Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potterish
Hey: Sorry it's beena bit, but I've was banned until my exams were over. It was worth it though. I'M GOING TO BE A NURSE! YAHOOOOOOOOO. ahem, sorry. So, I've decided to revise my story and put up the chapter as soon as.
Peter's thoughts (die you bastard)
Crippling stomach cramps rocked him. Churning his gut, making him feel like he was being wrenched inside out. Yet, despite the agony he was being was being put through, he couldn't help but smile. For the stomach pains were a sure sign that the labour was occurring, and that the sleepless night's worry and endless tests over the well being of his now two weeks over-due child were for nothing. Although the near miss of a fall down a flight of stairs, which resulted in a white hot, wrenching pain along his back as he grabbed the banister in order to prevent his fall, was enough to send him into a blind-panic over his unborn child's health.
'Okay, I can see the head. The Medi-Witch told him. 'You're doing really well. Just a few more pushes, that's all. Like I need you to tell me. Remus thought ironically as he fought down a scream of pain. If I push any more, I'll turn myself inside out. But he pushed all the same. And then it was over. And the child was in the world. Yet they hadn't made a sound. Aren't they supposed to cry. Please let them cry. Please let them be o.k. And then the Medi-Witch turned the child upside down and smacked the still, silent baby lightly. The wolf inside snarled at her for her abuse of his cub. Yet the smack had seemed to revive the child, who gurgled, and to Remus' great amusement, kicked her. Chuckling and righting the new-born, she handed her to Remus.
'You've got a feisty one there Mr Lupin. You'll have you're hands full when she's grown. It's a girl.'
Tears in his eyes, he gazed upon his baby girl, who stared back at him, midnight blue eyes solemn as she took in her first sight. 'Hello little one. I'm your dad'. He whispered as he reverently tucked a blanket around her, stroking her head with the fuzzy little halo of honey gold hair.
'She's beautiful' The Medi-Witch breathed 'Do you want us to contact Mr Black?' Mr Black. Sirius. The name resonated in Remus' heart and soul. Sirius, the one who'd discovered his lycanthropy and then suggested the animagi transformations. Sirius, the one who had loved him and blessed him with the beautiful girl he now held in his arms. Sirius, the one to believed him to be the spy, doubted him and then turned his back. It stung his heart to think of their argument, the one that had led to his being expelled from the Order and his estrangement with his former friends, The Marauders. It was then that his world and heart had crumbled, as he found out how bitter true betrayal was. Suspicion had sunk it's poisonous seed into their seemingly unbreakable friendship, and like a weed growing in a crack in a boulder, had broken the rock-like bond that had linked them. The memory sprang in his mind again, unbidden and uninvited, triggered by the Medi-Witch's careless use of the name of the one who had hurt him the most. Sirius Black.
It was a bitingly cold morning. Too cold in fact, considering that it was early October. Yet Remus had a spring in his step. He had spoken to Madam Pomphrey, and had discovered the reason behind his terrible stomach cramps, bouts of sullenness and perpetual mood swings which resulted in losses of temper that rivalled Sirius' by way of the destruction left behind. He was pregnant. A month and a half, in fact. He tried, and failed, to suppress a thrill of joy form running through him at the prospect of his own child to coddle and utterly spoil. Remus had always wanted children and now was his chance. I can't wait to tell Siri. He's going to be so happy. Coming to the gate that led down the path to the Potter's house, he opened it and for the first time in over a month, he didn't lose his temper at the stiffness of the latch, or the harsh squeal of the rusty hinge. He opened the door and strolled into the kitchen with a beaming smile on his face, to be stopped cold by the grim expressions on the faces of his other friends, and Albus Dumbledore. Wondering what terrible crime Voldemort and his sadistic followers had commited this time, he was shocked at the cold, flat curt tone with which James addressed him.
'Hello Remus. You seem happy.'
Shrugging off the obvious change in his friend's attitude towards him, Remus fought to keep the silly grin from reappearing onto his face, giving the impression to those watching that he was sneering. 'Well it's just that I … well you know that I've been feeling under the weather lately…' He broke off to Sirius' mutter of 'Understatement', before resuming what he was saying with a broad smile, 'well I've been to Madam Pomphrey and…' Sirius interrupted him again, 'Got it sorted have you?'
'Your little problem. Have you sorted it out now?'
'Yes, Siri I'm…' But he was again cut off. This time by Dumbledore. 'Well then to business.' Like James his tone was uncharacteristically brisk, and the usual twinkle was absent from his eyes. What's happened? 'I received conformation yesterday from one of my informants that one, amongst our Order is a spy for Voldemort. Moreover that spy is helping him to get at the Potter's' A spy. Helping them to get Lily and James. No. But who? His closed expression was causing a ripple of confusion among those seated around the table.
Why isn't he saying something. Is it really him? It can't be. Not Remus
Aah. A silence. Too bad you can't perform legilimancy on a Werewolf. What lies is he thinking up. Is he trying to cover his tracks. Or is it panic he is trying to conceal, now that people have discovered his double-dealings.
