The plot of this fic came out of nowhere. I didn't know, I had no idea either how this fic would turn out. Ughh… But I'll try my very best to finish this second fic of mine. I'm really crappy, crappy in grammar, in vocabulary in everything. Maybe by this time, you could ask that, "If this person says so that she is crappy, then why did she ever try to make a fic?" Yeah, yeah, tell me everything, I'm open to ideas anyway. If you want to be my beta, go ahead, no problem! I'd surely appreciate it.
Actually, I was not an avid fan of Shaman King (before) but when a friend of mine urged me to watch some VCD's, hey I admit, I managed to let out an 'awesome.' It was aired ages ago but I never had the chance to watch it. I was so focused in my studies, unlike now. Lolz! (At least I'm still surviving) And I'd dare say that Asakura Yoh is the perfect bishie material!
Yoh and Anna are NOT ENGAGED on this fanfic!
Summary: He hated her for his sudden and strange defeat. She, then tried to fixed it with a contract she made. She stubbornly presented herself as his trainer and he in turn would be her fiancé finder. But because of hatred, she suffered. YOHxANNA. And maybe a bit of HaoxAnna
Disclaimer: Shaman King belongs to Hiroyuki Takei. Any similarities to others are unintentional. Remember that I have yet to watch the whole series of Shaman King. Why? Because I'm almost drown with school and school paper works.
A Bleeding Heart
It was nearly evening for the sun had set and there were only small patches of orange streaks covering the deep violet sky. A scene compared to each of Da Vinci's works it was, alive and taunting, captivating your eyes. There were hardly any stars shimmering that night. The clouds cast enough shadows behind the moon, making the night awfully lonesome and somewhat dark – it's dreadful.
He isn't mad. He isn't insane. But to see Yoh Asakura stuttering queerly and lost for words isn't usual either. The brunette boy sat at the end of their wooden porch, clenching and unclenching his fists, looking miserable or by no mistake, confused. He was there for almost five hours, doing nothing except for fancying the ground, which almost cry in boredom, if ever it has life.
He crinkled his nose, as the sweet aroma of chicken soup engulfed his anxieties, returning his senses back to where he had once left them. Yoh shifted and grabbed his brunette hair, almost pulling it from its scalp. He didn't know, he didn't give a hint either on why his actions seemed to be so unusual if not, tentative. His actions were likened to how the seasons change. A moment it can be predicted, and another moment it is all too incalculable.
How lucky was he not to see Kyouyama Anna, his friend around? Well, he cannot blame her if she would dare throw him out of the house to do a 50 mile dash, when she sees him looking forlorn. It was in the contract. It was a part of his promise. Anna should make him stronger to defeat Hao, the Shaman King, and he in turn, would find her a suitable fiancé.
And that's what bothered him the most. It was four years after the Shaman Tournament ended, and here he was not doing anything to grant Anna, what she wants. Yes, Anna has done everything she can to make sure he'd be able to defeat Hao, sometime in the future. But what Kyouyama Anna wants is far beyond reality! She wants something which cannot be abruptly obtained! She wants a fiancé! A suitable fiancé at that! Then again, it was difficult to find one, after all, who would want an Ice Queen?
But why was he complaining? Shouldn't he at least be relieved? He was still one lucky loser for Anna didn't fuss over Hao Asakura, his pompous Shaman King brother, as her husband. But the sudden thought angered him. He was being obliged to please her, to get her a husband. Why did he ever agree to the contract anyway? Supposed to be, Anna was the one who SHOULD please and meet all his needs, then again, he didn't know why he agreed. All along, his hatred towards the young itako was never dismissed out of his head. Four years—four years of pretense. I'm tired. He thought.
A voice startled him from behind, "What're you doing here Yoh?"
Yoh crooked his head upwards to find Anna giving him an inquiring brow. "None. Nothing at all." He smiled half-heartedly.
"Of all people, don't fool me Asakura Yoh for I won't buy any of those lazy smiles of yours," Anna berated, then took a sit beside him.
"Really Anna. If there's anything wrong, I would have told you," grinned Yoh, while creasing his jeans. Only make-believe, Yoh.
"Just be sure with that," said Anna coldly.
