To Live would be an Awfully Big Adventure
Chapter 1: Regrets
It was not often that Wendy thought about Peter anymore. She found that it was much too painful, for her already broken heart. She was now fifteen years old. Three years ago, she had been flying all over Neverland with Peter Pan, fighting pirates, talking to the mermaids, playing games with the Indians and telling the Lost boys her enchanting stories. But one memory that Wendy could never forget about Neverland was the kiss she shared with Peter on the Jolly Roger, when they were both nearly killed by Captain Hook himself. Something else came to mind also. It was of Wendy and Peter dancing in the night air, high above the forest floor. The fairies with their tiny bodies glowing brightly, danced gracefully around them. That was such a beautiful night.
When she arrived back home, she thought for many nights, Have I done the wrong thing by leaving Peter? Should I have stayed with him and never grown up?
But as she grew, she decided that it was in her family's best interest, if she stayed in London. After all Peter never came back for her after that night, when the last she saw of him, was him flying away, higher and higher into the night sky.
Oh so many thoughts. Why can't I think of the answer to end my misery? Wendy asked herself as she tossed and turned in her bed. Why do I feel as if I should have stayed in Neverland with Peter, and yet I feel I needed to grow up? I do so want to be young forever and have fun with Peter. But I also want to grow up. It doesn't make any sense to me. I wish Peter had stayed with me. No! I wish I had of stayed with Peter. We would have been free and could do as we please. But then there was the fact, that if I did ever want to grow up, I would have had to go back to a world with my younger brothers older then me, my parents most likely dead and I would have no Peter in my life anymore.
Poor Wendy thought to herself, as she lay down on her new bed, with her head buried in her pillow, and her blonde-brown hair sprawled out around her. Wendy knew she was growing up, because she had forgotten how to fly, and was forgetting small but important things about Neverland. She then lifted her head at the sound of the grandfather clock, chiming in the hallway. She waited silently until she heard it chime the eleventh hour. Getting up from her tear-soaked pillow, she arose from her bed and walked over to her dressing table. As she went to pick up her kiss that Peter had given her, she caught a glimpse of someone she didn't know in her mirror. Wendy wasn't worried by this person, because she knew that they would do her no harm. She then said to herself.
I don't know this person. Why do I look at myself and not know who I am? I am here and yet I am not. My body is physically growing and living in this grown-up world, but my mind is staying young and living in Neverland.
This was a depressing thought. Peter would be younger then her in appearance, but he would be the same age as her in her mind. And Wendy didn't really know what would happen to her as she grew. It would be as if her body would keep on growing and dragging her along, while her mind stayed young and confused. She started to become frightened at the thought of this.
I would never really belong anywhere. I'll be too old in appearance for Neverland, and too young in the mind for this world. I will be stuck between two worlds. Why do I have to choose? Should I forget Peter and try to live my life as normal as possible? Or should I pray that Peter will come back for me and take me back to Neverland? Each option was too hard to live by, in their own way.
I don't want to forget Peter and grow up, and I don't want to forget my family and stay young.
Snapping out of her depressing thoughts, Wendy remembered what she had gotten up out of bed to do in the first place. Quickly, but ever so carefully Wendy placed Peter's kiss around her neck.
She disregarded the girl who was staring at her on the other side of the mirror, and walked across her room to the door. Quietly she turned the handle and peeked out into the dark hallway. She listened for any noise that might indicate that someone was still awake. Five minutes later, she decided that it was safe enough to leave her room. She tiptoed down the hallway and snuck into the next room on her left. Once she had opened the door and made sure that the boys were still sleeping, Wendy took one giant step into the nursery and turned to close the door.
Oh, I made it. Once again as always. She thought to herself, leaning her back on the door as she turned around, with a little smile appearing on her brilliant red lips.
