Author's Note: I came up with an idea when I was playing through Tales of Symphonia my third time. I got to the washtub part at Thoda Dock and just thought, "Holy crap! Washtub races!" But that's only for the first chapter. More randomness will ensue.... in other chapters...eventually.

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia.

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Chapter 1: The Wubulous Washtub Race! ((A.k.a. Raine's Sea Bound "Sickness"))

It was a happy-go-lucky day in Sylvarant and the sun was shining and other mindless overly happy things, aside from Colette, ran around singing songs of overrated joy. Anyway, today was special, there was a special event being held at Thoda Dock....

"A WASHTUB RACE! I'LL TAKE PART IN NO SUCH THING!" Raine yelled in surprise and fear of water.

"Oh come on, Raine! We're already here so we're gonna participate!" Genis argued.

"Wow, I guess it was a good idea to tie her up before telling her that, huh?" Lloyd commented to Genis.

Raine was tied up to prevent laying the smack down on Genis and Lloyd. Zelos, being the narcissist that he is, took this opportunity to attempt to put the moves on Raine. ((Oh, this should be good.))

"Hey there, my Glamorous Beauty, you're looking especially beautiful today." he said, with a wink.

Raine's eye twitched. "Just because I'm tied up like this, doesn't mean I'll fall for you." she replied.

"Oooooh.... you're so cruel. Why do you crush my fantasies?" Zelos whined.

"Fool." Kratos scoffed under his breath, as he appeared out of nowhere.

"Kratos? I thought you went into space with Derris-Kharlan." Colette said, halting her songs of overrated joy for a moment.

"I'm on vacation...Give me a break." Kratos responded.

"..............I'm sorry. Well anyway, come on everyone, it's almost time for the race." Colette squealed cheerfully, skipping off towards to her washtub.

Just then, Regal rowed over in his own washtub. A washtub, which was a little too small for a man of Regal's size. He climbed out proudly and struck a really cheesy pose.

"What's with the weird washtub, Regal?" Sheena asked confusedly.

"This is the 'Australian'!" Regal announced.

"...The 'Australian'?" Genis asked.

"Yes, it's the result of using my company's money to make this year's Washtub Race winning tub." Regal explained. "None shall compete against the 'Australian' and survive!" he boasted.

Lloyd immediately went into his "Trying to be smart, but failing miserably" mode.

"Oh, you think so? It's not me will do the winning; it's you who'll win! Ha ha!" Lloyd boasted.

"Fair enough." Regal said, jumping back into his to washtub. Which in turn, caused it to topple over, tossing him into the water. He swiftly got back into his tub and rowed away.

"You saw nothing!" he shouted.

Anyway, skipping ahead some, everyone, including the other participants that don't matter at all, had gotten into their washtubs. Well, everyone besides Lloyd, Zelos and Raine.

"Come on, Professor, the race is about to start." Lloyd said.

"No. I'm not getting into that rickety old washtub." Raine announced.

"You can ride with me, Raine." Zelos remarked.

Raine shuddered a little then spoke up. "I'd rather ride with Lloyd. He needs the moral support, anyhow." she claimed.

"Dwha?" Lloyd looked confused.

Let's go to the tape! ((ala flashback))

-------------------------------------Flashback

Rewinding waaaaaaay back to Raine's first day as a schoolteacher in Iselia. Here we go...

Lloyd stood near the back of the room, holding two buckets of water.

"Lloyd, What is two plus two?" Raine asked.

Lloyd's eyes bugged out of his head and he screamed like a little child. "Ahhhhhhh! I need an adult!" he cried, huddling into the corner in the back of the classroom.

-------------------------------------End Flashback

"Oh wait, that was actually last week." Raine exclaimed.

Lloyd scratched the back of his head and let out a nervous laugh. "Well, if you insist, Professor, you can ride in my washtub." he said.

"What?! I never said I was going to participate! I was just saying that to make a point!" Raine yelled.

"Oh, too late now, Raine. Here, let me escort you to your vessel." Zelos said, all fancy like.

Zelos hoisted the tied up Raine over his shoulder and carried her over to Lloyd's washtub. "Here ya go!" He said, patting Raine on the behind and putting her into the tub.

Oh yeah, that's right, you read that right. Zelos actually patted Raine on the ass. Oh, the pain that's to come will be so much fun to watch, but that's for later.

"Zelos! When I get untied, you're mine!" Raine yelled angrily.

"Oh yeah, that's what I like to hear." Zelos responded, imagining a different meaning to Raine's words.

Lloyd cautiously climbed into the tub and grabbed the paddle.

"Everybody ready? Go!!!" shouted the race starter...guy.

