Journey Of Self-Discovery

By: Thought

Disclaimer: Beka's not mine. Nor is any of the other Andromeda people, and Aphrodite's kinda a Greek goddess, so obviously she's not mine either. But Keith and Gabriel are.

Songs belong to Tori Amos, Savage Garden, Queen and U2. I think that's all…

Summary: Beka, on her short, anti-climactic journey of self-discovery.

Wednesday, September 22, 309 AFC, 6:36 PM

I decided to find myself. I know, it sounds cheesy. Incredibly so. Who'd a thunk it, eh? Beka Valentine off on a journey of self-discovery and soul-searching. I didn't even take Tyr, Harper or Rev or Rommie with me. Just me and the Maru alone. I left early this morning, when no one was awake yet. Andromeda didn't stop me. Under normal circumstances, she would of. That's how I know Rommie knows, or at least had her suspicions that I was leaving.

It was about 1:30 when I ran across the little shuttle. I brought this old man aboard, because he needed a place to stay. His name is Gabriel. He's sleeping now, and I'm not about to go to sleep while there's a strange man with me. So I'm going to sit here and pilot all night.

Thursday, September 23, 309 AFC, 9:11 AM

Gabriel left. And he gave me a necklace made of worn black beads, and told me that I would find her soon. Who is her?

Thursday, September 23, 309 AFC, 7:46 PM

Power failure today, and I found an old box that me and Bobby kept all of the keepsakes of our relationship in, hidden in the back of the engine room. Now I'm sitting here and going through them, and God, the memories…This box holds so many. Me thinks I'll keep these a little closer at hand from now on. So many happy memories.

Thursday, September 23, 309 AFC, 11:56 PM

Threw the box out the airlock, never to be seen again.

Friday, September 24, 309 AFC, 5:32 AM

Somebody called while I was sleeping. I think it was her, whoever she is. She didn't leave a message, but the communication originated from Mexico Drift. So that's where I'm going.

Friday, September 24, 309 AFC, 2:00 PM

Why do we still use the old Earth calendar?

Friday, September 24, 309 AFC, 10:15 PM

Havin great time gonna get plastad an foget everythin' bout Tyr

Hi, Michael…

Saturday, September 25, 309 AFC, 6:26 AM

Shit.

Saturday, September 25, 309 AFC, 8:55 AM

I was back on the Maru before whoever I woke up beside woke up. My head is pounding. She wasn't there, by the way.

Saturday, September 25, 309 AFC, 4:25 PM

Pirates attacked today, and while hiding from them in a nebula, I found a cocktail napkin with the words 'eight days and a star of all moons' written on it. It was shoved into my pocket. And I'm still wondering what happened last night.

Sunday, September 26, 309 AFC, 1:10 AM

I miss Tyr.

Sunday, September 26, 309 AFC, 8:41 AM

So I'm trying to figure out the thing on the napkin. So far, no luck, but I'm a Valentine, and we don't give up that easily. I think I'm gonna blast some CDs.

Sunday, September 26, 309 AFC, 11:02 AM

I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now.

If love isn't forever, and it's not the weather, hand me my leather.

And if it happens again I may move so slightly to the arms, the lips and the face of the human cannonball, and I need you, I want you.

With that tear in your hand.

Ok, bad Beka. No more music, and no more thoughts of extremely attractive Nietzscheans. Bad, bad Beka.

Sunday, September 26, 309 AFC, 7:09 PM

So, what does Harper keep under his pillow?

Me and Neil will be hanging out with the Dream King.

Monday, September 27, 309 AFC, 4:22 AM

Tell me why I don't like Mondays,

I wanna shoot the whole day down.

Ok, no more Tori for me.

People keep talking about that thing called sleep. I don't understand. And she's not there anymore.

Monday, September 27, 309 AFC, 10A:00 AM

A star of moons. The California system. Go me.

And I hope she's there.

Monday, September 27, 309 AFC, 3:46 PM

I am an amazing slip pilot. I just had to share that. Because it's true, damnit! And I went down to the planet. And that's where I am now, and I don't know why I'm here. Damn you, Gabriel.

Tuesday, September 28, 309 AFC, 8:24 AM

I saw Rommie. I swear to God, I did. And she was kissing another woman, and I couldn't stop laughing. I bought black lipstick, and I'm wearing it, but it's getting washed away by the coffee.

Tuesday, September 27, 309 AFC, 2:52 PM

I'm thirty years old. And as I sit here, on this rough stone bench, the power of that fact hits me like a club to the temple. I'm thirty years old. Three decades, and what have I done with my life? Nothing. I'm a junky, and a promise-breaker, just like daddy. That's a scary thought. That I'm thirty, and haven't done anything with my life. Maybe I should start.

I gave some money to a begger, and left the planet. Somehow my black lipstick got switched for silver.

Wednesday, September 29, 309 AFC, 2:32 PM

"Where're you going?"

"I'm on a journey of self-discovery."

"Oh. Nothing to discover here."

"You never know."

"Just leave, Rebecca."

"K…"

Creepy old ladies know my name. I'm starting to feel like a character in a badly written holodrama.

Wednesday, September 28, 309 AFC, 6:51 PM

I've been on this journey for a week, and I don't think I've figured out anything. Maybe this is just a load of crap. They're probably looking for me back home. Home being the Andromeda. Since when? NO, home being the Maru, thankyouverymuch.

Wednesday, September 29, 309 AFC, 11:58 PM

And maybe I should write a book.

