Waluigi was dead to begin with. There was no doubt about that. His death certificate was completely official, and signed by the clergyman, a goomba, the clerk, a koopa, the undertaker, a shy guy, and, most importantly, Wario. And if Wario signed it then, well, no arguing about that. Waluigi was absolutely KOed.
Well, now that I think about it, KO means "Knocked Out", which Waluigi was far beyond, since he was dead, not simply knocked out. Nevertheless, it seems appropriate, despite it being not that accurate. So, yeah, Waluigi was definitely KOed.
Did Wario know he was dead? Of course! They were only partners at WarioWare Inc. for their entire adult lives! Wario was his only partner, equal, friend, and mourner. Heck, Wario really didn't even care that he died anyway. In fact, he made sure that his funeral was as skimp on costs as possible.
Mentioning of the funeral brings back the main point here: Waluigi was dead. Why try to make this so obvious? If I don't, then the whole rest of the story would be completely pointless. Like, if we didn't know that Princess Peach had lost her voice at the beginning of Mario and Luigi: Superstar Saga, who'd give a flip that she was talking later in the game? Quite simply, Waluigi was dead, gone, deceased, kaput.
Now, enough about Waluigi. What about Wario? Don't get me started. He was the greediest, stingiest, penny-pinching miser one could ever meet. No one would ever want to get near him, and Wario, in turn, didn't want to be near them either. He was mean twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, three hundred sixty five days a year (and three hundred sixty six days a leap year).
Wario was the CEO of WarioWare Inc., a video game company. All of his employees were overworked and underpaid, and if they complained, out the door they went. One of these employees was a short Italian man named Mario. Aside from the names, Mario and Wario couldn't be farther apart. Mario was a nice guy, the type of person that you could trust anything with. He was kind, pleasant, humorous... and flat broke. Hence, he joined WarioWare Inc. to pay off his massive debt. Unfortunately, due to his current financial status, Wario had him work overtime in the basement with little or no break and, when Wario did manage to pay him (reluctantly, of course), the tax deductions reduced it to nothing more that enough to afford a cab home.
Thus, this went on for as long as poor Mario could remember until one cold, snowy winter's day. It was Christmas Eve, the coldest Christmas Eve in recent Mushroom Kingdom records, but, not surprisingly, the cold outside wasn't colder than Wario's heart. He had told Mario something that he had dreaded since he found out that WarioWare was losing money: He wasn't getting Christmas off.
"B-But W-Wario..." Mario protested, shivering in the coldness of the basement (despite the fact he was sitting near the heater, since it was turned off to save on gas bills), "I-I c-can't work on C-Christmas! I-I've got a w-wife and c-children and..."
"Well, hooray for you." Wario replied without any ping of sympathy, "I'm surprised that they still remember you, considering how many hours I put you to work down here."
"I-It's Christmas! S-Surely you'd a-agree to letting m-me have the d-day o-off..."
"Oh right, let me think about it. Ok, I thought about it. No."
Before Mario could plead with Wario more, Wario excused himself from the basement before, quoth Wario, "I catch phenomena from you, you pathetic excuse for a life." On his way back up, he walked by his secretary, Mona, who interrupted his march back to his office.
"Wario?" Mona reported in a particularly unpleasant tone, probably since she wasn't getting Christmas off either, "There's someone here to see you. Your nephew, I believe. I told him to wait in the lobby."
Wario grumbled as he changed his course and waltzed towards the lobby. Once there, Wario noticed a man a bit taller and skinnier than Mario looking around at the architectural achievement that was the lobby. The fact that he was wearing green and had a hat with an "L" embroidered on the front confirmed to Wario that it was indeed his nephew, Luigi.
"What do you want? I'm busy." Wario grunted
"Oh! Merry Christmas, Uncle!" Luigi shouted when he realized that Wario had addressed him.
"Bah!" Wario mumbled, "Goombug!"
"Christmas a goombug?" Luigi questioned, still trying to warm himself up after being out in the frigid cold just a few minutes earlier, "Heh, good one. You don't mean that, right?"
