Disclaimer: We do not own it. We don't rent it, either. Not even a boot-leg copy.

Celeborn: For the love of all that's holy, who gave these two permission to write about us? Elrond: I believe it was Zhie...she issued some kind of challenge... Celeborn: Zhie? ZHIE? Doesn't she know by now how dangerous it is to give Bird and Kath free rein at the keyboard? Eru's Great Hairy Balls! We won't live this down for centuries! Ai! The humiliation...the pain...the draft in those leggings! Elrond: Look at the bright side, Oh Silver One...we do get laid. A lot. Celeborn: True, true...

AN: This is definitely a silly fic. If you take this seriously, I will have to send Hal and Leggy after you with the silly string…and a thing of chocolate syrup. This bunny was born from Kath's idea about Galadriel and Celebrian's 'time of the year', and Bird's obsession with the ridiculously silly name Tolkien had for Celeborn aka Teleporno…(I mean seriously, I am not the only one, right?).


Celeborn fled through the door, hastily slamming it behind him mere seconds before a large, heavy glass vase shattered against the other side of the door.

Standing with his back to the door, he sighed, closing his eyes, wiping the sweat from his brow and imploring the Valar to see him through this yet again.

Marching across the room, he cast several glances over his shoulder toward the closed door, hoping that it wouldn't open before he found his way out of the talan. He reached the outside patio without further incident, walked down the spiraling stairs that led to the forest floor, and was halfway to the March Warden's residence before he allowed himself to believe he had escaped unscathed.

Pausing only a moment at the door, he rapped sharply, and then entered Haldir's talan. For a moment, he thought no one at home, until he realized the rather large hump on the bed was moving.

"Haldir! Haldir! Oh, HALDIR!" came a feminine voice from under one end of the hump.

Celeborn rolled his eyes, folded his arms and leaned back against the wall of the talan to wait until the hump finished, er…humping.

The hump finally shuddered, emitting a very loud, deep moan, and collapsed in on itself.

Celeborn smirked, watching two long, muscular legs disentangle themselves from the sheets, followed by the rest of Haldir. He raised an eyebrow at seeing Celeborn leaning back enjoying the show, but never questioned his Lord's presence.

An elleth Celeborn vaguely recalled seeing before peeked out from under the sheets. Seeing the Silver Lord glance in her direction, she squeaked and dove back under the covers.

"Where is Elrond?" Celeborn asked Haldir, as his March Warden strode across the room naked, searching for his tunic and leggings.

"Last I heard, he was bunking with Orophin and Rumil, while Celebrian cools her heels. The fight they had last night was certainly a doozy - evidently Celebrian sent Elrond packing."

"Hmph. I can imagine…my daughter has always had quite a bit of a temper…takes after her mother. Tell Elrond I wish to speak with him as soon as possible. I'll meet him in the garden."

"At once, My Lord," Haldir agreed, jumping about a bit as he struggled to pull on his leggings. He finished dressing and trotted out the door to do Celeborn's bidding.

The elleth under the covers whimpered, peeking out to see if the coast was clear. Seeing Celeborn still in the room, she dove back, muttering something about certain Elves who didn't know how to take a hint.

Wandering for a moment in Haldir's talan, Celeborn noticed Haldir's collection of books and magazines. He stepped closer, interested in seeing where Haldir's taste in books lie…personally he was surprised that the big Elf read at all. Running his fingers over the titles, he uttered a soft oath when he ran across one illustrated volume entitled, "Teleporno and Orgasm-O - When Elves Collide."

Quickly, he pulled the volume off of the shelf and stuffed it under his tunic.

"I really need to speak with Elrond immediately," he thought, giving the hump under the sheets a solid thump on the rump as he walked past and left the talan to go to the gardens to await Elrond.