Authors: slayer rock chick AND spikesslayer29590

Disclaimer: we do not own any of the Buffy universe, which is Joss Whedon's magical creation.

Rating: pg-13…so far

Summary: this chapter starts of with Buffy and Spike POV in the season six episode 'smashed'. Buffy secretly loves Spike and there are consequences to their actions.

Chapter One:

Buffy's POV

Oh my God…I can't believe how wrong this is…then why does it feel so right?

I can't do this again. It will only lead to hurting, pain and badness.

He doesn't even have a soul…then why can he love me so much?

What about my friends? Dawn? What about him?

I can't believe this, but I actually love him, I can't let him know, he can never know.

Everyone I love gets hurt and leaves, I can't let him leave me.

Spikes POV

God, I love her so much.

What is she doing?

She doesn't love me, she can never love me. I only wish she would believe me when I tell her how much I love her. I wish she knew that I would do anything for her. It feels so good having her in my arms…I could spend an eternity with her in my arms.

She is so beautiful…effulgent.

Part Two

The morning after

Buffy woke up, looking around at the derelict building, the memories from the previous night flooding her mind. She had finally given in.

She sat up and wrapped Spikes coat around her, and was shocked when she realized that Spike was still there, asleep beside her. Arms behind his head with a content smile on his face she smiled at this and then realized.

Everyone she had ever let into her heart had never been there when she woke up, Sure Riley had sometimes but only to leave the next second for something that was more important that her. She was always alone, but not this time, he had stayed with her.

But could she stay here with him? No. as much as she wanted to, she knew she couldn't, it was wrong to love him. She was the Slayer, he a vampire. Majorly frowned upon.

She slowly rose as not to wake him and began to gather up her clothes, Spike heard the noise and started to wake up.

"Where are you going luv?" he asked her, ruffling his hair, watching her as she got dressed. His heart felt heavy like lead. Why was she going? Did he do something wrong?

"I have to go home, Dawn needs me" she told him, refusing to let herself look at him, she knew that his eyes, his electric blue eyes, would be her downfall

"The nibblet will be fine pet, stay?" he asked her, wanting nothing more than to hold her, love her.

"Spike I can't do this, I have to go" she said as she walked past him, holding her blonde head high heading towards the door. He reached out and grabbed her, pulling her down to him.

"Why? Didn't last night mean anything to you?" Spike asked her

"No" she told him so firmly it hurt, getting up and walking towards the door, she walked out and slammed the door shut behind her. She wouldn't let him see, but she had tears in her eyes

"It didn't mean anything" she whispered "It meant everything" then she walked away.

Spike was still inside the house, he felt nothing but pain, he could still feel her presence near him, and his head shot up when he heard it,

"Everything?" he asked the empty building, his voice barely a whisper. He sighed and gathered up his clothes maybe, just maybe there was some hope after all.

Amy and Willow entered the house to find Dawn and Tara making pancakes. Willow froze as Tara turned and saw her former lover, she frowned. Wasn't this awkward.

"Uh, hi, uh, I d-didn't mean to interrupt" Tara began, gesturing to Amy. Who didn't seem to care in the slightest she was making matters worse just be being there.

"But, it's just that Buffy didn't come home lat night either so…"

"Its fine" Willow began nervously "How are you?"


Outside a car pulled up and beeped the horn, Willow turned to Amy.

"Amy, that's your dad" She said quickly

"Thanks, but how'd you know?" she asked, walking to the front door with Willow

"I rang him while you were in the bathroom" The red haired witch told her told her. Amy worried her a bit.

Amy just shook her head "Whatever" and left.

Willow re-entered the kitchen just as Buffy did

"Hey Wills"

"Hey Buffy" Buffy smiled in response and turned to Tara who was now dishing out a fluffy pancake

"Tara, what are you doing here?"

"I didn't come home either so…" Willow began

"I'm sorry, and it's not your fault…hey Dawnie"

"Hey" Said Dawn loading up the pancake with jam and sugar. And Tara went to the stove to find her pancake blackening.

Willow muttered an incantation to flip the burning pancakes but instead, flashed orange and fell to the ground.

"Oh my God, Willow!" Buffy said, rushing to the side of her friend, Tara and Dawn not far behind. She kneeled on the floor and touched her forehead examining her. Tara began shaking and stroked Willows hair.

"Her eyes are out of focus and her breathing is heavy" Buffy told them. Calming herself as she looked at her best friend lying on the ground, struggling to draw breath. 'Willow what's wrong' she thought 'god help me'

"Something's wrong" whispered Dawn as she clasped Willows hand.

"Tara, can you take her feet, Dawn grab the car keys, my cell and open the door. Here I'll take her head. And Dawn a wet wash cloth, please. We should try to revive her or keep or conscious or whatever. We have to get her to a doctors a hospital something" Buffys head was spinning but she had to keep calm- for Willow.

They carried her out to the car, managing not to injure her further, Dawn opening the door for them. Buffy carried most of the weight because of her strength but she couldn't carry her by herself because they needed her to be as flat as possible so she could breathe easier.

They carefully put Willow in the back seat and Tara sat in the driver's seat and tried to start the key but was shaking so badly it was hard to put the key in the ignition. In the back seat Willow began to thrash and jolt gulping for air.

"Tara please Hurry" Buffy called holding the witch down as the spasms calmed

"Here," Dawn reached across from the passenger's seat and did it for her and Tara pulled out of the driveway. Telling Dawn to ring the Hospital on Buffy's cell so they had notice.