Author Note: Yay! I'm finally done! I hope you all like it! This one is an Enju/Gyokuren pairing, a songfic.
Disclaimer: PSME doesn't belong to me; it belongs to the wonderful creative person who created it. The song also doesn't belong to me. It's sung by Ayumi Hamasaki and is actually called 'Scar', not 'A Tale of Lost Love'. Please don't sue me!
by: Cecile Li
I walked to my room, humming slightly. It had been a relatively good day. No computer bugs, a nice heart-to-heart chat with Shusuren, and especially no encounters with Mokuren or Gyokuren. I swear, if I had to fake one more smile or laugh, I would scream loud enough for the people of Planet KK to hear.
I paused outside my door, punching in the numbers to my password on my keypad. G...Y...O...K-
"Enju!" I groaned. Why me? Why this day? What had I done wrong? "Enju!" Gyokuren's voice persistently called my name.
Gyokuren ran up to me, tapping on my shoulder. I turned around, flashing a brilliantly fake smile at him. My unspoken thoughts earlier echoed in my mind. How ironic.
"Yes, Gyokuren?" I smiled at him, my eyes glittering with captive tears. Like always, he didn't notice. At all.
He smiled happily at me. Or actually the wall. At least it was genuine. Or was it? One could never tell these days. "Mokuren agreed to have dinner with me today!"
My heart sank as I imagined his next words. I'm going to proclaim my undying love for her! He would say, while I encouraged him.
"I'm going to proclaim my undying love for her!" He declared loudly.
My shaky smile froze on my face as I choked down a sob. Oh, the irony. Sarjalim, I begged silently, why me?
A tear slipped out of my eye. Finally he noticed. A concerned look replaced the smile of pure bliss. "Enju, are you okay? Who hurt you?" He asked angrily, tone defiant.
I shook my head to clear my tears away. I grinned waveringly. "I'm fine. Just a death in my family." I lied, hoping he wouldn't keep asking. He just nodded at my flimsy excuse, brushing the matter of my tears away.
As he stood for the next ten minutes, ranting and raving about Mokuren, I blinked away angry tears. How could he not notice? I had used that excuse 2 days ago! No one's family died that fast!
"I have to go now," I interrupted, not bothering to sound apologetic. I didn't care if I was being rude; I just wanted OUT! Why did I agree to this science mission anyway?
Oh yeah. As I stared into my reason's puppy dog eyes I loved so much, I remembered. Gyokuren. That was why.
I had risked my happiness just to be cooped up with a perfect princess, a blind leader, a gentle, yet strangely obsessed scientist, another odd, yet unusually alluring engineer, and a lovesick bunny. How pitiful.
BEEP BEEP! BEEP BEEP!
"I'm coming I'm coming!" I grumbled, making my way drowsily to my door. For goodness sakes, it was 1 in the morning.
As I opened the door, shielding my eyes, I recognized him. All ideas of sleep vanished from my mind.
"Enju!" Gyokuren's raw voice called out to me, hie eyes red from profound crying.
My eyes widened in shock. "Gyokuren! What are you doing this late? Come in!" He nodded dumbly, apparently in more shock then me.
I flipped the light switch, illuminating my room. He sat down on my bed, sobbing into his hands. I reached out and held him as he weeped into my arms. My heart pounded as I realized what could have happened. Mokuren...Mokuren must have rejected him.
/The day I first saw tears,/
I hugged him harder. Now he knew what heartbreak was. Finally he was able to stop and pull away to look at me.
/I couldn't do anything./
"Gyokuren..." I whispered, still grasping his hand.
/I just gripped your hand./
He started crying again from that bottomless hollow of endless tears, and I held him, as I would always do, for all of eternity.
I held him for so long, I felt sleep sensations tickle my head. My head nodded as I struggled to stay awake. I felt Gyokuren's calm breathing.
