Summary: A VERY alternative VERY light beginning Season Seven. Spike is back with his soul and with Buffy. They begin their relationship happily despite Xander's objections. Willow is still getting over Tara's death, and Anya is still a vengeance demon, and Dawn is jealous of new Spuffy. But, none of them are capable of doing anything bad, right? (A semi-fluffy Spuffy.)
Note: A very old fic. One of my firsts I never unveiled—maybe I did that for a reason.
Warning (please read for your own good): This should be written in crayon, and say "MY first Fic" I do really annoying things in it—like switch POV too much. Spuffy and Whiny Dawn heavy! Fun (I hope.) Don't worry, I am in no way giving up on my other non-Spuffy stuff or going soft.
Jody AKA Strange Bint
All of my Exes Live in Sunnydale
Part I - Sweet Dreams Are made of This
"Baby, please she meant nothing to me!" The young man begged. He was in his bedroom with an angry young woman with a stern face.
"Nothing? You dumped her for me!" She said in calm anger.
He sat on his bed in great concern. Above him were various pin-ups of women from various magazines. He didn't know what she planned to do with these fierce new bitch friends of hers, but he better try to at least soften the blow. He wouldn't want his new car trashed or something like that.
"I was thinking of you the whole time, Honey. I was just afraid you wouldn't take me back," He lied.
"I can see why you were thinking of me. She looks just like me if I lost 10 pounds," She scowled and looked down at her legs.
"More like 30," He slipped. Uh-oh, he could kiss his new paint job good-bye.
She shrieked in outrage and ran into the hall.
"He's in here!" She called.
"Oh man, what is this some womany group's hazing ritual? Woman spelt with a "y" of course. Okay ladies, you got me…You gonna take my picture to go up on some wall so none of the other's in your group will date me. Because that would be a real loss…Hey, I remember you from high school. You I've never seen before,"
The young man's chatter ended abruptly as he began to scream. Outside his ex-girlfriend walked away with her arms folded and a satisfied smile. They told her that he would never be the same after what they did, at least someone could make him change.
"I can't take anymore!" Dawn shrieked. She was laughing so hard her face was red.
"Sweet dreams are made of cheese, instead of sweet dreams are made of this for that Eurhythmics song. Well, people got something right there," Spike scoffed as he and Dawn sat on the couch together holding a little red book.
"Yeah, they're cheesy," Dawn agreed.
"Hey, I like the Eurhythmics," Willow said from the chair as she was knitting.
"Willow, Why are you knitting so much?" Dawn asked.
"Helps keeps my hands busy. Ya know, away from magic. So far I've knitted some baby booties, a baby hat, and a baby blanket…Does anyone know anyone having a baby?" Willow bit her lip.
"Don't look at us Red," Spike said.
"Look at this picture," Spike said to Dawn. She leaned on his shoulder and they both laughed.
"What are Bevis and Butthead doing?" Buffy asked Willow as she entered the room with her ice skates.
"Spike got this book that has all misunderstood song lyrics in it. It is pretty funny accept now that Betty Davis Eyes song has really changed for me. I really though it was 'All the boys think she's a spaz.' And I thought 'Wow a song about me.' Oh well, another illusion crushed I guess," Willow sighed.
"Brilliant! My anus has a center hole instead of Angel is the centerfold!" Spike roared with laughter and Dawn soon followed.
"Hey Love, When you were with Anus did you see his center hole?" Spike asked between laughing. This made Dawn scream with laughter.
"Okay. You two are not allowed to drink Mountain Dew anymore," Buffy groaned.
"Oh, Nib. Big Sis thinks were stoned," Spike said in a mocking whisper.
"No, I think Dawn is 16 and over-tiered and should go to bed; and I think you are a total moron; and are beyond help," Buffy patronized.
"Oh Buffy, c'mon I am not tiered. We should watch Conan," Dawn whined.
"No. Dawny, when you start laughing at anus jokes it's time for bed," Buffy said firmly.
"Yeah, Dawn. I almost laughed, and that's when I knew I needed sleep. Too bad I can't really," Willow said.
"Red, if you need to sleep I have some Baby's breath root," Spike offered.
"No, that is coming too close to being a magic user I am afraid. I just have to wait until I fall asleep naturally or until it's time for the next day," She sighed.
"I have whiskey," Spike offered.
"Yeah, honey. Because you had so much fun replacing magic with alcohol," Buffy said in a sarcastic chirp.
Spike scowled. Even though he deserved it, he wondered how long he would have to be reminded that he had slept with Anya when he had been searching for a spell to get over Buffy. Anya and he had been drunk, and he and Buffy had split, but she was so hurt by it. Obviously she still was.
"Buffy. That was mean! I mean you might as well hit him in the head, like this," Dawn said giddily as she hugged Spike and then began hitting him with pillows.
Spike pulled Dawn into his lap and pretended to smother her with a pillow. Dawn was pretending to bight his arms so he would let go.
"OK. Hysterical laughing at really bad jokes, biting. What's next breaking out the Barbies? Dawn, you know you regress when you tiered, and I am so not changing any diapers. So quick to bed," Buffy ordered.
"C'mon Buffy. We are having fun. You know fun right? That thing you used to do between jobs. Spike doesn't want me to go to bed. Do you Spike?" Dawn smiled as she hung her head upside down on the couch.
To change her sister's frown to a smile. That'll show her. She started slipping off the couch, but Spike grabbed her as she laughed.
"I think Spike agrees with me and doesn't want to make me look like the bad guy," Buffy said through a firm fake smile as she looked at Spike.
"That's not fair! Let him say what he really thinks!…What do you really think, Spike?" She asked as she laid across his lap. Something she would only do when she got into this hyper-fun mood, which Buffy called over tiered. This mood didn't come to her easy and the least Buffy could do was let her enjoy it.
"I think Spike thinks that actions Speak louder than words," He smirked.
He picked her up, and started carrying her up the stairs.
"You traitor! This is so unfair!" She giggled.
She tried to fight against him, but didn't get very far with his super-strength and all. Maybe her sister was all grouchy, but Spike liked her hyper-fun mood. She was sure she could take him into hanging out in her room while Buffy was being no fun.
Buffy and Willow heard wrestling and Dawn's shrieking and giggling.
"Maybe we'll get lucky and he'll accidentally knock her out…or all this girlie screaming will make him lose his soul again and he'll really shut her up," Buffy suggested. They heard Spike singing My Anus has a center-hole.
"He seems like he's hanging on to me. Besides he was a Dawn fan before his soul," Willow smiled.
This observation made Buffy beam.
"Oh, Will..You smiled," Buffy exclaimed. Willow gave her another self-conscious smile.
"Spike's inappropriate ass jokes…a great cure for grief," Buffy rolled her eyes.
"It really does sound like Sweet dreams are made of cheese," The two women heard Dawn say.
Willow's perky mouth suddenly frowned and she nervously brushed back her red hair, which seemed duller than usual.
"Tara really liked the Eurhythmics…She said she just had a thing for redheads," She said numbly.
"Will," Was all Buffy could say and hug her.
"I think I should go to bed too," She told Buffy.
"OK, tell me if you need anything," Buffy said.
Willow slowly ascended the stairs. Buffy remembered when she couldn't sleep. Most nights she was okay now. She realized that most nights Spike was there. This made her bend her face into a grateful sad smile. She waited in the hall for him as he was with Dawn. The last thing she needed was to go into her sister's room and hear more giddy pleas and insults. She heard them and started to really smile.
"'Night 'bit," Spike said to Dawn. As he got up from the bed where they both sat.
"I can't believe you are not letting me stay up and watch Conan, after I stood bye you when no one else would," She mock-pouted.
Just like her sister sometimes.
"Well, tuff love 'n all that," He responded.
"Tuff love? This whole soul thing…totally making you into a fascist parent," She sighed.
"I love you even more when you try to get a rise outta me, 'bit. He smiled.
"I love you too. I am so glad you're back," She exclaimed and hugged him.
"Ah, 'bit, What would I do without ya?" He sighed.
To think Buffy was only a bit older than her when she crippled him for trying to kill her. He caressed the girl's cheek, and she smiled. He was glad for the things she didn't know.
Spike went into the hall to Buffy, who was smiling. He had heard her walk up the stairs and down the hall. He was talking to Dawn, and still knew right were Buffy stood in the hall. He could smell her. He wouldn't dare tell her this, and remind her of his hunting days. He was thankful for things she could forgive.
"You can't live without my sister either? You use the same lines on every girl," She joked.
No, only two.
"Maybe I do, but I only really love one of 'em," He told he leaning his hand on the wall by her head.
"Really. What's so great about her?" She asked.
She was never one to surpass a compliment.
"Well,…She's a real good on to have in your corner, being that she's saved the world a couple of times. But, she's also got this really cute defiant streak 'n a great wrack," He smiled. She pushed his against the wall.
"Fresh," She said and kissed him.
"You haven't even begun to see fresh," He said. He pushed her up against the other wall and a picture fell.
"Uh-oh, We almost broke little Niblet," Spike said carefully hanging the picture back up of young Dawn.
They couldn't trash this place like they could his. It was a real home. It had been a long time since he had been apart of one.
"I think she was acting more mature when that picture was taken than she was tonight. You have to stop getting her so punch drunk before bed, please. For my saness if not hers," She scolded.
"Can I still get you punch drunk before I put you to bed?" He smiled and wrapped his arms around her.
"Yea-huh, And I won't complain about the going to bed part," She smiled and kissed him.
"Ah, see, that's why you're my best girl," He said in a low growl.
He slipped his hands down the back of her pants. Sometimes it was hard to remember that they couldn't trash this place. It was hard to remember anything but her. He was already thinking about making love to her. It was only then, if he touched the right places, and said the right things that she would whisper or hint that she loved him. It had to be dark too. Luckily, he knew all the right places to touch, and all the things he said were sincere. Before he lived by being able to hear hints and whispers. And, he even saw better in the dark.
