Disclaimer: I own nothing, Joss does, if I owned it this story wouldn't happen. *sob*
Author note: This is just a short thing I wrote after learning the fate of Buffy's mom. It's her thoughts in light of the tragedy.
Waiting For Me
No one knows when their time will come. Most of us just hope that we will be blessed with a long life, others try not to think of it at all. All we do know is that the time will come and no matter how much we prepare ourselves for that moment, no one is really ready when it arrives. All your dreams lost, loved ones left behind, and so many words that go unspoken. There's never enough time to say them all, and still the moment comes.
I wasn't ready when she left, and I don't think she was either. She had fought so hard for life, she was so strong. She was stronger than anyone, even me. I'm the Slayer. It's my destiny to fight evil and protect the world from the forces of darkness. But I couldn't protect her. All this time I thought I knew what darkness was, I haven't even begun.
I thought evil came in a package with a black ribbon and fangs, but it turns out that the real demon is something I can't stop. It's bigger than any of us, and more powerful than anything I've ever faced. That demon is life.
You see, death is a part of life. You can't escape it and you can't stop it. I have spent the better part of my days fighting vampires and demons just to stop death from coming to my friends, my family and all of mankind. But death isn't always a scary ordeal with a monster to fight. I don't always get to be the hero.
My mom went gently and peacefully into the unknown. I wasn't even there when it happened. I was defenseless to stop it. All my training and super strength didn't matter anymore.
She looked so peaceful, I thought she was sleeping. I guess that was what I wanted to think anyway. When she laid down that afternoon, I wonder if she knew she would be slipping into eternal slumber?
So now I sit here alone in this empty house. It isn't a home anymore. Home is where the heart is and my heart is gone. It left the moment I found her here. In an instant, everything that I have fought for was lost.
In my life, I have been blessed with great friends. They would die for me as much as I would die trying to protect them. I can count on them, but they aren't my blood. My mother was the one thing in my life that was constant and true. She gave me life, and I was stripped of the chance to save hers.
I look at the people on the streets. They pass by without a care. Children play, and people laugh. The sun is still shining down on all their smiling faces. I want to scream at them . My mother is dead and life goes on around us. Don't they know that the world has ended? My world has ended, and yet life goes on.
That's the way it works. I may feel dead inside, but still my heart beats. The light in my life is gone, but the sun still shines. I feel like time stopped the instant she left, but the world around me says that time still marches on. I feel like giving up the fight, but the demons will still come.
All I can do is be strong and keep on fighting. She would have wanted that. I still have a destiny to fulfill. So I'll keep on fighting until I face that demon myself. When it comes for me, I won't fear it. I'll embrace it, because I know that I won't be alone. My mother will be waiting for me.