As Ichigo is sleeping, I don't have to worry about him pooping on the carpet again-- and therefore I have some free time from chasing my puppy around the house.
So I bring you my first one shot in five years...
Darth Voldemort
One Shot
The Itch
The entire great hall was silent, as the flickering image of the Dark Lord Voldemort faded away after his truly horrifying announcement.
Seventeen year old Harry Potter had his head down, hair shading his face from view, while Slytherins gaped, Ravenclaws whispered, Hufflepuffs shivered, and Gryffindors gave him looks of betrayal. It was not like he had anything to do with it-- all he'd done was be born. Born to the darkest lord in wizarding history.
And to think that Lily Evans had actually been one of the purebloods orphaned in a skirmish with Tom Riddle back when he'd first started out... picked up by a muggle family, she had not known. At least, not until Riddle's attention had been captured by her beauty, and he had made all those magical checks to see that she was pureblooded.
There was the romance, and then Lily's discovery of Tom's identity as Voldemort. Her running away, and marry James Potter to keep him safe...
Voldemort had described it all in his brief appearance in the air. He had been called forth by an item that a fourth year Slytherin had recieved from his mother a bare hour earlier.
Finally, someone spoke-- it was not the Headmaster, who looked stunned that all his careful planning to keep Harry's lineage from him was destroyed. No, it was a sixth year, muggle-born Ravenclaw. The youth's voice rang loud in the Great Hall, "Now that's a bitch to learn."
A soft laugh managed to make it's way from Harry's mouth, and everyone's attention swiveled back to him. The green-eyed youth was grinning faintly, head lifted to stare out at the rest of the students of Hogwarts. The grin turned into a smirk, "I think I would have been more shocked if he'd cut off my hand."
Silence, as the purebloods didn't understand, and the muggleborns scrambled to get the reference. Finally, a muggle-born Hufflepuff burst out laughing, connecting the dots. It took a few moments, but the girl finally got herself under control, "I'm sure you would have found a suitable replacement if he had, Commander!"
A few others were beginning to get the joke, and giggles and chuckles started up between the muggle-borns. The Purebloods looked on in horror at this-- why were they laughing? Did they not realise that their hero was the son of the most evil man to ever grace the wizarding world?
"Well, I'm just glad that we didn't have to rescue you after you found out, due to your own stupidity!"
"Oh but Princess," a Gryffindor second year twisted around to grin at Hermione, "It would have been grief that his illusions were shattered, not stupidity!"
"Yes well, we have enough of that in our lives, thankyouverymuch," Hermione stood up, hugging Harry tightly to show her support for him. Even if he was Voldemort's son, he was still her best friend.
Ron looked at them in shock, before turning his head away, "Oh... I get it..."
"Ron?" that came from both Harry and Hermione.
"You love him..." Ron wasn't looking up, so he didn't realise that the reason why everyone had momentarily stopped laughing was because of this perfect oppertunity. Harry and Hermione looked between each other, then at the students and teachers, and then to the smirking Ravenclaw who kept mouthing "do it! do it!"
"Oh Ron..." Hermione let go of Harry to place her hands on the Weasley boy's shoulders, "Of course I love him... he's my brother."
The muggleborns were practically falling out of their chairs with laughter, while the purebloods gaped at Hermione. It didn't seem to be sinking in that this was all for pure amusement now.
"Yes," Harry nodded solemnly, "Hermione and I are twins. Mother didn't marry James-- her handservant, Sabe did, taking me with her for my protection. Mother than remarried Bail Granger to raise Hermione as their child."
"But mother died when I was four, and father remarried when I was eight," Hermione shook her head, "It is truly sad that my dear brother never met her."
"Enough of this!" Harry crossed his arms, "Come Hermione! I can sense the light warring within father! We must go save him from himself and the evil Emperor Cornelius!"
"Easy return to the light is not, when dominated by darkness his path is," to the surprised of all the muggleborns it was Neville who spoke, "Conquer your darkness you must, before saving Darth Voldemort may you."
There was not one muggleborn who didn't get the reference-- and there were a few purebloods and mixbloods that got it as well. Laughter filled the Great Hall, as they temporarily blocked out the thought of the Boy Who Lived being the Dark Lord's son.
The parallels between Harry Potter and Luke Skywalker were far to many to leave alone, now that the bag had been opened.
End
Humor, that's all this was meant to be. It will not be continued. It will not be lengthened. It was a stupid idea that wouldn't go away