Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. It belongs to a bunch of creators atDC comics and some other people. How I wish I were that creative. :huggles a Raven plushie: Instead, I'm stuck using other people's characters and ideas to create stories. It's quite sad really…

Warning: Rated for potentially morbid content in later chapters. I have problems controlling what comes out of my mind…

Summary: Raven finds herself reflecting on her entire life, even her dreaded past. After a fight with a greatly hated foe, she finds herself not remembering the fight at all, and trapped in a void where nothing remains as she wants it to be, and anything she sees refuses to stay long enough for her to get a closer look. She also finds that she can hear the voices of her friends occasionally speaking, though their bodies never appear. Could she finally be losing it? Or is there something greater going on?

Help Me Whilst I Hide

Chapter 7 – Slow Recovery

Beast Boy moaned as he blinked open emerald green eyes and slowly took in his surroundings. Everything was dark, save the steady red blinking of one of Cyborg's sensors, and the glowing of his mechanical eye. He slowly sat up, mind reeling as he tried to figure out where he was. His hands ran along the ground. It was soft, though very damp… Damp? Why would it be damp?

In an instant Beast Boy had taken the form of a raccoon and was looking around, further examining his surroundings. The floor – carpeted – had a large wet spot in the middle, right around where he and Cyborg were, and was causing the heavy smell of must that hung in the air. He frowned as his raccoon eyes picked up the slight glinting of something that lay near where Cyborg was. He approached it slowly and touched it with one of his forepaws, though he quickly pulled it back when he realized what it was; Raven's meditation mirror. Did that mean they were back in Raven's room? But how?

He changed back to human form as Cyborg began to come to, and carefully lifted the mirror to place it a top Raven's dressing table, being sure to hold it as far from his body as was possible. He wouldn't have thought it possible to be expelled from the mirror in that way, but then again, he scarcely knew anything about the workings of the portal; the workings of Raven's mind.

He slowly massaged a temple as he turned to regard Cyborg slowly. The older Titan was a mirror to what Beast Boy felt – confusion and fear were painted across the human half of his face. Confusion in regards to their surroundings, fear for what it could mean for Raven.

"How'd we get here?" Cyborg asked, breaking through the silence that was settled over the room. An uneasy silence that always seemed to be present in and around Raven's room. A silence caused by the abated breaths of thousands of hidden watchers, spirits that were present in the walls and air of the room.

"That… Tidal wave must have taken us all the way to the 'forbidden door' and washed us out," Beast Boy replied, recalling the sudden torrent of water that had come upon them at first glimpse of Raven's tears. Once again, his eyes flickered slowly around Raven's room and he frowned, worry beginning to glisten in his eyes.

Cyborg regarded him with his head cocked to one side. "You okay man?" he asked, watching Beast Boy for another few moments before turning his eyes away to examine the puddle on the floor.

"We need to go and check on Raven," Beast Boy said in an urgent tone. He stood and headed for the door of the room with a quick gesture for Cyborg to follow. He didn't know why he felt the overwhelming sense that something was wrong with Raven, and didn't know where the feeling had come from – animal instinct? – but he knew that the feeling was there, and trying to tell him something.

Without looking behind to see if Cyborg was following, Beast Boy ran out of the room - And straight into Starfire, who had been flying by the door at that moment.

"Friend Beast Boy! You are found!" the red headed alien exclaimed happily. The changeling looked up at her with a raised eyebrow. He'd been missing?

"What're you---" he started, but found himself being cut off by the alien's high soprano tones.

"-I have not seen you or friend Cyborg for two days!" the girl exclaimed. Her green eyes were practically glowing in delight at once again seeing her friend.

Beast Boy blinked in surprise. Two days? It hadn't even felt like two hours! But then, there wasn't any evidence of time passing within Raven's mind – though he was surprised that he hadn't found himself tired or hungry. Still… Two days?

"Where's Robin?" he asked finally, looking over Starfire's shoulder, almost expecting to see the masked teen standing there.

"He is…" the alien girl trailed off and frowned. "I am worried… I heard a scream." She finished in the same soft tones, shaking her head slowly. Worry shone through the glee in her eyes.

"A scream?" Cyborg asked, causing Beast Boy to jump at the sudden appearance of the half-robot Titan.

Starfire nodded quickly as she turned and began to walk in the direction she had been headed before meeting Beast Boy. "We must discover what had happened. Robin was visiting Raven," the tall red head said as she walked. Beast Boy and Cyborg quickly caught up to and fell into step beside her.

"Think it could have something to do with Raven?" Beast Boy asked Cyborg softly. He was referring to everything that had happened whilst they were wandering aimlessly around her skull, but more specifically about the tidal wave that had swept them out.

There had been something more than apoplectic rage behind Raven's eyes when he'd been caught fraternizing with Love, though he wasn't quite sure what it had been. Another emotion had been trying to shine through, and Raven had been failing in holding it back, but what had it been? It had looked almost – and he meant almost – like fear, though he couldn't imagine what she could possibly be afraid of in a place where she controlled all – or most of – what occurred.

