The House from Hell

Chapter 1. Arriving

FRF: I was working on a different fic and this popped into my head. I liked this idea soooooo much better so you get to sit through this little, twisted fic.

Nikki: Clarify twisted.

Spirit: What do you mean Nikki?

Nikki: I mean… does she mean twisted as in weird… or… twisted as in just plain wrong?

Spirit and FRF: NIKKI!

Spirit: I think 'you're' wrong Nikki.

FRF: I 'meant' WEIRD!!!

Spirit: Have you been hanging out with Miroku?

Nikki: Hell no! He's more twisted than a twister!

Spirit: Good point.

FRF: I don't really get why Sango likes him… but they do make a cute couple. I'd say best, but that's just my opinion and I don't want to piss anyone off…'yet.' This 'is' only the firs author's note after all.

Nikki: Can we get to the fic already? I'm getting extremely bored.

Spirit: Okey dokey!

FRF: First the disclaimer. I dun own no Inu-hanyous, youkai taijiyas, houshis, mikos, kitsunes, neko-youkais, and whatever else appears in the Inuyasha series. I most definitely don't own Martha Stewart Living, and I don't know why I'd want to. I also don't own Entertainment Weekly, though I do have a few issues. I DO own, however, this story line, Nikki, and Spirit… hopefully.

Nikki: I really wish you didn't own me.

FRF: Too bad. ENJOY! Oh, and Nikki, Spirit?

Nikki and Spirit: (Looking very nervous) Yes?

FRF: You'll get to participate… as the dead maid and the cook.

Spirit: I don't like the sound of this.

Nikki: Me neither. I can't cook! Last time I tried, I kinda… caused a whole village's inhabitants to turn into ladybugs.

FRF: That's why you'd make a perfect cook! It 'is' a hell-house, is it not?

Spirit: True.

FRF: Never-mind. Enjoy the fic! (Under breath) I hope nobody minds if I kill Jaken.


Inuyasha and the gang get trapped inside a strange old house. The only way to escape is to solve the riddles, defeat the monsters, and not kill their new allies… who happen to be their greatest enemies. Will they ever get out?

This story has a cannon setting. It's a horror/comedy and Naraku isNOT the main villain. He kinda gets stuck in the house too. Most major characters are included. That means Inuyasha, Kagome, Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara, Sesshomaru, Rin, Jaken, Naraku, Kagura, Kanna, Kouga, Ginta, Hakkaku, and Kikyou are all going to be trapped in the house and tortured until they escape. Oh, beware of some slight bashing.

Nikki and Spirit are MY characters. They are also the two creatures, besides me, who appear in the author's notes. Nikki is 1/3 fox demon, 1/3 fire elemental, and 1/3 human. Though normally 14, in this she is 25 years old. Her human part is psychic, allowing her to read minds, float things in midair, and even foresee the future, along with all the other psychic stuff. She has two cute, little, fox ears, similar to Inuyasha's dog ones, and a foxtail, which is similar to Kouga's wolf tail. Her waist-long brown hair is always up in a ponytail and her eyes are a reddish-brown. She can also teleport between different areas and times, hence the odd house decorations. Spirit is an overly perky ghost and also a psychic. Though normally 12, in this she's 23 years old. Died trying to save the mistress of the house, but in they end they both died (will be explained in story.) She keeps her waist-long blonde hair down and has sapphire-blue eyes. She can handle matter as if she were alive, and also phase through it. Finally, she has the strange power of controlling butterflies.

I'm gonna need reviewer help with this. One person can only think up so many riddles ya know. You may also get to come up with some sort of monster or evil torture device. I'll put specific criteria after the story. Ideas are greatly welcome!

The House from Hell

Chapter 1. Arriving

It was a dark stormy day. Birds weren't singing, the sun wasn't shining… well technically it was seeing as it was day, but it was also hidden by all the dark and evil storm clouds… and no one was having a good day. Anyway, lightning was flashing all around and the thunder was deafening. Several trees had already been felled.

Chaos was everywhere, except for at one loan house sitting on a jagged plateau. The inhabitants were actually enjoying the storm. As soon as their travel weary guests arrived, the fun would begin.

