I could tell immediately that he was not himself. He looked ragged, tired, weak, and...pale, of all things. My instincts kicked in and I knew, I knew with certainty, that Gojyo was sick.
Of course, convincing him of this is not going to be easy.
"Gojyo, you don't look well. Perhaps you should stay in and room with me tonight."
I bring the subject up as casually and to the point as I can, avoiding catching Sanzo's eye since I know he will not be happy with me for handing him over to Goku for a night without prior consultation. I feel that violet glare on me, nonetheless, but ignore it. Goku looks rather happy to my right. Gojyo, across from me at the dinner table, rolls his crimson eyes with a slight scowl.
I know what he is going to say before he even opens his mouth.
'Don't mother me, Hakkai.'
"Don't mother me, Hakkai."
Of course you are, Gojyo. "I'm sure you are in perfect health, but just to be safe, I don't think it would be good for you to go out and..."
I know what Gojyo would say, '...score a nice piece of ass.'
I know what Sanzo would say, '...degrade some unsuspecting female.'
I know what Goku would say, '...chase after some girl like the ero-kappa you are!'
I, however, must choose my words more carefully. And hopefully with a bit more tact.
"...gather a little pleasurable company." I finish, smiling softly across the table.
I know Gojyo gets...lonely for company in his bed. I know. I have never cared for that particular vice of his, but I stray from reprimanding it, knowing it is the greatest of his weaknesses. If my outlook were different, I could have easily succumbed to the same weakness myself.
Gojyo opens his mouth to argue with me, but a coughing fit wages a quick, vicious war instead, nearly doubling him over. Goku grimaces, mumbling about how at least the food hasn't arrived yet. Sanzo merely scoots his chair back, turning up his nose.
Both of them care, do not misinterpret. It is only...they are less likely to show it than...well, myself.
I get to my feet, come around the table, and kneel beside Gojyo's chair as his coughing subsides. "Please, Gojyo, don't be so stubborn that you make yourself worse. Let me take you to bed."
This choice of wording affords me a laugh. "Well, if you're gonna put it like that, Hakkai, how's a guy supposed to say 'no'?" Gojyo says in a strained, hoarse voice. His drooping, crimson eyes catch my emeralds and he winks.
I am certain he is only joking with me, but I blush regardless. "Come. I'll help you to the room." I reply, ignoring his connotations. Putting one of his arms around my shoulders, I hoist him up and out of the chair. Deep down, I can tell he wants to fight me on this, but he does not struggle. He knows I am right. "Once I've gotten you settled, then I can come back down and get us something to eat. I doubt you'll keep much down anyway."
"Hakkai." This is Sanzo, attempting to protest the arrangement playing out by calling my name in that 'how dare you do this to me' tone of voice he has.
I turn back and smile. "You'll make do rooming with Goku, Sanzo. You could use the bonding time, I think."
Sanzo's glare hardens into something as solid as a wall of ice. I know I am being rather cruel about this, but honestly, the man needs to learn that leaning on me is not going to help him in dealing with his feelings for Goku. I will always be there to listen-though he rarely speaks openly-and I will always be there to simply be there when he can't handle being near anyone else. I will certainly always be there on rainy nights when only the two of us can truly understand the other's pain.
Sometimes, however, I could care less what he thinks. I miss my time with Gojyo. Besides, Goku worships Sanzo to the point of...hopeless devotion. Goodness, I'd even call it love. If Sanzo is honestly afraid of that, then he deserves to feel uncomfortable if it gets him to realize there is nothing to fear.
With few words spoken, Gojyo and I are soon in our room, the other now designated for Sanzo and Goku, who are downstairs still awaiting dinner. In truth, I am not even remotely hungry, and Gojyo's appetite is surely gone, as well.
"I swear, Gojyo, you were actually going to fight me on this when you could barely walk to the room?"
I really do sound like a scolding mother sometimes, don't I?
"Now, I am going to put you to bed and take care of you, whether you like it or not."
