Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. It belongs to a bunch of creators atDC comics and some other people. How I wish I were that creative. huggles a Raven plushie Instead, I'm stuck using other peoples characters and ideas to create stories. It's quite sad really...

Warning: Rated for potentially morbid content in later chapters. I have problems controlling what comes out of my mind...

Summary: Raven finds herself reflecting on her entire life, even her dreaded past. After a fight with a greatly hated foe, she finds herself not remembering the fight at all, and trapped in a void where nothing remains as she wants it to be, and anything she sees refuses to stay long enough for her to get a closer look. She also finds that she can hear the voices of her friends occasionally speaking, though their bodies never appear. Could she finally be losing it? Or is there something greater going on?


Help Me Whilst I Hide

Chapter One – The Demon Awakens

'Why is it that I always feel alone? Even when I am among my friends, I can feel the difference between us. It radiates like a beacon through darkness. The others have always wondered why I keep myself 'aloof,' always cut off from the 'real world,' which surrounds us. After the adventure into the forbidden void, which is my mind, I had thought that perhaps Beast Boy and Cyborg would begin to understand what I went through. What I go through every day of my life. Maybe they had for a while, though with them, things have always gone in one ear and out the other. Immature pinheads.'

Raven's lavender hair swayed from a gentle, refreshing current of air that circulated her room, pushed by a dark colour fan mounted on the ceiling in her room. She didn't appear to notice however, being too deep in thought while attempting to make herself calm enough to meditate. It wasn't working.

Her thoughts and all attempt at anything else shattered at the sound of a crash from the kitchen, four reinforced steel floors below. Apparently something extremely large had broken. She groaned and opened eyes, which were a startling, yet mysterious, deep blue, almost purple colour. The immature pinheads had broken something, and it would be up to her to shut up the arguing which she could hear even before she opened the door to the hallway.

She was about to turn around when an idea hit her. Why not startle them? Maybe they'd shut up and let her meditate in peace for a few hours. Smirking to herself, Raven levitated into a sitting position and engulfed herself in spirit form as she sunk through the floor.

Sure enough, as she stuck her head through a portal in the ceiling of the kitchen, the table, as well as a few dishes, was in pieces and three members of the Titans were arguing about whose fault it had been, in obnoxiously loud voices. They weren't looking around either, perfect for her plan.

A furious, booming caw echoed through the room moments later as Raven swept down, expanding her magic and engulfing her bickering teammates in momentary blackness, before releasing the magic and revealing her to be standing in the middle of three, extremely shocked, male Teen Titans. Her hood was raised, though it didn't quite hide her eyes, which spoke of immense aggravation. Needless to say, she had frightened them. The half-robot Cyborg, and Wonder Boy Robin had even gone as far as exposing weapons.

"Erm... Hey Raven," Beast Boy said nervously, watching her warily as he approached the group. He had been the most startled of the three, and had changed into a mouse and shot off, under a couch. He was walking back to the group very cautiously. His steps couldn't have possibly been any slower.

"Who did it?" Raven asked in her usual dry voice, examining guilty faces. She held back a laugh as both Cyborg and Robin immediately pointed at Beast Boy. The green changeling looked as if he wanted to resume mouse form.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Don't kill me!" He exclaimed, putting his hands together in a pleading manner.

"I wasn't planning on it," came her bland response. "I..." she frowned and winced. The Titans recoiled, though she wasn't surprised. It was fighting her. He was fighting her.

"Rae? You okay? Hellooo... Raven?"

She was dazed. How had He broken out? Why had she let Him break out? She'd dealt with Him! Beast Boy and Cyborg had helped! "Need to be alone..." she heard herself mutter, moving quickly to sweep away. She didn't get far, feeling a gloved hand close around her wrist as she attempted to push past.

"Raven, we're here for you," Robin said gently. His eyes were probably sympathetic behind the mask. She didn't have time for sympathy, and looked away to avoid his masked eyes. Black magic surrounded his hand, forcing him to release her wrist as she slowly turned and gradually melted into the floor.

She looked around her room suspiciously as she re-entered it. Strange things had happened in and around the Tower lately, most of them centering around herself and her room. The strangest had probably been Malchior speaking to her through that book. Tricking her into releasing him. Betraying her trust.

She felt anger, her demon side, stir and forced her emotions down back where they belonged. At the very back of her mind.

Showing emotion, even feeling it, was dangerous. It always had been, and always would be. Anger was the worst, because of her cursed demon side. Anger, hatred, both brought out the site she related to her father, because it was her damned father who had given her the demon side. A lamp shattered as her irritation built. How she hated Him! But no... Her emotions could be her downfall. The downfall of her, but more importantly, her teammates and friends, the other Titans.

Again, she found herself cursing varied people who had affected her life in negative ways. Trigon, Slade, Dr. Light... How many people had tried to ruin her life? How many people had succeeded in ruining her life? She forced control upon herself as her meditation mirror began to shake. Meditation... Yes, that would solve everything. First though, she had to pay her emotions a long delayed visit, and demand to know what was going on. Not that any of them could be of any possible help, except perhaps her intellectual side.