Dawn was at her mirror. She stuck out her chest and sighed. You guys think because you tell me to go to bed that I somehow can't hear you if you are right outside my room! Thanks for insulting me and not to mention totally grossing me out! She almost yelled to Spike and Buffy. But, decided not to. Spike really wasn't the one insulting her at all. It was Buffy. Buffy could have fun. In fact it seemed she couldn't wait to have fun, she just had to get Dawn out of the way first. This just seemed extra wrong as Buffy was so appreciative with Dawn's new help slaying. She had even begun to study magic with Giles help to slay better. Dawn turned to the side and stuck out her chest. No sign of a great wrack. There was hardly a wrack at all, and she would be 16 soon! Dawn scowled as she heard Buffy laughing with Spike over the misheard lyric book Buffy was just making fun of earlier. She didn't have Buffy's respect or attention, and she deserved it. Maybe not so much now as she gave her sister the finger through the door, but she deserved some fun and gratitude. No one was going to stop Buffy from getting "punch drunk" with Spike, or say that she was acting immature.
i"You have to remember, Dawn. Even if you study magic you won't have the power your sister has, so be careful,"/i Giles had warned. Apparently, Buffy had a lot of things she didn't have.
Willow stared at the ceiling as she heard Buffy and Spike laughing and talking. She went over to a box of things marked Tara, and carefully brought out a CD, and put it in. The music started. She could already tell that she was going to be up all night.
i"Here comes the rain again falling on my head like a memory- falling on my head like a new emotion…"/i
She had really wanted to take Spike up on that whiskey, but she could tell Buffy would disapprove. Buffy said Willow could talk to her, but Buffy was finally happy. Willow could tell she wanted to stay that way. Plus she was very busy. Any free time went to Spike. She could go to Spike when Buffy was asleep and get whiskey or talk to him, as he was the only one who could bare talking about what Willow had done or Tara. But, even though you would think Spike would be up all night, he seemed to now go to sleep when Buffy did. Willow knew how lovers acquire each other's habits. Maybe when Buffy fell asleep Spike just sat there watching her. Probably. Willow had done that with Tara all the time. She was so beautiful when she slept. Her chest moving up and down…Alive, breathing. Her face peaceful, comfortable happy. Like she knew Willow was there. If her expression changed to even look slightly troubled, Willow alone could change it easily. If even the slightest upsetting dream gave Tara a look that wasn't a happy one all she had to do was say:
i"Shhh. Baby, it's okay. I am here. It was just a dream,"/i Then she would open her eyes and smile and snuggle up to you. Then be sleeping and peaceful again. So easy to protect. It was worth it to just stay awake and watch her blissfulness. To guard it. Yes, that is probably what Spike did with Buffy. It would even come more natural for him as a vampire. Now here was Willow. Very unnaturally awake. She didn't have her love's blissful sleep to guard, as she had been taken unnaturally away. Willow was still very angry. She knew she would start walking around Sunnydale soon to try to relieve her anger, exhaust it. Unnatural as they were the walks helped. A little. i"So, Baby walk with me like lovers do…So, Baby talk to me like lover's do…"/i
Comfort and Vanishing-- Part II
"I don't know if I'm ready for this," Willow said nervously.
"You 'n me both, Red," Spike said, but more annoyed than nervous.
They were walking towards the Magic Shoppe, as it was just dark enough for Spike to go. It would be Willow's first time there since she had gone on her black magic binge. It would be Spike's first time there since he was back from Africa. The last time he had sex with Anya on the table in a drunken haze and thought of Buffy. Now, so much had changed. As Buffy walked by his side he took her hand. Something she never would allow before, even when they were sleeping together almost every night. He didn't want to see the damn boy acting as if nothing had changed. But, he did almost look forward too the nervous stammering of watcher-boy. Spike was always fond of the girls, but he hated sharing Buffy with her so-called men.
"Don't worry you guys. Will, everyone loves you, and Spike everyone…knows I'm with you," She tried to say reassuringly.
"And I bet they are just right down joyful about it," Spike said sarcastically.
"Well, I am," Buffy said.
"Well, that's all I need," He beamed almost as much as when Willow put that love spell on them and they had those sickly smiles.
Willow sighed. What did she need to feel right about going into the Magic Shoppe? Tara inside of it with the sides of her hair up as she looked at books patiently. Then she would see Willow walk in and smile. She couldn't have what she needed. She was afraid of what she wanted, because it was too dark to think about.
"Hey, it's Luke and Laura!" Xander welcomed Spike and Buffy sarcastically. Everyone just stared at him blankly.
"Luke and Laura…He raped her. They ended up getting married…Oh c'mon didn't anyone watch 'General Hospital' with their Grandma when they were a kid? It was a real feminist show for Pre-Oprah," Xander scoffed.
"Oh, balls! I am gone. I don't need this!" Spike growled. He leaned into to kiss Buffy, "I'll see you back at the house, Love," He projected so Xander could hear, while giving him a cold stare.
Buffy grabbed Spike's face before her could kiss her. For a second Xander smiled thinking Buffy was coming to her senses.
"You're not going anywhere," Buffy stated in a low but utterly fierce voice.
"Xander, what did you say to everyone?" Buffy demanded.
"Only the truth. Only what he did to you Buffy," Xander answered.
"What he tried to do…, and I don't have to tell everyone that things are different now, because we have all been through a vampire getting their soul back before," Buffy said in a cool firm voice, as she looked at Giles who gave a small serious nod.
"Right we have all been through this before, Buffy. With you. Falling fall a vampire. And we all recall how well it ended for you…One ride on the soul train and is forgiven, no matter what your boyfriends did to you..or us," Xander said.
Buffy opened her mouth to speak but, Spike interrupted.
"What more do you bloody want, Mate! I fought by your side. I saved you life countless times. I helped save the world. I-
"Slept with my fiancé'!" Xander growled.
"Ex-Fiancé!" Anya reminded.
"Oh, so that is what this is really all about! And you sounded so admirable, worrying about Buffy! So concerned about my evil past! Let me tell you something, Mate. Even on biggest baddest day, I wouldn't do what you did to your girl!…And, as far as your girl-
"Um, hello ex-girl" Anya sighed
"- we were out of our heads with Jack and grief just tryin' to comfort each other!" Spike continued.
"I don't recall comforting having to be done naked!" Xander spat.
"Well, he did comfort me. I mean he was really good at sex, so while it was going on it was comforting," Anya told Xander.
Buffy sighed and closed her eyes in disgust.
"Oh, that is it!" Xander roared and ran at Spike. Buffy stepped between them and held Xander back with one straight arm.
"Giles! Why don't you do something?" Anya gasped.
"I am confident that Buffy can handle it," Giles sighed as he was trying to research what he had called them in for.
"I'm handling it all right," Buffy said seriously.
"You. Back room now," Buffy said to Xander, "You sit and stay," She said to Spike. Spike sat obediently next to Willow, who seemed to be lost in a book.
Xander followed Buffy to the training room.
"Don't do this," Buffy seemed to command Xander as she hit the punching bag.
"Don't do what? Stop you from making the mistake you promised me you wouldn't?" Xander demanded sinking down on the bench.
"Spike is right. It's not about me, it's about your stupid pride," She said angrily and hit the bag.
"Buffy-" Xander stepped between her and the punching bag and it swung back and hit him.
"Ow," He stated with closed eyes and an open mouth. Buffy caught him from falling.
"Ow… Okay, some of this may be motivated by pride and stupidity. And, I may have more of the former than the latter…Did I say that right? ladder, former. Yeah. But Buffy, I don't understand this. I can't understand this. Okay, he says he's in love with you. OK, Giles checked it out and he's as soulful as a Marvin Gaye album. But, he's hurt you so much. I mean minus the Anya thing, which you can't say you are over either, and the molesting Mr. Bubbles visit. How can you just forget the early years of him loving the thought of watching you- and us- suffer; not to mention all he's done to other people over the past 200 years?" He asked seriously holding her shoulders.
"My answer is the same as yours, Xander," Looking into his eyes.
"Umm…no, I think not. Because my answer is to not forget it, and send him off. Maybe he can help the helpless in LA. I hear that-
"No, Xander. My answer is the same as yours is with Anya," Buffy said.
"Yeah, Anya the vengeance demon, who tried to help Cordelia seek vengeance on you. Tried to make us all suffer in the process. Anya who is now a vengeance demon again, which we all allow even though that is totally against Slayer and Scooby rules. The girl that has done unspeakable things to men- even if they were jerky men- for the past few thousand years."
An epiphany came across Xander's face, as he stood silent.
"You still love her Xander, even though you are not over her and Spike. And, I love you. She's part of you. So, I love her. Besides that, she's helped us so much, and she loves Dawn. She's one of us, Xander. I may not be thrilled with all the things that come out of her mouth, but she's one of us and I love her," Buffy told him.
"Buffy. I don't know what to say," Xander sighed guiltily.
"Say you'll be my friend and accept who I chose," She told him.
"Okay…Okay," He said hugging her, "But, I don't have to say I love Spike, do I?"
"No," She laughed and continued to as she said "But, don't ever try to make me regret Angel again…and one more thing if you try to go after Spike one more time, I'll really really try not to hurt you, but I can't make any promises."
"Um, okay," He gulped.
"I'd hurt you as little as possible, which is way better than what he would do because he doesn't have the chip anymore. Besides, you're not going after him again, right?.. Don't worry Xander. I love you," She sighed hugging him.
"I love you too, Buf," He looked a bit nervous, but smiled. Xander and Buffy went back out to join the others.
"Would you bloody stop it!" Spike seemed to plea to Giles who was laughing as Anya smiled.
"What's going on?" Buffy asked.
"I think the Watcher's gone mad. He keeps laughing at us," Spike seemed to pout.
"You and Spike..I mean…I trust-trust your judgment, but it is really just…" Giles giggled.