"Heh" Gojyo chuckles, lifting heavy eyes up at me as I sit him on the bed. He has more strength left in him than I have given him credit, but I can tell he enjoyed having me to lean on. Any reprieve while one is sick is a blessing. "So...sensei...what do you want me to do?"
"Hmph. You can start by taking off your clothes."
He looks shocked a moment but then breaks into a grin. "So you were flirting with me back there."
"Very funny, Gojyo." I reprimand, going into his pack to fish out his winter nightclothes. "I need to get you into these."
"I don't have a fever." Gojyo mentions, as if that fact dismisses my concerns.
"You're right, you don't. Your skin is ice cold."
"Gojyo..." I begin, tossing the clothes onto the bed as he complies-even while he is arguing with me-by slipping his shirt up over his head. "...a cold fever is just as bad as a normal one. Worse in some cases."
"The hell? Cold fever? Now there's a contradiction if ever I've heard one."
He stands on wobbly legs to begin removing his pants; I try not to seem as if I am watching him too closely. I'm not, after all. Really. "It's just what I call them. It doesn't matter if a person's temperature is above or below normal, just that it is NOT normal. It still proves you're ill. Breaking the cold fever will just require warming you up instead of breaking it with a cold cloth or something of the like. Here, let me get that." I step forward and lift off his headband that had been knocked out of place when he pulled his long-sleeved bed shirt over his head. I toss the blue article back into his bag. I prefer him without it, to me honest. That gorgeous mane should be free, never tamed or tapered.
"Hey, 'Kai...?" he prompts, falling back exhaustedly on the bed after pulling up his pants. I had considered tossing him a fresh pair of boxers with the rest, but it is probably a good thing that he never took off the ones he is wearing.
"Mm?" I offer simply, if only to show that I am listening. I am turned away from him as I begin to dress for bed myself. I really don't care to leave the room again.
"I wasn't really being stubborn, ya know?" he continues. "I would have given in. I feel like shit. There's no way I would have wanted to go out."
"Aa. I thought as much. You just didn't want to give in right away because of Sanzo and Goku." This isn't a question.
Gojyo laughs. It is his little way of saying, 'you pegged me again, Hakkai,' without actually having to say it.
I turn back to him, dressed in my own long-sleeved shirt and pants. He is snuggled deep under the covers of the bed like a child in the middle of winter. It makes him look deceptively young and rather...adorable. He is clearly shivering, despite the warmer clothing and large comforter. Thank goodness we are in an inn tonight and not outdoors.
There is another bed just next to the one Gojyo is in, but I quickly decide against using it. Breaking Gojyo's cold fever will require more than blankets; an extra body does wonders for generating heat. And so, I climb in beside him without a word of explanation, knowing he will understand the reasons and not feel awkward. After all, we did share that single bed in our one-room home for quite some time. This is nothing.
"How are you feeling, Gojyo?" I ask, turning to face him in the bed. We are side by side, but not touching. Yet.
Gojyo trembles a little and turns his head to look at me. "This thing's hitting me hard and fast. I'm...freezing, and...and every nerve in my body aches."
"You'll be fine, Gojyo." I tell him honestly. His symptoms make perfect sense, especially with a cold fever-a sickness I have never known the name for, but one that is surely harmless. If one can break the fever the first day-cold or otherwise-antibiotics of any sort are usually unnecessary with this. "If we can keep you warm tonight, I'm sure you'll feel better tomorrow." I tell him.
Gojyo's eyes close halfway and he smiles at me. "Get over here then..." he says in a breath, sounding tired but...something else, too.
I return that smile and comply, pulling him in against my chest and wrapping my arms around him. His head rests on my shoulder and I lay mine atop his. I feel strikingly cold feet touch my skin as he tangles his legs with mine to sap up every bit of heat he can find. I do not mind. We have always taken care of each when needed. Though I'll admit, nothing like this has ever been the prescription. I haven't dealt with a cold fever since I had one myself years back. Such...intimacy between Gojyo and myself is not...unwelcome, of course, but on this journey it is nearly forgotten. Not that Gojyo and I had been anything more than friends before the journey, and not that we are now. Not openly. But...well, I remember the first time we woke up all wrapped around each other in that little bed. I felt a little embarrassed, but Gojyo just laughed.
