Drunk Monk

By: Catia Grayton

"I'd never thought that I'd be reduced to this," muttered Kagome as she quickly grabbed three bottles from Jii-chan's cabinet. Gathering up the liquor, she silently headed back to the Boneaters' Well so that she could return to the Sengoku Jedi era.

Kagome had gotten tired of the constant bickering and complaining of the others in pain, so she had gone back home in search of aspirin, Tylenol, or any other type of painkilling medication to shut them up, but her house was devoid of any. Desperate, she looked for the next best thing: alcohol.

Climbing out of the well, Kagome shoved a bottle in each person's hands, except Shippou's. "Here, drink a little of this, ONLY a little, and you should feel better," she said to each of them.

Puzzled, the others looked at Kagome in silence until Inuyasha spoke up. "What's wrong with you, wench? And what do we need this for?"

"I couldn't find any medicine so I brought back the next best thing," she replied. "A couple of sips, and you'll be out for the night." She said as she went into Kaede's hut for the night.

"Did she just give us liquor?" asked Sango.

"Smells like it," answered Inuyasha, sniffing at the bottle. "I think she's just trying to shush us."

"So, what do you think we should do with it then, Inuyasha?" inquired Miroku, eying the bottle in his hand.

"Leave it," said Inuyasha. "I don't quite think she's in a good mood right now, so I don't think we should get even further on her bad side by getting drunk. You two should get some sleep," InuYasha said the last part while jumping off to rest in a tree.

"Well then, I guess we should retire," stated the monk as Sango nodded and rose to go into the hut. However, Miroku remained, eyeing the liquor.

'Just one sip' he thought as he cracked open one bottle. He put the bottle to his lips and drank until the bottle was half empty. 'Hmmm… not bad,' he thought as he finished the bottle. He reached for another and stumbled, laughing, and cracked that one open as well. Pretty soon he was stinking drunk, sitting on the ground laughing his ass off.

He picked up a third bottle; it was small and made out of glass. "Ipecac," Miroku read the label on the side. Not knowing what it was, but also not caring, he turned the bottle to his lips and drank it in three big gulps.

After finishing off all three bottles, he realized that he should get to sleep before Inuyasha yells at him for getting crushed. He gets up and turns abruptly into a red wall. Hiccupping and swaying, he looks up into the disgusted face of Inuyasha.

"Speak of the devil," drawled Miroku.

"So, you're a lecher AND a drunk," said Inuyasha. "A winning combination."

Miroku just looked up at him and hiccupped. He tried to stumble around Inuyasha to go into the hut.

"Where do you think you're going?" Inuyasha asked, blocking his path again. "I'm not letting you in there to wake everybody up."

Swaying, Miroku just looked at him and said, "Uh-oh."

Suddenly, Inuyasha was covered in puke.

Fuming, Inuyasha picked up the monk by his collar and shook him. "You couldn't do that anywhere else?! Now I have to wash all my clothes! How am I going to sleep like this?!"

"Stop… please… put me down," pleaded Miroku weakly.

"Give me one reason not to—"

Again, Inuyasha was covered in a fresh wave of Miroku's puke. He dropped the retching monk and stared at him in awe, wondering when and how he ate so much.

By this time, everyone in the hut was awake, thanks to Inuyasha's yelling, and they all streamed outside.

"What's going on?" asked a yawning Kagome.

"Your 'home-remedy' caused this idiot to retch all over me," said Inuyasha, pointing at the still-vomiting monk.

"Wow. Look at him go," said Sango, also amazed at his output.

Shippou just looked at the puke-covered Inuyasha and laughed.

"Uh… I think you should go clean yourself up, Inuyasha," suggested Kagome. "You're starting to stink."

"Well, it's not my fault!" said Inuyasha, with his hands in his slimy sleeves. "Plus, you're the one that brought liquor around that drunk in the first place!"

"How was I supposed to know he was a drunk?!" asked Kagome.

"Uh… can you guys be a tad bit quieter?" asked Miroku. "Besides, I'm right here."

"Shut up, drunk!" was Inuyasha's response.

"Kagome," asked Miroku tiredly. "I know what the others are, but what is 'ipecac'?"

Kagome froze. "Ipecac?" she said.

"Well, what is it?" asked Inuyasha, slightly annoyed.

"When someone is sick or accidentally swallows poison, they sometimes drink a little ipecac so they could throw up," Kagome explained. "It must be one of Jii-chan's remedies."

"Uh… Kagome," said Sango as she picked up the empty ipecac bottle. "What happens when you drink the WHOLE bottle?"

"Uh-oh," said Kagome as Miroku lurched again. "I guess he has to ride it out then."

The moral of this story is do not drink something unless you know what it is! (-)