She stared at the room she was now in. This was the room she had once shared with her brothers, John and Michael. They had so many adventures and joy in this room. Now this room was occupied with her new adopted brothers (The Lost Boys), as well as John and Michael. Turning her head, she saw her old bed sitting lifelessly in its position, facing the window. Happily she skipped over to her old comforting bed, and felt herself fly onto it. Shocked by this Wendy didn't know what to think.
Did I just fly onto my bed? I only flew a little bit in the air, but I know flying when I feel it. I couldn't forget what flying feels like. Even if I did forget how to fly, I would know what it felt like once I did it again. Wendy seemed to be repeating the same thought in her head, trying to word it in a different way each time, to see which thought seemed easier to understand.
Dismissing the thought, she decided that she had just imagined flying. However a little niggling feeling was left in her head, as if trying to break through to her and make her realise that she wasn't imagining it. She lay there on her bed for a while thinking of the time her father said he was going to sell her old bed.Flash back
(One night, a few weeks after Wendy, her brothers and The Lost Boys returned from Neverland.)
Mr Darling and Mrs Darling are sitting in the family room talking. Wendy is walking up the stairs to her new room, when suddenly she stops as she hears Mr Darling.
Mr Darling: Mary I think we should sell Wendy's old bed, to make more room for the boys in the nursery.
Mrs Darling: But George, you know how much Wendy loves that bed. She's practically slept in it her whole life.
Wendy has now crept down from the stairs, to the door of the family room, listening to every word her parents say.
Mr Darling: I know Mary, but she has a new room and bed now. We have no use for it anymore.
Mrs Darling: George, Wendy is very attached to that bed. I don't know why we didn't think of putting it in her new room.
Mr Darling: I did think of it. But it wasn't a good idea. Wendy needs to grow up. And I don't want anything from her childhood years to hold her back. Even if it is a bed. The simplest thing can have too many memories.
Mrs Darling (shocked): Surely you don't want to destroy Wendy's memories?
Mr Darling: No, of course not. But they will hold her back. And she doesn't need that. Not if she is to marry and live a good life.
Wendy stormed in the room at this.
Wendy: You can't get rid of my bed. It's mine. I don't care what you say I'll never let you give it away.
Wendy ran out of the room crying, scurried up the stairs and flopped down onto her old bed in the nursery, and cried.
End Flash Back
Obviously they had let her keep the bed, as she was lying on it right now. However her parents only agreed to keep it if she would promise not to sleep in it. Of course she promised, with the intention of never going against her parents' word. But there was the occasional night, when she would sneak off to the nursery and lay on the bed for a while, just to think of what it was like to be young again.
Wendy stared out of her window, and remembered how she would do this every night, (when she was younger), and slowly drift off to dream.
Tonight the sky was clear. It was a black velvety sheet, with little diamonds encrusted into it. But she was looking at one star in particular. The second to the right. She was half expecting a little light to shoot out of it and fly all the way down to her window. But that was wishful thinking. Peter Pan would never come back for her now. She was too confused about who she was. However, part of her was still hoping and believing that he would come for her and rescue her from this grown up world.
Her thoughts were making her sleepy, and before she knew it she was fast asleep. It had not seemed so long ago that she had closed her eyes, and now she was awake once again. Nothing seemed to have woken her. The grandfather clock in the hallway was silent. The boys were sleeping peacefully, and it wasn't time for her to sneak back into her own room. Thought Wendy.
It was more of an instinct that had woken her. Something was different and she could feel its presence in the nursery. She looked over to the window. She was almost sure she saw some fairy dust glittering on the windowsill. The window hadn't been opened. There was no sign of a boy... Wendy realised that she was once again thinking of Peter. He wouldn't have come, why would he?
She decided that it would be a good idea to leave the nursery, in case she fell asleep again. However as soon as she got up out of bed, she noticed that her parents were at the door. Was this the presence that she had felt in the room? Her parents? She then realised that she was in the nursery with her parents watching her get out of the bed. She had made them see that she had gone back on her promise.
Mr Darling was looking very disappointed and angry in the face as he said, "Wendy, what do you think you are doing?"