"I was wondering when we'd finally wake up spooning." he had said, having to roll back over to his side of the bed if only to still his chuckles.
I suppose it was his nonchalance about the whole thing that made it so easy, that made it feel...normal, even if it wasn't. I never much thought on it after that. If we woke up tangled together, it was just something that happened, and if we didn't, no loss.
Well, I used to think of it like that. On the road, however, I have begun to realize how much I miss those...tangled mornings. Even if I would dare to slip into bed with my usual roommate these days, Sanzo is not a suitable replacement.
"...ugnn...you smell good..."
I stiffen a little, feeling the strange contact of his nose bumping the skin along my neck almost as if he were...nuzzling it. "I...just smell like me, Gojyo."
"Hehe. That's what makes it good. It's you..."
"I think you might be delirious, Gojyo."
He is definitely nuzzling now. "A cold fever can't make someone delirious."
"Oh?" I almost choke on my next words, shivering at the feeling of his skin in contact with mine as he continues to nuzzle my neck. "...and...wh-what do you know...about cold fevers...and...being delirious...?"
The nuzzling stops and Gojyo suddenly lifts his head to look at me. His crimson eyes drown my emeralds in shades of varied red. "Because I have a cold fever now, Hakkai...and I feel perfectly in my right mind. You know...if you're trying to help me out with body heat, we really shouldn't be wearing so many clothes."
I visibly swallow. "Gojyo...delirious or not, you are not in your right mind. I think you may have lost it completely."
He shifts slowly, but I am so stunned, I make no move to stop him. Suddenly, he is on top of me, cold hands stroking at my cheek and up in my hair. I can't move. "Warm me up, Hakkai. Please..."
'Yes...oh, yes...how I've longed to hear that...'
"G-Gojyo...wh-what are you...s-saying...?"
He lowers his head so that our foreheads touch. I can feel the chill in his body, and I know he can feel my heat, which is very steadily increasing. "I'm saying...I want you to warm me up..."
"This isn't funny, Gojyo. It's not a game you can--"
"I'm not playing games." he cuts me off firmly-as firmly as he can. "I want to feel your heat...against my skin...inside me...and not just because I'm freezing and hurting...but because I need it. I need you, 'Kai. Warm me up. Please...please..."
"I...I don't have any--"
"There's some in my bag."
"Gojyo, you can't really mean for me to--"
"I mean it. I want you, and that's not a joke or a lie. Make love to me..."
That ends it all, that simple phrase. Surely Gojyo can feel the hardness pressing into his thigh now; I have not the will to restrain myself at this level, not when he is prodding so perfectly for something I have wanted for so long to give him.
But what if...what if he really isn't in his right mind? What if-come morning when the fever has broken-he looks back on all this in disdain? I couldn't bear such a thing.
"Gojyo...I cannot take you while you are in this state, when there is no way to know if you really mean what you're--"
"I told you I mean it." he grunts out, pushing his thigh against the growing bulge in my pants. I whimper. I can't help it. I do not remember the last time I felt relief there. "I'll get the lube myself if you want..."
I raise my arms to hold him in place. I do not want him getting out of bed when he so obviously needs rest. Oh, how can he even be thinking of sex when he is like this?
Even with all that is fluttering through my head, I find myself rolling Gojyo gently to the side so that I can get up and go over to his bag.
Goodness, what am I doing?
I reach the bag and begin rifling through it. It does not take me long to find what I seek. When I stand and look to the bed, Gojyo is smiling at me-that devilish smile that has always made me weak in the knees and feeling my most vulnerable. How can I say no to him when I want him just as badly as he genuinely seems to want me?
"There is no going back after this, Gojyo." I mention as a cautionary measure, though I am sure he is just as aware of that as I am. He doesn't even respond, he merely takes the lube from me and sets it beside us as I climb back onto the bed, me now being the one who hovers above.
I like this position. Gojyo seems to like me in it, too.