"Oh, I know he did that before. He's just having fun," Buffy stated.
"I am happy he's having fun. He needs more fun," Anya smiled
"Having fun? Laughing at me! I mean…he's not supposed to laugh. He's supposed to be all- stuffy and pissy- like him! Only not as bloody annoying," Spike whined pointing at Xander.
"Well, Xander is going to try to stop his pissyness, right Xander?" Buffy said.
"Yeah, but, let's get one thing straight, though. I was the one that saved the world last time. I helped Willow. I stopped her from killing herself and everyone. Me, not you!" Xander said gruffly.
"That's right. Xander you saved me..you saved everyone, from me…Spike may havr gave the world a little push to save it. But, you were the one who gave it that great big push, and thanks..both of you," Willow said wearily and went back to the book she was studying.
"Great so even though Spike is good comforting with the sex, I have superior skills comforting with the friendship," Xander sighed.
"Oh, you were actually a better lover than Spike. Though, I don't know maybe it's because I loved you, and not him, so you only seemed better. But, it's like Willow said you gave me a big push and he gave me a little one. Actually, it was like you gave me a lot of big pushes and he gave me some-
"Anya! The only one that should be talking about the pushiness of Spike is me…to him…in private," Buffy said.
Giles began to laugh again,"Oh, heavens this is more entertaining than the opera, and perhaps just as tragic,"
"It isn't bloody funny!" Spike growled.
"No, it's not. I mean this is my life in shambles here!…So, you really think I am better at sex than Spike?" Xander asked Anya.
"Oh, now it's going a bit too far…I mean I called you hear because I've noticed something odd not to witness this tangled web of debauchery," Giles said seriously now.
"Odd? Here? No way," Buffy joked.
"Well, even for here there has been an unusual amount of people, particularly males ages 18-30 who are missing. There are some missing females 18-30, but unlike the males they have all been blonde. They haven't found one body," Giles stated
"So, vampires?" Buffy said.
"Vamps don't usually take prisoners, Love. I mean they'd try to cover their tracks a bit, but some bodies would be found," Spike said.
"Yes, the Slayer, of course, will run into the most evil breed of vampire. But most vampires, while still enjoying the kill, just feed and run. They don't draw it out with kidnapping or torture. Even they have some sense of mercy after all, or maybe it's just cowardess," Giles said. Buffy looked at Willow, who seemed to turn ash white.
"Of course some people have tortured people but it was because they had good reason, and were very, very, upset...And some people have tortured and feel really really bad about it now," Buffy said nudging Giles.
"Yes, oh,…sorry Willow, sorry," Giles stammered. Spike cleared his throat.
"Um, yes, Spike, hmmm. Sorry, I suppose," Giles mumbled.
"What makes you think they are being kidnapped and tortured?" Buffy asked.
"There always seemed to be taken from their homes, and there are signs of a struggle, and sometimes a bit of blood, but not enough to think a vampire was feeding…It's very concerning," Giles said.
"I'll say. I'm a male 18-30," Xander frowned.
"And I'm a blonde woman 18-30. Well, I look 18-30, anyway," Anya said.
"So, how much better am I at sex than Spike? On a scale of 1 to 10," Xander asked.
"Please. No. Just, no," Buffy said to stop Anya answering.
"Yes, Xander. You are being inappropriate. We are researching," Anya said proudly.
"And as usual Willow is way ahead of us on the research-o-rama," Xander said as Willow was at the table with a book.
"It's Tara's history notebook. She used Yellow highlighters for names, and green highlighters for dates. I taught her that. She really wanted to take Ancient Greek history this year," Willow said her sadness overcoming her sheepishness.
-Strangers Die Everyday & Real Atrocities
"You have to get over it, Love," Spike said.
"How can you guys say that I mean where did all those people go? None of their bodies are turning up. I mean maybe they're out there somewhere, and we can save them from whatever it is. Save them from dying," Buffy exclaimed.
"Strangers die everyday, Love," Spike said softly as he ran his fingers through Buffy's ashy hair.
Xander wasn't prepared for how much he hated all the touchy feely between Spike and Buffy, at least Angel tried to repress his feelings in public. But Spike, he guessed, was not a fan of repression, or more likely lacked the repressive gene.
"Gee, you're just a poetic Mother Teresa with your new soul over there," Xander grumbled.
"It's a song title. 'Strangers Die Everyday.' Not that you would know with your getting jiggy with the boy bands 'n all. I was trying to point out that people will die, this is what happens, and Buffy can't torture herself with it," Spike said to Xander.
"So really you were being poetic and caring," Anya pointed out. Buffy and Xander looked at Anya and frowned.
"I do my best," Spike smiled slightly.
"I really say, I must agree Buffy. The disappearances have stopped. We've checked all our sources and we can't find anything else. If no other incidents occur we just have to move on, keep up the regular patrolling and such," Giles said.
"Maybe the reason we can't find anything is because the person is just a regular person, who just snapped. And they see these young guys who that remind them of the guy who took their girlfriend away, and they are using the blonde girls to lure them into a trap. And once they get them they just keep them making sure they'll never hurt anyone again…or, umm, something like that," Willow said as her voice trailed off with embarrassment.
"Willow does have a point. Maybe it is a human being, and that's why none of what were looking for is turning up," Giles said.
"No, when we went around to the demon bars, they knew something. I could see it in them. It was like they wanted to tell us, but they were too afraid. Didn't you think so, Spike?" She asked Spike.
"I dunno, Love. Maybe they were just afraid of plain old us. We are pretty scary," Spike said.
"Your Spidey senses were tingling, Buffy?" Xander asked.
"I wish I had Spidey senses. He always got all the bad guys in time," Buffy sighed.
"My Love, always wanting to be the perfect super hero. Spiderman didn't get everybody," Spike told her.
"I think he did," She whined.
"I think she's right, he did," Anya said.
"Did he Xander?" Buffy asked.
"Well, no. There was the guy that shot his Uncle Ben. He didn't really get him until it was too late and then-
"You just love to make me feel stupid when it comes to Spiderman!" Anya yelled suddenly, and stormed away. Xander ran after her.
"See Buffy there are plenty of things to worry about going on right here," Willow said.
"I agree, Buffy. I mean, if you let this unsolved mystery get to you may be too distracted to stop another atrocity," Giles said.
"Hi," Dawn said casually as she came in. She was wearing a short tight plaid punk dress and black tights. She looked dramatically different from her usual style.
"So, forget about the cartoon and just barrow my Spiderman essentials, but I want them baaa- Dawn? That's Dawn, right?" Xander stopped talking to Anya and exclaimed.
"What IS that?" Buffy demanded.
"A backpack?" Dawn answered as she put her backpack on the table.
"I was referring to the dress you're wearing, unless it is just painted on your body," Buffy said.
"Oh, this. Spike got it for me," Dawn said in a singsong casual voice.
"You- my boyfriend- got my baby-sister a Courtney Love Street walker dress?" She demanded pointing a finger in his chest.
"She asked for it," Spike blushed.
"Did you buy her the push-up bra to go with it?" She demanded.
"What..push up..? No!" He stammered looking at Dawn briefly and then the floor.
"Well, somebody did. Unless she grew about 3 sizes over night!" Buffy yelled.
"Buffy!" Dawn yelled with embarrassment as she quickly put on a sweater over her dress,"If you wanna know the push up bra is one of your old ones,"
"Oh. Oh. I am uncomfortable on so many levels right now. But, I think the level that is making the vomit rise to my throat is that Buff just officially called Spike her boyfriend," Xander said with closed eyes.
"Well, I am going to go finish packing for England," Giles sighed and as left the room he began to laugh again.
"Doesn't it scare or piss anyone else off that he keeps laughing like that?" Spike asked.
"Where did you even get the money to buy that dishrag?" Buffy demanded ignoring his question.
"I have my ways," He said.
"Oh, Your demon-breeding gambling ways?" She scoffed.
"Buffy you aren't his mother," Dawn yelled. Buffy ignored Dawn completely and stared down Spike.
"No," He answered with his hands in his pockets and looked at the floor.
"So they are totally legal ways?" She demanded.
"They are not illegal per say," He looked into her face with charming defiance.
"Oh, good something they haven't even thought of writing a law for," Xander quipped. Buffy just narrowed her eyes at Spike angrily. As if in a staring contest, Spike with his amused naughty look, and Buffy with her angry look neither one would blink.
"Oh c'mon!" Spike gave-in, "Like you expected me to get a real job. Well, I'll just fax my resume over to kinkos. They should be impressed with my knowledge of the original printing press. Oh, no, wait, better yet, I'll go to Starbucks, Love. Yes, bloody Starbucks, and when they make me do the required day shift and I turn to dust they can just sweep it up and save the little green apron and they can recycle the name tag when the next poor sod named William the Bloody comes in," Spike growled.
"Wouldn't the apron and the name tag just turn to dust with the rest of you?" Anya asked.
"Why, yes, Anya, It would. Okay, we can't have that then. We wouldn't want them to take it out of my paycheck would we, Love?" Spike spat sardonically.
"Shut-up! Did it ever occur to you that it's not about me wanting us to be normal?- God forbid- It's about me not wanting you to end up dead! If your doing some stupid ass thing I don't know about I can't protect you. You go off somewhere and I don't even know where you are and-" Buffy sounded enraged, but Willow could see her fists shake.
"Buffy even if you know everything about where he is, even if he's always with you- You can't always protect him. Just like those people who have disappeared, we can't help them. Sometimes were just powerless…Umm, that sounded much more comforting in my head, but Buffy it's true," Willow said.
Spike smiled at her. . Buffy looked at Willow and then at Spike and gave a relenting sigh.
"Love, I am the last one you have to worry about. I've been surviving longer than your young little brain could imagine," He said.
"Are you insulting my brain?" She asked smiling at him now.
"No, I said it was young and sexy," He said pulling her to him.
