This fic came about after watching eps. 5 "Millennion" and seeing how Brandon was in this eps as well as his expressions with those damn "beaten puppy dog" look in his eyes; its like saying SOMEONE give that boy a hug, sheesh, he's depressing me lol
Fic takes place after Harry told Brandon the news about Maria's whereabouts. This is Brandon's POV though mostly telling of Brandon's overall turmoil he is faced with.
Thank you to all who comments. I appreciate it all.
Title: A Risk Worth Taking
Pairings: Brandon and Maria
Warnings: A few swear words and maybe a dash of sap. Might contain a few spoilers of what happened in the previous eps.
Notes: A huge thank you to my betas, you guys are the best! I couldn't have done it without you guys.
Disclaimer: Me no own. Gungrave belongs to Red Entertainment, Project Gungrave, & Yasuhiro Nightow.
I lose track of time as to how long I have been sitting here on the couch. My mind is running on full speed and no matter how much I try to will my body to move, I just can't. I'm still in complete and utter shock, not just with Harry's sudden appearance but with the news he had informed me of before he left.
My heart hurt. No matter how hard I try to breathe, the heavy muscle ached with each beat, making me feel as if it would squeeze out every ounce of life I had.
As much as I try to tell myself that Harry is wrong about Maria, I know that he is probably right. Who am I to mess with something that is completely out of my reach? Not only as far as society is concerned now, but also with the knowledge that Maria is in Big Daddy's care; the biggest blockade preventing me to even live my dream of seeing her again. Entranced by this piece of paper in my grasp, and with Harry's words still clinging to my mind, I can't stop my hands from shaking. Shaking because of fear or hope? Perhaps both or a dream lost, either or which, I'm not sure.
In an attempt to gain some sort of undebilitating balance, I slowly push myself to stand, safely tucking the piece of paper in my pants pocket and head off to take a very long, hot shower. I only make it a few steps before I stumble as if I am a drunken man, my hands clutching the wall. For the time being, they are the only things preventing me from falling. My breaths come out as heavy gasps, and I feel even more light headed as I break into a cold sweat. So this is how Gary feels during one of his anxiety attacks? I choke out a garbled chuckle…anxiety my ass, this is pure fear, I'm scared shitless, my mind has no clarity; perhaps I am having a nervous breakdown.
I shake my head as logic is now kicking in. This isn't like me; I must get back my self-control. Momentary soberness allows me to make it as far as the shower where I strip off my clothes, numbness setting in as I try to close off my deeper emotions.
Detachment; one of my greatest secrets to survival.
Releasing a deep breath, I place my hands on the slick tiled wall, feeling the cool porcelain beneath my hands. It has a soothing effect on how I'm feeling at the moment and I can sense my pulse calming down a bit. The hot spray feels good for my weary soul as the water saturates my hair and the trailing droplets cause shivers down my spine. I start to ponder to the events that happened today and I snort out loud to myself, if I were having a nervous breakdown, I now know why.
I was still a bit stunned on the hit that Mr. Widge took out on those thieves we tracked down. This wasn't the first time I saw someone killed in front of me, I saw my best friends gunned down in cold blood. And Jester's effort to protect those he cared about got him killed as well. This was a "kill or be killed" town and it surely proved to me that this was only the beginning to what Millennion was about.
Walking back to the office; ironically where I lived, I pull the paper out of my pocket again and memorize the address and name. Was this for real? Could I possibly make this happen? I reach over to turn the light switch off and lay back against the couch cushions hoping I'd be able to sleep. I open my eyes and stare into dark nothingness of the room, all the while trying to picture how much Maria might have changed. Did she grow her hair longer? Were her eyes still the sapphire blue that sparkled with life? The images of what I imagined of Maria helped put me in a calm slumber.
Only time would tell tomorrow.