Silence enveloped the air as the chilly wind hushed the evening sky. Both of them stood still, feeling the icy breeze whipped their pale faces. Yoh felt the girl beside him shiver, but that didn't matter to him. Who was he anyways to put a coat or jacket around her shoulders? He would die first before taking the risks. But then again, if he took the risks, still he would die right?
You hate her Yoh, take note of that. Yoh scolded himself.
Another moment of silence overlapped with the falling leaves of the frosty trees and it was surely enough to drive Yoh Asakura nuts…again. He felt uneasy with the deafening silence especially when Kyouyama Anna was sitting beside him. When he finally felt the tension around them lessened, he decided to bring the subject he has always dreaded.
"Uhh…uhh…err…Anna," it sounded more like a statement than a question. Yoh turned his head just in time to see Anna staring at him with solemn eyes.
"What," said Anna coldly, while adjusting her itako beads around her neck. Yoh saw how her eyes flicker with concern, but her dark eyes hastily returned to being cold and detached.
"Remember our contract?" asked Yoh nervously. He didn't know how he would say it in front of her. He didn't technically want to break his promise, but he should tell it to her. He didn't intend to tell her at all, but Yoh was sure Anna has the right to know.
I would have to tell her sooner or later that my 'fiancé-searching' is becoming more and more unrealistic as days pass by. I would have to tell her that she was the one to blame.
"How could I not?" she said, as she averted her stare to the evening sky. "Why did you ask?"
Yoh scratched his head rather uncomfortably. He somehow managed to look at Anna's face directly, without restraining himself for another breakdown of tension or rage. He stammered evidently, "I, ugghh… was about to tell you that-"
His words were interrupted when Anna clenched her fists and said, "Why would you even bother to come up with such subject."
"Ugghhh…" Yoh stuttered. He, too, clenched his fists in attempt to hold his temper for a few more minutes.
"I don't have time for any prattle, Asakura Yoh. I want to hear what you want to say, straight to the point, and DON'T waste my TIME!" Anna barked, her half-lowered eyes glared menacingly into Yoh's.
Yoh didn't expect Anna's sudden outburst. Why was she mad that he brought that subject? It was he who has the right to be mad at her right? But he knew it for so many years, and that made him go still: Kyouyama Anna should not be questioned.
Yoh's face grew dark, his temper arose, and Anna was sure it was no joke. He couldn't take it anymore. He was tired—tired of lying, pretending, he was too tired of everything. For the first time in four years, he didn't feel his patience screamed 'hold on.' Asakura Yoh felt the sudden urge of wrenching the girl he had learned to hate for the past four years.
"I'm tired Kyouyama. All in vain, everything," he said, no emotion emanated from his usual playful voice.
Anna was taken aback by what her friend had said. The way he had called her by her surname was raging. Him? Tired? She didn't get it. All of her life, she didn't hear Asakura Yoh stare at her like that with eyes burning with fury. "Tell me," she paused, "what are you tired of."
Yoh noticed the sudden quiver in Anna's voice, but he paid no heed to it. He rose from the wooden floor and talked to Anna with his back.
"Of everything," he said flatly.
"Specific," Anna said. She found it very silly to talk to Yoh in a one-word basis.
"You want all of it specific, Anna?" his voice didn't cringe.
"Straight to the point." Anna could feel the pain pierced her heart deeper.
"Are you s-" Yoh tried to speak, but Anna didn't let him finish. He didn't need to hear what she would say next, but Anna, judging from the intense look on her face, didn't let him run away. Yoh turned around, just in time to see something sparkle on Anna's unfeeling eyes.
"I'm sure with my words Yoh," her voice trembled, though she tried really hard to hide it. "Are you afraid to hear what I want to say?"
"No." his voice toned-down.
"Then make me bleed Asakura Yoh. Make me bleed to death," Anna finally turned her head towards Yoh. There were tears running smoothly on her cheek. Yoh, on the other hand, gazed at her strange behavior, but he could feel no more. No concern. No pain. He didn't speak. He just listened.
"You could have done that four years ago. You would have seen me covered in blood. But why didn't you let me? TELL ME!"
No, he was not in the mood to explain everything to her, but Anna needed an answer. No, he was not to give up easily.
Pain. No. He couldn't feel anything. Only resentment. He reminded his heart.
"Am I the one to blame? ASAKURA YOH!!!! ANSWER ME!!! Are you tired of consenting me?!!"
