Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket.. too bad, so sad for me. :( But I do, however, own this computer, so that makes me still cool in my own way.

This is based off of some silly fic idea that I had- lessons by Shigure on writing. This is, of course, addressing the most important things to a novelist nowdays. Hopefully I'll be a good little girl and update this often.

Anyway.. read and review, please! And praise deity of your choice that this is one of the rare pieces of fiction that is absolutely Sue-less! Go me. ;)

Enjoy- Ayame Kazeai

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LESSON ONE:

Top Eight Ways to Tortu...er... Avoid Your Editor

by Shigure Sohma

1.) Fake Your Own Death

Yes, that's right, pretend like you're dead. This is best pulled off if you can find some poor sap off of

the streets to dress in black, go to your editor's house, and say "I regret to inform you that at high noon

today, Shigure Sohma ceased to be amongst the living..."

2.) Go On Vacation... to Russia!

All you need to do is write a note to your editor saying something along the lines of "The stresses of

this deadline have been too much for me to handle. I have decided to take a month's vacation in Russia to

allow me some time to vent and collect myself". This idea works best if your editor is A) afraid of flying or

B) without a passport.

3.) Tape Your Home up Like a Crime Scene!

Nothing like a horrific crime to keep the deadlines behind. Bonus points if you talk your cousin/best friend

Ayame into lending you a handful of models dressed in scant police uniforms to "patrol" the premises.

4.) Join the French Foreign Legion

Or at least tell her that you did. A week before deadline.

5.) Dodge and Dash

Welcome your editor in. Offer her tea. Tell her that your pages are finished, and that you'll give them to her-

but you have to use the bathroom first. Go to said bathroom and excape out the window. I recommend hiding

nearby so that you can see her freak out when she goes to look for you after waiting 30 minutes.

6.) Make it into a Treasure Hunt!

A capitol idea! Surprise her by handing her your envelope thick from papers. She'll be in shock so badly that

you'll have time to slip away while she rips the envelope open to see if her eyes decieve her. What she'll find will

be 499 blank sheets of paper behind a paper with a clue on it. Write something like "Go to the Shed", and in the

shed, put another envelope with 499 sheets of blank paper with a coversheet saying "Hop Back Twice, Turn

Around and Dig" or such. So on and so forth.

7.) Email the Manuscript

Insist over and over again to your editor that you'll be emailing all of the pages to her this time. Say something along

the lines of your printer being broken, or such. Then send her an email, with the attatchment saying "APRIL FOOLS!!"

... even if it's mid-November.

8.) Let Her Know How You Feel

Actually give her the manuscript. No, seriously! But make this list be your coversheet. It'll remind her of how much

you love her (and probably bring her to the point where she won't want to -see- you anymore due to how utterly

annoying you can be).