Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, this is just a fanfic.

Author's Note: Hey! This is only the second story that I'm putting up here, and I hope you like it. Please, please, PLEASE, read and review!!!! It would be much appreciated :) As I said in my last story, I've only seen the American version, therefore I've gotten most of my information off line, so it may be inaccurate, I'm sorry about that. I'm trying to keep it as true as I can. If you have any pointers, you can add it in with a comment. Oh yeah, and please NO FLAMES!!! Thank you! Hope you all enjoy the story!

What I Thought was You

Prologue: Remaining Fear

True fear is something not easily found. It's something that you must venture to the darkest of places, the deepest of nightmares, to reach. It's a fear seldom found. But once you get there, you can never go back. He knew. He had experienced such fear.

It didn't matter how many years passed. The fear stayed. No matter how many times he tried to put the horrible visions behind him, they lingered. They plagued and tormented him. If not in consciousness, then while he slept.

He didn't tell all the others around him about the fears that still clung close to his heart. He dared not open his mouth to any of them-for none of them would ever understand. How would they comprehend the many stinging bruises he had once felt on his skin, or the blood that had trickle down his face too many times?

They wouldn't comprehend it. They wouldn't understand.

Not that he even wanted them to. No. Talking about those times, merely thinking about those times, would just make everything so much worse. Then cruelty would hit him hard in the face and he would remember-it had been real. Not a dream, not a nightmare, but as real everyone around him.

Time passed but that didn't stop him from looking over his shoulder, watching anxiously to see if the monster would ever return, his dark eyes blazing down over the innocent boy's shoulder. Analyzing everything so that it was completely accurate, perfect. And thesmall boyknew what would happen if it wasn't.

The boy buried that fear under his cold outlook on life, and tried to make himself superior, better, then those around him. Trying to hide the bleeding wounds that still hurt him so deeply only made the scars dig further into his heart.

And fear still stayed. The boy wans't so small anymore, but throughout the entire facade, everyday of the boy's life, the fear still stayed...

Chapter one: A book?

If there was one person that Tea Gardner didn't understand, it was Seto Kaiba. Nobody she knew acted nearly as arrogant or self-centered as he. Never once had she seen a human being that found joy spending numerous hours with machines and technology instead of spending it with living people. In fact, Seto Kaiba seemed to push away anyone he felt came to close to him. Besides, of course, his little brother.

Another factor that Tea didn't understand. How could Mokuba hold such compassion for his big brother, when all he did was sneer at others? Constantly taunting Joey and all her friends... But no, Mokuba seemed to look up to his older brother like he was the only meaning for life, which only puzzled Tea even more. After all, Kaiba probably spent most of his day typing away on his laptop, like he did everyday during the school's resources.

Yes, these were the thoughts that flew across the young brunette's mind as she looked over at the young CEO, who was sitting in the back of the large lunchroom. "Tea! Hey Teeeeeeaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! What's wrong with ya? Are you spacin' out or somethin?" Tea shook her head, returning to reality. Joey's brown eyes studing her curiously. "What's up with you?" he asked. "Ya seemed to be thinkin' of somethin'." Tea smiled slightly, though she couldn't stop the blush from creeping up her face. She knew there was no reason-it wasn't like she was really been day dreaming about Kaiba or anything. No, she was only wondering why he was such a creep. But still, she didn't like the idea of Joey, no matter how good friends they were, finding out she had been thinking about him. "Nothing really...just...umm...my Christmas list." Tea finally finished. Joey's eyes gleamed. "I can't believe the holidays are so close by! Before we know it, we're gonna be outta this prison!" "Only for Christmas break, you know Joey. We do have to come back eventually." Tristan replied, returning from the cafeteria with his tray. "Don't ruin my hopes." Joey grumbled, eyeing Tristan's sandwich with interest. "Whoa, those lines are so long!" Yugi Moto exclaimed, seating himself down next to Tea. "It took me forever just to order a plate of french fries, and then I had to get the rest of my meal." Tea chuckled as she turned over to her spiky haired friend. "That's why I normally bring my lunch." she replied, biting into a cookie she had helped her mother bake last night. "Yeah." Tristan muttered between slurps of his soda. "But-slurp-there's never anything good-slurp-in my house." Tea giggled as her blue eyes drifted across the table, resting on each of her friends' faces. She was so happy that Battle City had ended (which seemed like ages ago) and that now her and her companions could go on with normal life.

Well, about as normal as they can get...knowing a 5,000 year old spirit! Tea marveled, her eyes falling on Yugi's golden puzzle. This was going to be Yami's first Christmas, and it was bound to be a laugh watching the ancient pharaoh try to decorate a Christmas tree.

