Disclaimer: Do you really think I own this? Elrohir: WTF is going on here? Bird: um...Kath and I thought it would be funny to make you guys act like rednecks...Elrohir: You be including Haldir and Legolas, right? You aren't planning on just picking on us Rivendell Elves? Legolas and Haldir: SHUT UP, Elrohir! Leave us out of this!


The day was beautiful. Rays of sunlight speckled the ground, as birds filled the air with their joyous music.

Two elves quietly and stealthily crept along the forest floor stalking a deer. Unaware of the elves, the soft tan doe nibbled at a patch of clover. For a moment, both were spell bound by the gracefulness and beauty of the female deer.

Sending a prayer of thanks to Iluvátar for blessing the elves with such provisions, one of the elves raised his bow and aimed. Just as he pulled back, a shriek shattered the peaceful air.


The elf sighed irritably as the doe bounded off.

The sound of crashing pots and shattering glass preceded the figure of their sister running out of the First Homely House and down the steps.

The pots that flew out of the door crashed against numerous glass bottles, broken bows, and horse shoes that lay scattered all over the forest floor. Several broken pieces of furniture also graced the 'yard'.

Arwenspied them nearby, and they both gulped in fear as she ran up to them, obviously angry.

"Uh…uh…what's wrong, Wennie?" Elrohir managed to get out. Elladan smiled weakly at her.

Her face was red with frustration.

"Mama jest says Ah cain't git married to Gornie!" Arwen stuck her hands on her hips and jutted out her hip to one side. "Ah jest cain't believe her gall! She jest gone 'n had a conniption fit when Ah told her Ah wuz snoggin' him!"

Elrohir just looked at her in disbelief.

"WENNIE, you nutty!? Daddy's gonna do more than 'ave a conniption fit when he finds out!" Elladan could not believe his ears. "'Member what daddy done when he find you and Oro' in the barn. He threaten to cut oft the elf's balls and feed'em to the dawgs!"

"Well, its mah life, not thars, and if'n Ah wanna snog Gornie, then by Eru, Ah'll snog 'im." Arwen thrust her chin forward determinedly. Elrohir remained silent, but his eyes grew wide as he stared behind Arwen.

Elrond stalked toward them, with Celebrian trying to keep up, pulling on his arm.

"Now, Rondy, don't you go on killing her! You let that girl lone! She's mah only girl!"

"Shut-up, Cebby! Ah ain't gonna kill her!" Elrond turned to his wife. "But Ah'm a gonna kill Gornie, that stoopid man!" He turned back to his daughter, who now had an innocent smile on her face.

"Oh, daddy," she smiled and said innocently.

"Don't you, 'Oh daddy' me, babydoll! Ah is knowin' all about you sneaking out at night to see him!" He pointed his finger right at her face. "If'n Ah catch him on our property again, Ah'm a gonna make Aragorn-shish-kababs outta 'im!" Elrond turned around and stomped back to the First Homely House, after kicking several miruvor bottles out of the way. Many more of the bottles lay strewn all over the forest floor.

Celebrian gave her daughter a withering look and spoke pointedly, "You'd jest best not git knocked up, you hearin' me!"

"Mama, git off it, you and daddy don't seem to mind Ro and Dan snoggin' anything with two legs and an orifice," Arwen said angrily.

"Boys will be boys, and them's not gonna git knocked up!" Celebrian followed her daughter as Arwen stormed away.

Elrohir stood stunned for a moment, not believing that this really was his family.

Elladan just spat on the ground, and slung his bow over his shoulder. "Well, Ah'm a guessin' we best be gittin' on back to the house now."

Elrohir nodded in agreement and walked back to the First Homely House with his brother, quite unhappy. It was almost time for supper, and after that display, he dreaded it.