He frowned, trying to puzzle it all out - it was starting to bother him that he was unable to - but Raven just wasn't someone that you could read like that; it was something she'd perfected – well, nearly perfected anyway – that act of being unreadable. Yet, not knowing still badgered his brain. If it was fear, what was Raven afraid of? Love? It was possible. The girl hated all emotions, and love was a strong one. That must have been it, he decided resolutely as they came up to the infirmary and walked inside.

There was instant chaos, as Starfire began wailing and rushed over to the prone form of Robin, lying against a blood smeared wall. Some of the more electric run devices occasionally crackled with black energy, and Raven was floating – still unconscious – in the middle of the room. Beast Boy rushed to her, discarding the ruin in the room as something that happened occasionally, and gently pulled her from the air and against his chest, holding her securely in his arms. He felt her light weight suddenly, as the magic instinctively let off.

Cyborg was analyzing the room slowly, "She really did a number on this place…" he muttered softly, shaking his head and quickly making his way over to Starfire and Robin. A metallic hand carefully checked Robin's skull for the crack. "It's small, already starting to heal… He'll be fine, might be a little confused though, which'll be good, 'cause he won't spaz out on Rae right away…" The half-robot's voice droned from somewhere in the distance. Beast Boy could finally feel the pull of sleep, and found himself slumping over Raven's body as he began to snore.

Her eyes snapped open as her body registered that blankets weren't supposed to snore, or drool. Her eyes flickered around, bewildered, as they tried to find something to focus on. They finally did – a head of shaggy green hair – which meant that her snoring, drooling blanket was…

"Beast Boy!" she shrieked, or, tried to. It came out as more of a soft croak – her throat was unbelievably dry, her lips were cracked and puffy. This was probably the most uncomfortable position she had ever been in, she thought warily as she struggled to move herself from under him – it was hard, she was sandwiched, and he had more muscle and body weight than she had ever given him credit for. It also didn't help that her emotions were screaming at her.

She paused in her struggling to look around the room. The slumped forms of Cyborg and Starfire rested against the wall, Robin stretched out, unconscious, between them. Why was everyone sleeping? She wondered to herself, before going back to her struggle. She would not let Beast Boy wake up and find her trapped under him like this. Especially after that escapade he's had with Love. She could kill the emotion!

Grumbling to herself, she went back to struggling slowly, and finally managed to get an arm out from under the green Titan. Unfortunately, the movement awoke the changeling. He blinked his eyes a few times and the green orbs slowly met her violet ones in a clash of moods – desperation and sleepiness.

Raven felt all colour drain from her face, to be quickly replaced by a dark red blush. A tendril of energy flared from her Chakra as she fought to get her emotions under control. This isn't happening! She thought to herself as a grin crept across Beast Boy's face.

"Hey, Rae." Beast Boy said. He quickly moved to let her off of his lap. Wasting no time, she moved stiff limbs and scampered away, a strange look in her eye as she watched him. It was the last thing she'd expected to encounter upon awakening. How could Beast Boy dare get that close to her? It was completely unheard of! It was… violation!

'That's going too far,' a little voice in her brain – a little voice named 'Love' – scolded angrily. 'He cares about you. Give him a little slack!' Raven grimaced and pushing the voice away, feeling more than a little about it for no reason that she could find; well, no reason that she'd admit to anyway. So she wanted to kill Beast Boy for invading her privacy. She'd feel the same way toward anyone else who dared put her in such a position.

'But not at the same level. It wouldn't be "violation" from anyone else; it would just be someone getting far too close…' Raven grimaced and fought to drown out the voice. It was taunting her, speaking only the truths that hid in the deepest part of her heart. The only part of her heart that was truly pure and innocent – the only part of her that was truly pure and innocent.

Which meant that love wasn't something she could afford to fall victim to. She shuddered and pulled her cloak tightly around herself, doing her best to ignore Beast Boy. It was difficult though. Her barriers had fallen, and her inborn empathic abilities were stirring. Empathic instinct wanted to comfort the worry that Beast Boy was feeling, the demon wanted to destroy him and what did Raven want? Well, that really didn't matter, because she'd never get it.

"Raven… I-I'm sorry," Beast Boy muttered, in a voice that barely reached her ears. She turned to look at him, aware that her violet eyes were displaying more emotion than they should be, but unable to summon the energy to control it. She also found herself unable to summon up a retort. The changeling was truly sorry. But for what?

She became aware that he was moving closer to her, but made no move to keep distance between them as she fought to put her barriers back up. If she could feel what he was feeling – anxiety, shock… love – then he could easily feel what she was feeling. Her powers would be screaming her emotions for all to feel, and that was dangerous. Not only that, it made her easy to read and very vulnerable.