"You said little."
"Well, I meant sexy," He kissed her full on the lips.
"The vomit is now rising to the top of my throat. Why don't you just quit whining and get a night job?" Xander demanded.
He wasn't going to let Spike con his way out of this.
"Oh, right. 'Sorry Boss, I need the time off again. I am helping my girl fight another apocalypse. Seems to happen once a year. But, I may need other nights off to help her fight off various scaries, and to save the life of her useless Wanker friend who is a constant rod up my-
"Hey! I have an idea! Why doesn't Spike work at the Magic Shoppe with me?" Anya exclaimed.
"Somehow the vomit has risen up to my brain and is giving me an aneurysm," Xander groaned.
"Spike would never want to do that," Buffy said quickly.
"Why? Just because you'd rather live below the poverty line than work here doesn't mean he would," Anya said with a sweet smile.
"Never mind. Can we just train now or slay, or hit or kill something…please?" Buffy asked.
"This isn't an area where you should be polite! Hit me, 'nib. You gotta really hit me!" Spike prompted Dawn as they were in the training room.
"I can't," She giggled with a mouthpiece slurring her words.
"Oh, c'mon! I'm evil. I've made your sisters life hell when she was about your age. I wanted to kill her," He said.
"So did I," She laughed.
"All right, pretend I'm your science teacher. The one who has no ass and smells like cream 'a wheat, or that really annoying guy you hate on the telle with the red hair that looks like ugly coughed him up after a night 'a drinkin.'" He said.
This only made Dawn laugh harder.
"Does this help?" He asked changing into his demon face.
"Ooow, Don't do that. I don't like when you do that," She shrieked.
"That's what you'll be looking at out there," He warned her.
" I am not scared of them, I am scared when it's you. I've only seen you do that when you wanted to really kill someone, and those were bad times," She said.
"I'm gonna look like that when were out there fightin'," He warned going back to his normal face.
"Yeah, but not at me. Never at me," She said.
"No, never," He said.
"How about you're Buffy, and you are telling me I am too young to go see some movie, when I know you watched every R rated movie on cable when our parents were in bed when you were 10," Dawn suggested.
"That's my naughty girl," Spike laughed picturing Buffy as a child sneaking down the stairs to watch something just because she was told she couldn't. Suddenly, Dawn punched him in the face. He was a little surprise at how hard she could hit when she focused.
"Good girl, 'Bit," He smiled.
Buffy walked by them helping Giles carry his stuff. Anya and Willow followed. Xander watched Dawn punching Spike and smiled. Dawn was happy and Spike was getting hit.
"I can't believe you're going to England again. Who told you that you could get a life?" Buffy joked.
" I believe you, Xander, Willow and especially Spike firmly suggested it on occasion," He retorted.
"Oh, and I did too. I said you couldn't have the store back, remember?" Anya reminded.
"Yes, Anya, but I will strangely miss you very much," Giles said as they embraced.
Spike walked over to them examining his hands that had boxing gloves on.
"What if we find out what happened to those missing people?" Buffy asked Giles.
"Buffy, I leave everything to all of you and you're-
"I don't like these things. You can't bloody grab anything, how can you have a good tumble?" Spike interrupted as he came up behind Buffy and attempted to grab her breasts.
"-capable hands," Giles finished in a disturbed tone as he looked at Spike.
"Don't worry Mr. Watcher. I'll have her home by ten every night, and I promise I won't run out of gas," Spike smiled snidely as he squeezed Buffy.
"Yes, I'm sure you won't. Well, I am off everyone," Giles said as he took off his glasses and cleaned them.
As Buffy walked Giles to the car. Xander helped Dawn train. He made sure he laughed as she hit him even though she was leaving bruises. He had to be there for her too. Spike may not be around as long as she wanted.
Willow yawned and sunk down on the floor. She felt something soft rubbing her head. She looked up and saw that Spike was rubbing her head with the tip of the boxing glove. She smiled at him weakly.
"Can you help me get these blimey things off?" He asked.
"Sure," She pulled one off and stared down at it blankly.
"I still have the whiskey you know, for sleeping," He told her.
"Good," Was all she managed to say.
"And me 'n Buffy have got four ears between us," He said gently. Willow opened her mouth to speak, as Buffy came bounding in and jumped on Spike's back.
"Is big bad happy he finally rattled Uncle Giles?" She said in a baby voice in his ear. Spike smiled and held her legs around him.
"Hell yes! He was scaring me silly with all that laughing. I was afraid we'd finally sent him 'round the bend," Spike snickered. Willow could tell Buffy put her whole self into her laugh now.
"If only we could find something productive for your capable hands to do," She joked.
"His hands could be here at the magic Shoppe. I need an extra person, and Willow can't do it, because it's like an alcoholic working in a liquor store, right Willow?" Anya asked.
"Yes," Willow sighed.
"And Dawn already worked off her debt to me, and I don't want to be around Xander all day, and Buffy hates-
"Thanks Anya, but now I think I just need Spikes hands for training…So, what do you say, Billy? Think those hands are capable of beatin' on me for a while? Giving me a workout?" Buffy asked tightening herself around him while she was still on his back.
" I should think so Slayer," He said trying to contain his excitement. How could he not love this girl? He walked away with her to the mat.
"People in love are so happy, despite the world around them," Willow said.
"Yes, but then one day the person you were in love with could make the world come crashing down around you. So, it evens out, I guess…Did she just call him Billy?" Anya asked.
"I can call the vampires whatever I want!" Dawn demanded as she had just helped Buffy stake one.
"Even I don't have a gutter mouth like that, Dawn," Buffy said.
"Oh, right" Spike said,"Yeah sure," Dawn echoed and they rolled their eyes together.
"I do not! Tell them Will," Buffy asked Willow.
"Ummm..She doesn't?" Willow said meekly.
"Gee, thanks," Buffy sighed.
"Buffy, up ahead," Spike says and they take off after two vampires. Dawn and Willow fall behind. Dawn tries to run faster and falls. Willow helps her up. They are both out of breath.
"I guess- no matter- how hard I train- I'll never be able- to compare to Spike- and Buffy," Dawn panted.
"Don't worry, Honey. Having powers isn't all it's cracked up to be. Your life gets dangerous," Willow comforted. Suddenly, they heard growling behind them.
"All right, what's wrong?" Spike demanded of Buffy as he kicked on a lanky vamp with a Metallica T-shirt. Buffy was blocking a hit from another stouter vamp.
"Nothing!" She insisted as she hit the vamp in the face "Stop asking me!"
"I know something is wrong, out with it…It's that I bought Nib that dress isn't it? She just wants a little self-expression. God, remember your clothes in high school?" He said as he ducked as the vampire through a piece of tombstone at him.
"I understand about the dress, okay? And what was wrong with my clothes in high school?" She demanded. Annoyed as she punched the vamp away from choking her.
"They were a bit tarty at times," He smiled as he punched the lanky vamp.
"HUH!" She scoffed angrily as she threw the stout vamp on the ground.
"I am not saying I minded," He joked as he looked at her. She looked up at him, which allowed the vamp to get away.
"Well, I mind you buying things with dirty money. What example is that to Dawn after she was all kelpto?" She demanded as her and the vamp exchanged blows.
"Okay. Bloody hell! Then I'll work in the sodding Magic Shoppe!" He sighed. Buffy staked the vamp with extra ferocity.
"I never said I wouldn't, Love," He said a second after the remaining lanky vamp gave him a blow in the face. Buffy knocked the vamp down and threw a stake, but missed him. She growled in frustration. Spike searched her face and suddenly looked angry.
"You don't want me to work in the magic Shoppe because I'll be with Anya. Oh Slayer, that's a good one," He scowled.
"It's a good one that I don't want you to work with the woman you had sex with, in the place where you had sex with her, five minutes after we stopped seeing each other?" Buffy demanded as she repeatedly hit the vamp in the face who still managed to laugh at the arguing couple.
"Oh this is rich, Slayer. Even for you! First off, you dumped me, and it had been a week and you bloody know I only did it to try to get over you! Now you say I can't make a bloody living the way I chose, you want your man doing something dull and legit. But the only legit place that will hire me is forbidden by you because of something I did to get over you! Balls, Buffy! What do you want, my sodding blood!?" He yelled.
"Don't yell at me for things you did!" She yelled.
"Things that—" He was interrupted as the vamp hit Buffy hard in the face.
"Ow," She whined. Spike face turned into his killing face and picked up the vamp by the neck and roared. The vamp punched him in the face and said: "Dude, you are so whipped," Buffy staked him and he was gone.
"Are you all right, Love?" He asked gently caressing her cheek.
"Yeah, are you? You're bleeding," She said whipping his mouth.
"Ah, All in a day's work," He smiled. She moved in and kissed him gently. He pulls her in and they kiss longer.
"Buffy!" They heard Dawn scream. They ran to help Dawn and Willow with a very large vampire.
Hearing the Vicious Tale Part-III
Willow stared at the ceiling while she lay on her bed. Sad music played. She looks pale and tired. She sat up and looked at pictures of her and Tara. She went to the closet that had an empty box next to it. She took a white hippy shirt off of a hanger and smelt it smiling. Then she placed it in the box and paused. She took the shirt out and kicked the box angrily. She began down the stairs.
"Guys?" She called weakly.
"Just a pathetic little junkie girl is all she was," She heard Buffy laugh coolly. Willow looked stricken and sat down on the steps to listen.
"Bloody hell you never believe me," Spike laughed gently. Willow could see them. They were on the floor. Buffy sat between Spike's legs. He rubbed he back.
"Well, in the movie and in other stuff I've heard she was just this Yoko, only stupid, so maybe she couldn't help becoming a junkie to boot," Buffy insisted.
Willow bit her lip, at least Buffy wasn't talking about her. There was no movie of her life, it was too pathetic.