"Spirit, how far away are the guests?" asked what appeared to be a cook. The cook was dressed in a shadow black kimono. It was perfect for sneaking around a dark house and playing tricks. A blood red apron was tied neatly around her waist; a matching chef hat perched over her left fox ear. Her long, dark brown ponytail and red-brown foxtail swayed from side to side as she turned to look at the one called Spirit, crimson-clawed hands resting on hips.

"Why don't you check for yourself, Nikki? You have psychic abilities too," answered Spirit in a high-pitched voice, crossing her arms over her chest and sticking her tongue out like a six-year old. She was wearing the outfit of a scullery-maid. Talk about wrong era, not to mention country. To add to the strangeness of this girl, she appeared not to be living. She was a ghost, and quite an odd one at that.

Nikki answered her quite snappily. "Because Spirit, I was going to go check on the 'pets,' and figured that you were keeping track of the visitors since you'd be the one to greet them when they arrived."

"Oh. Right. He, he, he," said Spirit. "I kinda forgot about that. Let's see…" Closing her eyes and focusing on the auras of the visitors, Spirit came up with the exact distances. "One group is five miles away at the base of the plateau. Another is seven point three miles away and approaching quickly. One is three and a half miles away, halfway up the plateau. The largest group is at the gates. Finally, the last is at…"

A deep chiming of bells was suddenly heard throughout the house. Their eerie noise was loud enough to be heard by the visitors at the bottom of the plateau.

"The last group is at the door," finished the young ghost thoughtfully.

"Good. Now don't just float there. Go answer the door. I'm going to make sure our 'pets' are doing fine. Can't have them feeling under the weather before all the guests arrive." With that, Nikki walked off into the shadows of the house while Spirit floated over to the large, oaken, front doors.

"Kagome! H-how much l-longer t-till we get o-out of t-this rain?" asked a small kitsune, letting out a small sneeze. He was soaked to the bone and was trying to snuggle up to a girl with long raven hair and an odd looking outfit for warmth.

"Not much longer Shippo. We just have to get through these gates and up the rest of the pathway. I'm sure the people who live here will let us in with such bad weather," answered the girl, hugging the fox child closer. "Inuyasha, haven't you gotten those gates opened yet?"

A half-demon with long silver hair and two cute little dog-ears glared at her. He was trying to pull open the large iron gates that led to the house, not having much luck. "The damn things won't budge!"

"May I suggest pushing them, Inuyasha?" inquired a young monk in purple robes. He was currently examining the hinges of the gates.

With a 'humph,' Inuyasha gave a strong push on the gates and they easily swung open, causing a loud clang. Not expecting them to open so easily, the dog demon fell forward into a mud puddle. The kitsune, along with the rest of the group started laughing.

"Maybe you shouldn't have pushed so hard," giggled a girl with a large boomerang on her back and a small kitten in her arms. Her companions all nodded their heads in agreement while Inuyasha let out a 'feh.'

"Shut-up, Sango!" He picked himself up off the ground, his red haori cover in brown mud. He began walking through the gates before turning to yell at the others. "Let's go already!"

Everyone else followed him, still giggling slightly.

Sesshomaru stood at the front door, his mighty fluff not so fluffy anymore. His short, ugly, toad servant had pulled a long, thick string that caused the bells to chime. A small girl clung to his leg, shivering.

The great oak doors slowly opened and a ghost in clothing weirder than Kagome's appeared. Sesshomaru eyed it carefully, pushing the small girl behind his leg, incase the ghost should attack.

The ghost began to speak in an Australian accent. "G'day mate. We've been expecting you. M' name's Spirit. Crikey! You're all wet! Allow me to show you to the parlor while we wait for the other guests to arrive."

"Sesshomaru-sama, what is that thing? Do you think it's safe to go in? How could she be expecting us? What other guests is she talking about? Why does she have such a funny accent?" piped the toad.

"Silence Jaken," replied the great demon lord. He took a step through the threshold and began following the ghost-girl. Jaken and the little girl were close behind him.

They traveled through a long corridor decorated with many different wall hangings and pictures. Suits of armor guarded the doorframes, and the large portrait of the late mistress had eyes that seemed to follow you.