"Heck yeah!" Wario returned, quickly losing his patience, "Of course I mean it, you moron! What good is Christmas except for losing employees to some screwed-up little holiday that is only for whiny brats and religious lunatics!? If I had it my way, any idiot who'd even mention the word would be crushed under a Thwomp, chewed up by a Piranha Plant, and blown to bits by a Bob-omb!"
"Uncle! How can you say that? I know that you may think Christmas is little more than a nuisance, but, truth be told, it's a whole lot more than that! It's a time of giving and charity. It's a time for meeting with friends and family. And, most importantly..." Luigi paused for a moment like he was charging up to release a really powerful speech, "It was the time that, about two-thousand years ago, the greatest gift of all was given: A little child who would bring hope to all humanity. How can you call that a goombug, uncle?"
"Way to go, Luigi!" Came a voice from seemingly nowhere.
Wario looked around and noticed that the voice came from one of the air vents. Apparently, the air vent lead straight down to the basement, and Mario was listening in on the entire conversation!
"One more comment from you..." Threatened Wario to the air vent, "And you won't have to worry about getting Christmas off since you won't be around!"
Then, Wario turned his attention back to Luigi.
"As for you, you are quite the powerful preacher. Unfortunately for you, it confirms my theory: Christmas is for religious nutcases. Now, why did you come here to begin with? It wasn't to give me a 'Turn or Burn' lecture, I'm sure."
"Oh yeah, right!" Luigi stumbled as he pulled an envelope out of his cap and handed it to Wario, "I came here to invite you to my annual Christmas Eve party tonight! You want to come?"
"Oh! Um... Ok, how about my annual Christmas Day dinner tomorrow night?"
"Erm... My annual New Year's Eve bash?"
"NO!!!" Wario screamed, shredding Luigi's invitation into confetti, "DON'T YOU GET IT!? I DON'T DO CHRISTMAS!!! NOW, GET OUT BEFORE I SHRED A WHOLE FREAKIN' LOT MORE THAN THIS LETTER!!!"
Luigi, wisely getting the hint, began to run for the door. As he was about to leave, he turned around to give Wario his final farewells.
"Well, if you want to come anyway, feel free."
"Ok, very well. Farewell, Uncle!"
"And a Happy New Year!"
Before Wario could throw one of the sofas in the lobby at Luigi, he turned back to the door and proceeded to exit. However, before he could push on the revolving doors, they began moving on their own, giving Luigi a not-so-gentle shove out. As soon as Luigi left the scene, the doors revolved enough to reveal another pair of characters entering. One was an old Goomba, and the other was a rather dapper Koopa Troopa. Both of them were wearing archeology gear, and both of them were holding clipboards, calculators, and other things that gave away to Wario that they were trying to raise money.
"Mr. Wario, I presume?" The Koopa Troopa asked, "Or are you Waluigi? I heard that they were partners at this facility."
"You've got to be kiddin' me..." Wario replied, "Waluigi has been pushin' up daisies for seven years! In fact, he died this very night!"
"Well, hey, you don't have to be so rude." The old Goomba grunted, "I mean, you just had to say, 'I'm Wario. Waluigi has been dead seven years this night.' Or something like that..."
The Goomba stopped when the Koopa Troopa elbowed him in his side, and the Koopa Troopa proceeded to take over for the conversation.
"My name is Kolorado and my friend here is Professor Frankly. We are here to sponsor the 'No Toad Left Behind' program, a program that allows those who are too poor for even the most meager of necessities. And..." Kolorado continued, either unaware or ignoring Wario's obvious boredom, "At this time of year, it is most important. Christmastime is a time of charity, you know! So! What can I put you down for?"
"Uh... Nothing?" Frankly questioned.
"Nothing. Zippo. Zilch. Nada."
"Are you sure about that?" Kolorado asked.
"Hey, my tax dollars are going towards keeping those wretches alive in prison, where they belong. Isn't that good enough for you?"
"B-But most of them don't even have those comforts! They are living out on the streets! And some of them would rather die than go into prison!"