Tea finished her lunch and stared at her empty paper bag. "Well, I better go throw this out, be back in a minute, guys!" Tea annoucned, grabbing the bag and beginning to walk towards the far end of the room. Her thoughts werestill content to wander over Christmas holiday, parties, and gifts. Not to mention the snow. Tea reminded herself. No matter how cold, Tea couldn't help but love the white flurries of snow that settled into her hair and all around her. It was snowing at this very moment, icy whiteness clinging to the school's window sills- "Ouch!" Tea had just stumbled into someone. The tray in the person's hands had fallen with a clatter, spraying all over both and them...and the laptop that had also been in his hands. "What's wrong with you, you moron!" Seto Kaiba shouted. "You should watch where your going before you go off into your own dreamland!" His face was contorted with anger, sticky soda messing up his normally neat hair. "Oh, sorry." Tea groaned, embarrassment rising up within her. "I didn't mean to, here, let me help-" "I don't need any help!" Kaiba yelled out irritably. He cried out in frustration when he saw his food splattered laptop. "The laptop broke! Great, that just means I lost the report I've been writing for days!" "I said sorry, Kaiba." Tea replied, a bit coldly now, as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Sorry." Kaiba scoffed. "As if it made a difference if you hadn't said anything at all..." He grabbed his own belongings, including the busted laptop and the messy tray, and stalked off, fuming.

Tea wasn't in the best mood herself. Fine, be that way. She thought as she picked up her own garbage. See if I care... It was then she noticed the little black book on the floor. It was small and plain, the only two words written across it were "my journal", printed in gold ink. Tea stared at it curiously. Her eyes flickered over to where Kaiba sat, still smoking from their encounter.

This couldn't possibly be...his? The thought of Kaiba having a diary made her almost laugh out loud, but she contained herself, realizing it would be rude, and that it probably wasn't his anyway. Instead, she grabbed the little book and pocketed it. I'll check it's name later and give it back at the end of the day. She told herself. Lunch period was almost over anyway, and if it really did belong to Kaiba, she had a feeling now wasn't the best time to give it to him.

"What happened Tea? Did you bump into somebody?" Yugi asked as Tea seated herself back down. "Yeah." Tea explained briskly. "Kaiba. Had a tantrum because I accidently made him drop his laptop...I said sorry, but he wouldn't listen." "Dose Kaiba ever listen?" Joey added thickly, now chewing on a sandwich that had once been Tristan's. "Hey, that was mine!" Tristan yelled when he saw Joey biting into it yet again. "Well, it's mine now!" Joey laughed, cramming more of it down his throat. "You better pay me back!" Tristan growled. "Will you two cut it out." Tea replied, watching as her two friends glared at each other."Don't worry Tea, they always make up sooner or later." Yugi laughed as Tristan tried to put Joey in a headlock.

Tea smiled, and reached her hand into her pocket, about to show Yugi the diary she had just found. But then she stopped herself. For some reason, she felt like she should keep it a secret. Like it was private, something not meant to be spoken about. Well, it is a journal after all. Tea reminded herself. The bell rang seconds later, giving Tea no time to think of it much longer. Instead she collected her books and headed towards global class.

The sugary white snowflakes whizzed past the brunette's eyes as her feet crunched in the fresh snow. The day had passed by in a blur. Only about a half a week left of school... Tea felt like a balloon was being blown up in her chest as her happiness grew even further. She had said goodbye to her friends, and was on her path home now. She wished that she could have walked with them, but they all had different routes home, and Tea's mother had pacifically told her to get home right away.

She walked down the block, eyes staring at all the fancy decorated mansions, for she had to pass this neighborhood to get to her own. As she walked onward, she saw the largest house of all, the Kaiba mansion, located right in the center of the block. It seemed to tower on endlessly, more like a castle then a mansion.

It was just then that Tea felt a strange weight in her pocket. "Oh dammit!" Tea groaned as she pulled out the little journal. She had forgotten all about it in her haste to get out of the school. Well, now's a better time then ever to check the name. Tea thought, deciding she'd give it back to the owner tomorrow.

She opened the small booklet, and the name she saw momentarily stunned her. In neat, scripted handwriting was the name: Seto Kaiba. She couldn't believe that this was actually his journal! Her eyes itched as she saw that the next page was filled with the same writing. Meaning that Seto had somehow found the time to write a few entries.