"Right this way sir. Once everyone arrives, Nikki, the cook, will be around to find out what everyone wants for dinner. You can dry off in the parlor. The fire is very warm. If you need anything, just ask. Spirit chirped, dropping the Australian accent and returning to her normal voice. She turned into one of the doorways, the three visitors behind her.

They entered a large room with several odd pieces of furniture. There were three large blue couches and several reclining armchairs. A coffee table was in the center of the room with a magazine rack next to it. A tiger skinned rug was laid out in front of a fireplace that held a blazing fire. A large toy chest was located in the fat left corner. Several suits of armor were situated near the doorframes. Finally, Large heads of several demons and animals were hung on the walls.

"Sesshomaru-sama, why does everything look so funny?" asked the young girl.

Sesshomaru just gave her a look that said 'be polite.'

"Shut-up you stupid girl," croaked Jaken. "You should not question what you don't know."

"Jaken!" Sesshomaru glowered. "Be nice to Rin." He kicked Jaken to the floor before looking over at the young girl who had wandered over to the fireplace.

"If you think this is something, wait till you see the dining room. The furniture there is even more exquisite," voiced a voice from nowhere.

"I'll go fetch you some dry clothes! Rin can play with the toys in that chest over there if she likes," said Spirit as she floated up through the ceiling.

Sesshomaru stood watching Rin, his expression impassive. Rin was too busy watching the dancing flames to notice anything, but when she heard the word toys, she immediately ran to the chest. Jaken looked around nervously, unsure of whether the voice came from thin air, or one of the many doorframes.

"Over here genius!" the voice said again, a figure stepping out of the shadows. "Rule one in this house, always expect the unexpected. This house is full of surprises."

"B-back y-you demon you! Feel the wrath of my 'Staff of Heads'!" stammered Jaken, raising the two-headed staff. Fire burst out of one of the heads, engulfing the owner of the voice.

The voice person stood there, unscathed. It spoke again, this time deciding to clear a few things up. "First off, I'm only a third demon. The other two-thirds are fire elemental and psychic human, which lead me to the second thing. Fire cannot harm me. Finally, 'never' attempt to kill the one who will be 'feeding' you during your stay... otherwise, you might just end up being something on the menu. I'm Nikki, the cook… and as long as you're a guest in this house, disobeying 'me' will lead to 'sever' punishment."

As a demonstration of Nikki's powers, she pointed a finger at Jaken and flames suddenly erupted from underneath his feet. The once green toad slave was now a crispy black. Rin, who had decided to watch what was happening after Nikki had spoken for a second time, began giggling at Jaken's misfortune.

"So, who wants fried frogs' legs?" asked Nikki. This just made Rin laugh harder. Sesshomaru rolled his eyes and Jaken was muttering something about masters not helping their most loyal servants. Spirit had reappeared dropping off some dry clothing for the guests. Then, she and Nikki headed back towards the main entrance after telling everyone to 'stay put and relax.'

"KOOOOUUGAAAAAA! WAAIT UUUUUP!" puffed a tired, wet and out of breathe wolf demon with a spiky hairdo.

"Can't we slow down a bit? The ground is wet and slippery," said another, with a not so spiky hairdo. He too, was huffing and puffing.

A third wolf demon skidded to a stop and sprinted back to the other too. His long ponytail was dripping with rain. "Look guys, Kagome is real close. I can smell her, along with that stupid mutt."

They had just reached a large gate after traveling a good six miles from their last stop. Kouga figured that if they kept up that pace, they'd reach Kagome in no time. The gate was still open, blowing with the wind and clanging against its hinges every so often. Kouga sprinted off again.

"Here we go again Ginta," said the one with the Mohawk.

"Let's go Hakkaku. KOOOUUUUGAAAA! WAAAAITE!" They ran off again, following, and trying to keep up with, their leader.

Kikyou was traveling up the side of the plateau, clutching her bow tightly. Her clay body was wet and battered. Her soul stealers were all around. Come on body. Just hold out a bit longer. Just to the top of the plateau. Inuyasha should be there. Then, I'll take him to hell with me! That stupid Kagome won't know what hit her.
Naraku had been walking up the plateau with Kagura and Kanna for a while now. Why he was walking, he didn't know. "Kagura, Kanna."