/Tired from crying, about to fall asleep,/
/You turned to me and whispered,/
"I'm sorry, Enju. I shouldn't have-" I heard him try to apologize.
I cut him off. "What are friends for?" The words stuck to my throat. We would never be more than friends.
I could feel him smile at me. I sighed. At least one of us was happy.
/"I'm sorry," and smiled a little./
As soon as I was sure Gyokuren was asleep, I dropped a kiss onto his unknowing lips. He stirred in his sleep.
"Mokuren..." He whispered softly in his sleep. A single tear fell from my eye, dropping onto his hair. Friends...that's all we'd ever be.
/That's what we were like./
After that, the night was never spoken of again, until the day of Gyokuren's death. He would always come to me about his woes about Mokuren. I would always soothe him with sympathetic words and listen with a not-so-sympathetic ear. When I asked him why he always talked to me, he answered with a shrug and an 'I don't know, you always make me feel better.'. Fighting the giddy feeling in me, I thought bitterly, means I'm convenient.
Then came the day when Shion raped Mokuren. I hadn't even known until Gyokuren came storming to my room, pounding furiously on my door. I sighed heavily, setting down my journal and pencil. As I opened the door, I noticed the blunt indentations on my door. 'Poor door,' I thought idly; I'd have to get it fixed. Maybe Shion will fix it for me. He was good with his hands. Gyokuren, being best friends with him, could ask him for me.
Ironically enough, the next words out of his mouth were about Shion. "I will never speak to Shion again!" He raged, his face red with anger.
Perish that thought. I blinked at him, both of out minds in two completely different universes. "But I haven't asked you yet." I blurted out. He stared at me strangely, completely oblivious to what I was thinking earlier. "I-I mean, what's wrong?"
He swept past me, muttering quite madly. "...how dare he...fallen!...Sarjalam..." I waited patiently. I knew he wouldn't be able to hold it in and would tell me sooner rather then later.
"Mokuren is no longer a Sarjalian." He announced dramatically, sinking into one of my many plushed chairs.
I stared at him blankly. I pointed a trembling finger at him accusingly. "You-You..." I couldn't get the words out. Gyokuren and Mokuren...impossible! I felt betrayed but for what?
"No! I would never do that!" He exclaimed, visibly hurt that I would think such a thing. I nodded numbly; that made sense. Gyokuren would never hurt his precious Moku-poo. "It was Shion!" He continued, outraged.
"Mokuren...she has fallen..." I whispered, collapsing into a chair. "A fallen Sarjalian." And Shion had committed the crime... "Are you sure he raped her? She could have-"
"No!" Gyokuren protested, jumping up. "Shion is at fault! Completely!"
Shion...the infamous genius of an engineer. I had been deathly afraid of him ever since I met him. His piercing glare was the most frightening. How Mokuren could have fell in love with him in the first place astounded me. Sure, he was tall and dark, with a handsome face that most women found irresistible, but once you've discovered his intense stares and cold heart, all attraction left your mind. Not to mention he was a complete womanizer.
Obviously, Mokuren found him even more irresistible. But where was she now? Raped and fallen. Even though she was the center of Gyokuren's love, my heart went out to her. She certainly didn't ask to be raped.
With my mind buzzing with this new information, I stepped into the hallway. "I'll be right back." I called back to Gyokuren, leaving him to fume silently. If I had thought, I would have never left Gyokuren in the same room as my journal. But I didn't think and suffered the consequences.
I hurried down the hallway, rushing toward Mokuren's spacious room. As I approached her room, my hand reached out to type in her password. Another hand slapped mine away. I recoiled, slightly taken back. I turned and found Shion standing by the door, with an almost cat-like grace.
"Shion!" I exclaimed, flabbergasted. So the criminal had returned to the scene of the crime. "I came-"
"I know why you came." He interrupted curtly, staring down at me. "She will not see you."
"How do you know?" I retorted offended, "You did-"
"She told me she would like to be alone. Then she sent me out."