Wendy couldn't believe what she did next.
"I was checking that the boys were alright." She lied.
Oh stupid. So stupid. Now I haven't not only gone back on my promise, I lied to them about it as well, to cover it up. Wendy thought miserably.
"How dare you lie to me. How long has this been going on? You are supposed to be a grown woman." Mr Darling said getting very red in the face and his left eye was twitching, which it always did when he was furious.
Mrs Darling stepped in at this and said, "George, can't this wait until the morning? You don't want to wake the boys."
Mr Darling replied, "It most certainly can not wait until the morning."
Wendy said, "Father I'm sorry, I only came in for a few short seconds. I must have slept-walked."
What am I doing? Why do I keep lying and making it worse for myself? He knows I'm lying for sure now. I changed my story from checking on the boys, to sleepwalking.
"Wendy, don't lie to me. I saw you go into the nursery, very cautiously. And I waited for you to come out. But when you didn't we came and found you asleep. I know you did not sleepwalk. Now tell me the truth." Mr Darling yelled at her.
Her father hadn't yelled at her like this since the night he had told her to grow up. That was the night Peter had come for her. But there was no escape to Neverland now. Peter would never come for her. He had probably forgotten about her. Even though she had asked him, "Peter! You won't forget me will you?" He replied with, "Me? Forget? Never." Then he... Hang on she had also asked him, "Will you come back?" He replied with, "To hear stories. About me."
So he did say he would come back. How could she have forgotten?
She was brought back to the present by her father, who was pulling her out of the nursery by her left arm and shoving her into her room. They were closely followed by Mrs Darling who was calling for George to leave her.
"This is your room now. You are never to go into the nursery again. Is that understood?" bellowed her father, as he started to leave and shut her bedroom door.
"No, it isn't understood father." Wendy shouted back at him.
She realised that for the forth time that night, she had once again made it worse for herself. I broke my promise about never sleeping in my old bed again. I lied about checking on the boys, and then I changed my story and said I was sleepwalking. Now I have back-answered my father.
Her father, stopped when he heard Wendy's comment. He turned to look at her and came back into her room. He stood in front of her a few metres away near the door. Mrs Darling walked into the room and put her hand on George's shoulder.
"George, come to bed. You have to go to work early in the morning." She said calmly.
He shook off Mrs Darling and simply said, "Mary, get Aunt Millicent on the phone."
His tired, red eyes were staring into her red, tearful ones.
"Whatever for George?" asked Mrs Darling.
"Wendy will be staying there for the next few months, until she learns to grow up." He said with his teeth clenched together.
That was what he had basically said to her in the same tone, the night that she was told by him, that she would begin her instructions with Aunt Millicent the next day.
"What? No! I won't go." Cried Wendy.
"You will do as you are told!" roared Mr Darling.
"But why must I go to Aunt Millicent's? Why do I have to do what you say?" Wendy asked him, hoping he would give her the answer she was looking for.
"Because you are still a child." He said not realising what he had said. A moment ago he had told her she was a grown woman. Now he was calling her a child.
"Yes I am still a child." She said quietly.
"As of tomorrow you will never set foot in the nursery again." He yelled. Turning on his heel he walked out of the room past Mrs Darling. He went to call Aunt Millicent because Mrs Darling hadn't done so.
Wendy burst into a new stream of tears, sunk onto her bed and put her head into her hands. Mrs Darling sat down next to Wendy on the bed and put a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. However she pulled away when Wendy went to hug her. Wendy was shocked and just stared at her mother confused.
"Wendy, your father is right. No more games. You were told three years ago. Consider this as a final warning. Although I'm sure you will still be sent to Aunt Millicent's." said Mrs Darling in a disappointed way and then walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.
Wendy couldn't believe it. Her own mother, who had always been the one to help her through her father's and aunt's ranting and raving, was giving up on her.
Her tears were now too scared to leave her eyes, and all she could do was sit up on her bed and think, I should never have left Neverland, I should never have left Peter.