A/N: This, as you might have guessed, is NOT insane. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the Lair of Insanity and it is highly unlikely that the characters I use will ever appear in anything again. It just kind of hit me in the face after waking up at 3PM on a Sunday and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote the darn thing down. I'm only posting it because I know lots of people out there like angst; dunno why, It's way to depressing for my tastes. Nevertheless, reviews are appreciated. I'm not dedicating it to anyone since I don't really like it, and it would be an insult to the person if I did, even if they liked it.
I open my eyes that had clenched that through fear during the entire process and look up at you. You're just standing there, a stupid grin on your stupid face. I growl and flex my claws at you as a warning while electricity crackles in my fur.
How can I have let this happen to me? I saw that look in your eyes when I had changed – you looked at me with admiration. With awe.
Before this change the only time you looked upon me with admiration was when I managed to coordinate my stupid, slow body enough to make you win a battle.
You never cared for me. You cared only about your stupid idiotic battles that your blind species care so much about.
Species. I take my eyes of fury and look down at myself. I see four long, yellow legs, each with three pointed claws protruding from each paw. They say a Jolteon's legs are made for speed. I decided to test the theory by dashing away from the clearing, away from you, and running deep into the dense forest.
Hate is the only emotion I can feel. Hate for this stupid change, hate for myself, letting you abuse me for your own selfish needs. Hate for you.
I eventually stop running when I come to a slow-flowing river. I look down into the water and see my reflection.
Two long ears, a pointed ruff around my neck, eyes that radiate loathing towards the thing that I have allowed myself to become.
I take another glance at my reflection. My collar is… gone. You gave me that on my birthday two years ago, I can remember. I was so happy then, as if I knew I would be safe and happy.
Oh, the naïvety.
That naïvety that used to be me, now torn to shreds, like my collar, on those pointed spikes that are not only part of me, but are me.
I used to see life as a wondrous opportunity; that you should live life to the full and be happy.
Now I see it as it truly is: dog-eat-dog, kill or be killed, survival of the fittest. And I am weak.
Made weak by you. Always blinded by emotions, petty things like love, trust, loyalty that lead only to weakness. I used to think that love could conquer anything. Well maybe it can. But not when it is one-way. How can you have loved me? Care for me? Thought of me as anything above a machine, created for no reason but to do your bidding.
Now you can't so much as touch me without getting shocked by the static in my fur. But I want more than that. I want to shred you on my spikes, tear you with my claws, rip you with my teeth. I'll show you what change does, what love it brings about.
Change. This is no change. Evolution it is called. Evolution does not begin to describe it. I'm a mutation, pure and simple. A freak.
Again, the emotions wash over me, the emotions felt only by the weak, by those destined to be killed by the strong. I feel pain, anger, resentment, betrayal. Fear.
I have never been alone. I have been raised by an egg, I have never been part of the wild, the wilderness. I have never been free. I have allowed myself to be born into your human world, where you deem it fine to pollute and destroy the planet that you call your own. Humans. The true epitome of greed.
These emotions become too strong. The hate; the anger; the, dare I say it, loneliness. Fatigue from the evolution and running suddenly become too much and I collapse by the riverside. My last thought before sleep and unconsciousness take me that whatever should come to kill me will make it painless. I am weak. I have no honor. I am worthless.
A wake to feel something touch me. I tense up, feeling all the spikes on my back erect, waves of electricity shooting down them like waves of adrenaline, despite the fact I am so weak I struggle to breathe. I open my eyes slowly, hoping that it will be over soon. I have no honor. No purpose.
It is a human, a male with dark brown hair and even darker eyes.
It is you.
You have the nerve to come and look for me. I deserted you! You cared nothing for me! You wanted me to serve your needs! I look up into your eyes and see you support my head with one hand. I try to bite it, but I am drained of strength. I just don't have the energy to so much as shoot electricity at you.
"You okay?" you ask, a stupid look of concern on your weak face. I glare murderously at you, hoping that will be enough to kill you, if I put enough emotion behind it as I can. And I am not short of murderous emotion right now.
"Why'd you run off?" you ask, your voice full of emotion. Emotion is weak! "You did want to evolve, didn't you?"
Pah. Back when I was an Eevee. When I thought that evolution would make me a better battler, so I could serve you better. How can I have been so blind?
"Your collar came off, you know?" you say, hopefully getting the message that I would sooner kill you that talk to you. You hold up the shredded remains of my old collar, an emblem of my slavery.
"Don't worry," you say, smiling. Oh, what I wouldn't give for the energy to make you howl in pain. "The actual disk isn't harmed. We'll just get you another collar, one bigger this time."