"Oh, good. Then why don't they? It'd save me a heck of a lot of money on taxes! Now, get out of here before I do something that might cause you to have to raise money for your medical bills!"
Kolorado and Frankly, realizing that this was getting them nowhere, excused themselves from Wario's presence. On their way out, Wario thought he heard Frankly call him a cheapskate, but what did he care? He was Wario! He stormed off to his office on the top floor of the building, and proceeded to check up on his finances for the umpteenth time.
Meanwhile, it grew colder and it snowed harder. In fact, as the sun was setting on that Christmas Eve, most people withdrew indoors to keep from freezing their noses, tails, shells, or whatever appendages they had, off. The only people still out on the street were some last-minute shoppers and a small group of carolers. The shoppers enjoyed the carolers' company, but when those poor singers went near the WarioWare building, they didn't even get past "He is born, the holy child" before they had to dodge falling Bob-ombs Wario kept in his desk drawer for this kind of "emergency".
Soon after, it was closing time for WarioWare Inc. Everyone said their farewells... Except Wario, of course. He just sat on one of the sofas in the lobby and reminded everyone that they were working the next day. As he was sitting there, he listened in on everyone's conversations and began making his Christmas list.
"Ah ha!" Dr. Crygor shouted as he punched his timecard out, "It's not that late! I can still perform my scientificky experiment that will prove that Santa Claus exists!"
"I hope he falls off the roof and breaks his neck." Wario thought to himself.
"Hey, Spitz!" Dribble yelled, "You think some people would still need a ride home? We can still make an extra buck or two!"
"Yeah, and give it to me."
"Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boy!" 9-Volt mumbled to himself excitedly while he skateboarded out the door, "Tomorrow's Christmas! And I know what I'm getting: A Nintendo DS!!!"
"Heh... Good thing I told his mom he wanted a PSP."
The last person to leave was Mario. Pulling his ragged jacket (if you can call it that) from the closet, he clocked out and made his way to the door before Wario stopped him.
"Yo, Mario." Wario snorted, "About that day off? You were the only one who had the guts to complain about my decision. I like that. You can take the day off... BUT you're not getting paid for the day and you better get here an hour earlier on the twenty-sixth or you're FIRED!!!"
"Oh, thank you, Wario!" Mario shouted in relief, "I sure will!"
"Yeah, whatever... Get out before I change my mind."
Mario raced out the door and ran all the way home. He didn't care how cold it was, for the thought of being able to spend Christmas with his family warmed him up enough to fight off the bitter cold.
Wario, on the other hand, climbed into his purple convertible parked out on the street (while complaining about how the snow got all over the leather in the car), and drove to the nearby deli to have his "Christmas dinner": Bacon, bacon, and more bacon, all washed down with a gallon of bacon grease. Then, he proceeded home.
There's an old saying that a man's home is his castle, but for Wario, that wasn't figurative, it was literal. Wario's castle was an impressive sight to behold: It rose five stories off the ground and it had everything a castle should have, including a moat. On the front of the castle was a big, purple "W", letting everyone within a five mile radius know who owned, as Wario liked to call it, "The Ninth Wonder of the World... The eighth one's me."
Now, as Wario got out of his car and walked towards the front door, let it be known that the knocker on the door was in all ways normal. In fact, the only thing slightly weird was that, despite Wario's ego, the knocker was shaped like a lion's head, rather than Wario's. It was plain as day, Wario saw that lion's head every night as he returned home from work, and any passerby could easily see it also. So, if it was normal, how come when Wario was unlocking the door and causally glanced up, he saw not a lion's, but Waluigi's head!?
Yes, Waluigi's head! He looked just like he always did at the office: He had a scowl on his face and his hat was pulled over his eyes, making it near impossible to tell what he was looking at. When Wario noticed this, he did a double-take, but when he focused on the knocker again, it was a lion's head once more.
"Whoa, ok, that was weird..."
Even though Wario wasn't scared easily, he did walk into his castle a little more slowly than normal, and he did look on the back side of the door, half-expecting to see the back of Waluigi's head there. It wasn't, of course.
