps is the most unpleasant road in the entire world. Its name is Stinky Street. Stinky Street runs through many untended, rotting cornfields and traverses the Stinky Stream, a body of water that is 99.9 pollution and contains mutant fish. The street also encircles a garlic factory, and the fumes are wafted through car windows as they pass.

I'm sorry to tell you that this road was one and the same as the road the Potter orphans were currently driving on. Mr. Fudge had gotten a ministry car for them to ride in, and he had left the windows open, apparently unaware that this was the reason their car smelled so strongly of garlic.

I must tell you that if you have opened this book in the hope of finding a story where children live happily ever after, you should read something else. Because Harry, Hermione and Ron, sitting in the car and trying to hold their breaths against the smell, were soon going to have much more to worry about then a simple smell. This car ride is beginning a sequence of tragic events that brings a tear to my eye.

"I apologize," Mr. Fudge said, "For forgetting to load your suitcases into the car. I'll just bring them out maybe in a week or so when I have time. I'm sure you can spent a week in the same clothes."

"Thank you." Hermione said dryly. Ron and Harry rolled their eyes. They were used to Mr. Fudge's unhelpfulness, but this was pure laziness or Mr. Fudge's part.

"I think you children need to take a shower when you get to your new home." Mr. Fudge commented. "You smell strongly of garlic. It's most unpleasant."

Hermione wanted to point out that the reason the garlic was strong enough to cause everyone tears was that the windows were open. But she didn't want to sound rude. Harry however, had no such desire. "Mr. Fudge, maybe you should close the windows." Hermione glared at him.

"No, I don't think so Klaus." Mr. Fudge said.

"Uh, my name is Harry." Harry answered.

"It would be too stuffy if we closed the windows." Mr. Fudge continued, as if he hadn't been interrupted.

Harry was the eldest Potter sibling, at the age of 14. He was a wizard and loved riding on broomsticks and playing a sport known as Quidditch.

Hermione, the second oldest, loved to read. She was 13 years old and she had read more books than both her brothers put together. Her favorite was Hogwarts, A History, a book about a school of magic. Until the tragic demise of both of the Potters' parents, the children were home-schooled and knew many spells.

Hermione, sick of holding her breath, took in oxygen and regretted it. The smell of garlic was simply overpowering. Smiling, she raised her wand, pointed it at her nose and muttered "Stugif!" Immediately, the garlic smell was blocked from her nose. She breathed in deeply and smiled at the satisfaction of now having no tears in her eyes from the garlic.

Her brother Ron scowled at her, wishing he had learned that particular charm. Ronald Potter, called Ron, was only 12 years old. He loved to play Wizard Chess, and was quite good with tactics and strategies.

After their parents' deaths, the orphans had gone to live with Lord Voldemort, a very evil relative who had tried to get his greedy hands on their fortune which was stored in Gringotts Wizard Bank. Finally, Mr. Fudge had taken them away from Lord Voldemort and was currently driving them to the home of a new relative.

"I'm sure you will like Mr. Hagrid." Mr. Fudge told the orphans. "He's traveled a lot and from what I've heard he's had much experience with magical animals."

"How exactly are we related to this Hagrid?" Ron asked.

"Mr. Hagrid, Ron." Mr. Fudge corrected sternly. "Please, mind your manners. Anyway, I believe he is your late father's cousin's wife's brother's former roommate."

"And that makes use related how?" Hermione questioned skeptically.

But Mr. Fudge wasn't listening. "Mr. Hagrid is a scientist of some sort who works for a private organization. Ah, here we are!"

They had finally left the road, and the garlic smell behind them and were driving up a rocky driveway to a large stone house. The house was cement gray with small, rectangular windows and a huge brown door that looked as though a giant could have fit through it without bumping his head.

But it was not the house that was so interesting, but what was in the yard. There were at least 20 statues of large lizard-like creatures that seemed to be shooting fire from their nostrils. They were all of varying height and color, but they all looked equally ferocious.

"Ah, what nice Chameleon statues." Mr. Fudge commented. "I wonder if they change color to blend in. Now that would be impressive magic."

"Those certainly aren't Chameleons." Hermione said. "The spine is too rough and the front and back limbs aren't proportioned correctly. And they're way too big to be any small lizard."

As they drove by down the driveway, all the orphans' eyes were on the frozen, mysterious statues. They looked as if, at any moment, they could stomp toward the children and burn them to a crisp.

"They're dragons!" Harry gasped quite suddenly.

"Of course!" Hermione agreed at once.

"They're bloody brilliant!" Ron commented.

As they walked up to the huge door to the house, a million questions swarmed through the childrens' minds. Would Mr. Hagrid be nice? Would he be kind? Or would he be as horrible as Lord Voldemort? And why in the world did he have dragon statues in his yard??

Mr. Fudge ran the bell and the sound echoed through the stone house. Then the door opened and a huge form loomed into view. The children looked up and saw a huge man standing in the doorway. His beard was extremely bushy and covered his face.

"Come in, come in!" He boomed, and reached down to place a huge hand on Harry's shoulder. "I just made some rock cakes! You're in time to eat!"

REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW OR DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE! Don't expect the next chappie up any time soon seeing as I'm kinda busy with school stuff. Ugh. But REVIEW ANYWAY!