"I knew them. I was there, while you were busy being in your Mum's tummy. So, you believe Hollywood and some sod's 20-year-old gossip over me. Thanks, Love. Lye down on your stomach," He commanded. She obliged. He straddled her and began messaging her back again.
"Okay, fine so what really happened Moses?" She asked.
"She was being a naughty girl with the magics. She wanted to make her boy a star in his own right with them. I tried to warn her, but she was a stubborn 'Bit," He sighed.
"I would just make myself a star and not some guy," Buffy scoffed.
"She loved him. Don't ask me why. He was nothin' but a bad bass player. But, they both loved the magic. It was how they met," Spike continued.
Willow hugged her knees to her chest. Who were these people?
"Oh, Love you always get bruises on your spine," He bent down and kissed her back.
"It's worth gettin' em for you to kiss 'em better...Anyway, go on," She cooed.
Willow realized they were both easily distracted from this horrible story. She knew Spike long enough to know that he once had been upset about it, but to Buffy it was nothing more than a form of entertainment.
"Anyway, the bloody magics had them jointed at the hip. So, much so we never saw them anymore. So, I didn't know how far gone it was. See, they were always both right out of their skulls, so it was hard to tell when their own crazy ended and the magics making them crazy began..We were all quite mad. Anarchy and all that...Anyway, she became sick of the band. Wanted her boy to make it on his own. She never bloody got that punk wasn't about being a bloody rock star. So, she tried to do this ultimate spell to make him the big bad of punk. My poor Bit, ended up blowing her stomach out of her and onto the walls. Poor boy didn't last much longer after that. He couldn't live without her. Blew his head off," Spike laughed bitterly.
Willow bet he leaving out the detail of why it was her stomach that exploded and that it was over magic.
Buffy turned to face him. She could tell he was only pretending this story didn't bother him, just like Willow could. Tara was awful at hiding her emotions to. Spike was still over her he bent down and kissed her.
"So, it was one of those star-crossed tragedy love deals, that New York's finest wrapped up as a murder suicide. Pity, the magic is was what brought them together. Made them great together for a while, but it is what tore them apart, and if she hadn't dragged him into it they would be alive," Willow put her hands over her ears and closed her eyes, but she still heard Buffy's next comment.
"Sounds like they were junkies to me. But, I'm sorry. Sounds like you had a thing for her," Buffy sighed.
"Nah. She loved him and only him. That Yank girl drove him mad with love. It happens to the best of us Englishmen, you know."
"If you guys are the best of all Englishmen remind me to never go there," She joked.
"Stop it! Stop it! Please!..Ah! Your the only one who can hold me down long enough to tickle me," Buffy laughed and squealed as he tickled her.
"And I'm the only one who can bring you to my knees with one hand," He smiled.
"I love you, Baby," Buffy suddenly moaned.
Willow realized that Spike had his hand in Buffy's pants. She felt really guilty she had been spying on them, and was trying to convince herself that was why she was crying.
"I can't live without you," Willow heard Spike say to Buffy as she went up the stairs.
Grand Theft Auto & Unpleasant Visuals
"I need you to come over with some stuff. I know how you feel about coming here after all that's happened, but please. I won't make it through the night unless you come," Willow said nervously into the phone receiver while her eyes darted around the Summer's home.
"Hey Anya, how's it going? Xander asked as he walked into the magic Shoppe.
"You're ruining my register closing ceremony, what do you want?" She snapped.
"I wanted to say: 'Hey, Anya how's it going?' There's also something I have to do and I was wondering if you'd wanna come along," He said.
"Casual socializing? With you? After you left me at the alter and came back and wanted to go steady like some pathetic high schooler and I slept with a man you loathe?" Anya asked.
"Well, Spike isn't really a man he's a vampire- a soulless vampire when you slept with him on that table there, and more importantly you left out the fact that I'm better at sex than him. But, yes, I have come with the desire to casually socialize," He answered.
"Okay, but no funny stuff," She warned.
"Yes, you have to know how to be friends with a woman. No inappropriate come-ons," She told him.
"If there's anything I'm good at it's being friends with women, and apparently I'm good at sex too," He smiled. She gave him a grave look.
"But, I'll only being using one of those sets of skills tonight," He assured.
"Did you bring the stuff?" Willow asked as she opened the backdoor the Summer's house.
"I come baring ice cream and sundae fixin's, and your play station. Your Mom also gave me new underwear for you. She says you can move back in anytime you want," Xander said. Willow hugged him gratefully.
"Oh and I brought the crunchy peanut butter. It's good with ice cream," Anya said.
"Thanks," Willow smiled.
"Hey Willow! Aren't you allowed to move your queen backwards in chess? Spike won't admit I won…Oh hey Xander..and Anya. Anya's here," Buffy said bounding into the kitchen.
"You can't beat someone at bloody chess if they have to remind you of all the sodding rules every move..Hey, mates," He said regarding Xander and Anya casually.
"I know this is awkward since we haven't seen each other on a purely social level since You and I slept together, but Xander and I are trying to be friends," Anya told Spike.
"Brilliant idea…Ooo, Grand Theft Auto, can I play?" Spike asked excitedly
"Will, did you have to shoot down the old lady? She was just walking by," Xander grimaced from the couch.
"It's a healthy way of sublimating my aggression," Willow stated as she played Grand Theft Auto.
"That-A-girl, Red. It's the only real way to play this game," Spike cheered.
"That is very fittingly spoken by a man eating peanut butter mixed with pig's blood," Buffy snorted.
"Wha's wrong with that?" Spike demanded.
"Let's just say I'd rather see…Will you're running over the person whose car you just stole," Xander gasped.
"It looks like a bowl of PB and J and then you realize the J is blood…PB&B," Buffy look sickened. Spike responded with erotically putting a spoon full of the concoction in his mouth and showing the contents of his mouth to Buffy.
"AAAh God!" She exclaimed while throwing Rasinettes at him.
"Wait do that again. I wanna catch one in my mouth," He exclaimed like it was an idea worthy of a prize. She bounced one off of his head perfectly.
"Hang on, I wasn't ready!" He pouted.
"Oh, I'm so sorry…Are you ready now?… Are you ready now?..How bout now?" She asked sarcastically as she threw handfuls of Rasinettes at him.
"Naughty girl, you asked for this," Spike said as he put some more of the bowl's contents in his mouth and grabbed Buffy trying to kiss her. Buffy tried to keep her mouth firmly closed and tried to concentrate on pinning him as they wrestled on the floor. But she kept laughing and letting his mouth get way too close.
"You nasty maniac," She laughed.
"C'mon give Daddy a kiss," He said as best he could with a mouth full of peanut butter. He was currently on top because she kept laughing. She turned away from him in disgust. But thrust her groin into his. No one else would be able to tell.
"Hey, there are starving kids that would love those Rasinettes, peanut butter, and pigs blood. Well, maybe they wouldn't love the pig's blood. But, it's still a waste," Xander said.
Dawn walked in time for her curfew that she thought was way too early. She and Xander and Anya were in a conversation by the time Spike and Buffy noticed her.
They were rolling around the floor for a change.
"Hey Bit," Spike smiled.
"Hey Spike," She smiled back at him. He looked so happy to see her that she forgot she hadn't been noticed.
"Dawny, help me! Get him off me," Buffy joked. Dawn rolled her eyes. Why don't you try unlocking you legs from his waist that might help, She wanted to say, but refrained.
"Mature video games. You guys rolling around on the floor, for a change. I wanted to hang, but I something tells me this is too mature for me, or not mature enough," Dawn said.
"Don't feel bad 'Bit I'll take you to get pierced tomorrow," Spike promised as he wiped some peanut butter stuff from his mouth.
"Um, hello, legal guardian here!" Buffy interjected. She was a bit out of breath from her wrestling match.
"Relax, Buffy. I am only getting a third hole in my ear. What do you have? 5?" Dawn demanded. But, Buffy didn't even seem to notice she was being challenged.
"I dunno. How many ear holes do I have, Honey?" She asked Spike as she laid in his lap.
"Four in each ear," He answered as he brushed the blonde hair out of her eyes.
Dawn decided to quickly say goodnight and go to bed. She didn't feel like staying up. Even to see Anya do better at Grand Theft Auto than Xander and to hear Xander make fun of himself about it.
"Well, now that Nib's all home safe, I am gonna get out for a bit," Spike said rising as Xander was cursing at the play station controller.
"You're leaving?" Buffy pouted.
"Only for a bit. I'll come back and spend the night," He assured and kissed her on the forehead. He smiled big. This girl who used to kick him out all the time could stand to see him leave for a few hours.
"Where are you going?" She continued to pout.
"I have things to do, Love," He said.
He was enjoying his own the soothing fatherly tone she was evoking from him.
"What things?" She demanded, and began to pull away from him, but he wouldn't let her go.
"Well, if you must know I need money to pay for Bit's piercing and I wanted to help pay your phone bill, because it was my fault she called the psychic network and I need new blood, so off I go," He said.
His tone was no longer comforting to her, but patronizing.
"Off you go where?" She demanded more huskily, and made sure she really pulled away from him.
"Too make money," He tried to state neutrally.
"Too make money how? By doing some illegal thing so you can continue to spoil my sister!" She yelled.
"I didn't say that did I?" He retorted firmly.
"You didn't have to!" She snapped turning completely away from him. He clenched his fists and teeth.
"Not all of the money is going to Nib. Whether you want to admit it or not, I pay for a lot of things, so you can use you can use your money to keep eating things other than those sodding palace burgers!" He yelled.
"Well, consider me back on the palace diet again. I'd rather have my mystery meat than your mystery money! And I don't need your help with my sister either. We're fine without you! I'd rather have greasy burger money than blood money!" She stared at him icily. For a second he looked like he had been physically stuck, but then smiled like her was bearing his teeth.
