The House from Hell
Chapter 3: Good Night, Sleep Tight, Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite


FRF:
This is way over due! I'm soo sorry! I have no pathetic excuse for myself except for the fact that life keeps getting in the way, writing is just a hobby, I'm to dang lazy for my own good, and my internet kinda crashed! That's why this is soo late!

Nikki: All in favor of joining me in a revolt against FRF raise your hand!

Spirit: Nikki, you need to learn to lighten up!

Nikki: (Sticks out tongue and grabs a pitchfork.)

FRF: Okay. I think I'll go to the reviewer responses now.

Spirit: Don't forget the disclaimer!

Nikki: Anyone want to add Spirit to the target list?

FRF: Shut it Nikki! I don't own Inuyasha cause I'm allergic to dogs! It's a sad truth, ain't it?


Reviewer Responses!

Lady Sango 7 – You leave some of the randomest comments in your reviews. I have no clue about Good Charlotte because I'm not a fan of theirs. Please don't kill me! Of course it's long. It's comedy! I know it wasn't that gory. I was just trying to trick people. It was an unnecessary scene anyway and I don't think everyone wants to red about fried organs. You should love this! And you think I'm hilarious! Thanky, thanky! As for Sango and Miroku, your suggestion kinda scared me at first by the way it was written, but I think you'll like what I've done. (Hides handcuffs behind back.) Enjoy!

Abe No Seimei – Ooo, I love your reviews! You always have such wonderful suggestions! I have a great idea involving Linda, Sally, and Kagura! There's more than one bathroom, but Ernie's still useable. I'll look moogles up later. I think I can put Las Vegas in the back yard. How hard is it to move a city? I don't do crossovers. I just can't stand them! Nice riddle. (Gasp!) Bonnie Tyler song! Kagura singing it! I LOVE IT! Got any more inanimate objects Kanna can talk to, possibly that rhyme with rock and clock? Baboons good, but first he has to survive the chickens. Clowns (shudders) are only allowed if they're to be killed off. I'll see what I can do. Enjoy!

Adora Bell Dearheart – I know! I just love their conversation! And thanks to Abe, a rock shall be joining! Here's that next chappie I made you wait for!

AnimeDutchess – Yes I did, yes I did, yes I did, I know I am, and you should be! Make sense of that! Mmm, Lucky Charms! Such a wonderful idea! And Kanna and the clock are good friends! Plus, they now get to meet rock! Maybe I should send them to the docks! Just kidding. I've got a lot in store for those chickens! And Jaken will die in pretty much every chappie. I should rock! Now enjoy!

obesesed-fangirl-mimi – Took me long enough, didn't it? I have update issues. And there shall be lots and lots of chain reactions throughout this story! The riddles are for when I decide to make Inuyasha wander into the Hall of Riddles. Maybe next chappie I'll send him there. Enjoy!

ladysango-abc – Hiya! Kanna and the clock are awesome. I am actually friends with a Kikyou fan. I honestly don't get why anybody likes her either. You'll just have to settle for Jaken's multiple deaths. And I think this update took even longer than the last one, heh, heh. To make up for it, there's a nice piece of San/Mir fluff! Enjoy!

dead - Nice name. And of course it's cool! Kanna talks to a clock for god's sake! And can't forget the Jaken bashing! Enjoy!


FRF:
There, done.

Nikki: You are a very conceited person.

FRF: I know. But it's good to think positive! Enjoy the hilarity everybody!

Key: "ramen" is speech

ramen is thoughts

RAMEN is shouting

'ramen' is word emphasis

the line thingys is scene break

The House from Hell

Chapter 3: Good Night, Sleep Tight, Don't Let the Bedbugs Bite


Last time: Kanna made friends with a clock. Kagome and Kikyou are sharing a room. Sesshomaru and Inuyasha share another. Miroku and Sango got a room to themselves. Shippo, Rin, and Kirara get a room together. Poor Kouga had to share a room with the ugliest frog in the world. Ginta and Hakkaku were stuck in a very, very small room. Kagura got a whole room to herself. And finally, Naraku was stuck in a hen house, with lots o' chickens to keep him company! And here are the results of this madness!

With Kanna

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"……………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

Suddenly, something fell through the ceiling and landed with a thump to the left of the clock. Kanna stared at it for a few minutes. It was a rock about the size of Shippo.

(Blink, blink.) "…………………"

Rock: "……………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

Rock: "…………………..."

Oh look! A new friend! Now we have Kanna, a rock, and a clock! This conversation is really getting interesting!