And so, the race began. All of the other participants, the ones that don't have any significance at all in this story, suddenly explode. Which left the seven washtubs piloted by the Tales of Symphonia heroes. Regal took the lead with the 'Australian' followed by Presea, who was actually sitting on her overturned washtub.

"I feel much safer like this." Presea commented.

'Kay...Anyway, Sheena felt the need to cheat, so she summoned Undine to help nudge her tub along the water.

"Maw ha ha...no one can outrace a ninja." Sheena boasted as she began gradually passing Regal in his 'Australian'.

"Fattening foods!" Regal yelled, throwing a bunch of, well, fattening foods at Sheena.

Sheena screamed as she was pelted with the fatty but very good tasting food. She fell out of her boat, thus she was kicked out of the race. Regal laughed triumphantly as he passed the soggy Sheena. Presea steadily floated by on her tub, wearing her Klonoa hat. She was followed closely by Kratos and Colette's tub. Kratos was using his angel wings to propel the tub forward while he lounged back and enjoyed the ocean breeze. Colette on the other hand, off in her own little world, was happily swatting at the fishes swimming by. Sheena quietly swam over to Colette and Kratos' tub and jumped in all ninja-like and stuff.

"You're cheating, Sheena." Kratos said with his eyes closed.

"No no no, I'm just joining your.... tub team." Sheena corrected.

"Yay! I caught a fishy! X3 " Colette squealed gleefully.

"..."

"Sit back and relax. It's gonna be a long race." Kratos sighed and resumed his catnap.

Sheena grumbled under her breath. "I should've joined up with Presea."

At Genis' tub, which was big enough that he could just barely see over the top of the tub, everything was smooth sailing. Regardless of having to row next to Zelos' tub and having to listen to his stories.

"Oh man, that was one crazy night, I tell you." Zelos rambled on.

"Yeah sure, whatever." Genis replied, trying to stay awake.

"SO... what about you?" Zelos asked.

"What?" Genis asked, confused.

"You have any crazy stories? Come on, you gotta at least have one." Zelos nagged.

Genis looked around to see if Lloyd and Raine's tub was in sight. All clear! "Raine told me never to tell anyone about this for some reason, especially you, but as long as you don't say anything I guess it's okay." Genis remarked.

Zelos became instantly interested. "Oh? Do tell.... I love hearing secrets that I shouldn't be hearing." he claimed, making shifty eyes afterwards.

"Ok, a few weeks ago...Raine taught me how to wrestle." Genis announced.

"..."

"That's it?" Zelos asked, disappointed.

"Yep, that's all. I don't know what the big deal is anyway." Genis said.

"Well, that's a real let down. I thought it'd give me something to thi--" Zelos stopped talking and his jaw immediately dropped. He got it now.

He looked at Genis with an angry expression on his face. "You magnificent bastard........." he said before rowing ahead vigorously.

Genis just blinked in confusion as Zelos very very very very slowly advanced. I mean, he was going pretty slowly. Genis wasn't even rowing and he still passed Zelos. Meanwhile, at Lloyd and Raine's washtub, Lloyd watched Raine as she looked at him constantly.

"Is something wrong, Professor Sage?" Lloyd asked nervously. "You've been staring at me for the past hour."

"You've grown up, Lloyd." was her only reply.

Lloyd blinked in utter confusion. "What? What're you talking about? Are you sea sick or something?" He asked, slightly blushing at Raine's odd stares.

Raine suddenly looked shocked as she pointed behind Lloyd. "Lloyd, look, AIR!" She shouted.

Lloyd, being the doofus that he is, turned to look. "What?! Where?! I can't see it!" He shouted. ((- -;;))

Raine kicked Lloyd overboard in a "Sarcastic Oops" fashion. "Woops." ((And yes, she's untied now.)) Lloyd went hurdling into the freezing cold water. He frantically climbed back into the washtub as fast as he had fallen out.

"C-Cold, very cold." Lloyd mumbled over and over as he shivered on the tub floor.

Raine just stared down at Lloyd for a few moments. Then she looked out across the ocean to see if anyone or, more importantly, Zelos was nearby. All clear! It seems as if Raine's maternal instincts were suddenly revved up or whatever, because she immediately pulled Lloyd's shivering body into a tight hug.

"Aww, poor Lloyd." She exclaimed.

"P-Professor, are you feeling alright?" Lloyd asked, in between shivering.

"Whenever I'm out at sea, I feel... um... let's say, 'clingy'." Raine responded, with a freaky smile.

"Professor Sage, you're making me feel funny." Lloyd complained, struggling to break free of Raine's clutches.

"Shh, everything's alright." Raine said, shushing Lloyd. ((Wow, this is freaking me out even as I type it.))

"H-Hey, I'm not a little kid! I-I'm all grown up!" Lloyd said, protesting/whining.

"Be quiet or there'll be no PE for you." Raine said sternly.