Yoh avoided her pleading but rather unyielding stare. Anna's voice came gruff and her eyes were hollow, it mirrored nothing but a quizzical look. Her stare melted on to his, beckoning him to answer even one question of her.
"Did I ask for your help? Did I tell you to look after me? DID I!?" Anna faltered. An itako should not feel anything. She had learned it for as long as she could remember under those relentless training with Asakura Kino. "For once Yoh, be sensible!"
He could not take it anymore. All those intense training with his family ever since he was a carefree toddler, came crushing down his mind. Flashes of events during and after the Shaman King tournament narrated how frail he was compared to Hao's unparalleled furyoku. His sanity was thrown into thrash when he remembered his family's face when he lost the battle, full of disgrace and loathing. They were ashamed of him; he was unworthy of being an Asakura.
And for that, I cannot forgive. He thought.
"And what do you want me to do," he finally spoke.
Caught off guard, Anna almost jumped in surprise when she finally heard the shaman a meter away from her mumbled.
"Watch as my brother kill you? Or let's put it this way, watch as Hao slaughter you in front of my very eyes?! For goodness sake ANNA! I KNOW what he WANTED! He wanted me to forfeit the match. And to do that he thought of threatening me by killing a friend! And you just want me to watch that scenario grudgingly! I have a heart!"
"But I never asked." Anna replied quietly. She grabbed her palms and placed it in front of her mouth. Tears spilled incessantly from her eyes. She could congratulate herself for crying, if only she were crying because of joy. "You could just leave and watch me DIE! You wouldn't care anyway! I know you wouldn't! All along I know you've been cursing me behind my back! Do I need to elaborate more?! Do you want me to narrate why you hate me so much?!"
"YES! I am sadistic! Heartless! I can slay you with my harsh trainings! But then, I'll return the question back to you! WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO!?!"
"What do you-"
"Let you die? Let myself watch as other shamans dismember you bit by bit!? I tried to get the slacker out of you! And I did it out of my own free will!" she choked.
And this is where it all ends.
Forget that you know me Asakura Yoh.
But remember that you hate me.
And I'd be glad for that.
Anna stood up, turned her heels and sprinted up the stairs, her red bandanna billowed behind. Yoh was rendered speechless, he stared at the night sighing.
Make me bleed Asakura Yoh. Make me bleed to death.
The Anna he knew was never like that. She was such a promising itako, no emotions lurked behind her cool demeanor. The Anna he knew was never known to lose a strand of her temper. She was someone you can hardly defy, but he had done it. Asakura Yoh had not only confronted her, but he had burned her as well, like hell he had.
He had done more than defying her. He broke…her trust, of all things she can afford to give. It was her trust broken, all because of his haunting defeat. Anna was right; she didn't ask for his help. He could just leave her around and let her die. But he didn't. He stepped back from his fighting stance and rushed to Anna's side, shielded her from any attack Hao would likely give. He could still remember Hao expecting for an answer between, forfeit or friends.
He wouldn't have done it if it weren't for Anna, his friend. And he was sure that if his other friends' lives were at stake, he would surely do the same thing. Hand over the Shaman King title easily to Hao Asakura, and he'd have his friends' safety in return.
But to be the Shaman King is my greatest dream. And because I have not achieved that goal, I dishonored my family. The Shaman King they wanted me to be was no more, for now I'm only a helpless shaman imprisoned by the torture of defeat.
His emotions were gloomy—no, maybe it is just the evening's wrath which made him feel that way. The moon streamed on the Asakura's deserted hallways and illuminated a young shaman who seemed preoccupied with his thoughts. There was something in him which smothered his senses and he barely noticed it.
Yoh Asakura, himself, was hurting. Without contemplating whether he should seek for apology from his friend, he dashed to his room without admitting pain. Asakura Yoh was never impenitent for what he had done.
What will be will be.
If he were to hate her forever, he's ready to forget everything she had done.
Including the contract, though he should never break their remaining connection.
As for now, he chose to keep quiet.
Time will heal those wounds itself.
And that, he quite believed.
I tucked my knees near me and enveloped it with my feeble arms. I did stoop low when I cried, because of Yoh. No, maybe I'm just experiencing identity problems. For the once detached itako could now feel, because—of nothing.
