Parvati Patil's blue eyes widened as she noticed a masculine figure approaching the Gryffindor table. Quickly, she turned to the left and poked her best friend, Lavender Brown, in the side. "Lav!" she whispered hurriedly, "He's coming! He's coming!"
Upon feeling the finger prod her torso, Lavender has been annoyed. She'd been in the middle of flirting with Dean Thomas; he had finally begun to come around, and she'd chased him for weeks! Yet with the words "he's coming!" she excused herself from the conversation with a suggestive wink and joined her friend. As much as she hated to put Dean on hold like that, she had more important things to focus on.
For example, Draco Malfoy, who was currently sauntering up to their table.
He'd been doing this the past few nights, to the bafflement and curiosity of everyone. At dinner he would walk up, sit down next to Hermione Granger, and proceed to exchange insults with her for the rest of the meal. No one could figure out this strange turn of events. Which didn't mean that no one had tried. The entire school was abuzz, and each person had their own hypothesis.
Had Draco gone soft? No. His insults were still biting and sharp, with a sarcastic air that no one could match. Did he like Hermione? No! It couldn't be; you didn't call someone you loved a mudblood. Not a soul could make sense of the newly founded ritual, and the only two people who understood, Draco and Hermione, were not talking.
And boy, how Parvati and Lavender tried.
They'd been able to contain themselves the first night it had happened. Barely. The second any questions they had were silenced by Hermione's hard glare. The third they had begged for a hint. Parvati had wheedled as she had never wheedled before. Lavender had attempted to use her wonderful gift of persuasion. At one point they'd done their best to bribe her.
Yet the answer was always no.
Now, as Draco sat at his usual spot, Lavender and Parvati puzzled. There had to be a reason…if only they could think of it!
"Mudblood, give me the butter." Draco called, pointing at the item just beyond his reach.
"I'm not going to answer until you fix that statement." She replied cattily, glowering at him.
Rolling his eyes, Draco amended, "Stupid mudblood, give me the butter."
To everyone's surprise, Hermione passed him the butter. A smirk of victory crossed his features, but she promptly wiped it away. "It's not his fault, I suppose. How can ferrets be expected to learn proper manners? They're just ignorant animals."
A hush fell over the Gryffindor table. Many pairs of eyes shifted between the two quarreling figures, waiting for one of them to crack and start yelling. The tension in the air was so thick that no one could breathe.
Then Draco laughed.
Everyone stared at him blankly as he began to roar with laughter, Hermione joining in soon after. The pair calmed themselves down to a meager chuckle, and slowly, the table began eating again. Lavender sighed, picking at her food with disinterest. How could she be expected to eat when there was a mystery to be solved?
"Parvati, what do you think of them? She asked offhandedly, not bothering to specify just who the "them" was.
Parvati paused thoughtfully, raising a finger to her chin and tapping. "They have chemistry," she said haltingly, "there is no doubt about that. Yet they are constantly at each other's throats. It doesn't make sense, unless Mudblood and Ferret are pet names." She giggled at the thought, "Not likely, huh?"
Staring at her best friend as if she were a genius, Lavender smiled, "But what if they were?"
"Lav, you're nutters. I don't think Mudblood can be considered a term of endearment in any situation." Answered Parvati, turning back to her dinner.
"Think about it! If they liked each other, they would never be accepted, right? And they would want to do normal couple stuff—"
"Like eat together!" cried Parvati, catching on to Lavender's idea.
"So they'd insult each other, knowing that they'd be saying one thing…" Lavender trailed off.
"…and meaning another!" her counterpart quickly supplied, smiling devilishly. "Lav, that's it! You're brilliant!"
Giving a mock bow, Lavender grinned. "I know." She then turned her attention to the couple. "Oh, Par…they're so cute!"
Parvati sighed dreamily. "Look! He called her mudblood again!"
Lavender nodded. "How sweet."
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. It belongs to JK Rowling.
A/N: I wrote this forever ago. I found it in an old notebook. It made me laugh so I decided to post it. Reviews would be splendid, please. There might be tense problems or something, I don't know. I didn't really check it too well and my beta…well, I don't know where she is. ARIA, where did you go!?
Anywho', thanks for reading. Please review.
P.S. There's going to be another chapter of Barely There (my D/Hr chapter fic) up within the next day or two. Check it out!