Shopping

Summary: The Professors voted for Snape to do something against his will. Shopping. He is made to shop for each and everyone of the Professors. So when one of them has something odd on the list, what will he do? And what do Harry, Ron, Hermione, and lingerie have to do with it? What is the outcome? Snape is a bit OOC.

Chapter One: The Odd List

BB/N: This is a Fanfic written by Naomi (Megumi Ohira) and I! Grammar is awesome! Anyway, since this was co-authored it may be a bit different from the stories I have previously posted. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, as much as Naomi and I.

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

Severus Snape was walking through the Entrance Hall, with a list of Christmas items for the Professor's, with the occasional odd thing here and there. He saw Filch with a long list of names for the students to go into Hogsmeade.

Snape stupidly forgot that this day…was the day students went to Hogsmeade. He tried to pass by Filch, but he stopped him. "You have to wait for the students, Professor Snape."

Snape cursed the day of the allowance that students were allowed to go to Hogsmeade, and he had a feeling Filch was mocking him. He cursed the day Filch was born also, both with passion.

As the students filled the surrounding area of Snape and Filch, they nervously glanced at Snape, which in turn, he glared at them.

"Alright, you bloody prats can go! Don't bring back Dung bombs and Weeps or whatever it is they call them. Also, Snape, have a fun time! Come on Pritty Kitty! Mrs. Norris, you must be cold and hungry!" Filch teased…except…he was serious about his cat.

He walked away, people idly staring at his back. He didn't know that the students thought him odd because he talked to his cat…in front of…people.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione quickly glanced at Snape, and then they sprinted down an icy hill. It was pretty dangerous, but they didn't care.

As Snape went down the hill, Dumbledore and McGonagall watched him. They turned to the Weasley twins, who were standing behind them.

"Are you sure this will work? I mean the Order may be surprised and agitated." McGonagall asked.

"Oh don't worry!" Fred exclaimed.

"It's fool proof." George said.

"That means-"

"I know what that Muggle saying is Weasley. Now go do this, before we change our minds and have an adult do it." McGonagall warned, a slight smirk on her face. She knew the Weasley's hated being reminded that they were younger…and not as…experienced.

They bowed, and then they ran down the corridor and out the Entrance Hall.

"This should be highly interesting…but make sure Molly doesn't hear about this. She cares about her family…and will have the Order and the staff members that knew about this entire thing…castrated and whatnot." Dumbledore said with a smile on his face.

-----

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were standing in front of a store.

"Mione! Please don't make us go in there." Ron begged.

"Well it's starting to snow. Why don't we go inside until the snow lets up? Besides, I didn't wear socks, and maybe the owner will transfer my Muggle money into Wizard money." Hermione said.

"Why didn't you wear socks?" Harry asked.

"Don't ask." She said simply.

They walked into the store, and they stepped to the side. Ron's ears were turning red as he saw what was on this shelves and racks.

"There are woman knickers everywhere!" He exclaimed in a whisper to Harry.

"Shut up Ron." Hermione said. She obviously heard the very loud whisper.

Hermione let them walk around, while she tried to transfer her money.

-----

Snape was looking at the list, and crossing off things that he had. He forgot his wand in his bathroom robe pocket, so he had a lot of bags. Everything was crossed off except a store name.

It was starting to snow, so he thought he should quicken his pace. He looked at the store name, 'One Size Fits All'. He's passed by this store many times, but he never actually knew what it was. He looked down at the list and saw,

"One Size Fits All

Size 6 M"

He stepped inside the store, just as the Weasley Twins were running up the path that passed in front of the door.

George turned around for a second; he saw a couple leaving the store. "Wow, that worked fast."

Fred looked around George and saw the couple. "We didn't even get to do our plan! Stupid bloody Deatheaters!" He exclaimed.

George looked at Fred. "Shh! People will hear you. Let's just do this to the store anyway. Let's be use of something."

Fred and George pulled out their wands, and did their job to the store. The wind was blowing hard, so they accidentally put some of the spells on too strongly.

-----

Snape paused and looked around the store. Who in their bloody mind would send him to a…lingerie store?

Hermione just transferred her money, and she got free samples of lipstick and whatnot. She walked towards Harry and Ron, who were standing behind a shelf…of…bras. Hermione dropped her stuff and put her hands on her hips. "What are you two doing?" She hissed.

"Just talking." Ron said, turning his head to look at her. Harry was nodding his head in agreement.

Hermione stood next to Ron, momentarily forgetting about her things. Ron turned back to Harry, but he saw someone standing in front of the entrance.

"GET DOWN!" He whispered/yelled. He leaped on Hermione and Harry's backs, and pushed them down. Harry landed on Hermione's books, momentarily making him loose his breath.

"What is wrong with you, Ron?" Hermione hissed.

In a high pitched, scared tone he whispered, "Snape."

"What?" Hermione asked.

"Snape!" He said a bit louder.

"What?" Hermione asked again.

"Bloody Hell! Look for yourself!"

Hermione glared at Ron for swearing, but then she stood up. She looked over the shelf and fell. She landed on Harry again, causing him to land on her books and cry out in pain.

"Snape is here. In a…knicker store." Hermione said.

"Get off me please, Hermione." Harry gasped out.

"Oh, sorry Harry." Hermione said, getting off of Harry, but crouching low.

-----

The owner of the store noticed the jumping children, then she looked at her watch. "Hogsmeade was supposed to be cleared of students ten minutes ago." She was about to ask if something was wrong with them, when she noticed Snape. He was still standing stock still on the Entranceway.

"Err…Sir? Do you need help?"

"Mental or Physical?" Snape thought. "Err…no. I'm just doing shopping for my fellow…staff members at Hogwarts. I must have taken a wrong turn. Sorry." He turned back to the door, and tried to open it. It wouldn't budge. He looked out the window.

"Merlin…" Snape said, his eyes going wide.

"Sir?"

"Merlin of Magic. Err…look out the window." He kind of demanded.

The storeowner looked out the window. Her eyes got big. "That is one bad snow storm."

Snape looked at her, his eyebrow twitching. "That is the snow."

She gave him a confused look, and then in one swift movement, she jumped over her counter and out a door that was on the other side of the cash register. You could hear thundering up steps, then a loud,

"MERLIN!"

BB/N: How do you like this chapter? It's different from everything I've typed before. Not a lot of dialog.

MO/N: This is BB's Sister, Naomi a.k.a Megumi Ohira. I actually thought of this plot, and BB helped me with details and such. I'm putting it on her name though. Were kind of mixing styles of typing. I'm a detailer person, and she's a dialog person.