"Ha! I must be going crazy..." Wario mumbled to himself as he shut the door.
Or, more specifically, slammed it. When it shut, the proceeding bang rang throughout the entire castle, from the dungeons in the basement that Wario never used to the attic that, also, Wario never used. Wario wasn't afraid of loud noises, however, so he simply ignored the clamor and proceeded to the upper levels.
Unfortunately, things just kept getting weirder. In the darkness of the staircase (Wario was too lazy to bother finding the light switch), Wario swore he thought he saw a hearse, of all things, driving up the stairs!
Naturally, Wario pretended not to be frayed at all by this, ahem, unusual incident, but he really was. This was proven by the fact that, once upstairs, he checked every room, bedroom, bathroom, and pool room, for anything suspicious more carefully then if ghost-busting Luigi was doing it, before he retired to the sitting room for a little quiet time. Of course, he still double-locked the door before he took a seat, something he wouldn't have done if he hadn't seen Waluigi's head on that door knocker.
Wario grabbed a book from the bookcase (it was his autobiography, Wario: The Brains Behind the Boogers) and pulled his seat up to the fireplace. The fireplace was adorned with carvings of old Mushroom Kingdom legends, from the Beanstar being put to sleep to the four heroes sealing the Shadow Queen behind the Thousand-Year Door. However, for one moment, that wasn't what Wario saw. Instead, every panel on the fireplace had a picture of Waluigi's head!
"WHA!!!" Wario screamed (like a little girl), "G-G-Goombug! I don't believe it!"
Suddenly, the bell in the highest tower in his castle, with no natural forces involved, started to ring. Then, every bell in the castle, the doorbell, the bells in the music room, every single one, started ringing. Loudly.
This went on for... Who knows? Maybe a minute. Maybe an hour. For Wario, he didn't care, as long as it stopped. When it did, though, another noise could be heard. Somewhere in the basement, he heard chains. As he heard the chains come out of the basement, up the stairs, and towards his room, it ran through his mind that Professor Elvin Gadd, his old school teacher, said that most ghosts carried chains...
"Uh... It's goombug still!"
He wasn't saying that when, ignoring the double-locks, the ghost walked through the door, revealing to him who the ghost was...
"W-W-W-W..." Wario stumbled like an idiot, "W-W-W-Waluigi?"
It sure was. He was as skinny as Wario last saw him in his coffin, and he was still wearing his purple/black overall/shirt combination. However, he was also wearing two new things: A bandage around his head and chains. The chains completely entangled him, and on the chains were things like piggy banks and safes, as well as the occasional Nintendo game controller, probably to symbolize that he worked at a video game company or something. Also, Waluigi was transparent. Wario could see the door behind him. Wario always thought that Waluigi was a wuss and had no guts, but he didn't think it was literal. Waluigi approached Wario, and Wario tried to fight him off.
"Wait!" Wario shouted, "Hold it right there! What do you want with me, you freak?"
"A whole freakin' lot." Was Waluigi's reply. Yep, it was definitely Waluigi's voice.
"So... Um... Partner..." Wario muttered nervously, pointing to the lounge chair next to him, "You wanna sit down? Or, being a ghost, will you fall through the chair and I can laugh uproariously?"
"Sure. I can control what I float through, you know!"
"No, I really don't."
"You don't believe my existence, do you?" Waluigi asked darkly as he took a seat.
"O-Of course not!" Wario stumbled.
"You can see me with your senses. Why don't you believe your senses?"
"B-Because the senses can be affected so easily! You could be nothing more than a poison mushroom, or a rotten fire flower, or something in that bacon at the deli! I knew that butcher had a suspicious air around him! When I get my hands on him I'll..."
"Stop talking about food. You're making me hungry."
Wario, slightly panicking since he was dealing with a sarcastic ghost, grabbed a pen sitting on the end table next to him.
"You see this pen?"
"Yeah... Your point?"
"To prove that you are just an illusion, I'll swallow this thing, and if I'm tortured endlessly by shy guys or something until it comes out the other end, then I'll be right, so HA!"
