A/N: Ever wonder what would happen if Raine and Kratos got married? What would happen to Lloyd and Genis? You're about to find out. I like the Kratos/Raine pairing ok, but I also like making fun of things. Also, the entries in Genis's diary aren't dated because I don't know what kind of calendar they use in Sylvarant.
Disclaimer: The only thing I own here is my own twisted imagination.
My family is weird. Just being related to my sister, Raine, gives me enough reason to say that, but how many other people do you know who have 4,000-year-old angels for brother-in-laws?
When Raine married Kratos, I knew things were going to get strange. With Kratos as my brother-in-law, that makes his son, Lloyd (my best friend) my nephew. The joke is, Lloyd is five years older than me. Not only am I living with them now, but Lloyd just got married to a ninja named Sheena. I'm the only person in this house who isn't feeling all lovey-dovey. It's making me a bit sick. On the bright side of things, I have my own room for the first time in my life. I'd better go for now. If Raine comes in and finds out I'm not studying, I'm in trouble. I think I'm starting to act like Lloyd...
I hear fighting downstairs. From the sounds of things, Raine is trying to "help" Sheena make dinner. I hope Sheena succeeds in throwing her out of the kitchen. Last time Raine made dinner, we all ended up dumping our bowls of stew in the potted fern in the dining room, then sneaking out looking for something edible. I'm surprised the fern is still alive. Uh-oh, that's not good. I thought I heard dishes breaking. I hope they both come out of this alive. Only in my family does cooking become a war.
Lloyd is hiding out in my room. I'm not sure who's mad at him this time, or why, and he won't tell me. I'm not complaining, though. Lloyd brought up some of his junk food stash, so right now the two of us are stuffing our faces with cookies. With five people in one house, it's a little difficult to have anything to yourself. I understand perfectly, since I have to share a bathroom with Raine and Kratos. One night, I got up to use the bathroom, and I guess Kratos was doing the same thing. Only problem was that Kratos was naked. Nobody (besides Raine) should EVER have to see that. I ran back into my room, screaming. The next day, Raine made him get a bathrobe. I still can't block the bad mental picture, though.
I guess Sheena finally kicked Raine out of the kitchen, since dinner was pretty good last night. Sheena made her special pineapple curry, and it didn't taste like Raine had added anything to it. Lloyd told me once Raine wanted to go to cooking school. I wonder whatever happened to that idea. I'd be glad to pay for it myself if there was any way Raine's cooking could be improved. I think I'll go talk to her about it.
My big mouth always gets me in trouble. I told Raine that she'd better not cook for Kratos unless she wants to be a widow, so she smacked me. I guess marriage hasn't changed her at all. I wish I could find the Wonder Chef, though. Maybe he could give her cooking lessons. Or maybe Regal, but he's busy in Altamira. I should still ask him next time he comes to visit. I've tried teaching her on several occasions, but it always seems to end up with me getting smacked.
Since Kratos and Raine got married, we've been living in Luin. It's nice, and certainly more exciting than Iselia, but the people here annoy us sometimes. When they recognize that we're the ones who helped fund the restoration of the city, they get excited and swarm around us. Kratos has to act like a bodyguard sometimes to get people to leave us alone. To make things worse, the "Raine Fan Club" seems to have moved here, too. I don't understand why a scholar/teacher/healer would have a fan club in the first place. I think Kratos gets jealous, because he started yelling and chased them away. I asked him about it, and of course he denied it. I also question the intelligence of a city that builds statues of Lloyd and Raine. Not to mention the fact it's creepy to go outside and see statues of your family members staring back at you. The other day I saw a pigeon sitting on the Lloyd statue's head. For some reason, it seemed fitting, as if to say that Lloyd's head is so empty that pigeons sit on it and he doesn't notice. Ahhhh! HEEELP! Lloyd's been reading over my shoulder and he isn't too happy about what I wrote. He gave me the dreaded "Noogie Attack of Doom." I'll have to find a safer place to write after the soreness in my head goes away.
Things are definately going to get weirder starting....now. It was Raine who delivered the news at breakfast this morning, and I don't know who was more shocked-Lloyd or me. Funny how just four words signaled a change in our lives forever, isn't it? Then again, the four words were "We're having a baby." I'm now officially terrified. As if Raine's temper isn't bad enough, now she's pregnant. Lloyd and I think maybe we should go into hiding for about the next nine months. Just the thought of a pregnant Raine scares me. I've heard women in can be unpredictable, and I don't intend to spend the next nine months in a body cast. I wonder if Regal needs help in Altamira...?