The criminal had stayed! No doubt to bask in his glory. "Tell me, Shion," I asked slowly and carefully, half wanting to know, half not. "Why?"
He looked me in the eye, his following words rendering me speechless. "Why, Enju? You know why, don't you?"
I stopped short, stunned. I searched his eyes for a clearer answer, but all I saw was darkness.
But of course! He had hurt Mokuren because of her perfection, something I knew all too well. He couldn't stand the flawless life of the Kichess Mokuren. He had to break her, break her so she was no longer pure, to appease his suffering heart.
Shion saw that I understood, smirking at me. "Really, Enju," He said, glancing at me strangely, "It should have been us in love."
I stared at him every bit as strangely. Surprisingly enough, I agreed. "It should have been." I looked at that calm calm face one more time before running off.
I wiped my tearing eyes and walked back into my room. Almost immediately, I sensed as change in the atmosphere. No longer was it angry frenzy, but tense and cold. "Gyokuren?" I called out, entering my bedroom. Gyokuren spun around guiltily. In his hands was my journal. All I could think of was my recent, particularly nasty entry about Mokuren.
"I can't believe you, Enju." He spat out, obviously haven read that entry, "How could you be so bitter and cruel?"
/The day I was first scolded, /
I was wordless. I couldn't say anything. There wasn't anything I could say.
/I was speechless./
/I just hung my head in shame./
"Today was okay, I guess," Gyokuren dictated in a high nasal voice, "if you didn't count Gyokuren coming to me and talking about the cow Mokuren. He spent about an hour saying how much he loved he and how beautiful she was, of course never letting me say a word. It really makes me wonder how he can be so blind.
"Mokuren loves Shion and Shion loves her. Shion would never let her go. Of course, if Gyokuren got rid of Shion, he wouldn't really have a choice, would he? I suppose, if that happened, Mokuren, the beautiful kind-hearted tree-hugger, would marry Gyokuren, blah blah blah, have even more beautiful golden-haired Kiches brats running around and live happily ever after.
"How can he love her? Oh, right. She's PERFECT. I'll bet that inside that lovely head is a conniving selfish bitch. Really, which one of us is actually perfect?
All Gyokuren knows about her is that she is a Kichess and came from Paradise. Oh and she talks to plants. Talk about batty. He doesn't really love her. He only loves whom he thinks she is, -"
"The perfect princess." I whispered, finishing for him.
"What do you have to say, Enju?" He admonished, his face now pale, angrier than before.
"What you just said." I replied, my eyes stubborn, standing my ground.
"I can't believe this!" He shouted, waving my journal in his hand. "Why did you change, Enju, why?!"
I couldn't answer. I didn't! I wanted to say, How can you be so blind? I love you!
/And made the same wounds in my heart./
He snorted in disgust, leaving my room, flinging my journal onto my bed.
/You turned your back,/
/And left the room,/
I started sobbing, cradling my journal, and collapsed onto my bed, surrendering to a dreamless sleep.
/That's what we were like./
I was crying again. It was ordinary these days. But today, these tears were different. These weren't pitying tears, they were far from it. They were tears of despair, tears of sadness, tears of anguish, tears from the very depths of my soul. Gyokuran was dying.
After he had read that entry, he refused to associate with me. Whenever Shusuran tried to talk to him about me, he would never listen and rush off.
But now...he was dying and I couldn't let him leave this world without him knowing the truth.
"Gyokuran!" I cried out in desperation, dropping to my knees in the bright hallway. "Why can't you understand?"
"Pull yourself together!" Shusuran's shrilly voice demanded. Even she was frightened. Her voice was high and demanding, but I could hear the undertone of fear laced in. I ran to her, hugging her tightly.
"He's dying, Shusuran. He's dying!" I cried out, my eyes wobbly with tears. How could it be? How could Sarjalam be so cruel?
