Ode to Paul

Paul, make out with me on my bed.

I would kiss Jesse, but he's kind of dead.

Paul, you're so hot, you make heat look like ice.

I'll kick your ass if you've got lice.

Paul, I love you, I want your kids.

Look at me as I bat my eyelids.

Paul, your name is kind of gay.

But you make up for that in...other ways.

Paul, I wish that today was gusty.

So your shirt could blow off, and I'd get lusty.

Paul, your abs are so totally hot.

Jesse's arms are hairy. Like, eww, so not.

Paul, a word of advice with Suze.

Just remember. You snooze, you lose.

Paul, your eyes are really blue.

Like toilet water. Just minus the poo.

Paul, you're gorgeous, please be mine?

I'll decapitate Suze so you'll be my valentine.

But no pressure, Paul.

Are you SMALL, Paul?

Want a SHAWL, PAUL?

...PAUL?!?!

Paul, your hair is like curly grass.

Paul, you have the cutest –

...Um, nose.

Paul, your arms are muscly and strong.

Um, your grandpa sure does pong.

Paul, I'm addicted to your sexy grin.

You have tomato sauce on your chin.

Paul, Jesse's dead, you're my last resort.

You'd even look hot with a really big wart.

Paul, your cologne is mesmerizing.

I hear Father Dom does circumcising.

Paul, can you kill Spike? I hate that cat.

Please be mine. I think Suze is fat.

Paul, if you're gay, I'll be really pissed.

...It would be so gross if you and Jesse kissed.

Paul, do you like green eggs and ham?

I love you so much I'd eat your toe jam,

Paul, you're so hot that you're on fire.

I think it's gross when you perspire.

Paul, you're cool.

You make me drool.

Can you go to my school?

I HAVE A POOL!

Paul?

PAUL?!

You and me baby,

Ain't nothin' but mammals

So let's do it like they do,

On the discovery channel.

Paul, you're really, really hot.

I reckon you even have sexy snot.

Paul, can you please check me out?

Or at least kiss me on the snout?

Paul, what do you see in Suze?

Last I heard, she was on the booze.

Paul, I love it how you're so hard core.

Hang on...one problem...do you snore?

Paul, you have officially stolen my heart.

Adam McTavish said you have a tendency to fart.

Paul, some times, you can be a dick

Try to work on that...or I'll give you a kick.

Paul, why is Jack such a freak?

Hey, in junior high, were you the geek?

Paul, I want to sit and snuggle you.

Can I drive your BMW?

Paul, you look like a movie star.

Like Johnny Depp...actually, nah.

Paul, you're so filthy, stinking rich.

Just...try not to be such a bitch.

Paul, it's a fact, you're highly attractive.

Now let's do something...hyperactive.

Paul, please, can I be your wife?

Paul – Paul?! PUT DOWN THE KNIFE!

Paul, if you want to kiss my brains out, do it.

But I think that someone has beat you to it.

Paul, I want you so bad, don't you see?

Madam Zara? Make us a prophesy!

Paul, you're a bad ass shifter,

One last thing...are you a heavy-weight lifter?

PAUL, I THINK WE WOULD GET ON SO WELL.

IF ONLY YOU WEREN'T SO FICTIONAL.

...GOD DAMMIT.