I' m not a snoop! Tea told herself. I don't go around reading other people's private thoughts... She cast a look as the huge mansion, wondering if she should knock on the door and return it. She wasn't so sure. He probably wouldn't appreciate her coming over to his mansion, especially after she had caused him to drop his laptop. Maybe she'd just give the journal to him tomorrow.

Before she closed the book, her sapphire eyes caught hold of two sentences. "I can't take it anymore. The nightmares keep getting worse." She almost gasped as curiosity overtook her, and she went to look at it once more. It was very hard to stop herself. In fact, she didn't think that she'd have been able to at all if it hadn't been for young Mokuba Kaiba, who appeared on the large front lawn.

"Hey Tea!" he chimed. "What's up?" Tea's stomach gave a jolt when she heard the little Kaiba's voice. "Oh, hey Mokuba." she stuttered nervously, fumbling to get the book in her bag. She didn't want Mokuba to think she'd been reading Kaiba's journal. A little voice in the back of Tea's head whispered that she had been reading it, or at least had beenstarting to, but Tea pushed it out of her mind.

"Nothing, Mokuba." she replied, her voice higher then normal. "Just walking home, you?" It was on the tip of her tongue to mention the journal, but she thought that would only make Mokuba think she was nosy, still having it with her.The young Kaiba angled his eyes skeptically at Tea's tone, but chose to ignore it. "Nothing either...I was just thinking of how I can make this Christmas year different." "You want to do something different for Christmas this year?" Tea asked. Mokuba nodded. "Seto's always busy working-he never has any chance to enjoy the holidays. I was hoping this year I could kind of pull him away from that...just for a little while." Tea smiled. "That's sweet." she told him. Mokuba grinned. "Thanks. My mother always loved Christmas-"

Suddenly Mokuba broke off. The boy just stood there, as if he suddenly realized what the words coming out of his mouth meant. There was an extremely awkward silence."Er...Mokuba?" Tea asked tensely. She didn't understand what had caused Mokuba to suddenly act so strangely.

Then again, if her mind hadn't been on this, it probably would have been on why he had mention his mother in the third person.

The boy's face almost instantly snapped up from staring at his heels. "Oh, sorry Tea." he apologize, grinning once more. But his smile seemed somewhat faded and stressed, like it wasn't real. Tea waited for him to explain his actions, but he said not a word. Instead he only replied that he'd better get inside before either Seto or one of the workers found him outside in the freezing weather.

Tea bid him farewell and left, thoughts now whirling through her mind. Why had Mokuba become so silent at mentioning his mother's name? It was perfectly normal-everybody talked about their families...

Suddenly Tea stopped. She had reached the end of the block, and her feet were going numb as icy water seeped through her weak school shoes. She didn't notice this, however. Her thoughts reeled back to Mokuba's words. "My mother always loved Christmas-"

He had said that his mother had loved it, not that she still did. Perhaps...they didn't have a mother anymore? Pity as well as curiosity welled up inside of Tea.

She suddenly became very aware of the journal that was in her backpack. It wouldn't be that hard to just whip it out and read a few sentences... Tea hardly knew what had come over her. She suddenly found herself reaching into the bag and pulling out the little book. There in the young CEO's neat handwriting, was a full entry. Teas couldn't stop her blue eyes from flashing across the lines.

I can't take it anymore. The nightmares keep getting worse. They've been going on since that faithful day Gozaburo died, but they're getting more real every night. Sometimes when I wake up I think I still feel the bruises I became so accustom to while he was still alive. It' s like everytime I fall asleep I'm taking a trip down memory lane. A trip very much not wanted.

T o make matters worse, Christmas is coming up. Of course, Mokuba wants to get a tree and go through the whole holiday traditions, although I'd much rather pass it up. I keep trying to convince him and even myself that it's because of work that I don't want to get involved, but I know that it isn't really the reason.

Christmas was always Mother's favorite holiday. Every time I see a lighted tree or a gingerbread house I picture that feeble woman lying in a hospital bed. The image's been burned into my brain, and won't leave, not matter how much I want it too.

I can't tell Mokuba this though. He's always felt partially responsible for her death, though it's not his fault. It was that damn hospital. They should have saved her, but instead they just let her fade away on that stupid mattress. And then after that they took Father too. They let them leave Mokuba and me out in the cold. Mokuba doesn't seem to realize that he's the only part of my mother I have left. They have the same eyes, the same face.

Truth be told, I don't know why I'm writing this. It brings back all these memories that I've tried so hard to bury. It's strange though, as hard as I try to keep them out of my mind, the clearer the thoughts begin to form.

Tea stared at the words before her, her hands sweaty even though the air was freezing. It seemed like she had just found the key to the mysteries of Seto Kaiba.