She approached her dresser slowly and stared at the 'beauty mirror' sitting a top it. To her, it represented only her demonic side, as it was used solely for controlling her emotions, something she only did to control her demon side. At the same time though, it was her most prized possession, and had been a complete secret until Beast Boy and Cyborg had gone snooping through her room. She didn't know that she would ever forgive them for that time, though perhaps she didn't have a choice, seeing as they had actually saved her life. Or perhaps she had saved theirs, since they really shouldn't have been there in the first place.

She grimaced and lifted the mirror into her hand, staring into the reflective glass before chanting the three words which were her source of control over everything in her life. "Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos..." A black current of power surrounded her, pulling her deep into the depths of her own mind.


"Where is friend Raven?" asked Starfire, her red hair swirling as her green eyes scanned the room for the Goth girl who normally inhabited the corner couch. There was far more noise than was usual for this time of day, though the reason was obvious. There was no Raven around for them to be wary of.

"She's in her room Star," Cyborg answered, using the favourite nickname for the Tamaranian girl, "Maybe reading, probably meditating. She was acting kind of strange this afternoon, now that I think on it." The half-robot's eyes were focused on the oversized screen in front of him as he and Beast Boy played Gamestation.

"Nah. Raven can't get any weirder. She's just creepy. Then again, she did that weird, red glowing eye thingy again," Beast Boy replied as his character overtook Cyborg's. "Though I suppose I have to agree with her being a bit different. She hugged me after that incident with the huge dragon dude. I think Malchior was his name?"

Robin made a strange noise under his breath as he looked up from searching through a CD rack, "Maybe she's finally opening up. Coming out of her shell, you know? Don't weird her out though. You know how Raven is, she's bound to just withdraw again."

"Booya! Take that!" Cyborg had just won the race, though Beast Boy seemed to not have noticed. He was staring at the screen, totally blanked out. "BB? You there? Hellooo?"

"I got freaked out when she did it. Hugging just isn't something that Raven does! Do you think she noticed?" There was worry in his eyes as her looked around the room at his friends.

"She probably did, but don't worry about it B. It's Raven, she's gotta be used to stuff like that by now." Cyborg responded nonchalantly. "Now get over here and play another round. I want to kick your butt again."


Raven looked around, reveling in the darkness that surrounded her, while showing visible annoyance that none of her other sides had found it necessary to come and greet her. Calling them would probably be easier anyway, as she would be able to get into contact with Intelligence without having to meet up with someone like Happy. She couldn't stand her Happy side.

She closed her eyes and sent out a magical signal, which was more of a plea if she really thought about it, to her intelligent side. Her orange robed twin appeared almost instantly in front of her.

"I don't know that I can tell you the information which you seek," the figure said before Raven could begin speaking. "We fear him, because you fear Him. As it is so, we have hidden and protected ourselves from Him. To protect you, and our future."

Raven scowled, ready to deny her fear, and stand up for herself, then sighed as she remembered who she was talking to. This wasn't a friend who she could fool, this was a part of herself. Perhaps it was true, perhaps she was afraid of Him. He put her friends in danger, He put the city in danger, maybe He even put the whole planet in danger.

She'd done that before, while summoning Malchior. But that had been different, he had tricked her. He had built up her trust through his lies and tales, and she had been foolish enough to believe him, simply because she wanted someone to understand her. Someone who would be willing to speak with her, and treat her as an equal, as a normal person, instead of being afraid of her because she was different and potentially dangerous.

She broke from her thoughts to find Intelligence looking at her somewhat strangely. The orange robed figure had her head tilted to one side, as if she was trying to analyze Raven. "Pity shan't get you anywhere, especially if it is yourself whom you are pitying." She said, still with the strange look on her face.

Raven turned and began to walk away, hearing the orange robed figure sigh before a soft whoosh signaled that she had vanished. Okay, so maybe her other sides were completely useless in this situation, it had been worth a try though.

She sighed and shook her trance off as she rematerialized in her bedroom and looked around to make sure that nothing was out of place and that no one had been looking for her, or looting the Tower.

Raven grimaced and stared at a pulsing red light in the ceiling as an alarm went off, signaling that there was a villain in action somewhere within the city. 'Figures,' she thought, frozen momentarily, 'Just when I'm about to meditate...' To be truthful, she didn't trust herself to go into a fight while stuck in her present mindset. At the same time, she knew that if she didn't, the Titans could be critically injured, and it would be her fault.

The brooch on her cape and matching orb on her hand began to flash red. She was procrastinating, and she was needed wherever the others were. A swirling portal of black opened below her and swallowed her, transporting her into the air above the scene. A scene of mounting disaster.

Her eyes flew over the scene, her friends fighting desperately though not being very successful. She could see why. It had been her who defeated this particular villain the last time he had shown up.

"You..." she hissed venomously as she approached. "You were in jail! Driven insane!"

"Not quite dear, not quite. I am standing here now in front of you, plain as the sun's bright light, am I not?" Annoying voice, annoying blinding powers and the annoying ability to unleash her demon side. How she hated the annoying 'Dr. Light.'

