A/N: Ok, this is just a random story thatI wrote when I was bored... it can be a standalone or a series if you guys like it... it's up to you. I've already got chapter 2 half written, so if you review it'll make me write a whole lot faster. Oh, and one last thing, this is the first time I've written a rabby fanfic so I dunno if it's any good. It's just rabby friendship for now, but things will get better later on, that is if you want me to continue. Ok, enough talking. Go read! Enjoy.
There are little things in the world that makes my life worth living. Saving lives is one of them. And that's what I've been doing on a daily basis for the past few years and lately, it has become the only reason I get out of bed every morning. With a social life almost non-existent, I throw myself even more into work. My crazy schedule as an intern and the lack of sleep make even harder to keep the days from blurring together.
But today something different happened. I saw this patient that certainly will be hard to forget. A little girl, only seven years old. End-stage leukemia. No parents, no family, no one to care for her, no one to hold her hand as her life slowly left her small body. Only doctors that she didn't know.
When I realized that there was nothing I could do to save her life, I sat there and held her little hand in mine until she died. I'll never forget the look on her face. She looked like a little angel returning to Heaven, as cliché as that may sound.
Now I'm up on the roof, cup of coffee in hand to keep me awake and jacket and gloves on to fight the fierce Chicago winter. As I watch the city below, people going home to their families after a long day at work, I realize that none of these people cares if this little girl died. It doesn't make any difference to them. I shouldn't be affected by this. She's just a patient. I lost her. But that's what I've been doing for a long time. Sometimes we can't save every patient. And weirdly enough, I feel the tears gathering in my eyes just at the thought of that little girl lying on that bed as the disease consumed her. I've seen this scene a million times over the years. I should be used to it. Then why is this little girl affecting me so much?
A tear makes its way down my cheek as I hear someone open and close the door behind me. I don't turn around. Whoever it is, I don't want them to see me like this. I can't let them. I've always kept this tough mask at work. I can't break down now. Another tear slips the corner of my eye as I feel the person getting closer to me.
"Hey, Lockhart, I've been looking all over for you. Your patient in 5 wants to talk to you." Ray Barnett says sitting down next to me. I brush away the tears that insist on falling down my cheeks.
"I'll be right there." My voice comes out shaky, totally giving me away. I look out at the city, not daring to look at him.
"Are you ok?" he asks touching my shoulder gently.
"Yeah, I'm fine." I say brushing tears away with the back of my hand.
"I can see that you're not." He says trying to make me look at him. "You're crying."
"It's nothing." I say looking away.
"You don't cry over nothing." He says giving my shoulder a light squeeze. "What's wrong?" he asks gently. Who would've ever thought that Dr Barnett had a sensitive side?
"It's just…" I take a deep breath, trying to prevent a new flood of tears that are threatening to fall. "I just lost this patient, this little girl with end-stage leukemia. She was only 7." A new tear makes its way down my cheek and Ray wipes it away with his thumb. "It just doesn't seem fair."
"We save who we can, right?" he says rubbing my back lightly.
"But we have all this knowledge and we couldn't save this innocent child. It makes me sad. That's all. I should be used to it; I don't know why it's getting to me so much. I shouldn't be crying."
"It's ok to cry. It means you care for your patients." I look up at him with a small smile playing on my lips.
"Thanks, Ray." I say as he helps me up. He smiles at me. "You know, I'd never imagined you had this comforting side. You just keep surprising me." I say; a grin now playing on my lips.
"I'm a mysterious man, Lockhart." I chuckle at this.
"Whatever you say, Barnett." I say rolling my eyes at him.
"What? I am!" he laughs and pushes the door open.
"Let's get back to work." I say walking down the stairs.
I'm in a better mood now. I'd never thought Barnett's presence would make me feel better but it did. He really is a man full of surprises. But I really appreciate what he did tonight. Maybe under that punk rock style of his, there's actually a good heart.
Ray Barnett is turning out to be a really good friend and surprisingly enough he's always there for me, to talk, to listen or just hang out. Those are the little things that make life worth living.
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