With Kagome and Kikyou

Kagome and Kikyou landed sprawled across the floor of a strange room. That shove they had received was harder than either of them expected. Kikyou was the first to get up, seeing as she had fallen across Kagome. The two looked around the room before making any sudden movements. There were two twin sized beds in the room that were covered in moth bitten sheets. The wooden frames had been infested with termites and both beds looked as if they were about to collapse. Sitting on a rotten table was a tray filled with two bowels of slop. It was expected to be their dinner, seeing as no one had actually been served anything downstairs. There was one lone window in the room and it had jail bars over it, not to mention the glass was soo dirty that a wind scar couldn't slash through it. Putting it bluntly, our futuristic school girl and dead miko were stuck in a room worse than a prison cell. Hell, a grave would be nicer than that room!

Kagome walked over to the table and inspected the bowels. "Do they expect us to eat this?" she question the stoic woman who was attempting to knock the door down.

"I don't eat," was Kikyou's emotionless expression. She heaved against the door again, letting out a cry of frustration. "This is just great! I'm stuck in a terrible room with a bitch who's trying to steal 'my' Inuyasha and I can't get! That maid and cook will pay for this!" she seethed.

Kagome looked nervously at Kikyou. The dead woman was beginning to scare her. She began praying to Kami that she would be able to escape this experience alive. While doing so, she picked up a slop bowel and sat down on one of the beds. She cautiously brought a spoonful up to her mouth and choked it out before passing out! It tasted absolutely horrible and Kikyou suspected she wouldn't wake up until morning.

Kikyou gave up on trying to break down the door and settled for babbling to herself manically instead. She lay down on the other bed and chatted herself into a deep sleep.


Inuyasha and Sesshomaru

Sesshomaru found himself with Inuyasha's butt in his face as he tried to recover from the shove. He stood up, causing Inuyasha to hit the floor with an umph.

"What the hell was that for!" the younger of the two brothers shouted.

"Shut up little brother," came the reply. "I'm just as unhappy about this as you are," growled Sesshomaru.

The two brothers found themselves in a very pink room. Pink walls, pink curtains, a pink king sized bed. Even the pile of cooked ramen in the corner was pink. Inuyasha sniffed the air and immediately ran to the ramen, ignoring its coloring. That's when he happened to notice what Sesshomaru was wearing. He spit out the mouthful of noodles he had just taken and began rolling on the floor, laughing like a maniac.

"H-hey Sess!" he giggled out. "N-nice skirt!"

He kept rolling until he whacked his head on the side of the bed. Sesshomaru held a skeptic look, not knowing what Inuyasha was talking about, yet trying to keep the giggles he felt surfacing from escaping his lips. His idiot brother was wearing a fancy, hot pink, very short dress, and didn't even notice! Slightly worried at what Inuyasha was laughing about though, the great demon lord glanced down at his own attire. He was wearing a pink poodle skirt, a pink and black striped polo shirt, and pink saddle shoes. He looked like he had just jumped out of some movie set in the 50's! Lord Fluffy let out a scream girlier than Kagome's!

"GAH! WHAT THE HELL AM I WEARING?" No one had ever thought they'd see the great demon act like this. "SHUT UP INUYASHA! IT'S NOT FUNNY! WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT YOU'RE WEARING?"

Inuyasha took his suggestion, stood up, and looked down at his cloths. His face immediately paled and he let out a stream of expletives that are better left unmentioned. Doing a quick turn around, the dress's skirt flew up, leaving Sesshomaru with a view that turned him green. Why did that damned hanyou have to go commando? Didn't his mother teach him to wear underwear? The two siblings shortly passed out from the terrible shock after that. They both landed on the pink king sized bed and would awake to an interesting scene in the morning.


Back with Kanna, the clock, and now the rock.

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"………………………………"

Rock: "……………………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………"

Rock: "…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

Rock: "…………………..."

It's soo beautiful! Sniff. That rock has some wonderful poetry. And clock's song! And we can't forget Kanna's wonderful storytelling abilities!


Sango and Miroku (Major fluff alert!)

Sango and Miroku found themselves sharing a candlelit room together. The first thing Sango noticed was a strange feeling on her wrist. Looking down, she saw an odd metal bracelet on her wrist that was connected to a chain. Her gaze followed the chain to a matching bracelet around another wrist…Miroku's wrist. Her eyes widened at the realization. They were handcuffed together! Not good, not good, not good! She thought, tugging at her wrist. All that succeeded in was pulling Miroku closer to her, face to face in fact. Her face flustered as her eyes widened more.