"So, if I don't tell you every little thing I'm automatically being a bad again? You had no problem shagging me when I made blood money, Slayer. To think I was willing to be some sodding stock boy for you. But thank goodness, you'd rather have me starve then be alone with Anya. What's the plan, was I to be your house boy with the 2 figure salary your brinin' in, Pet?" He snarled.
"Did I do something wrong?" Anya asked.
"No, Anya you nothing wrong you were fine. You didn't tell me you loved me and then slept with someone else the minute things got hard," Buffy glared only at Spike.
"The minute--" He broke off with a sneering laugh,"Bloody fuckin' hell, Slayer! You told me it was over. Yes, I was all tied up in knots for you. But, it was only real for me, remember? No matter how bloody amazing you said the shagging was with or without words. I had to look at that look of utter bloody disgust on your face every time when it was over. You never told me you loved me! Hell, you don't know unless you're about to get your bloody rocks off!"
"Um, maybe we all don't need to be here. Because not only am I hearing really horrible things being said, but I am now also getting unpleasant visuals," Xander said meekly as he, Willow, and Anya were paralyzed on the couch hoping the argument would end.
"No, Xander, I think Spike wants you to stay. Maybe we should wake up Dawn. This way everyone will know what a horrible girlfriend I am, even after I tortured myself trying to do right by him when he had no soul!" She screamed.
"He should stay. I feel like he trusts me more than you! You don't know what torture is until you have to slowly come back to fight the demon inside with nothing but two lifetimes it controlling you. You have no idea, my little pet. And to have none of it count for bloody shit! Too be treated like nothing, but, a bloody…whore! Nothing has changed! If I am going to be stuck with nothing but your petty grievances, I might as well stayed the big bad and not trouble myself with the bloody pain of a soul," He had been shouting, but ended in a cold whisper.
"Well, if you don't like the way I'm acting maybe you can trade in your soul for a cash refund!" Buffy spat.
"You don't know how I wish I could! And I have news for you, my presumptuous pet, I didn't go to sodding Africa to get my soul back so you would be all charmed with me. I had this bloody soul thrust upon me when I was trying to get the chip out of my head, so I could stop being your little bitch and do away with you like I wanted to in the first place!" He sneered.
Buffy grabbed the first painful thing she could find, which was a knife that they had been using to cut Ms. Rosenburg's pound cake and hurled it at Spike. He ducked and it stuck in the wall where his throat would have been.
"Bloody Christ, Buffy! You know what that would've done to me," He gasped.
"Yeah, it would've left you alive. Too bad knives aren't wood," She snapped.
"Buffy…" Spike began in a calmer tone and took a step towards her. She punched him in the face. Sending him back against the wall right next the knife.
"Get out!" She screamed. He took the knife out of the wall.
"Don't do this to the walls love, we can't afford-
"YOU can't afford to risk your life by ever saying 'we' to me again. Get the fuck out, or I'll throw you out. I only wish it was daylight!" She roared. Taking the knife out of his hand. He sucked in his not needed breath and went to leave. He turned around one more time.
"Go. Don't make me have to explain why I killed you to my sister," Buffy said her voice shaking as she held the knife pointed at him.
When she heard the doors slam she sunk down on the couch between Willow and Xander. Her fierce expression grew into a blank look. Her eyes filled with unspilt tears.
"Wow. Who knew Spike had such a big vocabulary? 'petty grievances,' 'presumptuous,' 'little bitch'" Xander said with false levity in his voice.
"He didn't call her a bitch. That would have been verbally abusive in a serious argument," Anya said.
"No, he was referring to himself as her bitch," Xander explained.
"Oh," Anya nodded. Willow put her arm around Buffy.
"I know that look. It's usually followed by crying and then eating lots of raw cookie dough. Don't worry Buffy. This is the Hellmouth. All relationships here are intense and weird. And then they end. People change..into vampires, or demons…or they get killed by vampires or demons, or guns and then you become a pathetic magic junkie. Nothing lasts forever," Willow sighed.
"I think I need to be alone," Buffy said and shot up off the couch.
"Buffy, I'm sorry," Willow exclaimed.
"No, I am sorry. We all are having a nice time until my boyfriend brings up he'd been trying to kill me when he stumbled on the only way I could ever love him. I ruined our happy friend time with my stupid ass man choices, again. I gotta go. Sorry," She said quickly and ran out the door.
"We'll never catch her," Willow sighed.
"Gee, I dunno why the cheery little pep talk didn't work, Will," Xander mused.
"I'm sorry. I guess I am still in the numb phase myself with Tara...I think Ill need a walk later too. Sometimes I just walk around and sort of blank-out and I'm back here again. Couldn't tell you what I did. But, at least it made me stop thinking a while," She sighed.
Xander put his arm around her and she cuddled next to him.
"A couple's first serious fight is the worst," Anya stated.
"Yeah, but they usually aren't seriously talking about killing each other," Xander said.
"You'd be surprised…Still this casual socializing is hard," Anya sighed.
Gits Prefer Blondes-Part IV
Willow hugged her books to her chest as she walked across the Sunnydale University campus.
"Hey girlie, don't look so down. Our mid-term got canceled!" A girl exclaimed to Willow.
She small and Asian with a nose ring and two white streaks in jet-black her hair.
"Canceled?" Willow asked.
"Yeah, the TA is missing. God knows that Prof. Jones fraud can't function without him…I think their both pigs. I mean geez, no mention of Neo-feminist Paganism in a religion class!"
"Missing?" Willow gasped.
The girl gestured Willow to sit down by tapping a cane she had next to her on the bench. Willow sat as she bit her lip.
"Yeah, get this, yesterday the loser was found by his girlfriend messing around with some little freshman. She took all of his CDs and set them on fire in the middle of the quad. It was great! So, of course now the cops are thinking she did something to him. I just think the prick couldn't take being humiliated and took off. I can't believe it took her this long to find out. He was constantly using his glorious TA status to prick up girls. Give some people a little bit of power and they go nuts," She sighed.
"Power?" Willow question meekly.
"Yeah you know how some TA's use their so-called status to hit on naïve girls," The girl smiled at Willow as she leaned her chin or her cane.
"Naïve girls?" Willow's face grew more troubled.
"Yeah, I am trying to get to them first with my Neo-Feminist pagan club. You want to join? I know you were in that Wiccan thing a while ago, but this is better," The girl urged.
"I-I gotta go, sorry!" Willow said and began to run.
"We meet on Tuesdays at 8 in the west lecture hall!" The girl yelled after her.
"Anya!" Willow screamed as she burst into the magic Shoppe.
She took a deep breath to begin. She stared at the floor because she couldn't bare to see Anya's face when while confronting her.
"Anya…I know what you're doing and you have to stop! I mean I understand why you became a vengeance demon again, but I mean there's I-helped-gave-someone's-mean-Ex-boyfriend-a bad rash vengeance and I'm-kidnapping-mean-Ex-boyfriends vengeance...and blonde girls…for some reason. I-I know what it's like to be angry and get carried away- but-" Willow looked up and saw that she had been talking to no one.
The register was open with the money still in it. Most of the articles on the shelf behind the register had been knocked off. Willow found a book on the floor "How to Turn your ex-boyfriend into a toad and other Spells for revenge, success and Love" by Athena Starwoman.
Was Anya planning on using this book on Xander? She opened the book. In the inside cover was an adorable Winnie-the-Pooh book label That read "This book belongs to…"
"Oh God!" Willow gasped as she read the name.
i"Seen you in the mirror when the story began and I fell in love with you I love yer mortal sin Your brains are locked away but I love your company I only ever leave you when you got no money I got no emotions for anybody else you better understand I'm in love with myself myself my beautiful self A no feelings no feelings for anybody else.."/i "I'm too miserable to hear these boys," Spike moaned as he shut off the boom box.
"I am even too bloody miserable to drink or hustle money. None of my old reliable are working, Mate," He said to Clem as he threw one of the many beer bottles around down in disgust.
"I know this guy, who knows this guy whose cousin works for this warlock who would give you money for your soul. So, you could really turn it in for a cash refund if you wanted," Clem suggested.
Spike narrowed his eyes at him in irritation.
"It was just a suggestion...I've heard the warlock is pretty shady though," Clem said in sheepish defense. They were in Spike's crypt, which had been really more lived in by Clem until Buffy and Spike's terrible fallout.
"It doesn't quite work like that, Mate. Once you lose something that makes you a real man, and then you get it back, you really want to hold on to it even if it makes your life ten times harder, Cause it also makes your life 100 times better…God, how could I bloody let myself bollucks everything up with her again!" Spike groaned. He dropped the cards he was holding and threw his head down on the table, showing the back his platinum blonde head.
"Well, I mean, I think you had a point. She should trust you now that you have a soul and everything," Clem said.
"Right, after I lied to her about why I got it back," Spike sighed into the table.
"You didn't lie. You told her that demon tricked you into it…eventually," Clem comforted.
"No!" Spike said, "That was the lie! I did go to the demon to get whatever I could to be what she deserved. I only told her I got it back while I was trying to become the big bad again and bloody kill her just to make her mad. I can't believe she believed it! That she would think I'd do that!"
"Well, she only believed what you told her, and you wanted to make her mad and it worked," Clem said
Spike looked at Clem with distain,"Do you have any 3s?" He asked.
"Go fish," Said Clem.
"Balls," He grumbled.
"Well, maybe you can go to LA, and team up with that other vampire with a soul. He makes money and gets girls," Clem suggested as he rubbed his wrinkled pointy ear.
"Mate, whatever rumor mill you frequent is rotting. I have the displeasure of knowing that pious poof and he can't shag girls or his soul is dust," Spike grumbled.
"Ha! Shows what you know, I heard he has a kid. I mean he had to have sex with someone at least once to get that kid, right? Anyway, I'm just saying why not get out of here. Get a gig like his," Clem said.
"No, Mate. I'm stuck here. My girl needs help from me…Even if I'll never be her man again," Spike sighed miserably.