Waluigi didn't take kindly to the threat. He let out a loud, ghostly moan that caused Wario to sink into his chair to defend himself. When he looked at Waluigi again he had removed the bandage around his head and his jaw dropped down until it was in his lap!
"Do you believe me now?" Waluigi asked to a Wario whose jaw was dropped as far as a normal person's could.
"Y-Y-Yeah... What the heck do you want?"
"Why, it's very simple. Since I was a jerk in life, not caring about the world around me, I'm doomed to stay on this earth for eternity, seeing forever what I use to not care about. Any more dumb questions?"
"What do the chains have to do with anything?"
"That would be a yes... Anyway, these chains are the chains I have forged during my lifetime. Link by link, I made them. There's one for every bad thing I did, so, basically, I made, and am wearing them, on my own free will. As for these controllers, well... It just tells everyone who sees me, which isn't a whole lot of people, what it was that I was so wrapped up in to ignore the world."
"D-Don't t-tell m-me..." Wario shuttered, terrified at the fate of his old friend, "I-I'm forging those s-same c-chains right now, aren't I?"
"What, are you kiddin'? Your chains were this bad when I died, seven years ago this day! Even worse, the controllers on your chains are... X-BOX CONTROLLERS!!! AND THEY'RE THE OLD FAT ONES, NOT THE NEW SMALL ONES!!!"
Waluigi said this so loud, Wario was afraid that the cops would bust in and arrest him for disturbance of the peace, but Wario wasn't as afraid of this as he was of his impending fate.
"B-But there must be some way to save my butt, right? I mean, I don't want X-Box controllers ruining my business."
Waluigi tried to whack Wario upside the head but, being a ghost, his arm just went though Wario's noggin.
"Weird, I didn't feel that." Wario commented.
"And I didn't feel any brain in there either." Waluigi replied bluntly, "Now, Wario, my old friend, listen if you want any hope of undoing your fate."
"Let me guess... Act nice, and I'll be safe, right?"
"Acting nice has nothing to do with it. I'm sure Grodus acted nice to his X-Nauts when he was in a good mood, but that didn't mean he was a good man. And I am not one who can save you, either, for my time is nearly up to be here before I have to wander the world once more."
"So, does that mean that I'm screwed no matter what I do? 'Cuz that would kinda stink."
"There is but one way to save yourself."
"And that is...?"
"Tonight, yes tonight, so don't even think about going to the store and buying a camera, you will be visited by three ghosts..."
"Is that counting you?"
"No, that is not counting me, so it would really be four ghosts if you're counting it that way."
"Expect the first one when the clock strikes one..."
"You mean I can't even deal with them all at once!?"
"Just shut up, ok? Anyway, expect the second one at two o' clock, and so on and so forth. Listen to what they say, or you'll never be able to save yourself. Now, farewell, Wario. May I see you in the afterlife, hopefully without chains!"
Before Wario could protest anymore, Waluigi grabbed the bandage and tied it around his head again. He stood up and walked towards the window, which mysteriously opened as he approached it. Wario ran up after Waluigi, but stopped when Waluigi held his hand. Suddenly, Waluigi started to float and he flew, with an eerie, ghostly noise on his lips, out the window! Wario stuck his head out the window after Waluigi had left and what he saw terrified him.
Apparently, Waluigi wasn't the only lost soul doomed for eternity. The entire sky was filled with beings of all kinds, toads, koopas, goombas, all were chained, all moaned their ghostly moans, and none were free. Even more shocking was that Wario actually recognized some of the souls as people he had met in his lifetime. Whether they disappeared or if they became the clouds didn't matter, they and their shrieks of pain and anguish faded away from Wario's eyes until the night looked like it did before the incident happened.
The flabbergasted Wario closed the window and approached the sitting room door. It was double-locked, just like it was before Waluigi entered. In fact, Wario was about to say "Goombug" about the whole ordeal, but he stumbled on the first syllable. Instead, he, being tired from what had just passed, walked over to his bedroom and hit the sack without even bothering to change into his PJs.