Insurmountable pain. My mind wanted to scream, to burst all these emotions bottled inside my bleeding heart.
Pain? Who would have thought that, I, for one Kyouyama Anna, still know the meaning of pain. Yes, and it is very heart-wrenching.
An itako, yes I am, by name, by heart and by spirit. I was brought to a world shielded by an icy barrier of swirling hatred and darkness. I grew up in a world where no one can dare touch nor harm me. I never felt hunger towards the things I have once succumbed to make me alive again. I never regretted any of my decisions; I'm straightforward, I prevail with my words.
I gazed at myself on the mirror in front of me. Pathetic. I'd dare say. I thought I was inhumane, I thought all of those years of brutal training in Osorezan would make me realize that life can be tackled alone. Hence, I offered myself a façade I've worn for a very long time since then. But because of him—the grandson of the itako who took care of me when I was disowned by my parents, gave me a reason to at least enjoy my life.
Asakura Yoh. Pain. I'd never thought that the word pain would be associated with the name Yoh, the laidback bummer of the Asakura family. For years that I've been living under this roof, he made me feel welcomed, unharmed, cared for and most of all…important.
But how? How did everything turn this way?
Yes, when we were thirteen years old, I was appointed by Kino-sensei and Yohmei-sensei to train their grandson, Yoh Asakura. I was glad, yes I was, though it appeared to them that I was completely annoyed by their grandson's lazy behavior. But I said yes to them, he is my friend after all, my very first friend.
And then here comes the Shaman King Tournament. Just when we thought I'd brought out the best shaman he could be, Yoh lost, with ease, though sarcastic, yes he did. All because of me.
All because of a stupid reason.
He surrendered the Shaman King title,
In exchange of my shameful safety,
All because of me.
I would like to smile at the very thought, but no, for I'm making things worse for the both of us. And now, here we were, arguing over a lousy contract we had made. He was desperate so I agreed to train him ten times harder than I used to be. He offered me an exchange to what I will do. So I gave him one. One, which I think will keep him away from me—forever. So I asked for it. A fiancé. He instantly assented, he said he would do it, in trade of my austere training.
But why was he blaming everything to me?! To me!? Oh god, I was getting really lame. I stood up and leaned my body against the door. Pain.
Goodness! How many times do I have to tell myself that scrunching word?! Fifty?! One hundred?! A thousand?! A Million?! Or until I see what hell looks like?!
Tears. It felt very odd for someone like me. Anna Kyouyama cried. The Anna Kyouyama. They were dropping bit by bit, as I felt my eyes burning with such an annoying soreness. It hurts. But I could not do anything about it. I could not steel myself and show Asakura Yoh that he was wrong for shouting at me.
But I could not do that.
Maybe I could, if the person who made my heart bleed, weren't Yoh.
I could hear Anna's muffles behind her door, but I couldn't care less. I admit that I felt the desire of grabbing and hugging her. But I just couldn't. I was too prided with my anger.
My vision blurred as I tried to step inside my room. Thoughts clouded my once vacant mind.
You should apologize to her. My heart wailed everytime I hear those echoing sounds of anguish and sorrow. My heart wanted me to do that, but my mind never agreed. Compared to the brain, the heart was a mere abject tool of the body. Without our heart, we can still manage to live, like how Anna survived. But without the brain, we cannot function normally.
No, to her I cannot. Forgiveness is only reserved for people with importance.
So Anna was of no importance at all? There it was again, my accusing heart.
But I could not give what my heart wanted. But I know I'll make her doomed to the darkness forever. I tried very hard to bail her out of her shell, but what was I doing? Am I not pushing her back in?
What she wanted to receive,
I cannot give.
Author's Notes: Yep! Another anime, another fic! Hey, lookie, lookie, I've changed my pen name.
Anyways, please do review! First try on Mankin and I hope many would appreciate it. Comments? Suggestions? Flames! Yeah! I'm accepting, BUT do make it constructive. Flame me negatively if ever I've received more than a hundred reviews! (as if! Lolz!) Thanks in advance and you'll really make this poor author happy!
Hehehe, I've started Chapter Two! snickers
P.S. I've done almost 60 of Predicted Love's Chapter Four. Yeah, I'm sorry to disappoint you guys.