"She's the slayer. You told me yourself she's kicked your ass so many times before you soul-chip days. It seems like she has the slaying covered without you," Clem said gently.
"Number one: There were many times we fought to a draw, but her annoying little scoobys helped her get the edge. God, I bloody hated them; I guess I am one of them now. And number 2: Being the slayer set her apart from all the rest of the smiley humans. No one else really knows what it's like to live on the outside. Sure some of her little friends may get a taste of it every blue moon, but they don't live the life. It's not part of who they are. They don't spend every breath with all that power and rage that comes with the fight in you. That will set you apart from everyone forever. So, she'll need to bend my ear every once in a while, even if she hates me. I'm here, for her," He sighed.
"Wow, you'd stick around to have a heart-to-heart with an Ex. That is so sweet. Well, I have a few things Id like to get off my chest, while I'm here," A shrill female voice said from the crypt's connecting tunnel.
"Harm," Spike said in shock.
"Yep Spikey. Now let's talk," Harmony said firmly as she held Anya by the throat.
"Spike they have-" Anya began.
"Rude! I'm finally getting my chance here and you're interrupting. I thought you were all about girl power," Harmony hissed at Anya as she covered her mouth and yanked her head back.
"Take your hands off her!" Spike demanded.
He let his eyes glow yellow, but showed no other trace of his demon face. Since he had been given a soul he tried to keep his demon face hidden as much as possible.
"Why should I- you couldn't, and that's what cost you your precious Buffy. Are those big bad yellow eyes supposed to show me you really mean it? Poor Spikey, all repressed hanging out with the humans too long. Don't I deserve to see your real face? The one you hide from your girlfriend and your friends, who aren't much your friends..Except for this little cutie, who isn't human either. Face it, baby, you belong with us monsters," Harmony smiled as she continued to hold on to Anya. She was being quiet poignant for a twit. It was almost like someone else told her what to say.
"Is there a point to this prattle, or do you just want to remind me of what a Git I was for being with you?" Spike asked through gritted teeth. Hoping she didn't see her perception had angered him.
"There is a point. But, I just want you to listen to me first damn it!" Harmony demanded and stamped her foot.
"Okay, Harm. You win. I'll listen just let Anya go," Spike said with false gentleness.
"Why? So, you can still have her as your little side dish? We've got better plans for her!" She scoffed.
"Fine. Then your daft if you think I'm going to bloody listen," He said calmly and turned his boom box back on loudly. He sat down across from a befuddled Clem, and lit a cigarette.
i"Hello and good-bye and a run-around Sue You follow me around like a pretty pot of glue I kick you in the head you got nothing to say Get out of the way cos I gotta getaway You never realize I take the piss out of you.."/i
"You bastard! Oh God, and that fucking music again!" Harmony stomped across the room in demon face.
"iYou come up and see me and I'll beat you black and blue okay I'll send you away No feelings for anybody else except for myself my beautiful self dear/i…"
She picked up the boom box and smashed it. The song stopped abruptly while some electric sparks flew from the box. Spike knocked Harmony to the ground.
"Bloody Bitch, you know that was an Aiwa boom box!.. Anya, run!" Spike commanded.
"That was the thing with you, Harm.,", he continued as he easily dodged her rageful blows, "Brains were never your best feature. All you had to do was threaten to kill her and I would've listened to your bloody bitching. What was your best feature, Harm?" He asked a he knocked her to the ground again.
"Maybe it was the Buffy role-playing she did during sex?" Anya suggested from the far corner of the room with Clem.
"She's been telling me all you did to her for the past few hours, and while I fail to see her best feature as well in that time, I don't think you were very nice to her," Anya continued.
"Anya, Doll, When I said 'run.' I meant away from here where it's safe," Spike sighed.
"I couldn't do that. Maybe I could help you. I had to make sure you were okay," She said indignantly.
"Ooh Spikers! She thought she could help you. Looks like someone want to ride the Spike again. Buffy was right not to trust you with her-Slut!" Harmony spat.
"It's called being a friend you…stupid loser! And I don't care I'd rather die than grant your vengeance wishes, even in the horrible ways you described," Anya finished with a triumphant smile.
"Was that a good come back?" She asked Clem.
"I liked it," Clem said supportively.
"Vengeance wishes? Oh, bloody hell, Har-"
"Fine!" Harmony screamed in frustration and ran at Spike with a stake she grabbed from Spike's weapon shelf.
"You turned me into what you needed and expected me to just walk..away," Harmony shouted in between blows she exchanged with Spike.
"And now..you're whipped on a girl..we hated!" She was able to grab the radio in rage and knock him in the head with it, and he fell to the ground.
"You're not fooling me! The real you is that bastard you were with me and she knows it that's why she threw you out.. Now I am going to do what your bitch couldn't," Harmony hissed as she lowered the stake near Spike's chest.
"How do you know so bloody much about me 'n Buffy?" Spike demanded from under her as he grabbed her arm with the stake in it.
"And I am the stupid one? We've been watching you for weeks. I was surprised I thought the slayer would be all vanilla. Where'd you get those satin laced handcuffs?" Harmony asked with a sneer. Suddenly, she yelped and grabbed her head. Then several beer bottles went sailing past them.
"Oh, I think I got her! Or maybe that was one of the ones you threw," Anya said excitedly to Clem.
"No, I think it was you," Clem wrinkly faced smiled. Meanwhile, Spike grabbed the stake and stabbed Harmony in the arm.
"Dumb Ass! That was nowhere near my heart!" She spat in pain.
"Doesn't matter. Don't think you ever had one, even when you were an insipid little human…Now bloody scamper!" Spike said as he lit another cigarette.
"Jerk! This is how you are with a soul? Don't you feel the least bit bad about what you did to me?" She demanded. He sighed a long sigh and paused.
"No, not really," he said, "you were a monster before I came along," The sound of slow echoing applause came from the connecting tunnel.
"Brilliant, Daddy, brilliant way to punish your dolly. But, she's my dolly now and you broke her," Drusilla stopped clapping and pouted.
"Dru? What the bloody hell is this, an episode of 'This in your bloody life in hell'?" Spike demanded.
"Drusilla and I met up and talked. We decided it was better if we were friends. Sometimes I have no idea what she's talking about, but she's really good with minions, and she promised that we could get you back," Harmony chirped.
"Yes, Dolly. You were a bit over zealous for a bit. We don't want to kill Daddy. Just punish him and own him again. Now go get fixed Dolly. Let Drusilla alone with our naughty man," Drusilla told Harmony as she examined the wound Spike had given her.
She affectionately brushed Harmony's hair before she obeyed and left through the tunnel.
"Dru what the bloody hell is this?" Spike demanded.
"Baby thinks it's time for Daddy to come home. Baby has been watching Daddy with his new little baby and his new little soul. She doesn't like it. She doesn't want her Daddy to get to burned by his slayer. So, Baby made a whole new family of Dollies who were naughty and hurt their lovers for Daddy to come home to. Baby even got all the girl dollies to be fair haired, because that is what Daddy seems to prefer now," Drusilla told Spike as she twirled around smiling. She stopped twirling and began to stroke Spike's hair.
"Dru…" Spike said firmly as he roughly grabbed her hand from his hair. Drusilla whined and licked her lips.
"Granted I'm out of practice, but I need that said again, preferably in a language of sanity," He demanded as he through her hand down.
She pouted and whined.
"She means that she has been watching you with Buffy, and she thinks Buffy will only leave you. She wants you to come back to her, and she made all these new minions for you that broke up with their significant others, and all the girls are blonde…I guess it's some sick way of her giving you a gift," Anya explained shouting from the corner.
"And the lady gets a prize!" Drusilla exclaimed excitedly as she pointed to Anya, "Maybe the prize can be that I leave you alive after you grant my wish. So, you can play all day in the sun with that muscle man you like more than my Spike."
"Dru, of all the bloody cockamamie things you've done! I know that you are stark raving mad, but you are not an idiot! You think you can waltz in here bloody well knowing how much I love the slay- How much I love Buffy and think Id take you back. Not to mention that with my newly acquired soul and you love for the kill might cause some tiffs," Spike angrily chuckled.
"But, I got you many presents," Drusilla argued with an innocent tone
"Yes, someone with a soul is not going to be all charmed with you turning a bunch of poor sodding kids into vampires for them! Blimey, Pet, I think you have been drinking too much valley girl blood!" Spike shook his head.
"I made vampire dollies from naughty children that treated their lovers badly. The way I knew the slayer would treat you. So, even if we couldn't get the slayer my Daddy would have all these glorious slaves from leaving lovers who could never leave," Drusilla continued.
"I get it, Dru. And it's so twisted, it's almost funny. How could you think I would go anywhere with you now?" He spat.
"My Spike would love it," She stated with found remembering eyes.
"Your Spike is dead! I have a soul Dru. Remember when Angelus got his soul back how he wanted nothing to do with you. That's me now, but I started to grow mine back before it was fully given to me. My wish to get the chip out of my head to kill my girl was the last breath of evil in me fighting its last fight. Now it's gone. Maybe I just needed that demon to show me that, and it was me who really got the- I must be going mad! Why am I explaining this to you? Get out!" He grabbed her roughly by the arm.
She let out a whimper and sat on the floor as he tried to force her out.
"Drusilla, go, before I think better of it, and find somewhere to lock you away!" He roared.
"Baby has a way of making this all go away," Drusilla said as she rocked herself back and fourth on the floor to comfort herself, "Baby, is going to use the Demon to get her wish. If the demon acts naughty and doesn't listen-"
"I don't care what you do! I won't grant a wish to hurt Spike," Anya yelled nervously.
"Naughty demon. If you don't grant my wish Dru will put all her time into hurting the muscle man that the demon didn't get to wed," Drusilla said for a moment actually looking angry.
"Buffy would never let that happen!" Anya insisted.