"Yes master?" asked a small girl in white.

"What!?" shot an aggravated woman with feathers in her hair, obviously displeased with the man in the baboon suit.

"Why are we walking? Kagura, fly us over to that mansion at the top."

With a scowl, Kagura pulled one of the feathers from her hair, not bothering to ask any questions. It enlarged and the three boarded it, flying up into the sky and to the front doors of the house.

"Kagura, pull that cord," demanded Naraku.

"What? Why me? Why don't you have Kanna do it?" she grumbled, not happy with the current state of things.

""Shut-up and just do it."

Kagura pulled on the string after replacing the feather in her hair, all the while muttering. The eerie chimes once again played their music, signaling the arrival of more guests and sending shivers up their spines.

Spirit opened the door, using a southern/western accent this time. "Howdy pardner. Names Spirit. Foller me." She led the three newcomers the same way she had taken Sesshomaru, Rin, and Jaken. Nikki remained at the door incase anyone else showed up.

They walked into the parlor where Sesshomaru was currently sitting on one of the couches, browsing through the most recent issue of Martha Stewart Living. The outfit Spirit had given him was exactly the same as his original. Rin and Jaken were playing checkers by the fire, also in identical, dry outfits. Sesshomaru looked up, uttering only one word… "You."

Naraku just brushed him off and went to sit a recliner. Kagura took a seat next to the demon lord and picked up an issue of Entertainment Weekly. Kanna joined Rin and Jaken by the fire. Everyone pretty much ignored each other before Spirit broke the silence. "I'll go get our new guests some dry clothes!" She once again floated up through the ceiling.

Inuyasha had just stepped onto the porch when he got a strong whiff of wolf. He turned around to see a tornado quickly approaching, with two guys following behind it. The tornado stopped abruptly in front of Kagome, but trampled the hanyou in the process.

"Hello, 'my' women. What are you doing out in this weather with that mutt?" asked the man who had come out of the tornado. Inuyasha began to fume.

"She's NOT 'your' woman ya wimpy wolf!" shouted an angry and trample dog-hanyou.

"What's it to ya dog shit?" the wolf demon responded.

The other two wolves arrived on the porch and gave their greetings to Kagome while Inuyasha started a verbal argument. Of course, this was abruptly stopped when another presence made itself know. Inuyasha, turning his head, was the first to speak. "Ki-kikyou? What are you doing here?"

"Why I've come to take you to hell, Inuyasha. And to get out of this rain," replied the dead girl with a bitchy tone.

"Oh no you don't!" squeaked Kagome, dropping Shippo in the process. This caused the kit to grab onto a rope to keep from hitting the ground. Of course, that sounded the eerie doorbell once again, and since no one was expecting the sudden chime, they all jumped, hanyou and wolf included.

The large door creaked open, revealing a grumbling cook. "Why the hell am I doing that stupid ghost's job? She's the maid!" Looking up she noticed nine people and a little neko-kitten staring at her. "WHAT!?"

"Nothing!" they all mumbled.

"Good. Now then, welcome to 'MudPie Manor.' Now that you've all arrived, everyone's here. I don't know where the damn maid that usually does this is, so just follow me to the parlor. I'm sure everyone will be glad to see you," said the smirking cook. "By the way, I'm Nikki."

Nikki led the last of the guests into the house and through that same corridor that the others had traveled through. She had pushed her ears down to try and drown out the grumbling of everyone. It went along the lines this: "Shud up ya stupid wolf! She's 'not' your woman!" "YEAH RIGHT mutt-face!" Back off bitch! Inuyasha's 'mine'!" "You wish!" SLAP! "Damn hentai! Keep you're hands away from me!" "I am very sorry, Lady Sango. My hand is cursed." "They'll never learn." Sigh with head shake, sigh, and, oh yes… one more sigh.

They reached the parlor and everyone froze. Then, a bunch of comments, even stranger than the ones from before, were heard.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY DOING HERE!" yelled a pointing hanyou.

"Why hello, 'little' brother," replied Sesshomaru. "You do know that it's rude to point."