Thursday, September 30, 309 AFC, 3:28 AM

I'm going to Infinity Atoll. There I can get some flash. And then maybe party, meet some guys, not wake up the next morning with someone I don't know. I'm gonna fall in love, and get drunk and dance until I can't breathe and most importantly I'm gonna find myself and forget about Tyr.

Friday, October 1, 309 AFC, 1:12 AM

So it's a new month, with an all-new and fresh slate to write on. And I'm gonna make something out of it.

I've fallen in love, incase you were wondering…

Friday, October 1, 309 AFC, 7:07 AM

I'm not tired anymore. I don't think I'll ever be tired again. And my world is perfect, because I've got a man in my bed and Tori in my player, and chocolate in my mouth and half the set of Tyr's marriage bracelets in my nightstand drawer. Just found that little surprise this morning.

Friday, October 1, 309 AFC, 6:29 PM

I tried on the bracelet while Keith was in the shower. It fit really nicely.

This doesn't mean that I belong to Tyr now, does it? Because that would not impress me.

Saturday, October 2, 309 AFC, 6:19 AM

Good morning and goodbye to my dream of a simple journey of self-discovery. Keith found the bracelet. Keith is pissed right now, and that hurts because I think I'm in love with him. And I still haven't slept. But things are starting to crack, and I have a feeling that the drugs are gonna where off eventually, no matter how much I take. Not Flash, this time. Something new. Something designed more for fun. It's called Thrill.

Saturday, October 2, 309 AFC, 4:52 PM

Keith left. Wow, that was over fast. And I wanna find her, so I stopped off at M'Zlkio, and wandered the streets for a while.

Saturday, October 2, 309 AFC, 11:59 PM

When I first saw him, standing at the airlock like some physical manifestation of perfection in deadly form, I just kinda sat there, with my mouth hanging open like a fish. I can never get away from my Andromeda family. I thought Dylan sent him.

I thought Dylan sent him, at least until he grabbed me, pinned me to the wall, and kissed me until I couldn't breathe. Then he slapped me, and demanded to know where I had gone off to, and why I hadn't told anyone.

"You ever met Jane Heir, Tyr?"

"No…"

"Huh. Me neither."

And I walked into my room, and shut the door, and went to bed.

Sunday, October 3, 309 AFC, 7:00 AM

It took him two hours till his conscience got the better of him, and he came in with a warm washcloth and some salv, and cleaned the bruise he'd left on my cheek. Then he slipped in behind me and murmured how incredibly sorry he was as he held me.

purrrrrr

Sunday, October 3, 309 AFC, 12:26 PM

Women are, have always been, and will always be better than men. I can attest to this by the fact that Tyr and me and the Maru are not back aboard Andromeda right now. I'd bet you anything it was Dylan piloting when they came looking for us. Dylan sucks. Yes, he does. Either that or I just plain kick ass. Yeah, I can live with either one.

Monday, October 4, 309 AFC, 10:36 AM

Tyr threw out my new silver lipstick last night while I was sleeping. Yeah, I got to sleep, because Tyr took away my bottle of Thrill. Damn him. But thank God that stuff's not addictive, like Flash. There's one hell of a comedown, though. Just….ouch.

Monday, October 3, 309 AFC, 4:26 PM

I dragged Tyr out shopping today. I got a long black and gold leather dress, and a white hair clip. As well as some black lipstick, and a necklace made out of bronzed shells and bone. Its all sooo pretty!

No man in history have ever liked shopping. It's amusing, if you think about it. Why is it women specifically who feel the urge to buy stuff? And we always make the guys carry the bags. Heh…heh…heh…

Tuesday, October 4, 309 AFC, 2:01 PM

Tyr left today. He went back to the Andromeda. That's ok, because I feel that my little trip is nearing its assuredly anti-climatic end, anyway.

Keith came back about half an hour after Tyr left. He asked about the bruise on my cheek, and it's absolutely adorable how protective men can be. Just….awwwe!

Tuesday, October 4, 309 AFC, 8:42 PM

Turns out Keith just came to break up with me politely. No hard feelings, and all that. Whatever. I…didn't…love…him, I swear!

Wednesday, October 5, 309 AFC, 4:30 AM

Gabriel came back. He was half dead when I found him, floating in a life pod out in a plasma storm.

Girl with crimson nails,

Has Jesus around her neck.

Wednesday, October 5, 309 AFC, 3:29 PM

She's me. And I found her. Gabriel and me went back to the Andromeda. Before I exited the Maru, I put on the bracelet, for all to see. I belonged to Tyr, and he belonged to me. Gabriel was grinning when I showed him.

I should have known Dylan would be pissed at me, but somehow I didn't care. Somehow, though, it didn't bother me.

Rommie's friend was there. Her name's Aphrodite. And I saw her writing, and it's the same as that on the coctale napkin. Hi, 'her'. So, she's my other half? And she melded into my personality, until there was never an Aphrodite. And I know that's confusing, but it's the truth. And we're happy now, so bugger off. And Tyr came in, and he was wearing the double-helix bracelet on his arm, too, and we just smiled at each other, and Andromeda popped up, and I felt a bubbling hatred for her that wasn't mine but Rommie's, and I couldn't tell you how that got there.

I'm happy, and I've found myself. She was…Rommie's girlfriend. But Rommie's with Rhade so she never had a girlfriend and I'm with Tyr and I'm gonna go to sleep now. As soon as I unpack. My silver lipstick is sitting on the table in the galley of the Maru.

Saturday, October 8, 309 AFC, 2:52 AM

I found the bottle of Thrill.

And that necklace Gabriel gave to me? It's gone. Maybe I'll ask him about it in the morning. Or maybe I'll forget.

Now to start the rest of my life.