I do not own Knight Rider. Inspired by my sister who laughs every time she hears KITT say "Michael, where are your pants?" and who is the world's cutest Knight Rider fan. I apologize in advance for the mental image this fic might conjure.
Michael stared in numb disbelief at vacant motel dresser drawer. Frantically he began jerking the other drawers open, hoping in vain that he had merely forgotten which drawer he had stuffed his clothing into. It was all in vain. Every scrap of clothing was gone.
Standing in the cool air-conditioned air, still dripping from his shower, with only a towel around his waist, he pondered just what he had done to deserve this treatment.
In the early hours of the morning, she had nuzzled him gently, told him that she was off to her waitressing job at Denny's...he had smiled sleepily at her, kissed her cheek, said "Love you Christi...." then promptly fell back to sleep.
And there it was.
Apparently, Trinity had taken offense at the innocent slip....along with all of his clothes.
Shivering, Michael jerked open the last drawer. Then he saw them.
A large, silky pair, of granny style panties. Pink with little white and yellow flowers, complete with little a little ruffled edge. He picked them up in state of morbid curiosity.
Trinity apparently had a wicked sense of revenge.
Michael considered his options...he could either call Devon or Bonnie and request that he have some clothing sent (and consequently never hear the end of it)...or he could don the granny-panties and dash outside and into KITT before anyone saw him, drive back home, and sneak into his room and get a new outfit.
The thought of hearing Devon berate his carelessness, and the looks Bonnie would send his way, for a solid month were enough incentive for him to opt for the second option.
Michael gritted his teeth, donned the panties, and bolted out of the door and across the parking lot. He jerked the car door open and shut it quickly.
The lights on the vox-box were quivering. KITT didn't say a word, yet the bars of light were just barely quivering up and down at an alarming pace. Michael noticed.
"Shut up KITT. I need to get home for a change of clothes." Michael grumbled.
"Might I inquire...." KITT's voice was even, but the bars still quivered erratically, "as to what happened to your pants?"
"Christi—Blast! I mean, Trinity took them."
"I see." A pause. "Might I also inquire as to why you are wearing ladies undergarments?"
"It was all she left me." Michael's patience was wearing thin. He knew full well he was being laughed at, regardless at how innocently KITT posed his questions.
"Ah. Wouldn't it be easier to phone Devon and ask him to---"
"No, it would not! I'd never hear the end of it!"
"I see." Another pause accompanied by the flickering bars of light. So I guess this means you are neither a boxers nor a briefs man."
"Ha, ha, ha. Just shut up and drive." Michael swore under his breath.
"Does your grandmother know you talk like that?" The bars of light quivered and this time Michael swore he could hear KITT choking on his hilarity. "And that you're wearing her unmentionables?"
Michael stared at the dash. Oh yes, he was being laughed at. It occurred to him that he might still never hear the end of this incident. "Another comment like that and I'll fly them like a flag with you as the flagpole, KITT."
"You wouldn't do that." KITT scoffed. "Would you?" He inquired suddenly.
"Not if you get me home in record time. I'd like to avoid attention if at all possible." Michael folded his arms and sighed. He felt as naked as he looked.
"I understand." The engine started and they pulled out of the parking space. "So...I suppose this means you are forgoing your trip to Denny's?"
"You enjoy doing this to me. I know you do."
Michael couldn't stand any more. "Look, KITT if you are going to give me a hard time, or make another lame joke about my underwear I---"
"No," His partner sounded rather testy. "I was going to tell you that Devon is calling."
"Oh." The blood drained from Michael's face.
"Then I was going to ask if I should tell him to try back later..."
"That's really rather nice of---"Michael attempted to smooth things over, but he knew full well it was too late.
"I can tell that you'd rather not talk with me, so I'll just patch him through."
"KITT!" Michael pleaded.
Devon's face appeared on the monitor. The worthy gentleman was looking over a sheet of paper, and his first words were spoken whilst reading. "Michael, about that contact..." Devon trailed off. "Is this a bad time?"
Michael rubbed his temples. "No, Devon." It was in fact shaping out to be the day from Hades, but he couldn't very well admit it to Devon without a lengthy explanation.
"Are you...decent?" Devon asked, somewhat flustered.
"No, Devon, I often drive KITT in the buff." Michael saw Devon's eyebrows convey surprise, and he quickly amended. "I'm just kidding. I'm in my underwear."
"That isn't entirely accurate, Mr. Miles, he's actually in some woman's underwear." KITT broke in, apparently indignant at the suggestion he'd let anyone drive him in the nude.
The look upon Devon's face was priceless. "This should surprise me more than it does." He muttered. "I'll have Bonnie send over some new clothes."
"NO!" Michael cried. "Devon, you cannot tell Bonnie about this....you cannot let Bonnie see me like this."
"Don't be ridiculous, Michael. I can't have you waltzing about in frilly, lacey...lacey...whatever they are. Stay where you are at and she'll be there shortly." Devon's face faded out from the screen.
Half an hour later when Bonnie's grinning face appeared outside the driver side window, Michael composed himself as best he could, and with the greatest show of dignity he could muster, took the outfit handed to him. He marched back into his motel room and put on the new outfit and emerged feeling somewhat less ridiculous.
Bonnie had apparently left while he changed; he was grateful for the consideration. He slid into the driver's seat and sighed. Michael ventured a smile and forced himself to relax. Maybe the whole ugly thing would just blow over...his friends were considerate, after all. They certainly wouldn't delight in tormenting him, would they? After all, he had gone through abject humiliation. Yes, this would all pass, and he'd never have to hear about it again. Devon was probably blocking it from his memory, Bonnie was a good and decent person, Michael thought as he turned on the radio, and KITT, well, KITT would---
The radio blared out:
Lacey things, the wife is missing.
Didn't ask, for her permission
I'm wearing her clothes,
her silk panty hose.
Walking around in women's underwear.
Michael flicked off the radio and sent a look of venom at the vox-box. "Smart alec." He muttered. But he was all in all a rather good mood, and a week later when he stuck a glittering "Diva" bumper sticker to KITT, he did so with almost no malice in his heart.