This is just brilliant. Acting like that, they're bound to think that he's the spy. This takes the light away from me. Way to go Remus.
What was he going to say to me before Dumbledore cut him off? And why in Merlin's name is he so chirpy?
'Do you have any idea who the spy is?'
'No' Remus said in a mock casual tone. Damn their scrutiny is staring to annoy me. You all believe it's me. It's not me dammit. No, no more mood swings. I need to sit down, my legs are starting to ache. And I'm sweating. Must be the baby. The baby. I'm going to be a Father.
Aah he's sweating. A sure sign of nervousness. And his legs are trembling. Yes, you should be scared Remus. You should be very scared. Double-dealing is a treacherous game. Because one side always finds out your betrayal.
Now he's sweating. What's wrong with him?
Great. Now he's sweating. Dumbledore's bound to think the spy is him. Thanks Re.
How can he be so calm. I though I was his best friend. I thought that my life meant something to him. He has to be the spy. Thank Merlin Lily's not here. This would kill her. I'll have to tell her when she comes back from those tests that Madam Pomphrey is running on her.
That tone was casual. Too casual. Oh Remus what have you done?
What is wrong with him? How can he be so composed. This is Jamie's life we're talking about, and he's acting as it was over a simple quidditch match. Oh merlin. It's you. The spy is you. HOW COULD YOU?
'Well, this spy knows all of the Potter's whereabouts, so it has to be someone in the order. They know the Potter's personal habits, so it had to be a close friend. That narrows it down to Sirius, Peter and yourself.' Remus began to feel a sick thrill of fear. Me. They suspect me. 'Sirius would never betray me. We're too close' James had continued Dumbledore's process of elimination. 'So that leaves You, Remus, and Peter.'
Remus felt like he would faint. They suspected him. He knew it. He could feel their accusation in the tangible, serious, penetrating stares. How can they think that the spy is me? Even though a little voice at the back of his mind hissed Because you're a lycanthrope. Because you're not human. At least not in their eyes. He now felt like he was going to be sick. Bile tasted acrid at the back of his throat. The room started to spin. He felt like he couldn't breathe. I need to go outside. I need fresh air. Reaching into his robes, Dumbledore withdrew a stack off parchment. Placing it on the table, the pile reached the impressive height of one of his long thumbs. Covering the top, just barely visible, was Remus' small neat script. A spider's web of ink across the page, ensnaring him in false guilt.
He's panicking. It is him. You need to arrest him now. For James sake. How can I arrest the man I love? Oh Merlin Remus, I'm sorry. I have to.
A panic attack. He's panicking because now his secret is out, and he can't run anywhere.
Dammit Remus. I trusted you. And you've been betraying me all this time.
This is too good to be true. Now they'll have no doubt that it is Remus, and I'm in the clear.
Dumbledore stood. He thought that he had enough. 'Remus Jean Lupin'. Remus looked at him from where he clung to the door gasping for breath. 'I hereby arrest you for participating in Death Eater activities, and aiding Voldemort in the attempted murder of your friend … 'He's not my friend…' James Andrew Potter and his wife, Lily Marie Potter. You will be taken directly to Azkaban Prison…' No, the baby. Please No. '…Where you will await full trial in front of the Wizengamot where sentence shall be passed upon you. Do you have anything to say in your defence?'
Yes. I didn't do it. I didn't. I wouldn't. I couldn't. Please believe me. But the words wouldn't come out of his mouth. It was as if his throat had seized up. All he could do was shake his head mutely No
'YOU BASTARD.' James had leapt from his seat. 'YOU UTTER BASTARD. I TRUSTED YOU. I WAS YOUR FRIEND. He punched Remus, full in the face, causing him to stumble backwards into the door frame. WHAT COULD HE GIVE YOU, THAT US, YOUR FRIENDS COULDN'T. BASTARD. James gave up shouting now and just concentrated his efforts on hitting him. Sirius dragged James away, and in a brief moment, Remus smiled up at him in gratitude, to have the smile wiped from his face as Sirius began hitting him as well. Tears blinded his eyes as he curled himself up into a ball, trying desperately to protect the life he carried, whilst, the grief caused by his friends actions, threatened to choke him. With a roar of rage, James once again entered the fray, and Remus felt double the kicks, double the punches. A key in the door distracted them, Lily had returned home. Upon seeing Remus curled in a ball on her hall way floor, with her husband and her husband's best friend standing over him she gave a gasp of horror, and her smile was erased off her face. James barely had time to notice that Lily's smile had been the same that Remus' had been when he had walked into his home, before his arms were dislodged by Remus' sudden movements, as he jumped up, ran out of the open door, and disapperated to freedom.
Remus shook his head slightly to clear the images from his mind. Smiling sadly he said. 'No, He's no interest in us. It's just going to be us on our own.'