Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, Stargate SG-1, or Star Wars. I acknowledge this publicly. Therefore, you (or Yu) oughtn't sue me. Suing's not nice.
Author's note: Random little ficlet written when on a ferry from Vancouver to Victoria, because I was thinking about name-jokes. This fic does not make sense. Do not take seriously. Or siriusly.
Sirius Black found himself in a large, white, round room. Hmm, well this is very strange... he thought. I wonder what this is all about.
"Ka'shak!" Sirius whirled around to see who had spoken. There was another in the room, a short, elderly Asian man, wearing elaborate red-and-green embroidered robes.
"Who are you?" Sirius asked.
"Silence foolish slave! I am the almighty Yu!" the man exclaimed.
"Almighty me? Well that's a new one."
"Not you, vermin! I am Lord Yu of the might Goa'uld system lords! I am the oldest, wisest, and most feared Goa'uld in all the galaxies!"
Sirius snorted. "Yeah. Right. I've never heard of you, so I'm not scared. Besides, I'm a convicted murderer. Even if I didn't kill who I was accused of killing. But yeah, I've escaped from a place thought to be inescapable. So hah! Fear me!"
Yu raised one eyebrow. "You expect me to fear you? Are you serious?!"
"Actually, I am. Sirius. Sirius Black."
Yu sniffed. "I have never heard of you."
"Wow... you just said that you were Yu, but then you said that you've never heard of Yu. So you've never heard of yourself! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha... that's pathetic!"
"Yes, quiet Yu!"
"Not me, you!"
"I'm not Yu! You're Yu! Yu be quiet!"
"I'm being serious! Shush!"
"You can't be Sirius, I'm Sirius. It says so on my birth certificate."
"Argh!" Lord Yu raged.
"Argh!" Sirius imitated.
"Argh!" Jag cut in.
"Aaah! Where'd you come from? Who are you?!" Yu and Sirius hollered at him.
"I'm Jagged Fel. Friends call me Jag. I'm here because the author wanted me here. Although I don't have a nice name like you two that's a play-on-words that you can joke about until the end of the worlds comes. I do, however, have a name that is, plain and simply, horrible. I don't know what I did to deserve this name. Anyway, the author put me in here to add some diversity."
"Do you know who I am?"! Yu demanded.
"Yep. You're System Lord Yu of the Goa'uld. And you," Jag pointed at Sirius, "are Sirius Black, godfather to Harry Potter. But you've never heard of each other, because Sirius has never watched SciFi channel and Yu has never read Scholastic Press books. I know of both of you because the author took me to her reality for a while and showed me both of you."
"Why did she take you and not one of us?" Yu asked.
"Dunno... probably because she likes me more than you."
"What?! She doesn't like me?! Everybody likes me!" Sirius pouted prettily.
"Remus Lupin is more to her tastes, Black. You're only here because of your name."
"What about me?" Yu inquired.
"You... she loves Yu. You're one of her favorite bad guys ever."
"Hah," Yu said smugly, "See? She thinks I'm a bad guy! Bwahaha! Fear me!"
"Quiet you... Yu!" Sirius snapped.
"Yes well... I'm going to leave now," said Jag. "Bye!" and he was gone.
"Aww," Sirius pouted prettily again. "You scared him away!"
"I didn't scare him away, you did." Yu responded haughtily.
"Yes, Yu scared him away."
"Not Yu, you!"
"Yu! That's what I just said!"
"Grr! Why can't you be serious!"
"I am Sirius!"
And so they continued to argue, forgetting to eat and forgetting to drink, until the end of the worlds came.