Lloyd's whole school life revolved around PE, Art and Lunchtime. The thought of missing one of those subjects crushed him. He whined, on the verge of crying like a little kid, and gave in to Raine's mother-like wrath.

"I-I'll be good." Lloyd mumbled.

"If you're good, I'll teach you how to wrestle." Raine remarked.

Lloyd's eyes bugged out of his head. "O.O;;" ((Yeah, like that.))

((I'll stop tying now! We'll have to explore this in the next chapter when we bring up the issue of "Affection levels"!))

Skipping ahead some more, the finish line was close. Somehow, Presea was still right behind Regal's "Australian" and she hasn't rowed once throughout the entire race. Maybe it's her Klonoa hat.

"Everything is better with a hat." Presea commented. ((So true.))

Colette had gone on an apologizing spree after she dropped her caught fishy in the tub.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!!!!!!!!" Colette squealed!

"Losing... cool demeanor... urge to kill...rising..." Kratos mumbled, while his eye twitched.

"Ah! I caught another fishy! X3 Hi, Mr. fishy! I'll call you Pooki! :3" Colette squealed again.

Dull silence... followed by...

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! DIE!" Kratos yelled, grabbing Colette and throwing her over the side of the tub.

Colette somehow redirected herself in midair and crushed into Regal, causing him to fall out of his washtub.

"NoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo!" Regal yelled as he went hurdling into the ocean.

Where was Sheena during all of this? She was swimming to the shore, in hopes of retaining her sanity, unlike Kratos.

Presea ended up crossing the finish line first, followed by the mentally disturbed Kratos. Genis finished next and a little while after, Zelos finished as well. Lloyd and Raine's washtub finally finished after awhile of just floating around in circles.

Everyone had already gotten out of his or her tubs as Raine climbed out of her tub with Lloyd strung over her shoulder, like Zelos had Raine before the race. Lloyd, tied up like Raine was before, was sound asleep.

"What's with Lloyd?" Genis asked, as he pointed to the sleeping swordsman.

"What do you mean? There's nothing wrong with him at all. He's just tired." Raine claimed.

Zelos poked Lloyd's face. "Hmm, he looks pretty worn out. What happened?" He asked, suspiciously.

"…"

"I SAID HE'S JUST TIRED!" Raine yelled angrily

Zelos hid behind Genis, scared out of his wits.

"- -;;"

"Why're you hiding behind me? I'm smaller than you." He asked, pushing Zelos away.

"But Raine enjoys beating you more than she does me." Zelos pointed out.

Genis sighed. "You're right, sadly enough."

"Here's this year's Washtub Race winner, Presea." said the race starter... guy. "Here's an over-sized trophy."

"Wahoo." Prese said monotoned, clad in her Klonoa costume while holding her trophy which was ridiculously bigger than she was.

"And Regal, for coming in last place, you get this." the announcer dude said.

Regal recieved a small card which said, "You came in last? YOU SUCK!" Regal's eye twitched. He crumpled up the card and threw it at... THE AUTHOR?!

HEY! How dare you! SMITE'D!

Regal suddenly turned into a ferret. ((Mwee hee hee hee!))

"Ferret Ferret." ((or whatever sounds ferrets make...)) ferreted Genis.

Genis?! What the crap?! I... guess I missed.

"Wahahahaha!" Regal laughed triumphantly as he ran away. ((I'll get him next chapter...))

Kratos, who seems to have regained his sanity, approached Raine with Zelos right behind. "Go on, ask her. She won't hit you." Zelos said, trying to persuade Kratos to comfront Raine.

Kratos sighed deeply and shook his head. ((He's definately back to normal)) "...Very well. But if she swings once, I'm using you as a shield." He said sharply.

"Likewise." Zelos replied, smirking.

Kratos rolled his eyes and turned to Raine, who still had Lloyd over her shoulder. "Raine, what are you intending to do withLloyd tied up like that?" Kratos asked bluntly.

Raine blinked innocently. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not absolutely not intending to anything." Raine said, pleading her case.

Kratos raised an eyebrow. "That was a double negative. You're still feeling the effects of your ocean episodes aren't you?" Kratos asked suspiciously.

Raine looked around nervously. "N-No, that's not it." She claimed. "DON'T JUDGE ME!"

Raine picked up Ferret Genis and threw him at Kratos' face. Genis, being the ferret that he is, went ballistic and started mauling Kratos. Raine quickly made a run for it with Lloyd, who was still sound asleep.

Zelos sighed. "Great, now we'll never find her."

Colette randomly appears. "I'm sorry!"

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I know: it's weird, disturbing and random. Next Chapter: Affection Testing! R&R please. Thanks. If you flame I ignore you. But if you give a real review I reply to you in the next chapter.