Title: Lost On the Trail

Author: Razielim Vampiress

Rating: PG - 13

Chapter: 1/1

Warnings: Language

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: Edios Interactive and Crystal Dynamics own the Legacy of Kain series. I own nothing in this story except for the plot.

Summary: Raziel and Zephon annoy the hell out of Turel. You know it's gotta be good. Especially when you're dealing with two screwed up lil fledglings such as those two!

- - - - - - - - - - - -

"We're lost!" Zephon cried, "lostlostlostlostlost! L-O-S-T; LOST!"

"Shut up!" Raziel snapped, "You're making me nervous!"

"Well you should feel nervous cause we're lost!" Zephon wailed, "I'm just a friggin' fledgling! Dark Gods help me I can't survive in the wilderness!"

"And I can't survive with a Zephon!" Raziel shouted, "Now get a grip!"

"I'm going to become skin and bones!" Zephon moaned, "I'm going to starve! Raziel, can you see the black circles under my eyes?"

"I said get a grip!" Raziel smacked Zephon across the face.

"Owww!" Zephon pouted, "That hurt!" He slapped Raziel back.

"Ouch!" Raziel returned Zephon's slap. Within minutes the two fledglings were smacking each other as fast as they could until...

"Are you two finished?" They looked up to see Turel glaring at them, "Kain says if you don't hurry up you'll have clean up duty."

"Damn," Zephon said getting up, "I wanted to be lost. Anything's better than tramping through the godforsaken Termogent Forest for the rest of the night. I hate training!"

"You mean you lost us on purpose?" Raziel yelled, "I was having a heart attack you moron! Do you know how many bears live in this forest? We could have been mauled!"

"I'm too fast to get mauled," Zephon said in a smug voice.

"Idiot," Raziel snapped.

"Jerk-off," Zephon shot back.




"At least I get some!"

"Only if you pay her!"

"Uhh, guys?" Turel cut in quietly.

"WHAT!" The two turned and glared at him.

"We have to get back to others."

"Oh piss off Turel," Zephon snapped, "I don't need this shit."

"Well I'd rather take his shit than yours!" Raziel said, "At least I'll get a bear free bed tonight you dumbass!"

"Raziel siding with Turel!" Zephon cried, "That's a sure as Hell sign of the Apocalypse!" Never the less Zephon followed Raziel and Turel back onto the path, but not without muttering, "Turel-lover," under his breath.

"Screw up," Raziel shot back.




"Will you two shut up?" Turel yelled.

"Prep," Zephon said, now talking to the second born.

"Daddy's pet," Raziel joined in.

"You guys are so immature," Turel snapped.

"Ohh," Zephon grinned, "Somebody's been hanging around Kain too long!"

"Yeah, you're a regular Kain clone," Raziel said.


"Sensitive subject huh? Don't worry, Zephon can make it alllllllll better." Zephon grinned evilly,"Now, repeat after me, 'Oh holy fuckin' hell. Screw off bitch! Fuck it! Don't give me that shit! Kain you're a second hand slut!' " Turel looked at Zephon, astonished.

"I think you went a little too far with the second hand slut thing," Raziel mused, "Otherwise you might actually have got him to say it."

"Pity," Zephon sighed.

"I would never say that!" Turel objected, "How can you even think up these things? It's disgusting!"

"Hey, we ain't all Kain's favorite, Turel!" Zephon snarled, "It ain't been all wine and roses for me! I had to learn to deal with the shit that the Dick-Almighty throws at you, and believe me, I've hated every fucking minute of it!"

Turel was quiet for a moment, "I'm sorry,"

"Yeah, well just remember it next time before you shoot your mouth off." There was silence as the three fledglings wandered along the path. Zephon had lapsed into a sullen silence, the conversation having bought up memories he'd rather have forgotten.

"Something you want to tell me Zephon?" Raziel asked quietly.

"No!" Zephon turned his startling green eyes to Raziel quickly.

"Just asking!" Raziel held his hands up, "Airhead."

Zephon looked up at him, eyes bright, "Asshole."

"Dip shit."


"Hey! Don't use my middle name as an insult!"

"I can if I want to!"

"No you can't!"

"Can too!"


"Yes. I. Can."

"No. You. Can't."

"Shut up!" Turel roared.

"Sorry 'mom'," Zephon said, trying to be serious.

"The things I do," Turel muttered.

"For love," Raziel added quietly. Zephon snickered which was met by a hard glare from Turel. The group lapsed into silence again. "I hate Kain's training methods!" Raziel chanted like a Drill Sergeant.

"I hate Kain's training methods!" Zephon echoed.

"Specially this all night forest tramp!"

"Specially this all night forest tramp!"

"I need carnage! I need blood!"

"I need carnage! I need blood!"

"Dead humans and alcohol!"

"Dead humans and alcohol!"

"Sound off!"

"Zephon rocks!"

"Sound off!"

"Shut up!"

"Sound off!"

"Turel sucks!"

"Sound off!"

"That's enough!" Turel turned and glared at his brothers, "There are only three of us! You don't need to sound off anymore! Now stay quiet or I'll duct tape your mouths shut!"

"He's bluffing," Zephon said, "He's not the kind of guy to carry duct tape around. Unless he's into bondage like the rest of us. Now wouldn't that be a surprise?"

"Don't try me," Turel growled.

"Ohh, a dirty secret," Raziel grinned.

"Must you turn everything I say against me?" Turel wailed.

"Oh that's a hard one," Zephon said.

"Yes. Yes we must," Raziel answered the frustrated second born's question.
"Oh thank the Dark Gods!" Turel cried as the three of them finally entered the clearing where Kain and the rest of his brethren were waiting.

"How do you know it's not bears dressed up as our brethren, pretending to be them so we walk right into their paws?" Zephon asked.

"What kind of fucking stupid question is that!" Turel yelled in exasperation.

"Ha!" Zephon shouted, "There! Right there! I told ya he could swear!"

"Hell has frozen over!" Raziel called out.

"Please kill me," Turel sobbed on Kain's shirt, "I don't care how! Just do it so I never have to spend one minute alone with those two ever again!"

Plushie Raziel: HAHAHAHAHA! I love Turel torture!

Raven: Who doesn't?

Chibi Kain: Some retarded person. But when was Raziel's middle name Raven?

Raven: UGH! How many times do I have to fucking explain this?

Raziel: Until he gets it through his thick ass skull. (turns to Kain) Now I'll use small words so you can understand me. The nice goth lady over there (points to Raven) just let me use her name for the story. It isn't my name in any form of fashion. Okay?

Chibi Kain: (thinks about why Raziel used such small words) ...YOU GUYS SUCK! (stomps off into the living room)

Raven: ...Well you know the drill people. Go click the lil button and gimme a nice big review. YA KNOW YOU WANT TO!