"TOYS!" shouted a wide-eyed kitsune, running over to the chest.

"Shippo! Come back here!" said Kagome.

"Naraku," snarled Sango, her voice dripping with venom.

"Calm down Sango," said Miroku, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Kagura you bitch! I'm gonna kill you for what you did to my pack!" screamed Kouga.

Naraku and Kagura smirked while Hakkaku and Ginta stood there with their mouths hanging open in shock. Kikyou had on a boarded expression and Kirara just mewed in Sango's arms. Who'd a guessed that the house would be full of worst enemies?

"Well, looks like everyone knows each other," said Spirit, floating down from the ceiling with a bunch of dry clothes in her arms.

"AHH! Where'd you come from!" was Inuyasha's second remark.

"Where the hell have you been?" yelled Nikki to the ghost.

"Getting the rest of everyone's clothes," replied Sprit perkily while dropping respective outfits on the correct person's head. "Now then, if everyone's done commenting, those who are wet can go change. Then, Nikki will take you're dinner orders. If you've got any questions, just ask."

Nikki disappeared into the shadows to fetch some menus while Kagome raised her hand.

"Why is all of your furniture modern looking?" she asked.

Spirit giggled. "Why that's simple. Nikki can teleport between time and space. Our late mistress used to enjoy taking vacations to other time periods by using Nikki's abilities, and she always brought back furniture to furnish each of the rooms with. She also brought back different styles of clothing, hence my maid's outfit, Nikki's apron and hat, and the fact that we have a bunch of outfits that look like yours. Now go change. Nikki should be back in a few minutes."

Everyone changed and walked back into the parlor, taking random seats. Nikki reappeared out of the shadows with menus in hand. Her sudden appearance spooked everyone in the room.

"Gack! Don't 'do' that!" squeaked Jaken.

"Sorry," said Nikki, smirking. "NOT!" She laughed at poor Jaken's misfortune as she once again burnt him to a crisp. This made everyone laugh. "Now then. For dinner, I'll be serving turkey and lasagna. If anyone objects, pick something off of these menus. You get what you order, no questions asked. Got it? Good. Now order." After handing everyone a menu, she leaned against a doorframe, waiting for his or her orders. Spirit had disappeared to go check on the guest rooms, leaving the guests with the ever grouchy and temperamental cook. I'm not so sure that was a good idea…

There ya go folks! Chappie one! I'm soooo proud! The story itself was just under 3,000 words. Only needed 39 more, but didn't know what else to add, heh, heh, heh. This is sooooo much fun to write!

Nikki: Easy for you to say! You're not in it!

Spirit: Come on Nikki. It's not that bad. You got to crisp Jaken. That had to be fun. And just wait till it's time to torture everyone.

Nikki: Shut up!

FRF: Just ignore them. Now then, about suggestions… I want monsters, riddles, torture devices, and evil traps. Ideas for Nikki's bad cooking are also welcome. These things can range from the most idiotic thing, to the goriest thing. Just nothing perverse please. Examples would be simple riddles such as, 'why did the chicken cross the road?', animals of the oddest creations or just something random such as a squirrel, or a device that rips Jaken's guts out. It can be as simple or complicated as you like, and not to fear, credit will be given where credit is due.

Nikki: Are you done yet?

FRF: Yep!

Spirit: I'm hungry!

Nikki: You're a ghost. Ghosts don't eat.

FRF: Anyway, now that you've read… you BETTER review! If you don't, I'll lock you in a room with some of the 'pets'. I like compliments, threats, ideas, and random things. You can tell me to hurry, but it won't do you any good. Unlike some people, I'd don't have an ego, so I won't be sitting here telling you how good or bad I think my story is. That's for you to decide… though I 'do' expect feedback. Most importantly, tell me if I make you laugh or not. To me, that's the most important thing.

Nikki: I thought you said you were done.

FRF: Never question the author. Besides, you should know by now that in these notes, anything can happen. I love randomness! Romance is good too. Sad to say that I'm on a drama recall, but oh well.

Nikki: Will you just shut up!

FRF: Humph.

Spirit: TTFN, ta, ta, for now! (Waves and smiles.)