"I...I haven't done this in a while." I admit sheepishly. In truth, I haven't done this in a long while.
"Me, either." Gojyo grins, and I know instantly that he is being honest. Gojyo has no reason to lie to me. "I'm half dead here, so we're going to have to take it slow anyway. Just...kiss me?"
The way he says this in such a questioning, almost timid manor, banishes all remaining thought of dissention in my mind. Lowering my face to his, I very tentatively touch our lips together, at first like a breath, soft and undemanding, but I pull back before deepening the sensation.
He wants my heat, he says, and yet I cannot feel his. I have grown so easily hard at his words and implications, but there is little life in the body beneath mine.
Oh right, the cold fever, I remind myself. I am going to have to be skillful in order to bring heat back into his body, and the gentle prodding in his eyes tells me that though his body is so far un-reacting, he is very willing to let me change that.
I take his lips fully then, swinging a leg over to his other side so that I am straddling his waist. When I pull back this time he is positively beaming. I cannot allow such smugness, so I return, sliding my tongue easily over his lips and past his teeth to meet his tongue in a rhythmic dance he is well versed in. We taste one another slowly, unhurried and casual-familiar, as if we have done this for years.
Oh, if only, I think whimsically.
I pull back with a deep shudder. The scamp has slithered a hand between our bodies and reached between my legs, stroking almost imperceptibly through the cloth. I could not be more aroused, but he is still cold. How selfless of him, I muse.
"Uh, uh, uh." I chastise, stopping the movement of his hand and pulling it away. I take hold of both his arms and rest them at his sides. "You are ill and in need of rest. Let me do the work, hmm? I'll get my due soon enough."
My words are teasing and confident. Rather domineering and very unlike me. Well...a man is entitled to a few secrets, is he not? Besides, the pleasantly surprised smirk on Gojyo's face tells me he rather likes this side of me.
Oh Gojyo, I think, mentally grinning quite evilly. You do not even begin to know what you have gotten yourself into.
I kiss him again, quickly but with much passion. He is breathing hard when I release him, but that is expected seeing as how he is rather under the weather.
On any other night, I would surely refuse him to the bitter end because of his condition, but...but I am only human, after all. Well, I suppose that isn't true anymore, is it? Oh well. I am still male if not a man, and that warrants me more than mere humanity ever could.
Staring hard into his crimson eyes, I never once look away as my warm hands find the cool contours of his chest, slipping up under the shirt he only recently slipped on. The shirt is off-barely a memory-and my lips soon replace the attentions of my hands.
He moans as I begin assaulting his pecks and up the curves of his neck to his jaw line. His skin is salty sweet and soft from the dry, cool texture the cold fever has given him. I leave a wet trail from his clavicle to his left ear, lapping at the curves of cartilage there and causing him to moan again.
I could die this moment; that is the most erotic sound I have ever heard, because Gojyo is not merely moaning, but moaning my name.
I laugh gently, sending a shiver through his body. Whispering purposely soft so that my breath dances over his skin, I say, "I'll be gentle, Gojyo...but do remember...you asked for this..."
I pull back, up on my knees as I lift my shirt over my head and toss it back behind me, exposing my pale chest. Gojyo's drooping eyes are not ashamed to drink in the sight of me, and I feel the smallest bit self-conscious when his gaze travels down to focus on my scar. He has seldom seen it since dressing the wound all those years ago.
He notices my sudden apprehension and raises a slightly trembling hand to touch my cheek. "Hey...don't be that way. It's nothing to get caught up in. Just a scar. It's kinda...sexy, to be honest." He tosses me a wink and very slowly trails that hand from my cheek, down my neck and chest to finally rest on the rubbery skin across my midsection where he traces its jagged outline.
Now it is mine turn to shiver. But Gojyo has renewed my sense of control, and I plan to reclaim it. "What did I tell you?" I say in a rather admonishing tone, removing his hand and placing it back at his side. "I'm doing the work or we're calling this off, understand? You are not allowed to move."
"Ooo, kinky. I always did take you for a freak."