"I know," She replied firmly, "But pull yourself together. You can't meet Gyokuran looking like a mess!"
I couldn't. I'd always be a mess when it came to Gyokuran.
Somehow, Shusuran always understood me. Somehow she always pulled me out of the darkness. Somehow she always saved me. Somehow...somehow...I wanted to know the answers damnit! I didn't want to ask all the questions and never know the answers.
Shusuran dragged me up and determinedly hauled me to Gyokuran's room. The Death Room, I called it.
Her hand on the door, Shusuran turned to look at me, her eyes hidden.
"Enju," She said slowly, her voice thick with a hidden emotion, "Enju, if he dies...if he dies, it's not the end, okay?"
I struggled not to cry like the wimp I was. I looked up at the ceiling in the effort of controlling my tears. I squeezed my eyes shut and hugged my best friend again. "No, Shusuran," I choked out blindly, wiping my eyes, "No, it won't be the end."
"It won't be the end." She repeated listlessly. Then she pulled back and opened the door. "Go see your Gyokuran, Enju. For the last time."
And as I stepped into the cool room, I felt tears on my cheek. As I touched them, I realized they were Shusuran's.
"Mokuren?" A weak voice called out feebly. My eyes welled up in tears again, threatening to spill out. Even in death, Mokuren would be first. "No. It's me, Enju."
"Enju..." He sighed, his face out of sight in the darkness of the room. I reached for the light, snapping it on, bringing Gyokuran's face to the light.
He looked worn and tired, his eyes weary. The beautiful golden hair I had loved so much had diminished into a sickly yellow. His face was gaunt, almost like a skeleton. Oh how he changed in just a week. Even as I prayed to Sarjalim to spare him, I knew none of us would be spared, not even the precious, and last Kichess, Mokuren. None of us would live.
I just sat on the wooden, blinking away tears. I wasn't crying for Gyokuran, no I wasn't. I was crying for Mokuren, for Shion, for Shukaido, for me. We had all loved and lost, but in the end we were all the same mortals in the never-ending cycle of life. How long would I love Gyokuran? Could I love him forever? I'd...I'd want to be with Gyokuran. He would always hold a spot in my heart, dead or alive. Him? A piece of him would always want Mokuren. And I would never get Gyokuran, not fully at least.
Oh the memories...they were the things I cherished the most, yet I don't want them. I...I think I'll go crazy before I die. I'll go crazy like Shion will when Mokuren leaves. Shion and I were from the same background. We had the same violence, the same hatred. I just wanted us to die peacefully, all of us.
Gyokuran will die and Shusuran will die too. The two people I cared most about were going to die in front of me. And I would die next.
"I never thought I would die here." Gyokuran said suddenly, looking out at the barren moon surface. It would never compare to our old home. "But I'll die and no one will come and mourn my death. After all, Enju," He looked straight in my eyes, "We are the last."
I felt a chill run down my spin. He was right, we were the last. We were the last of the aliens.
"It was foolish to pursue Mokuren." He said idly, "I realized too late."
It was if that melted the gated that held my tears and all my tears flooded out, streaking down my face.
"It's not the end. It's not the end." I repeated again, my tears splattering on the cold remote tiles.
"Mokuren said we will all be reincarnated again." He told me, his face boring into mine. "I never knew, Enju. I didn't know." He laughed suddenly, a crazy bitter laugh. He took my healthy hands into his bony ones and held them, grasping tightly. "I'll make it right in the next life, Enju, I promise. I'll make it right."
I couldn't take it anymore. He could never make it right. He would never make it right in the next life or the next. I ran out the door.
The next day, Hiragi told me Gyokuran, my only love, had died in the night. Mokuren was the only one to cry and lament over his death.
I loved Gyokuran and I lost. I loved him so much, but in the end, we would both die too young, entrapped in youth's lies. Oh Gyokuran of the bright shining hair...I might love you forever, but you will never again steal all of my heart.