DATE: December 4, 2004
SUMMARY: Delving deeper into Dex's mind about her relationship with Bobby.
SPOILERS: Up to "Valentino"
DISCLAIMER: Jack & Bobby belongs to Greg Berlanti, Steve Cohen, Brad Meltzer, Vanessa Taylor, Shoe Money Productions, Berlanti Liddell Productions, and Warner Bros. Television. Sadly not me.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here's my first Jack & Bobby fic. Hope you enjoy. Comments most definitely welcome.
He had broken her first. She still remembered the freezing slushy dripping down her chest, revealing the small lumps she had for breasts. Her loser friends stood around laughing at her and at her feeble attempt to appear more feminine. The tough demeanor she put on was washed away by one decisive action Bobby McCallister made, one that revealed a glaring uncertainty she held in life – her self-image.
Even more irritating was Bobby's visit to her house. How could a scrawny little eighth grader dare visit the school bully's house after having publicly humiliating her?
And yet he did.
Her tough-as-nails act was not enough to cover her insecurities. Dex tried. But failed. Not only did she fail – she fell. She fell for him, and his ability to see through masks and acts. And most importantly, she fell for his goodness.
Bobby was the first to see beyond the powder and black lipstick, beyond the flippant disregard for the world, and perceived that there was something more. And it was genuine. Naïve, yes, but real. Not even her parents saw it. For them, it was only an obligation to see more because she was their daughter, however freaky. It was all superficial. With Bobby, it wasn't.
Dex instinctively kissed Bobby. It was her token of appreciation. He stupidly believed it to be love. But so did she.
So they rode the wave for a while. She loved every minute of it. All his dorkiness and naïveté made him all the more loveable. She would have never brought him down to the bad crap she did. He wouldn't have followed anyway. He was too clean for that.
And Dex lived in two worlds. She'd do the usual stuff she did, and have Bobby show up at her command to balance it with the good. He made her feel normal for once – like she didn't have to feign an image.
Then his mother arrived on the scene.
Parents had the great ability of ruining everything. One gutsy and unwarranted phone call turned it all upside down. Dex was just having fun, and it wasn't with all that illegal stuff that brought her the usual pleasures. Good times, it seems, were meant to be destroyed.
But Bobby, true to his character, stood up for what they had because he truly cherished it. She was his first, after all, and you always defend your first the most wholeheartedly. Dex was there too, once.
His charisma brought the parents down. His charisma would bring anyone down. And all seemed normal again. She would be able to live in her two worlds again.
But Dex never counted on Jack. Sure, being three years older than Bobby, she half expected the "don't come near my brother" speech. And it came, as expected. She thought she could brush him off, like every other annoyance in her life.
Yet Jack persisted. He saw through her façade too, just like his brother. Only this time, it was the bad he perceived. With every piercing accusation, she was forced to realize that she wasn't really in love with Bobby, and that she was too ashamed to be seen with him. Sure, Dex liked the feeling he gave her, but, ultimately, she was only using him to balance her own flaws. The worst part is the stupid kid fell for it every time. Damn his innocence, and above all, damn his goodness.
Bobby saw through the thin cover over her insecurity, but ended up becoming a part of the insecurity. She couldn't rectify it though. She wasn't brave enough just yet.
It was easier to blow the whole thing off than to continue it. Like Jack said, she'd be too ashamed to be known as the girlfriend of geeky little Bobby McCallister. She didn't dare wreck her self-image with him, no matter how good he made her feel. After all, who would she be without her identity as the school bully?
Dex knew that breaking the so-called relationship off was as easy as it falling into place. At least the technicality of it was easy. All she had to do was seduce some pothead loser who occasionally hung around with her crew, manipulate him into going to the usual meeting spot with her, and wait for Bobby to come around as he did like clockwork. Besides, she was used to luring and using those idiots whenever she felt like it even when Bobby wasn't around.
But this time it was different. She actually felt her heart ache after him as he stood aghast at the unfolding scene of unfaithfulness. She wanted to bite her words as she demanded that he leave her. It was hard to imagine how this decision would be the best for the both of them. After she barked at the poser to leave, she felt more alone than she had ever before. McCallister had a way of stealing a part of your heart and changing your life for good.
But what had to be done was done. Dex would go back to her own little world, and Bobby back to his.
If it were only as simple as that.
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