He is treading dangerous ground. I grin and lower myself on top of him once more. "Oh Gojyo..." I whisper. "...you have no idea. Be glad you are in less than perfect health, or I would be forced to prove to you just how kinky I can be."
His grin widens. "I won't stop you."
"Haha. Believe me, it is for the best that I restrain myself. But it doesn't mean we can't have quite a bit of fun..."
I dive back down to continue my ravaging of his neck and chest, halting my deep kisses every so often to breathe heatedly on his skin. Each time I do so I feel him shudder, and I amusedly realize that he is more aroused by my breaths than by my lips. This gives me a very interesting idea.
I slither down between Gojyo's legs and tug at his pants, rightly disappointed to find him still unresponsive after all my attentions. No matter, I decide, pulling his pants the rest of the way off to land wherever our shirts have disappeared to.
The places my lips and breath have traveled over Gojyo's skin have warmed up significantly, but his lower regions are still unfairly cold.
I smile, peering up from my intimate position to catch Gojyo's eye. He stares hungrily back at me and I struggle not to laugh. His assumption is not entirely correct.
I lower my mouth to hover just above him, but I do not take him into my mouth as he expects. Oh no. Instead, I open my mouth and breathe as I had breathed over his skin before, hot and teasing.
I hear him gasp loudly at the strange sensation. I know it must be glorious torture, so what can I possibly do but breathe again. I continue for quite some time this way, breathing over his hips and along his shaft from every angle I can come up with. After a few minutes like this, his hips begin to jerk, struggling to keep themselves still.
"Ah! S-s-s-stop--! I can't...take any more. Just...finish it, please." Gojyo pleads, head pushed back into the pillow in what can only be described as beautiful agony.
Again, I have to struggle to keep myself from laughing aloud; I am not yet through torturing him. After all, this is the first time I have ever had him in this position, and for all my denial, I realize how much I have wanted this.
I dart my tongue out lightly, barely touching his skin as I continue breathing deeply. Running my tongue once down the entire length of him, I am afforded a desperate whimper, and when I pull back only to begin breathing again, I can hear his own breathing pick up pace, his hips jerking much more violently.
I am pleased to say he is no longer having trouble retaining heat; Gojyo is finally fully aroused and is now practically begging me to give him what he wants.
"Damnit, Hakkai...I can't...take this--!" he pants, eyes watering and hands clutching at the sheets. "Suck me off...fuck me into oblivion...I don't care what...just, please...no more..."
Finally, I allow my laugh. "You misunderstand, Gojyo..." I begin, giving him another teasing lick. "You asked me to warm you up, and this is much more effective. It would be best to keep you from going over the edge until the very end."
"Doctor's orders, I'm afraid. You'll just have to bear with me." And with that said, ensuring he is now completely at my mercy, I take him fully into my mouth as deeply as I can, appearing to contradict myself as I do just as he has asked.
"Uhhh...yesss...'Kai..." he moans loudly, hips involuntarily moving him within my mouth. I adjust myself accordingly, and soon we have a rather desirable rhythm going.
Gojyo no longer looks so strangely pale, but flushed and very wantonly captive by my attentions. I set him up well so it does not take long before he is nearing the breaking point. And just at that moment, I smile and pull away, leaving him right at the peak.
He peers down at me, confused and borderline homicidal, I dare say, in response to my sudden departure. "You're...enjoying this, aren't you...?" he gasps, trembling all over at that feeling of being just on the edge of climax and yet so far. His hands twitch, and I know he is debating whether or not to attend to himself, since I have failed to finish him off.
Oh, but 'failed' implies I am through with him.
"Remember now, you're not allowed to move." I remind him, rolling off the bed. He glares at me-breathing erratic and pulse racing. I merely smile in reply and slowly begin to remove my pants, first revealing well-defined hipbones before finally allowing the pants to fall about my ankles before kicking them to the side.
That hungry expression returns to Gojyo's face. What I have been doing to Gojyo has also aided in my own excitement, and it is plain before him now, for the first time in this very private state.
