Do not smile at me in sadness. Do not offer me words of comfort. I am not someone to pity, and I am not suffering as you and everyone else seem to think.
To look after you. To protect you. To die for you.
This is my prayer.
Brush away your guilt, because my choices weren't imposed. I am a willing man, and my waiting is also my prayer.
All my life, my great teacher had said time and again that life only starts when one exists to cherish and protect someone dear. Finding the courage to stand up to my fears and insecurities, and to the selfish limitations of my own expectations and wistful yearning…these are the things worth living and dying for.
Don't take away my life then. Let me linger behind you, watching over. You need not glance behind me; just walk, and I'll follow. And if you slip, let me come to your rescue and catch you. I will not want gratitude—seeing you safe and well is already my reward.
Please don't shed tears for me when you can't open the door of your heart and let me in. I do not ask for shelter—I am happily dancing in the rain. If your home is meant for some other man in your dreams, then so be it. Hold the door slightly ajar though, and let me peek into it. Just to see that you are not lonesome in your solitary confinement. Just to see you still alive and hoping for his return.
I ask you not to smile my way either. If it is only obligation that dictates, I would rather watch your back as you walk away from me. I know where your heart is, and only a smile from the heart can truly touch my soul like salve. Leave me with my pride by maintaining your silence.
Do not ask me when I will stop my unaccompanied flight, following you even in the darkest places that your feet would lead to and even your own shadow couldn't follow. I myself do not know either. All I know is I want to spend this lifetime on making sure you are safe and well. And perhaps, even happy. My soul will not find rest until I see you find him again, and this time, successfully take him back from the darkness of his own psyche. Even if death of hopes will be the price to pay if ever I shall continue this kind of life, I shall face it bravely. There is nothing I cannot do for the person that taught me how to pray my whole life through. Even dictionaries and philosophers, and even Gai-sensei could not impart to me the real meaning of life until you came. Death by your hands is not unpleasant, and I know that I'll be revived anyway once I see you smile from the heart again.
For now, just let me be. I'll walk this path I've chosen, and I implore you not to stop me. I promise not to be too bothersome, and I will not keep you back. I will not demand anything from you when I give my everything when I devoted myself to this kind of lifetime mission.
Because this is a commitment from the man in me—because I can see the woman in you that most people take for granted. You are a gift to people, but you are my personal miracle. Your sunshine makes me believe even amidst the storms that threaten to break me. You are my wings when I want to move forward and my physical temple fail me.
You move me only in a way that the greatest of poets can speak solemnly about. For all those wonderful things, sacrifice of my personal emotions is insignificant.
So no matter if the world laughs at me for my stupidity, looking after someone whose heart is owned by someone else already, I will still be by you.
And only when I see with my own eyes that someone greater and bigger than my image can take care of you, I will wane away in the background soundlessly, and you won't hear anything from me at all.
You are my faith, and this is my prayer.
A LeeSaku request for Broken Angel, Forbidden Devil (sowee if it took so long). This is my first attempt at LeeSaku, and if it turned out wrong, please bear with me ahahaha! ::sweatdrop::