"Dru is very powerful. Many scary things like Dru, they'll do her bidding The slayer can only fight off so much. Doesn't Spike agree?" Dru smiled while examining her fingernails. Spike wanted to believe that Buffy and he could protect Xander from everything that Drusilla could through at him, but he didn't. He was silent.
"Oh," Anya whispered nervously.
"Whatever Dru wants Anya, do it. I deserve it. We all know it. Kill me. Send me to a hell dimension. Have me bugger myself to death with a bloody mummy. Even if I didn't treat Dru half as bad as she treated me, I still did bloody awful things to people, to Buffy and, yes, even Harm. So, let's just get this over with, Poodle," He requested his last sentence to Drusilla.
"No, my silly rabbit," She laughed, "I am not going to hurt my Love. I am going to save you," She sprang up and kissed his cheek.
"I'm going to wish that pesky soul away!" She exclaimed with a happy snarl.
"Dru don't! I can't go back! I won't!…Dru, if only you could understand. I learned so much. I feel so bloody much. I'm alive Dru. If you really do love me, if you ever loved me you won't bloody do this!" Spike pleaded with a shaky voice. Drusilla gave him a disapproving look and tisked.
"Then Daddy is going to have to chose. You can stake me to keep your dirty dirty soul, or you can keep me and lose it," She told him in a whispery voice as she handed him the stake that he used to stab Harmony. She handed it to him and closed her eyes and stretched out her hands and smiled. Spike slowly raised the stake and began brining it down with shaky hands.
"Bloody damn hell!" He roared and threw the stake down where it landed with a clamor.
"Why didn't you do it?" Anya asked confused.
"Stupid demon! Could you kill your rabid child when it was once a little babe in your arms? Could you kill your mother, even if she was holding a gun to your head, knowing she is the very reason you lived, breathed and smiled? Could you kill your lover who once brought you to heaven because they were taking you back to earth?" She growled angrily.
"Wait. I'm not sure. Can you repeat the questions again?" Anya asked.
"I think they were rhetorical," Clem whispered to her.
"You are not a fun Daddy anymore. You would have killed me before. You were going to for your slayer, remember?" Drusilla reminded Spike in a stage whisper.
"I do, and that is why I don't wanna go back there, Dru. But even back then I wasn't gonna hurt you, Dru. I knew Buffy would never go for it. It was just a gesture to show how much I loved her," Spike sighed.
"You do still love your Dru!" Drusilla exclaimed, and threw her arms around Spike.
"Your listening skills are a bit off, Poodle. But, I did love you once as much as I could with no soul. But then, after you left me, I loved Buffy more than I thought was possible. And now, Pet, with this soul, I know what to love really is and I do for her, as much as I bloody botched it. So, if you do love me Dru, let me be. It's over," Spike told her softly as he patted her head.
"The slayer doesn't love you," Drusilla told him with her arms still around him.
"It doesn't matter I love her. In a bullocks up way it opened me up to real living. So, good will come of it," He told her as he gently took her arms off of him.
"It's time for a test," She said joyously, "What does my Spike really want? There are only three choices: A) Spike lets Dru wish away that dirty dirt soul. B) Spike stakes his Dru baby C) Spike lets his Dru baby stake him..tick-tock…Spike must pick one or Dru will make the wish,"
"How 'bout D) Buffy stakes Drusilla," Buffy said with grave anger and a seriously large stake.
"Anya! Are you all right?" Xander ran over to her in great concern.
"I'm okay. I got very tired of talking about Spike though. Spike treated that Harmony really bad. But, she is very irritating. I hit her with a beer bottle," Anya said matter-of-factly.
Meanwhile, Buffy was glaring at a giggle Drusilla.
"Spike take everyone out of here," Buffy commanded with her eyes on Drusilla.
"Like hell I'm leaving you with her! She's not some bint that you can have a catfight with and stake when you've gotten your angries out, Love. She's at least as strong as me, and twice as sadistic," Spike insisted.
"Daddy, Baby and slayer makes three," Drusilla said ominously.
"Fine. Xander take Anya and Clem out of here!" Buffy called to Xander.
"Hmmm. I wonder if the slayer cares enough that before she can take Dru's toy demon away Dru will wish her Spike back and the slayer's will be gone. If Dru wishes her Spike back the slayer won't have to feel bad for killing Spike for being so naughty," Drusilla sang in a child's voice. Buffy glared at Drusilla with hate
"She's not your toy demon. She's mine…Well, she's not mine. But, she's not yours!" Xander yelled.
"Xander, you all stay and watch us kick this bitch's ass!" Buffy called to the corner.
"The slayer likes games. She wanted to kill Daddy before. Threw a knife right as his throat," Drusilla sighed.
"How do you know that?" She demanded.
"If the slayer means what she says, that she never wants Spike again, what difference does it make if Dru gets her man back?" Drusilla asked not answering Buffy.
"I-I heard what you said. About your soul and me. You said so many wonderful things…I was waiting. I wasn't exactly afraid Harmony would be capable of anything. Then when Drusilla came I thought you could talk her down. When you couldn't I made my move…Spike I-I'm sorry for-" Buffy said as her voice welled up with a much different kind of emotion then the hate she felt for Drusilla.
"I'm the only one that should be sorry, Pet," Spike said gently. The two blondes embraced intensely as they each held stakes in their hands.
"No, no I-" Drusilla interrupted Buffy with a child like tantrum scream. When they separated to stare at her she cleared her throat with poise.
"So much power with my tongue, I can take the slayers new toy away," Drusilla said calmly.
"You know what I hate most about you? You're like some evil female vamp yoda. I never bought the I'm too-crazy-to-talk-normal thing. Can't you just speak in normal British instead of Mad-hatter British?" Buffy asked.
Drusilla smiled and nodded,"Demon I wish that Spike wou-" Buffy interrupted her by punching her in the face.
"Sorry, did I break your concentration?" Buffy asked with false sweetness.
Drusilla laughed and licked the blood off her fingers that came from her mouth,"You've gotten strong, Slayer. Maybe it's all the spankings Daddy has been giving you. Yes, Drusilla has been watching you with Spike, and you are a sad little virgin. 'Spike, why do I get all hot and bothered when you're all rough with me?'" Drusilla mimicked Buffy in a frilly American accent. She was able to take advantage of Buffy's surprise by this remark and push Buffy away with a kick.
"You know what's wrong with you? You can't admit that you're a naughty slayer that needs to be punished far more than Daddy can punish you," She continues as Buffy bit her lip with embarrassed rage and tried to hit her,"You silly little amateur getting hair pulls and being all in a twit about it. I've let Spike take me to places you can only dream about," Drusilla continued as she hit Buffy.
"That's enough, Dru!" Spike roared as his demon face appeared and he threw Drusilla across the room.
"Yeah, please we don't wanna know," Xander groaned as Clem looked afraid and Anya looked concerned.
"See what I do to him. I make him crazy!" Drusilla laughed.
"SHUT-UP, DRU!" Spike roared in anger.
"No, Spike it's fine," Buffy said as she approached Drusilla while she was on the ground,"The only way you can have him is by killing all he really is," Buffy said to Drusilla as she gave her a swift kick.
"Foolish girl I made him all her really is!" Drusilla rose in demon face.
"All that comes out of his mouth that you laugh at…" She stuck Buffy in the head with a broken beer bottle, "All those pretty insightful words, all that attitude, so cute and surly, all that naughty nasty talk, that's what the slayer waits for to visit her in bed…" Drusilla kicked Spike away as she continued to hit Buffy in the head,"It's all been my creation of over 100 years," She told Buffy whose head was now bleeding badly. Spike grabbed Drusilla by the hair and flung her down. He stood on her hair with a stake over her.
"I said 'Shut-up, Dru.'" He said sadly as he brought the stake down.
"Spike behind you!" Xander called. Spike turned to knock down a dark-haired young male vampire that was charging him. Buffy moaned in pain.
"Buffy!" Spike exclaimed as he bent down by her side, "Buffy please wake-up, Love!" Spike pleased. Buffy raised her head and opened her eyes in time to see the male vampire drag Drusilla away.
"Parker?" Buffy grumbled in confusion.
"Parker? The guy who poked you when you started college?" Spike asked befuddled.
"Uh-huh," Buffy agreed.
"Dru turned him to get a rise out of you?" Spike asked.
"Uh-huh," Buffy agreed.
"You all right?" He asked.
"Uh-uh," She shook her head and held out her arms. He helped her to her feet.
"Are you still upset about all that bullocks she said?" He asked.
"Uh-uh," She grunted with a dismissive sigh. When she tried to wave her hand in a carefree gesture she slipped.
"Whoa. Careful, Love. Bloody beer bottles," He grumbled easily picking her up and bringing her to the couch, "You know you're the best I ever had in and out of bed, right?"
"Uh-huh," She said.
"You're being unusually limited with the chatter, Love. Tell me, do things look blurry?" He asked as held her on his lap and whipped the blood from her head gently.
"Uh-huh" She answered smiling at his tenderness.
"Bloody Hell! Buffy has a concussion. Who's driving us to the hospital while I hold her?" He asked everyone.
"That would be me," Xander said as he raised his car keys.
"Uh-uh, Uh-uh!" Buffy protested loudly as Spike rose with her in his arms.
"I know, Love. You hate the hospital. It brings back bad memories of your Mum, and you'd rather be a stoic slayer and heal on your own," Spike stated her argument.
"Well, not to be all 'Gone with the Wind,' but I don't give a damn. If you could speak actual words I'd listen," He said carrying her to the car with Xander, Anya, and Clem in tow.
"Asshole," She whined weakly in protest.
"That's not good enough. I said words, not word," He smiled knowing them she would be okay.
" Watch you're mouth there Scarlet. Spike is right, Buffy. Wow, it hurt my mouth to put those words together. But, you should go to the hospital," Xander agreed.
"Yeah, Love. I want you to be able to do more than say nasties and grunt at me, as much as I normally go-"
"Stop right there Ret!" Xander demanded as they entered the car.