Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda or any related characters.
Author's Note: If you find any language mistakes (spelling, grammar,...) then don't hesitate to inform me about them quickly in a rude and/or insulting manner, since my English is not that good and I would greatly like to improve it. However, if you wish to comment things like the content of my stories then keep your critism clinical. Thanks!
How it came to be no one actually knew. When, where or why is apparently not remembered by anyone. Or is the knowledge just forgotten? The knowledge of this ... this thing some people even tried to deny ... without success. The knowledge of the fact, that Link, Zelda and Ganondorf once ... shared a flat. The knowledge of
"WHERE THE HELL DID YOU PUT THE SOAP? LINK? LINK?"
"No, no it clearly was YOUR turn to buy the newspaper today!"
"ZELDA! YOUR STUPID CAT THREW UP ON THE CARPET AGAIN!"
"How am I supposed to know where you've put your friggin shirt?"
"I'm sorry, I'll call you- WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP, I'M TRYING TO HAVE A PHONE CONVERSATION HERE!"
The Chronicles of Condo
- Friday, 6 pm -
Assuming a day like any other was supposed to include the violent fits and numerous attempted homicides of an angered landlord, the desperate try of your cat to catch a piece of you shoe for dinner and random phone calls from a guy named Gordon who claims to be the rightful owner of your car, then one could indeed call this day a day like any other.
However as Link and Zelda were traditionally fighting over the last piece of semi-edible cheese, there was a knock at the door which would soon turn out to be anything but a visit like any other.
Especially because visit and knock were rather misleading terms, better to be replaced by 'inhabitant' and 'kick'.
Failing to notice Ganondorf's violent entrance in the first place it took one more ever so subtle hint from the not-so-soon-to-be Lord of Evil.
"HUZZAH FOLKS, I'M HOME!", exclaimed the above-mentioned and entered the kitchen in an unusually happily skipping way whilst holding up a piece of paper.
"What's that?", asked Zelda who had been taught to inquire about things that way in order to seem polite and well-behaved. And because she needed to focus on something else in order not to rip off Link's head who had managed to steal the cheese in a brief moment of inattention from Zelda's site.
"This is the first step of OUR PATH TO CASH, GLORY, FAME AND CASH!"
"…are you drunken again?", asked Zelda on whom those early lessons in politeness were apparently lost when confronted with a mad Gerudo and a cheese-stealing bum.
"Yes, but that's not the point. Just read it. Read it!" Ganondorf insisted, almost sticking the piece of paper to Zelda's face.
"Okay, okay, just stop chocking me!" the slightly angered princess replied, thus bringing Ganondorf's attention to the fact that said infamous piece of paper had indeed partially found its way up Zelda's nose already.
"Mffh fhe affef?" inquired Link, who apparently didn't make the slightest attempt of reading the piece of paper himself, due to the fact that perhaps he wasn't capable of doing so or probably just because he was too goddamn lazy to do it.
"What's it about?" repeated Link, having stopped to chew on the last piece of cheese eventually.
"Oh you see, they gave it to us at today's Evil Overlord Workshop. It's an invitation to-"
"THE HYRULE HAMLETEERS? HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY INSANE?", shrieked Zelda before stomping off in anger, leaving behind a torn piece of paper and two mildly disturbed roommates.
"Whoa, what's gotten into her? And who are those Hamsterees anyway?"
With a sigh loud enough to wake his desert-inhabiting relatives, Ganondorf picked up his beloved invitation, examined it worriedly and sat down to prepare for a hopefully brief explanation. "Hyrule's Hamleteers is THE most famous Shakespearian acting company in the whole country! Taking part in one of their productions is the best and most exciting thing to happen to any artistic mortal. It's every actor's dream and the greatest honor one could ever achieve!"
"So… why'd we want to do it?"
"Because, more than any other job, this one is not only well-respected but also very well-paid"
"Oh. Right", Link paused and produced a chocolate bar from his pocket. "Sounds cool. What's Zel's problem?"
"Well… perhaps she is just generally angered for some reason", Ganondorf stated, including a stress on the last three words spoken plus a brief evil glare at Link's snack, both passing by completely unnoticed.
"And that'd be what?" Link said absent-mindedly, but apparently very busy in his chewing.
Ganondorf rolled his eyes, got up and left the kitchen, unnoticed by his Hylian roommate. With Ganondorf left another chocolate bar which Link thought to be safely hidden under the kitchen table. Theft? Probably not. Some major spoiled-princess-conviction-work had to be done after all.
- Sunday, 8 am -
Uncomfortably shifting in his chair, a tired Hylian blond addressed Ganondorf. "So, why's it that it's Sunday, long before 1 pm but I'm not in bed anyway?"
"Because", came the quick reply from coffee-sipping Zelda's site. "Because Ganondorf managed to find us a stage coach"
"A person who will train us so that when we're auditioning for our parts at Hyrules Hamleteers they won't throw us out and skin us alive after our first two lines"
"Oh. Right" was Link's ever so detailed and elaborate reply.
But before Zelda could seriously consider accidentally spilling her coffee over Link's pants (or tights that is), Ganondorf got up to answer the door.
"Did you hear anybody knocking?" Zelda wondered, looking at the newspaper Ganondorf had left on the table.
"Mfh", stated Link, chewing on a piece of toast.
His reply was followed by a brief period of silence which was interrupted by Ganondorf, who re-entered the kitchen, accompanied by a girl whose brown hair was decorated with a rich cornucopia of wild flowers. She immediately started to hum a random song, doing a little dance to emphasize the randomness.
The chosen reaction of both was confusion and their choice became all too visible when Link paused eating his third piece of cake.
"Well, everybody - say hi to Malon, our new stage couch!"
"Ooooh, I get it!", exclaimed Zelda entirely freed from confusion and even happy as it seemed. "Wow, that's just awesome! The best Ophelia impression I've ever seen!"
Making sure that Link had taken up eating again, Ganondorf coughed and hurriedly left the room before Malon's reply could reach Zelda's ear.
"Tee hee, thanks! Never heard of that Ophelia guy tough…"
So there. Tadaaa and stuff. No comment from my part. Nah, better not. I'm off! (rushes away)