"Did I hear you say something about fucking you into oblivion, Gojyo?" I purr, climbing back onto the bed like a cat on the prowl. He swallows-he never expected this from me. Foolish hanyou. "Because...my dear, dear Gojyo...I intend to obey that command to the best of my abilities..."
Gojyo has gotten a small taste of my abilities thus far and knows he is in for quite the ride. The prospect calms him down and he nods, eyes dazed somewhat from his illness and from the strain of being so close to the edge without fulfillment.
He will be glad for it when the time comes.
"I will be as gentle as I can." I add, wholly serious for a moment as I snatch up the lube and squeeze a bit onto my fingers. Setting it aside again, I apply what will be necessary to myself, leaving just enough on my fingers to use in preparing him.
This is it. Gojyo and I...are about to breach the boundary of friendship to a point we can never return from.
Our eyes meet and lock. I want to tell him I love him a million times over, but there will be time enough for that.
I coax his entrance gently but swiftly, knowing his body will not be able to take much more without proper compensation. He moans consistently throughout my administrations, and I realize rather suddenly just how much I have been torturing myself. It is going to take all my willpower not to ravage him to the point of death once we truly get started.
"Enough...enough..." he begs, obediently holding still, though I know his hands want so desperately to reach out and do...something. "Please, 'Kai...take me...fuck me...I'm gonna explode if you don't..."
Whatever plans I may have had are forgotten. I can think of nothing more than complying with his request.
As carefully as I can, I push into him, stretching him with each push deeper. We are both shuddering when I finally penetrate him to the core, and for all my usual patience I cannot wait another moment before reeling back to deliver the first of several delicious thrusts. We both cry out with the rush of that sensation. Perfect. So perfect.
Gojyo's knees are tucked under my arms, and searching blindly I somehow find his hands, lacing our fingers together as I pull back again before pumping swiftly down.
The color has miraculously returned to Gojyo's cheeks.
"Fuck me, Hakkai...fuck me..." he whispers again and again, the crudeness of the phrase proving only to arouse me more as my hips gain a mind of their own, pumping feverishly as the rhythm between us plays out of our control.
I stroke the dampening red strands of hair from his flush face, looking at him with a longing that this friction can never satisfy. I want him heart and soul, I realize, and that epiphany almost sends me over the edge within itself. I had only planned to bring him to bed and keep him warm. I had only planned to make him feel better.
Well, I suppose I have done all those things, haven't I?
"Gojyo...ugnn...do you know...how much I love you...Gojyo...?"
He grins, his breathing rapid and harsh as he grips my hands tightly. "If it's as much as I love you, 'Kai...then it must be a helluva lot..."
We share that grin, the beauty of the moment hung suspended in the air for a length that could never be enough.
Our eye contact is unfairly broken as his back arches with sudden release-I am surprised he lasted as long as he did-and I ride through to the finish, joining him soon after and collapsing onto his chest.
I could lie forever in such an afterglow.
"Tell me, Gojyo..." I breathe, my face buried in the crook of his neck. "...have I sufficiently warmed you up...?"
Gojyo's breathing has slowed much quicker than mine and he does not answer me.
"Gojyo...?" I prompt again, a little worried now that my senses are returning to me. I lift myself and stare into his face. His eyes are closed, his chest rising and falling with much effort, but there is a very content smile on his face.
He has fallen asleep.
I smile as I realize his cold fever will not return, for the heat in his skin does not seem to be diminishing. I have done my job, it seems, and gotten quite the bonus in return.
Deciding not to muse on how things will be different between us in the morning, I get myself out of bed, clean myself off, retrieve a towel to very carefully clean Gojyo off, and then climb back into bed to curl in next to Gojyo, enjoying the contact of our bare skin as I slip into slumber alongside my...new lover.
I swear, if he proves to be more ill in the morning, he only has himself to blame.
I thought the world could use at least one more love scene between Hakkai and Gojyo, especially while I'm working on my Weiss fic. Hope you enjoyed. I know I did. And ten to one says the boys did too. ;-)