Rated: PG
Warnings: Kaitou-angst.
Spoilers: Chapter Black Saga (after the Dark Tournament); anime episodes 67 and on.
Disclaimer: This authoress does not claim ownership on any of Yu Yu Hakusho.


My glasses have been shattered.

What is this, the fifteenth time?

I've been told, not only by my parents, but also by other adults, that the reason I am picked on is because others are jealous of my high grades.

And I say, Yeah. Right. It isn't likely that bullies are after me because of my intelligence.

It's because I'm a—a nerd.

An unattractive nerd, at that.

It's really not fair, not fair at all. They beat up on me and yet, Suichi Minamino, the highest ranking student in the entire school, remains unscathed, unscarred, untouched. Why? Because he's blessed with a wonderful set of dominant genes that make him the most wanted male in the school, city, and country.

It's not FAIR!

Sitting on the concrete right now, I wonder, what does Life want of me? What does she want me to do? Does she want me to fight back? Does she want me to continue on with this daily routine? Or am I meant to be, to see, to do, to look for something else?

Am I meant for something more?

Or am I meant not for Life, but rather for her sister, Death? Is that it?

How many times have I come home with wounds that amount to more than simple bruises, just waiting for her to claim me, not because it hurts me physically, but rather, psychologically? The humiliation of not being able to fight back and only being able to yell for mercy, for help, for Death, it… damages my soul.

I stare at my hands and wonder, What would it be like if I took something, a weapon, in these hands and just… ended it?

Through cracked and partially shattered glasses, I see a drop of red hit these hands of mine. My nose is bleeding. Oh. I clench my fists. I should be going home now. I should get some pain medication. And I should probably get my homework done.

Should. That is not indicative that I will, just that I should.

So I just sit there, not bothering to gather up the books that have been strewn every which way. I just… sit and think.

And then, I am enlightened.

No. I will not give up. I will not be pushed around by all of these—these insects. Well, no, not insects. But these people, the ones who think they're so much better than me—they will see their mistakes. I will show them that I am better than they are. I will show them that I am better than Shuuichi Minamino, some way, some how.

After all, Bill Gates was a nerd and look at him now. Still a nerd, but possibly one of the richest in existence.

I reposition my glasses on my nose, gather up my books, find a handkerchief in my pocket, and turn to go back home.

One day, I'll be the richest, most powerful nerd in existence.

I'll teach you, Shuuichi Minamino.


Author's Space:

Written because rogueicephoenix wouldn't shut up.

There's a reference to Meant to Live by Switchfoot. Whoever finds it is entitled to a round of applause and, er… a lot of candy. (You don't count, r.i.p.)

Takes place before Kaitou meets Yana and Kido.

Before you use this on a C2, you have to tell me.


Thank you, please come again.

(revamped on 6/29/05)