A Funny Fairy Story
Shrek was on his home. It was morning, and he had been up all night scaring townspeople for a riot. He had a sling over his back filled with weed-rats he would roast for breakfast.
Suddenly, he tripped and fell, the sack falling onto the ground, and all the rats running away. Shrek looked behind him and saw a tree root sticking out of the ground.
"What? Was that there before?" Just then, he heard a giggle next to him. A little upset over the fact he'd lost his weed rats, he continued his journey back to the swamp. Once at the swamp, Shrek looked around him to see if anyone was following him, when eggs were suddenly pelted at him, exploding on his head. Another giggle followed. "Who's there?"
"Somebody. Let me give you a riddle."
"I don't want a riddle! Show yourself!"
"If it's me you wish to find, follow the shiver running down your spine."
"What?" Suddenly, a rush of ice-cold water was poured down his shirt. "Aahhh! Stop that!" He pounded his fist against a tree in anger with such force that someone fell from the tree! She sat up, holding the back of her head. She had shimmering purple hair, golden eyes, and iridescent silver wings. She wore a short gold peasant dress and high heel boots, and stood about three feet tall.
"Wow! Talk about ogre strength!"
"So, you're the bother. What are you, some kind of giant bug?" "Excuse me?? Bug? I'm a fairy!"
"Aren't not a little big for a fairy?"
"No, no. Fairies come in all sizes. You're thinking of sprites and pixies."
"Well, you made me lose my breakfast! So, I guess I'll have to take you as a rain check."
"I don't think so!" The fairy jumped up and started to fly away.
"Oh, no you don't!" Shrek ran after her. She held onto a tree as Shrek grabbed her feet and tried to pull her away. Her hands slipped off the tree and she was launched across the yard, knocking Shrek onto the ground, and landed against the wall of his house. Shrek walked up to her. She was unconscious. He picked her up and brought her into his house. "Fiona! I have a surprise for you!"
"Oh, Shrek! What is it?" Just as Fiona was coming into the room, the fairy woke up.
"Ow! What happened? You!" She jumped up to fly away, knocked her head on the ceiling, and fell to the ground. "Ow. That hurt." Fiona walked into the room.
"Where's my surprise, Shrek?"
"See for yourself." Fiona looked at the fairy, who was sitting in a chair holding her head.
"Star-Fire?" Fiona ran up to the fairy.
"Star-Fire! Are you okay?"
"Who the devil is Star-Fire?" Shrek asked.
"Fiona? Look at you! You broke the spell!"
"I know, isn't it wonderful!"
"Will someone please tell me what's going on?"
"Shrek, this is Star-Fire. She was my counselor because the spell had me depressed."
"And it looks like my sessions worked! You're as happy as can be, the spell is broken!"
"Shrek, meet Star-Fire. Star-Fire, this is Shrek, my husband."
"Nice to meet you, Mr.-- wait a minute! Did you just say this guy was your husband??"
"Well… yes. He's the one who broke the spell! Why?"
"He just tried to kill me a couple minutes ago!"
"What? How was I supposed to know you knew her? Besides, the little troublemaker wouldn't leave me alone! First she made a tree root trip me, then she pelted me with eggs, and then she poured freezing-cold water down my back!"
"She's a fairy, Shrek. You've got to expect a little mischief!"
Just then, Donkey burst through the door.
"Shrek! I just saw you bring in a huuuuge bug! Where'd you get it?"
"Arrgghhh! What is it about bugs and fairies that people get confused? Listen, you little weirdo, I could turn you into a bug right now if I was angry enough!"
"Wowwwww! It talks!"
"I'm a fairy!! NOT a bug!"
"Is this guy always like this?"
"Always." Shrek and Fiona said together. "Star-Fire, meet Donkey. Donkey, meet Star-Fire."
"What a pleasure." Star-Fire muttered.
Then, Puss n' Boots came in.
"TIME FOR A FIESTA!"
"Oh, great! More weirdoes! Who's this one?"
"Puss n' Boots, this is Star-Fire. Star-Fire, this is Puss n' Boots, a talking cat who wears leather boots and a fedora." Puss n' Boots walked up to Star-Fire, took her hand and kissed it.
"Buenas diaz, senorita. The pleasure is all mine."
"Ohhh, a charmer. Well, it ain't gonna work, pussy." Puss purred deviously. "Oh, brother." Star-Fire pointed her finger at Puss, and his boots disappeared.
"Ai! My boots! They were made of Corinthian leather! What did you do with them??"
"Don't cough up a hairball, Kitty. They're outside." Puss ran outside on his hands so prevent any damage being done to his beautiful feline feet. Star-Fire stood up and brushed herself off. "Well everybody, I've been knocked across rooms, called a 'bug', and purred to seductively. Not exactly a typical day for me. I've got to go now. See you all later!"
"Bye, Star-Fire!" Everyone said together, waving.
"Boy, and to think that she's a counselor!" Donkey said.