I could get used to this, thought Miroku, gazing at the beautiful young women attached to his wrist. He could see the fear in her eyes, and he thought he'd try and calm her down. Seeing as she had pulled him so close, he leaned down and gently kissed her.

If possible, Sango's eyes widened some more as Miroku kissed her. She pulled away and slapped him with her free hand. "What the hell are you doing houshi-sama?" She attempted to step away from him, forgetting that they were cuffed together.

"I was trying to calm you down. And what's wrong? You kissed me earlier," he replied, rubbing his sore cheek. His little plan had backfired. Instead of calming the taijiya, he just enraged her, though he did find her cute when she was angry. And even if she had pulled away, he had still gotten to kiss her again.

"That was an accident!" she hissed. "It's not like I chose to kiss you." She dragged him towards the king sized bed and sat down.

Miroku seemed to sadden at her response, but quickly tried to put his no worries mask back up. Sango's eyes were quicker though, and she caught the small shift in his emotions. This made her eyes widen again, and her temper ebbed away a bit. Miroku looked at her with questioning eyes and the two ended up in a romantic trance. Loosing all sense of self, Sango leaned up and kissed him, shocking both her and the monk. Miroku eagerly responded and deepened the kiss, their argument forgotten.

Breaking apart, Miroku stared at the girl sitting next to him in amazement. He had never expected something like that from her.

"What?" she asked, blushing prettily under Miroku's gaze.

"I love you," he whispered, shocking her yet again. It was soo soft and sweet, Sango knew it had to be true. She blinked a few times before nervously responding, "I…I…I…I love you, too."

Miroku was ecstatic, and with that, he pulled her into another breathtaking kiss. When that one ended, Sango spoke. "Let's not tell the others about this."

"Good idea," he responded. "We don't want to turn out like Inuyasha and Kikyou did."

"Actually, I was thinking that Kagome wouldn't let us hear the end of it. She's been trying to set us up since the first time you groped me."

"Heh, heh…true. Now let's not let this fine candlelit dinner go to waste. Shall we?" He dragged her over to a small table with two silver trays on it, and they enjoyed a lovely candlelit dinner, as well any a pair of people could enjoy a meal while handcuffed, that is.


Shippo, Rin, and Kirara

Now then, through the brightly colored door was a brightly colored room, and Shippo and Rin smiled brightly as they bounced up and down on the rubbery floor. They stared at the many colors and all the different items to play with. There were toys from every century imaginable, crayons in every color known to man, and some know to all those inhuman beings, candy of every single kind… chocolate, caramel, chewy, creamy, crunchy, sweet, sour, slimy, suckable, little drops of heaven. To put things simply, the room was every child's dream.

Kirara, on the other hand, was not too thrilled, and her face did not shine so brightly. The repeated bouncing was not very good for the small kitty demon. The endless games of pounce the kitty, I mean tag, with Shippo were one thing, but this endless bouncing was a whole other story. Her countless hisses were proof of that. Lucky enough for everyone's favorite kitty, she went sailing right through a child proof wall and into a kitty paradise.

Rin and Shippo continued to bounce and bounce and bounce. While bouncing, they grabbed multiple crayons and several tons of the infinite candy and prepared themselves for the sugar rush of the century. These two little munchkins were planning on raising hell tomorrow, and our poor, unsuspecting favorite characters were not suspecting a thing.


Back at Kanna's

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"………………………………"

Rock: "……………………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………"

Rock: "…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

Rock: "…………………..."

Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm, I see. This is a very interesting philosophical debate! Why, they've given me a whole knew perspective on life! It amazes me at how deep these conversations can get.


Kouga and It

The obsessive, possessive, skirt wearing wolf prince found himself locked in a room with a crime against nature. For those of you who's brains have decided to take a vacation, like mine sometimes does, that means that Kouga and Jaken were stuck in a room together. Now when I say stuck, I mean stuck.

Jaken had thrown himself against the door in an attempt to reach his beloved Sesshomaru. That, unfortunately, had triggered the super stick of the super stick room. The hideous frog thing was now stuck to the door, and every time it randomly swung open, tempting Kouga with freedom, the thing would be smashed between the door it was stuck to and the super sticky wall that would painfully rip a layer of skin form the frog every time the door closed again.

Painful as it was for the pickle looking frog, the wolf prince found it amusing to watch. All he needed was a batch of popcorn and a tape of every single time Inuyasha had been sat by Kagome and he'd be set. He was already stuck to the waterbed that was placed in the room, after all.

Out in the hall, random passersby would occasionally hear screams of pain, shortly followed by hysterical laughter. They all just ignored it though, figuring their crazy hosts had trapped a few more unfortunate idiots. How right they were.