So she tugged her cloak tighter and huddled, knees to chest, hoping that Beast Boy would get the hint. Needless to say, he didn't. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her and held her to him in an oddly comforting embrace. She swore she could feel Love celebrating as she felt her body lose some of its tension. She involuntarily moved so that she could be more comfortable, resting her head on his shoulder. He pulled her closer and she found herself cuddled gently, but quite firmly, against his chest.

Her mind screamed at her that something was going to go wrong, and she felt emotions begin to awaken – emotions that were normally nearly dormant – at the same time as more recognizable emotions settled; Love, Serenity, Joy. Her body tensed as Hatred awoke, Anger following her and she found that she couldn't force them back. She was far too relaxed. She tensed again, and heard Beast Boy begin to make comforting, soothing sounds. Sounds that she normally would have insulted him over, but that she now found herself conforming to.

Hatred reared as she relaxed again. She felt the demon side of her heart stir as Hatred and Anger joined together, and found herself pushing away from Beast Boy as she tried to take control. Her hands flew to her temples without her realizing it, and she began to scream. Previously relaxed emotions awoke, and she was thrown into an imbalance. Her emotions and other sides were arguing; roaming free; fighting; and there was nothing she could do to get control over them again.

She distantly heard Beast Boy calling, no, screaming her name. More sound confusion tried to enter her ears as the voices of Cyborg, Starfire and Robin were added to the mix. She felt hands grab her shoulders and shake her gently. Then those hands were quickly replaced by other hands that shook her much harder. With a cry, she managed to get one of the rampaging emotions under control – Hatred. Instantly, her hands fell from her head and she felt them grabbed by someone; Beast Boy she thought.

Her vocal chords began to ache, and she realized she'd stopped the bout of screaming that she hadn't realized she'd begun. When she'd fully regained her senses, she found that she was once again being held close to Beast Boy, and that the rest of the team was standing around her, emitting strong waves of worry. Grimacing, she forced up barriers – weaker then she wished, but still some protection, - forced herself away from Beast Boy, and stood. Albeit, she stumbled and had to be steadied by Robin, but she did manage to stand on her own after the initial few moments.

Her eyes met Robin's masked ones for a brief moment and she turned and fled the room as an understanding she would've wished for failed to flash between them. She could feel Beast Boy's eyes staring into her back, and hastened her step, keeping her pace quick until she reached the sanctuary of her room. Her eyes flittered around it, immediately spotting the damp spot on the floor as being something out of place, but ignoring it otherwise. It could be dealt with later.

Right now… Well, now she had more important things to deal with. She couldn't stay in the Tower; not with her emotions acting the way they were, and definitely not with the confusion that clouded her mind with no hope of clarity coming any time in the near future. Right now, she was a danger to her friends, and so, was taking it upon herself to do the only thing that she knew was a fail safe way to protect them. She'd leave, and return when she'd learned further control.

She found she was once again holding her cloak tightly, she'd bowed her head, and she'd begun to force herself to fight back tears that threatened to fall. The last time she'd left a place to protect it – her beloved home, Azarath – it'd been destroyed anyway, would that happen to the Titans? A tear fell, and black energy lashed out, slicing through her bed. She hoped not.

The next hour was a blur. She could recall rushing to her bookshelf and searching her books desperately before finally discovering a protection spell that she had the supplies for; and, more importantly, one that would stay in place once she was gone. As she cast it, her mind wandered, not quite focused on its task. If she'd focused more, she may have realized that the threat to Azarath hadn't directly been her; it'd been Trigon. She'd have realized that this spell was unnecessary, unless it had the hidden property of saving loved ones from grief. And she'd have realized that sitting down and discussing her problems, and telling someone about her fears, was probably the better solution in this case.

But alas, that wasn't Raven. And her mind was too far from that state of rationality for any of the former ideas to come out. So she cast her spell and, still holding her cape tightly to her body while holding back emotions that threatened to wrack her body with grief, she grabbed a small bag with her free hand and was gone an instant later.

It wasn't until the Titans, upon entering her room hours later – looking for her – discovered the spell book, that they realized what she'd done. The spell wasn't written in English, or in any other Earthly language that they could distinguish, but pictures along the sides of the page, and the lack of items in Raven's room told them that she was gone, and it looked as if she wouldn't be returning for quite some time.


Author's Corner

I hope you smell a sequel, because there's definitely one coming, which has been listed in my profile for quite a while now as being one of my future works. But until I write it… Well, be happy that I've finally managed to finish this. It took me forever xx And I'm still not sure that I'm all that happy about the way that it turned out…

Feedback is much appreciated

To my reviewers…

samuraiduck27 – And so continue Rae's never-ending problems... Thanks for your support

TTStorm – Thanks Sorry for the delay.

BolenPUCR – Here's the update -

roguegirl...com – Thanks for sending an e-mail, and your comments were much appreciated

TDG3RD – Here's the ending Maybe I can start on that sequel now…

Anyone who reviews with an e-mail (or account), expect a treat in your inbox within the next week.

Completed – 06/02/2005

Uploaded – 06/02/2005