Title: It's all coming back to me (1/1)

Author: Sunstar (3/2004)

Rating: PG

Category: angst, hurt, comfort, romance

Summary: Sam is unconscious and having flashbacks.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 belongs to MGM, World Gekko Corporation and Double Secret Productions. I make no profit from this story.

Spoilers: From this point forward, spoilers for many episodes, at least for:

Lost City, Heroes, Solitudes, Out of mind, Fire and water, The Tok'ra, Point of view, A hundred days, Upgrades, Divide and Conquer, Frozen. Might be for some other eps too so if you don't want to know anything, don't read. Stop reading now.

Status: Completed

AN: This is my second S/J story.

I haven't checked the episodes for the exact dialogue or the exact way things happened, (I did check some from transcript sites, but not all) so don't kill me if something is not right. I'm just doing this based on my memories.

Takes place sometime after Lost City 2. Assumes Jack has been freed and is ok but Sam has been hurt on some mission and is now in the infirmary.

xxx indicates change between real time and Sam's dream world

- - - indicates change between Sam's dreams/memories

I know this can be really confusing, but just try to imagine having flashbacks that change really quickly and blend into each other. The images are kinda foggy and all sounds echo etc. Also keep an eye on the lines that indicate scene change. That way you hopefully won't get too confused.

Big thanks to Carol S. for beta reading this for me!

Feedback is welcome and hoped (begged) for but please be gentle.

Copyright (c) 2004 Sunstar

It's all coming back to me

"How is she doc?"

"There's no change yet. She's still unconscious."

"Why? What's taking..."

"Sir!" The doctor interrupted gently but firmly. "You must understand. She suffered a serious head injury. She has a severe concussion which needs time to heal. It might still take hours before she wakes up."

"But she's going to be alright? Isn't she, doc?" The man's voice was laced with desperation and fear.

"Yes, I believe she's going to make a full recovery. She might have some amnesia, but it should pass."

The man let out a sigh and slumped back into his chair by the bed. He hadn't moved from it since the woman had been brought in twelve hours ago. Even though the doctor hadn't known him for long, it was obvious to her that the woman lying on the bed meant much more to him than he was willing to admit, even to himself.


"Chevron 7, locked!"

There was a big swoosh and the ring burst alive. She had never seen anything like it. Her mouth agape, she looked at it amazed. After the first outburst, the middle of the ring now looked like water. A shimmering blue surface. It was beautiful.

She was looking at it from somewhere above. She wanted to move closer but couldn't. Something was pulling her backwards, the image was fading.

- - - - - -

The scene suddenly changed and she found herself looking at the ring again, but it wasn't the same ring.

"Daniel, dial us back!"

"But, Sir!"

"No buts, Captain! We're going home!"

A blast of fire flew by her and she felt someone knocking her down.

"Take cover!"

She looked around her and saw men, or at least she assumed they were men, with some kind of helmets that resembled a snake's head, running towards her, firing strange weapons.

Her heart beat in her chest and she instinctively reached for her own weapon. Her hands grasped a small silver thing and she started firing back. She knew how to fire the gun and she knew it was called a Zat. What she didn't know was how she knew all this. She just stared at the energy blasting from the weapon with wide eyes and hoped she would survive long enough for someone to explain what was going on.

- - - - -

Cold. So cold. She was shivering uncontrollably and her breath was making clouds.

Where was she now? Snow, ice. All she could see was snow and ice. She was in some kind of dark cavern, all alone. .... No, wait, she wasn't alone. A man was lying on the ground a few meters from her. She ran to his side and knelt down feeling for his pulse on his neck.

He was badly hurt but still he was the one trying to make her less scared.

"We are going to get out of here, you have to believe me."

"I want to, Sir, I just don't see how."


She could feel a warm hand wrap around her own.

"Carter.... Sam, can you hear me?" The voice seemed to come from somewhere far away.


Sam... who was Sam? Was that her?

She wanted to turn her head towards the voice, answer it, but she couldn't. The fog was pulling her back in.


She snapped out of her hypnotic state.

"We left him behind! We left him behind!" She was screaming and crying.

Strong arms wrapped around her and pulled her into a hug.

"Shh... It's all right. We're going back...we're going back."

- - - - -

Her head hurt. She was being pulled into a sitting position on a floor.


"What happened?"

"Hathor's gone."

"What about you?" She asked concerned.

"Cold, a little chilly, but I'm me. I'm me."

Again she was being hugged. The embrace was so tight she could hardly breathe, but she welcomed it. It gave her a sense of security and peace. They were alive and that was all that mattered at that moment.

- - - - -

She closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them again she found herself staring at a surface of a table. Startled she lifted her head up again. She was in a lab, her lab, she knew. Many images flashed in front of her in seconds.

She saw herself working on all sort of things and the man smiling at her and fiddling with her pen. She also saw him playing with his yoyo and asking her to go fishing with him to his cabin.

She smiled, and he disappeared in a flash of light.

- - - - -

She blinked. The lab faded from around her and she found herself standing in a room looking at a mirror. In the mirror she saw herself... but.. it wasn't her... her hair was different. The man was there, the man who had just been hugging her. Now she saw him kissing the woman who looked exactly like her! Her heart ached but she couldn't look away.

- - - - -

The scene changed again.

She was talking to him but he turned away, walked to another woman, again.

She'd worked so hard! A hundred days, to get him home.

For what? He doesn't want to come back. He isn't happy.

He's asking the other woman come with him.

She turned away, unable to listen anymore.



She heard the whisper.

"Sam, please wake up. Please! Open your eyes for me."

She struggled to comply but her eyelids felt so heavy...

The voice was familiar. It was his voice, but it was still so far away.