Ginta and Hakkaku

Mohawk boy and cue ball found themselves in an extremely small room. So small in fact, that neither of them could move.

"Eh, hey Hakkaku? Can you move at all?" asked Ginta.

"No. What about you Ginta?" replied Hakkaku.

"Nope."

Now, the position these two were stuck in wasn't very comfortable. In fact, it was anything but. Hakkaku's Mohawk was shoved up Ginta's nose. Ginta's hand was sprawled out on Hakkaku's face. Both sets of legs were braced against the ceiling. And the rest of their bodies were twisted in ways only double-jointed people could muster.

Cramped?

Yes.

Uncomfortable?

Yes.

Wishing their leader had never dragged them to this ungrateful place?

Most definitely!


Rock, Clock, and Kanna

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"………………………………"

Rock: "……………………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………"

Rock: "…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

Rock: "…………………..."

God damn it! Now they're talking about politics! Maybe I should throw some lawyers in that room.


Kagura

Kagura looked around the huge suite she had been shoved into. It was something along the lines of a penthouse suite. She noticed a fancy looking door and decided to see where it led to.

Walking through the door, she met an interesting site. Sally Struthers and Linda Blair were staring at a toilet. They looked up to greet Kagura.

"Kagura."

"Sally."

"Kagura."

"Linda. What are you two looking at?"

"The toilette," replied Sally.

Kagura took a step forward and too gazed at the porcelain toilette situated in the bathroom. Just as Sally and Linda were doing, Kagura joined them in starring at the toilette. And, they had good reason to, too!

Inside the toilette was the ghost of a little old man with a grin much more perverse than Miroku could ever hope to get his. He starred up at the three beings, before speaking.

"'Ello, ladies. Come to join me? Name's Ernie. Ernie L. Cake. Well now, come on, come on, sit down. Don't mind me I'm just swimming in a toilette. So, eh, whatta your names? Hee hee, come on, you can tell ol'Ernie."

And with that, Kagura, Sally Struthers, and Linda Blair continued to stare into the toilette, as quiet and motionless as Kanna's friend rock.


Naraku and the Chickens

Naraku looked around at all of the chickens. There were a lot of them. He looked left and right, up and down, every which way. And, no matter which way he turned, there were always chickens.

A rather large chicken stepped down from its roost and looked Naraku up and down. Then, it did something amazing, well, amazing for a chicken anyway. It spoke.

""Begock! Lookie what we gots here! Bock! A scrawny little flesh bag. Cluck!"

"Who do you dare call scrawny!" replied Naraku. "I am Naraku, greatest demon to ever live! Now, you will do what I say, chicken!"

"Bull shit! Begock! I am the Great Chicken. Destined to rule the world and wipe all nonchickens from existence! Bock, bock, bock!"

"So you say, chicken. But when I'm through with you, I'll be the one calling the shots. Ultimate power shall be mine!"

"Cluck! Shut up weakling!" The Great Chicken pecked Naraku viciously. "Don't you dare defy me, begock, ever!"

Clucks of agreement were given by the rest of the chickens as Naraku began to form a plan in his head.

"Oh Great Chicken, I offer you my humblest apologies. But, what if we worked together? Then, you can rule the world, and I can achieve ultimate power! I know exactly who we can wipe out first."

"Ooo, cluck! I like the sound of that! Begock! Elaborate! Bock!

And so Naraku and the Great Chicken began plotting devious plots of downfall.


To wrap things up, let's check on Kanna!

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"………………………………"

Rock: "……………………………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………"

Rock: "…………………"

"Tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick…tick."

"…………………………………………"

Rock: "…………………..."

Weren't those such nice words of wisdom to end the chapter with?


FRF:
There. This chapter only took me a few months to write due to lack of inspiration and other things. Sorry it's not that funny, but deal with it. If it's any consolation, there was some San/Mir fluff that will turn hilarious later on in the fic.

Nikki: (Standing in attack stance.) Charge! (Is suddenly floated in the air.)

Spirit: Give it a rest Nikki! You'll never win! (Big smile.)

FRF: And that, ladies and gentleman, is the product of my ever imaginative mind! Now leave a nice review and give me suggestions for what type of talents everyone shall have. I'm thinking of forcing them into a spooky basement talent show whit interesting results. I already have something for Kagura, Sango, and Kouga. I need something for everyone else though.

Nikki: (Forcedly.) Thanks to Abe no Seimei for everything that happened to Kagura!

Spirit: Good Nikki. Now Review! TTFN, ta, ta, for now!