"You insist on picking the wrong days to mess with me," Raven growled. "Azarath, Metrion, --"she groaned as an attack hit her, knocking her backwards onto the ground. She felt a shard of glass break into her skin as she landed, creating a long cut on her palm as the glass imbedded itself.

"I see that you do not learn from your foolish mistakes," Dr. Light taunted.

"And I see that you do not learn from yours," a beastly voice snarled back as Raven's eyes turned a glowing, blood red colour and her aura expanded, surrounding the villain who was her opposite in so many ways.

'Losing control... Can't... Lose... Control...' Raven's thoughts were lost as her demon side surfaced. 'No...'

"Raven!" shouted Robin on top of cries from the other members of the Titans.

"Raven, stop!" Beast Boy screamed, plowing her over in the form of a large green rhinoceros. He changed back as she returned to her normal form, and found himself sitting on the ground, cradling an unconscious Raven in his arms.

"Rae? Hey, Raven?" he shook her slightly, without receiving a response. That was when he noticed the dark liquid shining on part of her cape, and the strong, metallic smell of blood that filled the air around Raven's right hand. He carefully lifted the cut body part and stared at her palm. It wasn't too bad, so long as it didn't get infected.

"We'll get her back to the Tower and treat her there," Cyborg said from above them, causing him to jump. Raven didn't stir.

"Uh... Yeah, okay," Beast Boy replied as he stood, the dark sorceress still cradled in his arms.


Raven looked around, her eyes flickering slightly as she tried to get focus on... anything. Wait, that couldn't be her eyes flickering. Something, somewhere in her body was telling her that her eyes weren't even open. How could that be? She was looking at, well, she wasn't quite sure what it was she was trying to look at, but at least it was something.

The Chakra on her forehead glowed slightly black as she prepared herself to use her energies, then died down again as she realized that there was no possible way she could be in danger. Something told her that she was in a peaceful place, safe from anything. Well, she was never fully safe. There were always dangers inside of her. He was always inside of her, and He caused problems and danger.

She groaned and looked around, where on Earth was she?

More looking around, and finally something came into focus. Was that her statue of the theatre masks? But, what was it doing here? She tried to take a step towards it, only to have it vanish as soon as she moved. This was weird.


Robin sighed and stared at Raven as she slept in the medical lab of Titan's Tower. It just didn't seem right to him, seeing one of his teammates in a comatose state. There hadn't been any success in awakening her. His eyes suddenly flew to her Chakra. He could have sworn that he had seen it glow, just for a second. He refused to believe that it was a trick of the light, as light didn't make red jewels shine black. Was Raven trying to tell him something?

"Raven," he said softly, shaking her shoulder slightly, while trying to avoid jarring her bandaged right hand.

"Raven," a little louder this time. There was still no response though. Maybe he was overreacting, maybe it had been his eyes, or simply something that she did while sleeping. It wasn't as if he made it part of his daily routine to watch Raven sleep. She slept a whole lot less than he did anyway.

"You still in here? She's going to be fine Robin. Consider this her room for a little while. You know how touchy Raven is about people being in her room," Cyborg said as he came in.

"Why are you here then?" Robin asked blandly, looking up at the half-metal figure of his teammate.

"Going to check her vitals before hitting the sack. It's getting late, and we need to be well rested if we're going to be fighting one person short. You should consider getting some sleep too. BB and Star have already retired," he replied as he recorded some stats from a monitor beside Raven's bed.

Cyborg jumped as something flashed by Raven's head.

"There! Did you see that? Her Chakra flared! I saw it before and thought that I was imagining things," Robin said, pointing.

"Yeah, I saw it. It's probably just a natural reaction," he gestured to the syringe that he had just injected into Raven's arm. "I wouldn't be surprised if she was overly touchy about people injecting things into her."

Robin sighed, "Maybe you're right. I'm overreacting. I think I'll go to bed." He sounded defeated as her turned and exited the room.

Cyborg watched Robin leave before his eyes flickered to Raven's sleeping figure, "Hope you wake up soon Rae..."


Raven looked around wildly. She could have sworn that she heard voices. Disembodied voices. Talking to her? Or about her? She knew that she had heard her name, but everything was so fuzzy that it was hard to make out. All that she could be sure of was that there had been two male voices talking. Neither could have been Beast Boy, his voice wasn't deep enough. Cyborg and Robin? Why had they been discussing her?

What was going on?


Author's Corner

Ow... I swear that's the longest chapter that I have ever written. Anyway, how'd you like? I have to admit, this is my first Teen Titans fic, and I think it's turning out good so far. v.v I haven't actually exercised my writing skills since July, so the first few chapters are probably going to be rocky. I'll probably end up editing this chapter eventually. You may also notice that the same character will change throughout the story. Mainly because I mold characters so that they fit into the role that they need to play, and because I have to get used to writing a character before they become concrete in the way I'm going to write them. Please bare with me!

As for updates, I'd say that I'll probably be able to get a chapter up every couple of weeks, depending on my homework loads and depending on whether I get writers block or not. (Writers blockwould bewhen I don't updatein over a month.)

I'll love reviewers forever, and I give out cookies!