I glance at the disk that used to be a permanent attachment to my neck. It reads,
"Etoile – Happy 6th birthday – Jake"
Etoile. I used to love my name; it was a sign that I had a trainer. Now I hate it for exactly the same reason. I struggle to keep hold of my own weak emotions, I try not to howl in anger, to scream with the inside pain, or to just break down and cry because of everything. I want to be left alone to die. It's all I'm worth, all I deserve for letting myself be enslaved and I am now too weak to do anything.
I try and send an electrical attack at you, but nothing comes but a light crackle. The long run after the evolution process must have drained me so much. I doubt I have the strength left to die. I close my eyes, wanting relief from this world. To pass away, into the afterlife… free of this hurt, this pain… I just want to die…
I open my eyes slowly. All fatigue seems to have been lifted from me, like a great weight from my shoulders. I see a bright shining light before me, eclipsed slightly by a small, catlike shape. One I recognize immediately as the Psychic Spirit, Mew.
'But why?' the Mew-shape asks softly. 'Why do you want to die?'
"I am useless, worthless. I have no honor, and death is preferable to having no honor." I try to say the words, but my mouth does not open. I can hear them being said, but they are not coming from my mouth. They are just… there. Mew hears them as well.
'You never used to care about honor.' Mew says calmly, as if it is trying to make me realize something.
"I was blind. I was pathetic. Naïve." Again, I try to say the words, but my lips do not move. The words just ring in the empty space that we are in.'Do you truly think that? That love is naive?'
"Of course it is! Love is an emotion, a weakness!" I want to shout, but the words are spoken for me, but they are spat forcefully, just the way I would have said them.'And do you believe yourself weak? And your trainer?'
"My trainer. Pah. I'm just his slave. He does not care for me."'Then why did he come looking for you?'
"He wanted to have his slave back."
'You are not his slave. You just said that he did not want you to run away. You did so of your own free will. And if you do not want to continue traveling with him, do you, deep within yourself, think that he will force you to?'
"Who are you?" I question, confused.
'Who are you?' Mew counters.
"I am…" begins my… I shall say it is my inner monologue, since no other word seems to fit. Someone is reading my thoughts and saying them without me even thinking about them on a conscious level, "I am an Eevee! I will not accept what has happened to me! I am not this… this horrible mutant!" I scream in my head, seconds after the words themselves have been screamed by whatever force is reading my mind faster than I can.
'You refuse to accept the change?' Mew asks rhetorically. 'You do not think you have changed? Then why do you regard your old form as weak and naïve?'
"I was! I have… realized that everything I believed was one lie. Everything I wanted was stupid. Pointless."'Do you really believe that love is pointless?'
'Do you hate the idea of his picking you up in his arms and hugging you? You sleeping at the foot of his bed? Him buying you little treats for battling extra-hard for him?'
'Last winter, when you were freezing cold, he took a month out of his journey so he could stay at the Pokémon Center so you would be warm. Was that pointless? What about the time he gave you the last pieces of his food so you wouldn't go hungry? Was that pointless, or are you going to say that it isn't love?'
I give up thinking about denying and arguing with Mew, or whoever it is. I instead think about you. The times we had shared together.
"Him staying with me at the Center hospital when I broke my back legs; he never left my side…" says my voice, "or when he spent the entire afternoon grooming me for a Cool contest and then I accidentally entered the Cute one by mistake…"
'Do you hate him?'
"I… No. I could never hate him."
As soon as I 'speak' the words, the forest comes blurring back to me, the image of Mew fading to be replaced with trees and bushes. I can hear Pidgey and Taillow singing in the trees, mingled with distant Pokémon cries and the gurgling of a nearby stream.
Then I hear a voice; a human voice.
"Etoile! Etoile! Can you hear me? Talk to me, girl!"
I look up at you, your face as pale as can be, your brown eyes clouded with worry. All thoughts of hate suddenly dissipate. How could I have ever thought that you didn't care? How could I have doubted the bond of trust between us? I give you a reassuring lick on the hand. You stroke my yellow head, reassuring me about the evolution process, and I just close my eyes and listen to the sound of your voice, so full of love.
After spraying on a Super Potion, we make it to a Pokémon Center, where I am checked over by the nurse there. As night begins to fall, we stay at a local hotel, and I lay down on the bed, finally having time to contemplate everything I have been through today.
The change… my thoughts… my anger… that vision… What was that vision? Was it death? Have I been given a second chance?
'No', I think, smiling, 'That wasn't Mew talking to you. It was yourself. That part of you that never lost hope in the bond between you and Jake'.
I look over at you, you have something in your hands. It is a photograph of you and I, back when I was a tiny Eevee, before we even began our journey.
I hop off the bed and dash over to you, giving you an affectionate lick on the hand. You put down the photograph and draw me into a loving hug, not even caring about the sharp spikes protruding from my fur that dig into your skin, cutting into your flesh.
No matter how deep the scars go, our love runs deeper.