She saw the man again. Looked into his brown eyes and knew there was something she should remember, something about this man she should know. But she couldn't even remember his name.

She saw him pull her out from under a bomb, save her from gunfire and collapsing ceilings. She saw him put her safety before his and sit by her when she was sick.

Who was this man? And who was she? She wasn't even sure of her own name.

- - - - -

Sam... Jolinar...

She saw her own eyes flash and screamed! No!!!

She was terrified. What was that? She wasn't in control anymore. Someone, something was in her mind.

She was scared.

An older man approached her. "It's ok, Sammie."


The man's eyes flashed and his voice changed. "I am a Tok'ra."

She screamed again.


He watched helplessly as she trashed on the bed and whimpered in her sleep. He tried to wake her up with no luck.

"Sam! Wake up! It's just a dream. It's ok, everything's ok. Please, wake up."

He ran his hand soothingly over her hair, wiping the slight sweat from her forehead, but she stayed unconscious.

The doctor came by and checked her vitals.

"I'm sorry, Sir. There's nothing I can do. We just have to wait for her to wake up on her own."


Suddenly she was out on field again, in the middle of a fire fight. She saw him being hit by an energy weapon. Her heart nearly stopped beating.


- - - - -

The ground beneath him turned into a bed. He was sick, really sick. She knew he was dying. She bent down as close to him as possible and pleaded him to choose the option that would save him.

"Sir... please..." She knew he hated the option.

But he did it. For her.

- - - - -

The fast changes of scenery and the fog in her mind was making her dizzy.

She was crying now.

Her best friend had just died but all she could think of was him.

"I'm really glad you're okay."

"C' mere" He whispered and pulled her in his arms.


"Sam... " He was talking to her again.

"I don't know if you can hear me... but I'm here, right here. I won't leave you. Please wake up. I want to see those blue eyes of yours again.... I miss you, Sam. Come back to me..."

He sounded so sad. Her foggy mind had trouble understanding his words. He misses me? Why? He doesn't care. He doesn't want to be with me.

So tired...


There was a shimmering force field between them. He was banging on the wall trying to break the controls.

"Sir! There's no time! You have to leave!"

"NO!!! I'm not leaving you!

He looked at her through the force field and the look in his eyes matched the fear and despair in hers.

- - - - -

He was hooked to a machine, a band around his head.

"I didn't leave, because I'd rather have died myself than lose Carter.... I care about her... a lot more than I'm supposed to."

- - - - -

"Please... Jack..."

The ice closed around him and he was frozen.

She lifted a trembling hand to touch the icy surface fighting back the tears that threatened to fall.


"Sam... don't leave me.... I can't lose you..."

She felt a feather light kiss on her hair.


The images in her head kept changing faster and faster and the sounds were getting louder and louder.


"Wormhole engaged!"


"SG-1, you have a go!"


"Whatcha doing?"


"Report to the infirmary."


"Oh, for crying out loud!"


"Captain Samantha Carter reporting, Sir!"


"All right campers, let's go!"


"Daniel! Dial us out, now!"


"Bow before your God!"


"Teal'c, cover for me!"


"Chevron four encoded!"


"Colonel Jack O'Neill"


"Where's the DHD?!"


"General Hammond of the SGC."


"Congratulations Major."


"Doctor Jackson."


"First shot stuns, second kills. .... Third... disintegrates."


"I am Jolinar of the Tok'ra."


"I won't leave you!!!"




"I care about her...a lot more than I'm supposed to."




"People of the Tau'ri."


"Incoming traveller!"


"I am the supreme commander of the Asgard fleet."




"Theoretical astrophysicist."


"You have to go!"


"I'm not leaving you!"


"I care about her."


"A lot more than I'm supposed to."


"Not leaving you!"




"Not leaving..."




"It's okay...."


Her eyes snapped open and she bolted upright in bed. Her breathing was fast and shallow.

He was by her in an instant, grabbing hold of her hands.

"Sam! It's ok. It's ok. You're safe."

Her hands clutched his arms and she looked at him with wild, confused eyes.

"Ja... Jack?"

"Yes, I'm here. It's ok. .... You got quite a bump to your head but the Doctor says you're going to be fine."

Seeing her beautiful blue eyes fill with tears, he couldn't help himself. He pulled her against his chest and dropped a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Shhh... I've got you." He could feel her shaking and stroked her hair and back trying to calm her down, rocking her like a baby.

When her sobs quieted down a little she lifted her head to look around.

"Where...?" She paused for a second. "I'm in the infirmary, at the base. SGC, right?"

"That's right." He answered, smiling warmly down at her.

"Oh, Jack, I was so scared... I was having dreams and nightmares. I couldn't remember anything! Who I was or who you were..."

"I know, Sam, I know. It's okay." He said cupping her face and tenderly wiping away her tears.

"Do you remember now?" He quietly asked not breaking eye contact.

After a little hesitation she answered. "Yes, it's all coming back to me."

The look she gave him assured him that she remembered all the things that mattered and all the things she couldn't say out loud.

"Thank you, Jack." She whispered lowering her head.

"For what?"

"For being here... for not leaving..." Her voice faltered for a second. "For caring..."

Jack put a finger under her chin and lifted her head so that her eyes were again level with his.

"...a lot more than I'm supposed to." He finished for her.

Her breath caught in her throat and she let out small gasp. A lone tear made its way down her cheek when she slowly leaned forward.

The kiss was short and gentle, filled with the love they weren't allowed to express.

She pulled back gazing into his brown eyes one last time before wrapping her arms around his neck, hugging him tight.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a soft kiss on the cheek before burying his face onto her shoulder.

"I'm really glad you're okay."

The End