I wake up by the mid-morning light filtering through the office window. It'd be awhile before Mr. Widge and Gary show up and today was slated to be a slow day, perfect for me to attempt success with my plan as the time grew near for me to execute said idea. I begin my long trek down the brick layered street, hands shoved into the confines of my pockets; my mind in a jumbled haze. It was too late to back down now as the school appeared before my line of vision and a group of students passed me by. I wasn't sure where I should place myself, or in other words, hide. I didn't come all this way just to hide did I? Wasn't this what I was striving for in the first place? Wasn't it this feeling that had pushed me to join to begin with? The feeling that I'd find her if I went with Harry?
This heavy burden on my shoulders, whether it be guilt or shame, makes me anxious. I feel like a part of me is missing something. That something had to be Maria. I want to see her. It feels like an eternity since I saw her last, though it's only been four months. I couldn't help but long for the sight of her. I had to have just...one...look.
Knowing that I would be able to catch a glimpse of her made worth my while to look forward to living day after day in my shitty life. Maria always gave me a reason to struggle onward no matter how bad the situation or how stubborn I would get. If I were to expose myself to her, what would I say? Could I say anything to her? The guilt I felt back then still lingers with me now. I was too ashamed to look her in the face when I had the chance. Could I do it now? And how could I approach her? Jester's death had done damage to us all. I know it wasn't my fault, I tell myself that I'm not responsible for his murder but the idea of seeing the grief on her face was too much for me. What would I have said to her? What could I say to her now in retrospect?
I find a secluded spot in the tree line to await her arrival and not long after, the bell tower from the school chimed out its tune. It wouldn't be long before Maria would be among the students that passed the area I waited in. My stomach starts to tie up in knots and even more so when Harry's words echo in my head.
It means she's unapproachable. Please Brandon, try not to do anything too stupid.
I smile to myself as I apologize silently to Harry. I'm sorry Harry but I have to do this. I only hope you understand why I feel this way.
The moment came too soon as a familiar girlish giggle found my ears, followed by other feminine voices, as the group got closer. I freeze in the spot where I stand. The sunlight glints off the only blonde haired figure that was, oh, so familiar to me. Either stand there or move, I had a choice before she walked out of my reach.
Everything moves in slow motion as I find myself standing out in the open, her back facing me before she stops. I hold my breath, as she turns around uncertain of who speaks her name. It takes her a few seconds to realize who is standing in front of her, as if she stares at a ghost. The sound of her books falling onto the pavement and a stifled gasp behind her hand drifts in the calm morning air. Her wide, clear blue eyes and her voice are quivering in shock.
Lost on the words of what to say back to her; her name is the only thing that comes freely from my lips again. "Maria."
The two girls that stand beside her speak up but not nearly breaking the spell around us. "Go on Maria, we'll cover for you this morning, you can borrow our notes later."
Maria nods her thanks to her friends as I move in closer, so close that I can smell the sweet perfume she is wearing. I bend down to pick up her books and tuck them under my arm. We were both dumbstruck, not sure what we should say to one another. All she had to do was smile at me and that was all it took to break the tension that surrounds us. Maria reached out to me, to make sure that I was the real thing and not a figment of her imagination. Her delicate touch on my arm was like an electric shock to my system.
"Oh Brandon. I. . . I. . . it's so good to see you again."
It was no time to be shy now, especially coming this far. "I feel the same way Maria."
"I know! Let's go to this café that's just a few blocks from here. We can catch up on things better that way."
It didn't take us very long to get back into our comfortable routine. She slips her arm through mine and gently leans her head against it. No verbal words are needed as we quietly go along our way, though the same thoughts that I've always had when I'm around her reiterate over and over in my mind. That just having her by my side is enough for me; enough as long as time allows it.
Taking RequestsIf anyone would like to throw some ideas or stuff they'd like to see written regarding Gungrave, feel free to tell me. You have to supply what character(s), scenes, and what you would like to see written. I will write smut, pairings, character introspectives, etc. though take heed to my preferences (meaning NO Yaoi). Plus I will either let you know if I can or can not write something. I'm even willing to go as far as writing something from Gungrave Overdose though that will take a bit more thought into writing. You can either request something by leaving a comment or email me at at any given time.